I feel shallow for this question but....
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stay friends0
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hmm, not shallow. well nothing starts without communication. so he needs to know what you're up too and would like to do and vice verse. simply put if you can come to an agreement that puts you all on a similar path and are in agreement, then go with it, but if you cannot agree with his lifestyle of the other way around then like/love is not enough to hold that up. I'm sure that if he knew you were interested in something long term then the conversation of a better job or something to that effect would come up.0
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Can you imagine yourself with him, exactly how he is RIGHT NOW, in 5 yrs happily together?
More likely than not you're going to want to kick him in the gonads and evict him and his momma.
You're not going to change him. You already know that.
Time to move on.
NEXT!!!0 -
THISYOU ARE YOUNG..DO NOT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS THAN WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Definitely ^^this^^0 -
I have a fiend who many years ago went through this same thing.. A year ago she married him.. Sadly shes not happy.. Not only has she gone on to better herself (school better job different house weight loss) he has pretty much stayed the same except now he doesn't work he stays home living off her and playing video games all day. He shows no interest in bettering himself..
as much as i would love to say follow your heart I would hate to see you heartbroken in a few months or even years...
Pass him by- there is someone out there who is actually worth you and will have some goals in life for themselves..
Good luck sweetie0 -
and this:flowerforyou:
stay friends0 -
Stay friends for now. There are some big red flags here so do not jump into a serious relationship. Establishing a solid friendship may work in your favor to help him to find his way and motivate him to set and achieve goals.0
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YOU GOTS TO WATCH OUT FOR NUMBER ONE. TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN, SINCE MONEY WILL ALWAYS MAKE YOU HAPPY. AMIRIGHT? CAN I GET AN AMEN?
Preach it brother !!! AMEN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol thief in the temple !0 -
It's not shallow to want someone that wants the same things out of life that you do. It is definitely possible to love someone that isn't right for you. If you are ambitious and he is not, he could end up holding you back and you may end up resenting him for it down the road. I would say tread carefully with this.0
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Why not talk to him about it? Admit you find him attractive but honest about your misgivings about having different life's goals. Maybe if the two of you put your heads together you can figure out what to do. If you're too hesitant to admit to him you like him, then your crush can't be all that serious, right? Or if you don't feel comfortable talking to him about it but still can't let it go, maybe you should get to know him more so you can be comfortable around each other.0
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Well hmm. He's a genuinely nice guy but doesn't make much money but is happy doing what he is doing, perhaps he loves doing what he's doing. His mom lives with him so he can take care of her, not he living with his mom to be supported.
You should just forget him and find someone who is miserable doing what they are doing, making a lot of money, and puts their mom in a home to take care of her :flowerforyou:
oh damn.... *popcorn.0 -
I think that at the age of 28 he owes it to himself first to be on his own two feet then consider a serious relationship.
Does he live with his mom or does his mom live with him?
Sounds like you have goals and he does not.
Good luck.
P.S. If you are asking, you already know the answer.0 -
if you do not have similar goals and ambitions in life then, unfortunately, it is unlikely to work in the long run. Money isn't the reason...money doesn't make you happy. If you do not have similar visions of life then one person will always be resented.0
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I was faced with something kinda similar to this years ago, dating a girl who worked at a grocery store.
No ambition to do anything but work nights weekends and holidays, meanwhile I was in a career working for local government.
It wasn't about the money, there was no ambition to do something more in lfe.
I ended it.0 -
Feelings are great and all, but if your personalities and goals are vastly different, you're going to have a rough road ahead. Are you wanting marriage, children, a rewarding career in another city, etc. Have you actually talked to him about what he wants in the future? Do you get along with his mother, because if you get together, she will still be in the house with him unless her situation changes. Are you ok with change, laid back, and easily adaptable or do you thrive with plans, avoid risk and think spontanaiety is a lack of foresight?
You need to be having this conversation with him before you invest more of yourself and your feelings in him. Don't bombard him all at once, just start asking questions instead of small talk.0 -
Yeah a guy can twist this around too.
"She's a great woman, beautiful, attractive, has a job where has zero chance of ever getting a promotion, makes no money at all, works selflessly around the clock, but loves what she does because she finds it rewarding."
Nah, dump her, she's not doing anything right and is unmotivated. But wait, I just described a stay at home mother!0 -
I would just ask....
What if the question was from a guy? "I really like this girl, but I have goals and dreams. She just has a 'menial' job and is happy with that. I'm not sure I could handle that."
At the same time, if it bothers you now, it'll bother you more later. That won't change and you can't change him.
Bottom line is that, whether its shallow or not, it is how it is.... Is it shallow? Maybe. I can't really say. Does whether or not its shallow change the fact that it you don't like it? No. It doesn't.
[/quote
I was bothered by the "won't make enough money to take care of wife or girlfriend" - the top line here says it best. Why do you need to be taken care of"? Maybe HE"S better off if you move on. I'm just sayin"]0 -
Worry about right now and enjoy the relationship. You are way over thinking this. See how it pans out first, you may not like him as much as you think and won't be together long enough to worry about the future.0
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Double post
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If you're already questioning how you feel about his goals now, you sure as heck won't like his lack of goals 10 years from now. I've been married for 12 years and I can tell you that the less goals you have in common, the harder it is. And money is one of the top reasons for divorce.0
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You dump him.If a person is falling for another person and it feels like the friendship could possibly turn into more but you feel like the person you're falling for has nothing to offer, how do you handle that?
He's sweet, loving, attractive and all of the above. Takes care of his mom. She lives with him. He's only 28 and I'm 25. Has a crappy job without the intent of changing that and doesn't make very good money at all but he is happy in that situation.
I am beginning to love him. I know he likes me. I'm scared of falling for somoene that his Mom lives with him and doesn't care about making decent money to take care of self or girlfriend/wife one day.
I have goals and plans. I want to move out of town in a couple years and buy a condo and go to cosmetology school. How am I suppose to be with someone that is content sitting at home all of the time and not bettering himself financially, especially in this world today.
I guess what I'm trying to say is we have different goals in life but we like each other. How do you handle that or do you??
Don't allow yourself to get attached to a loser.
Your life will be HELL once the honeymoon ends.
Break it off now while you can.0 -
There are three connectors that I identify with. If all three are not lit up, she is just my friend.
Physical attraction -> I like women who are taller, dark skinned, dark hair typically. I find most women attractive unless they are super skinny or obese.
Intellectual attraction -> Hold a conversation. Have hobbies. Know things. Don't be close minded. Don't be one sided (be it in religion, politics, whatever)
Spiritual/Emotional attraction -> Be open. Show emotions. Be human. Don't be needing me to take care of you or be your father.
As I'm in my mid 30s... I have come to accept that being with someone just to be with them is not going to happen. If these three points above are not met, I cannot be "in love" with them.
This is how I am though. We're all different. What you are asking is not shallow.0 -
Worry about right now and enjoy the relationship. You are way over thinking this. See how it pans out first, you may not like him as much as you think and won't be together long enough to worry about the future.
^^^ THIS! Enjoy the moment, and move ON!0 -
YOU ARE YOUNG..DO NOT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS THAN WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
^^Right On!!
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I can honestly tell you people change in a relationship. My fiancee is 2 years younger than me, he was only 20 when we started going out, and he wanted NOTHING to do with getting married. He wanted to be in bands, and travel and etc. I on the other hand, had just gotten out of a year and a half relationship that I thought was goign to lead to marriage but it didn't, and I was ready to get married and settle down. His thoughts and wants changed alot, we started talking in august, dating in september, and come July 1st he proposed, and we had actually been looking at rings and discussing it around thanksgiving and christmas. He still wants to be in a band and travel but he realizes that while it is his dream he may have to work other jobs and stuff until that pans out, if it does, and for his sake I hope it does. He is my dream come true and so I want to make sure his dream comes true. I think when put in the right situation people change for the better. If things don't change then it is not the right situation or maybe just not the right time Give it a shot, what have you got to lose?!!
Good luck!! 0 -
No one can really answer this but you. However - think about this...
He's happy with the job (at least he has a job and it is AWESOME to have a job that you love).
He takes care of his mom (they say to pay attention to the way a man treats his mother).
From what little information we have here, he sounds like he is a decent guy. You have to decide if you can deal with a lack of aspirations or not. I would not call it shallow - you are thinking ahead. It is possible that he could end up sitting on a couch (paid for by you) playing XBOX (also yours) and eating doritos all day. It is also possible that his own ideas about a career path could change. I highly doubt he is moving his mom out of town though.
Just remember - change comes from within - so unless you can bring yourself to deal with it - do not expect to be free from conflict.0 -
All the youngins think this is some race, and there is a clock....
They think that they gotta do certain things in a certain time frame and all the world will be right and they will be happy......
Does he make you happy? When you are with him are you happy, do you enjoy his company? When someone mentions his name do you smile?
If any of those answers are "yes" then you probably are happy, you just need to give "us" time to grow. When he learns what's important to you then he may get the idea that you don't like certain things and vice versa.
I agree, he's not mooching off momma, so I'd consider it as a semi-good thing.
Don't put a timeline on a good love. It will never work.0 -
You're not the right one for him. I'd let him fall for a girl who's ok with that situation. Shallow or not, if you're unable to really enjoy a relationship with him, then don't stand in his way.0
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"I know he likes me."
Wow. You're already dumping him in your mind because you "know" he likes you, (and are assuming (hoping?) he loves you?).
Meanwhile, you are beginning to fall for him.
Are you sure you're not "dumping" him before you learn his true feelings?
This poor guy who has a simple life, is taking care of his mother, and is as happy as can be, is sure being saddled with assumptions, wishes, and fantasy projections!!
Sorry for being a devil's advocate, but this may not be a real relationship yet and everyone is advising you as if he's your fiance!0 -
I was told yesterday...
Listen to your gut. LISTEN.
If there are red flags, LISTEN. Don't ignore things that you know are important to you because of feelings.
Yes, some people change but some never do. That's just reality. You have goals and someone who doesn't can drag the other down.0
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