Spouse not getting it?

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  • DopeItUp
    DopeItUp Posts: 18,771 Member
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    My husband doesn't support me, he thinks if i loss the weight that I'll leave him.

    Sometimes I think that's my boyfriend's fear too. He questions me anytime he see's a guy talking to me.. especially at the gym. He doesn't "like" one of the trainers at our gym because he checked my HRM and tightened my handlebars on the spin bike once.. seriously.. That's his reason.

    Some (ok, a lot) people have very low self-confidence and tend to think this way as a result. What can you do?
  • ccadroz93
    ccadroz93 Posts: 136 Member
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    They "get it", its just that since guuys are wired differently they don't show it thee way we do. Men are visual and women are relational. My husband thought I was hot when I weighed 182 and at 145 he thinks I look amazing. Me?? Well, I loved the way I looked at 135 when I was a total gym rat and buff as hell! The issue now is balance. I can moderately excerise and watch what I eat and wear clothes comfortable or I can obsess over each and every morsel that crosses my lips and spend 2 hours a day a way from my family who needs me more and look like a personal trainer. I am getting used to the being more comfortable. In all honesty my husband likes me better where I am than when I looked like a personal trainer. He likes having a little cushion to snuggle with-before he said I was too hard!!! Ah, how funny is that?
  • cjpg
    cjpg Posts: 433 Member
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    My husband doesn't support me, he thinks if i loss the weight that I'll leave him.

    Damn, that's just insecurity... if he cares that much about keeping you, he should understand why you want to lose weight and do it himself. I can't stand hearing someone holding someone else down just because they're insecure.

    Give that bloke a run for his money!
  • cjpg
    cjpg Posts: 433 Member
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    I think it must be a man thing...Not that its an excuse for them to be insensitive. Mine is not very supportive...and sometimes I think he intentionally tried to sabotage my efforts. I'm still truckin' along though. Congrats on reaching your goal!!

    Completely disagree. It's not a man thing to be insensitive. It's a personality trait that anyone can have.
  • TheFitHooker
    TheFitHooker Posts: 3,358 Member
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    My husband isn't unsupportive, because he is very supportive, it's just the small goals, I've been hovering 170 all week, and then today the scale moved to almost 169 which my end of the year goal is 169, I know it's 1 pound and I know it's not a huge deal because he has never been obese and doesn't get it that being over weight for the first time in 8 years is HUGE for me. I get he don't understand it. When he talks about his games I normally listen, I normally try to act interest even if I'm not. I was no complaining about him, I think he is a wonderful person and I know he loves what he is seeing, if he didn't he wouldn't be all over me as much as he is. I guess that is his way to compliment me? I guess since I am home more then I'm out of the house, it'd just be nice to be able to celebrate and have someone to at least fake excitement with me lol. I'm just grateful for MFP and the support I do get from my friends!
  • Dove1984
    Dove1984 Posts: 11
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    My husband doesn't support me, he thinks if i loss the weight that I'll leave him.

    My boyfriend has had that too. He's the one who really wants me to lose it but my biggest problem is when I say something that's healthy looks good he's all "that's disgusting" or something like that. I sat him down and called him on it one night and he stopped for a while then the other night we got into it again about it because honestly if he wants me to do this he will be supportive of it. As the weight comes off we will see how well he does but if he's not supporting me I will call him on it. If I can't communicate with him what I need to do this for him then we have a problem. Just my opinion.
  • Gshepmix83
    Gshepmix83 Posts: 99 Member
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    I guess all husbands, wives, bf/gf, or domestic partners just don't care or understand the struggles everybody goes through to change themselves for the better. We all wish they would show the struggling person more compassion and more praise but we have to face the facts that it's better to tell family members and friends about your weight loss than the person you're spending your life with.

    That is incorrect.

    How am I incorrect?
  • Happyhealthyliz90
    Happyhealthyliz90 Posts: 63 Member
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    I tell the bf what I've lost and he says good job but followed by why do you want to lose weight he just doesn't get it!
  • mommyoverboard
    mommyoverboard Posts: 105
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    Yes, same here. My guy is small and has always been fit. He's never had to diet a day in his life, so doesn't really understand my struggle.

    Thats why I love MFP so much!!!

    Just curious anyone else have the issue of the spouse not really getting it? Not really understanding the excitement when you drop or reach a goal? Don't get me wrong he always says he is proud of me and is pretty supportive.

    My husband came in from work and today I hit my end of 2011 goal, and I of course am excited and am telling him, and he didn't really say nothing, and then changed the subject about his game he has been playing, and well I just let the convo die. No it didn't hurt my feelings, but made me think "MFP is the only place that really get's it."...
  • TheFitHooker
    TheFitHooker Posts: 3,358 Member
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    Well today husband and I got an argument earlier, over something totally different. Then this kinda came up after the argument when we were trying to express ourselves, and I explained how he came off to me yesterday. He asked me what I meant, and I told him that when he got in I was so excited to tell him and when I told him he blew me off and changed the subject about his game. He apologized and said that he is very proud of me and that he knows he shouldn't have done that. It's not really something huge to him and I do get that, but I also know he is proud of me. He usually seems more into hearing about my weight loss till he bought this game and since it's an online game our time together has kinda stopped. We usually are together (if you know what I mean) At least every other night, and since he got this game it's been a week. So I guess in away my feelings were a little hurt that he kinda pushed me away for the game. I don't expect him to spend all his time with me, but I expect to have a little time. Seeing I am a SAHM and only adult contact I have is when he gets home or online lol.
  • rhichi
    rhichi Posts: 133
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    My hubban (to-be) is actually quite supportive of me and will get excited when I reach a goal. The issue is that he's an enabler. I'll want something bad and instead of telling me "No" and taking it away, he lets me have it because he doesn't like depriving me or making me sad. It's sweet of him, but it doesn't end up helping in the long run.
  • KariePerez
    KariePerez Posts: 172
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    Just curious anyone else have the issue of the spouse not really getting it? Not really understanding the excitement when you drop or reach a goal? Don't get me wrong he always says he is proud of me and is pretty supportive.

    My husband came in from work and today I hit my end of 2011 goal, and I of course am excited and am telling him, and he didn't really say nothing, and then changed the subject about his game he has been playing, and well I just let the convo die. No it didn't hurt my feelings, but made me think "MFP is the only place that really get's it."...

    Same here I think its just the way some men are lol Love them anyways!!!
  • krista010105
    krista010105 Posts: 149 Member
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    my husband doesnt really get it either. he saw me first want to start loosing weight when i mentioned i hadnt had soda in two weeks and had lost 10 pounts then i continued for another week and lost another 5 pounds. he then tried the no soda thing and lost 15 pounds in 2 weeks. and he like me got stuck there so he started eating the same junk and went back to sodas though not as bad. he sees me counting calories and logging food on this site and he doesnt usually say anything positive or negative just rolls his eyes. what bugs me is how i have a picture of us together when we got together 7 years ago and i was 125 lbs and obviously smaller. and on the other wall we have our ramily photo we took a year and half ago when i was basically where im at now at about 155-160 and can tell im thicker. he will comment on how he likes me in the family photo better than the other photo ( the other older photo is a glamour shots photo and i look very pretty in that picture and the family photo i have dark circles under my eyes from chasing my baby all the time) he says he likes me better now since i got meat on my bones. says its more sorry TMI , cushin for the pushin. says making love used to hurt him cause i was thin now it doesnt hurt so he dont want me loosing weight.

    then the other day he pulled out his phone and put on a song he downloaded. a country song, and told me to listen to it saying it reminded him of me. the song basically talks about a woman that went from being a hot woman to a mama and she is trying to hard to loose the weight and he is saying he loves her the way she is and doesnt need to lose the weight then the song basically says lets fu(k .
    when he played that it kinda made me upset cause i want to get healthy not just to look better but to be healthy. i cant even walk up our stairs with out being out of breath. i feel like he should he all for me loosing weight to be healthy. but i guess he doesnt want me loosing weight since he is not motivated to loose weight, he is 240 lbs and has a big fat belly from his fast food work. i think he doesnt want me being so motivated to loose weight cause he is afraidif i get hot and he isnt that i will leave him or something. i just dont know. he will know that im about to put on my exercise video cause he can see me changing into my work out clothes and he runs to the tv and puts on a movie for him. so i cant work out. its like he wants me to fail. i just dont get it.
  • queendebor
    queendebor Posts: 112 Member
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    I was raised never to throw food away. My parents were raised during the Depression, so we ate everything on our plates. It wasn't until I went for counseling for my weight issues that I was reminded that it is just as wasteful to put food into a body that doesn't need it as it is to throw it out. It was an epiphany for me!

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