Obese sister doesn't care..
crazy4youz
Posts: 28 Member
My sister is 16, 5'2", and 200 lbs.... I'm worried about her health (alot of heart related problems, high blood pressure, and diabetes runs in my family) but every time I try to bring it up to her she acts like she doesn't care... Any tips on how to get through to her?
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Until she is ready you can't force her to do it. My parents and brother pushed me for many years, and I just hated them for it. When I decided to do it for myself, then there was a change. Unless you want her to hate you, you need to back off and let her realize it herself.0
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by example only...no words...no judgment0
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Until she is ready you can't force her to do it. My parents and brother pushed me for many years, and I just hated them for it. When I decided to do it for myself, then there was a change. Unless you want her to hate you, you need to back off and let her realize it herself.
I couldn't agree more. I resented people trying to "help" me. I just hope she realises the strain she will be putting her later life under sooner rather than later.0 -
This.
I was unhappy with how I looked and my husband tried for years to encourage me to make changes. He tried many different methods, some were supportive and considerate, others were rude and threatening. Some were obvious, some were more subtle. But all that happened was I started hiding my eating from him and lying about working out. I became resentful toward him and would avoid making changes because i didnt want him thinking that his (not so nice) methods of behavior modification were helpful in any way. I saw my family members be overweight and unhealthy and it did not bother me a bit. I thought active people were weird, or at very least from a different circle than I would ever be in. I finally decided to want to make a change, and it was not anything that anyone else said or did that cause it. It was something inside that clicked. I still have hangups and take steps backwards, but the desire to change had to come from myself.0 -
by example only...no words...no judgment
Couldn't agree with this more...0 -
I'm more worried about the health aspect... She's complained of pain in her arm and getting really dizzy.... I don't want to see her have a heart attack at 16 :frown:0
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Like many others,, I have to agree. When I was a teenager, I was "suggested" and hated it,, made me eat more.0
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I have this problem too. I've tried for years to be helpful and supportive to help her lose the weight. The problem is, she doesn't want it for herself. She says that she does, but she doesn't, which is why it never works. As for me, I just support her every attempt, every pee-brained idea, every initiative. I pray that one day it will click for her.0
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Lead by example. Once she sees you losing the weight maybe she will want to as well?0
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by example only...no words...no judgment
this is true! simply having healthier people around you makes you more likely to want to change... just as it works in the reverse direction- having obese friends makes you more likely to be obese. hopefully as you turn your life around she'll be motivated to do the same. if you nag her though, you'll probably just alienate her.0 -
You can offer to take her to doctor's office but that's about it. If she says no, she will come around soon.. you heard this old saying "hitting the bottom." It will be her turn when she hits there. I am really sorry but best way is to say nothing.I'm more worried about the health aspect... She's complained of pain in her arm and getting really dizzy.... I don't want to see her have a heart attack at 16 :frown:0 -
Your sister would probably like you better and feel better about herself if you thought of her as your sister--and didn't think about her body type at all. My own older sister "loves me" by caring about my body type, and I find it hard to like her because of that.
At 5'2", I weighed 200 lbs at age 16 while living at home. At 18, I lost 50 pounds my first year of college when I no longer had family members constantly nagging and supervising my weight.
It's true that I gained it all back when I got married and had kids, but I'm losing it again now and have no obesity-related health issues, in spite of having been fat for all of my childhood and most of my adult life. Do fun things with your sister and love her the way she is, and she will find her own path to fitness when she's ready.0 -
My sister is 16, 5'2", and 200 lbs.... I'm worried about her health (alot of heart related problems, high blood pressure, and diabetes runs in my family) but every time I try to bring it up to her she acts like she doesn't care... Any tips on how to get through to her?
I have the same issue - I am the baby of 5 kids - there are 4 girls. Right now - I need to loose weight - but I've always been the smallest in our adult lives.
My middle sister is probably 5'4" and pushing the 300 mark. She's 48 years old now and has had high blood pressure since her 20's. She consistently complains that she's fat and she needs to do something about it - but she has a sit down job and comes home and sits and reads books all evening. I encourage her, try to challenge her by actually having her report weight and measurements with me weekly... she gives up every time after about a month. Her doctor wants her to do lapband or gastric by-pass due to his concern and she doesn't want to.
I guess where I'm going with this is - think positive thoughts for her, pray she finds what motivates her and be there for her when she does. Until then - sometimes you have to stop listening to them complain and realize you can only lead by example - but they have to want to make the changes.
((hugs)) to you because I know the story and it's hard to watch them or listen to them and realize you can't fix it for them.0 -
If you do the meal prep, cook healthy, delicous meals that don't feel like dieting. Our culture associates food with rewards and celebrations. Try giving her gifts, bubble bath, hair bows, scarves, etc when you want her to feel special. Include her in outings that are not food centered, walks, hikes, ball games etc. Not because she needs them but because YOU need them and YOU want to spend time with her. Let her see how much YOU value HER the person, the weight thing will dissappear. Richard Simons said he started his healthy lifestyle when someone left a note on his windsheild that read, "Fat people die young, I love you please don't die" While I think she's still to young to contemplate death as a possiblilty, she is not to young to get the I LOVE YOU part. The first diet I ever went on was because I wanted to be as pretty as my boyfriend said I was (yeah, I married that guy).0
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by example only...no words...no judgment
^^^ this, absolutely. i suspect as she watches you succeed in your own journey, she will be inspired to join you. go forth and use your power for good.
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I've given up straight forward attempts because she just shuts down... Now i just stick to subtle hints.. Offering to cook for her so that her meals are healthier, asking if she wants to walk to the park thats a mile from our house, or the store thats 2 miles away... She usually agrees to it... But 2 healthy meals a week and exersize 2-3 times a month doesnt do much :ohwell:0
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Just be a good sister and try to help along the way. If you stick to your calorie intake and lose weight then maybe she will want to be like you. I wouldnt suggest being mean or bossy, that always pushed me away from my sister-very far away
She has to figure it out, but like i said, try to help along the way. Good Luck.0 -
by example only...no words...no judgment
This!! x1000000000 -
I'm more worried about the health aspect... She's complained of pain in her arm and getting really dizzy.... I don't want to see her have a heart attack at 16
Take her to the doctor and let the doctor give her a reality check. She might be more inclined to change her habits when her doctor gives it to her straight.0 -
You can't make her care. She has to want to do it herself.0
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The first diet I ever went on was because I wanted to be as pretty as my boyfriend said I was (yeah, I married that guy).
That's one of the reasons I'm on my diet we've been together a little over a year and a half and we plan on marraige 0 -
A PowerPoint presentation.
I kid. This...by example only...no words...no judgment0 -
I"m the obese sister......and you can't change someone till they want to change.....losing weight is hard enough when we WANT it and TRY to do it......when we don't want it, it just isnt' going to happen.....there's little you can do other than the little things you are doing now.......if you nag on her, she will just resent you and feel like you don't love and accept her for who she is...and, at 16, that is a very important thing, to know that her sister accepts her exactly the way she is.......if she's not feeling well, have her see a doctor, if possible....if there is a health problem then maybe the doctor can be the "bad guy" that tells her she needs to go on a diet or die......or that will show her the benefits of losing weight....
Other than that...just keep loving her.......fat can be beautiful and until we want to change, we won't....
Good luck..0 -
If she's 16, where are her parents in all this?0
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by example only...no words...no judgment
^^^THIS!!0 -
I'm more worried about the health aspect... She's complained of pain in her arm and getting really dizzy.... I don't want to see her have a heart attack at 16 :frown:
Understandable, but you really can't force someone to care about their weight. What you can do is invite her on some active outings (skating, hiking, swimming, lazer tag, paintball, etc.). Look for charity walks and get her form a team with you. But if she is not receptive to comments or help with her weight, then don't mention weight or exercise, just that you think it would be fun.0 -
I completely agree with leading by example.
Why dont you try to introduce her to MFP? And then she can work with it on her own terms....no matter how old you are, what sex you may be WEIGHT is always an incredibley sensitive subject.
Good luck
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That is such a cute story, I wish you and him the best of luck.0
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Like everyone else people can only change when they want to. Like someone else allready said lead by example.0
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I have been struggling with the same issue. I sit and watch Biggest Loser and bawl cause that is my sister up on that screen. I have tried to encourage her but all I get is excuses as to why she can't do it. I have given up and will just sit back and wait till she is ready. She knows how I live my life so I pray that when she is ready she will ask for help. It's extremely hard to sit back and watch your family members die a slow death!! Thank you for the advice!0
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