'Friends' keep telling me to stop
dizzydi1968
Posts: 564
Ok so I look like a new person, I've lost over 70 pounds and gone from a uk size 22 to a uk size 14.
I've toned up a lot and look much firmer.
However, I am still officially overweight and want to lose another 30 pounds. So why does everyone keep saying I've gone far enough? I dont want to be super skinny as, at 43 I think this may age me too much, but I do want to be slim.
When people say 'don't get any thinner' do they really mean 'don't get any thinner than ME'???
I've toned up a lot and look much firmer.
However, I am still officially overweight and want to lose another 30 pounds. So why does everyone keep saying I've gone far enough? I dont want to be super skinny as, at 43 I think this may age me too much, but I do want to be slim.
When people say 'don't get any thinner' do they really mean 'don't get any thinner than ME'???
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Replies
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I think it depends on the person, sometimes when a person loses to much weight they look older in the face, not saying that is the case with you, I haven't seen you before. Bottom line is you have to make yourself happy. Are you positive though that you just don't see yourself havier than you actually are? I think as long as you are in your weight range you are fine. It too may just be that with that much of a weight loss that your friends just see the huge difference, and think that you look fantastic, which I am sure that you do. Good luck with what ever decision is. :flowerforyou:0
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Hi Firstly congrats on your achievement. All I'd say is does the next 30lbs take you just into the 'healthy' weight range for your height or way into it? If the former then I don't see any problem with your target, if the latter then you may want to get the opinion of a few trusted family or friends or consult your doctor as the BMI/Weight ranges don't take into account frame & build etc. You may also find you revise your opinion as to what feels right for you as you get closer to your goal. I'm very tall and even though I'm much slimmer now, I'm still very heavy so have another 20 lbs to just achieve a 'healthy' BMI - I'm going to aim for this and then re-evaluate when I get there as to whether I need to lose more or not. Like you, people are already saying similar things to me - I think you have to assess this based on the person as to what their motivation is. All I know is that I still have an awful lot of body fat that I can grab hold of so until that goes, I'm going to continue. Do what feels right for you. You can listen to your friends advice but you don't have to take it because in this instance, it is your body and you are the decision-maker. I also get a little annoyed when people do this as I sometimes think with a lot of my friends "where were you & your advice when I was loading on the weight and really unhealthy and in need of some home truths - you were just sitting back and smiling at me then"!!! Good Luck!0
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It depends, but overall, YOU are in control. For some people, it's jealousy. For others, it's concern.0
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jealous much? do what is best for you and quit listening to all those idiots out there who arent doing anything to change themselves but they wish they had your courage to be able to do what you are doing!It depends, but overall, YOU are in control. For some people, it's jealousy. For others, it's concern.0 -
Post your picture - let's see what your results look like.Ok so I look like a new person, I've lost over 70 pounds and gone from a uk size 22 to a uk size 14.
I've toned up a lot and look much firmer.
However, I am still officially overweight and want to lose another 30 pounds. So why does everyone keep saying I've gone far enough? I dont want to be super skinny as, at 43 I think this may age me too much, but I do want to be slim.
When people say 'don't get any thinner' do they really mean 'don't get any thinner than ME'???
Maybe these folks are right.
Anybody not posting a pic doesn't pass the smell test.0 -
I'll keep my answer short and sweet. Sod them. Do it for you. Stop when YOU want to (unless it starts making you ill/unhappy etc) and those people that think they know better...listen, nod and file vertically.0
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They really do mean don't get thinner than me I reckon, I ignore it. I have gone from a UK18 to a 10 and want to be an 8 and I will be even though everyone seems dead against it
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People get weird when you lose weight. As an earlier poster said, if losing more weights puts you into the "healthy weight range" then go ahead and do it. (Also, try talking to your doctor about what they think.) It may be partially sour grapes, and it may just be concern from other people, especially if they're not accustomed to seeing you at a healthy weight. Also, if you're losing weight really quickly this somethings scares people. If you care about them, you can try explaining to them that your goal weight is within the healthy weight range for you. If they're not important people in your life, then just ignore them if you want to.
People get so weird about weight. I think most of it has to do with people's own issues with their weight. When I first got to a healthy weight (from being obese since my early teen years), my mother *****ed at me for being too thin. Then almost 3 years later when I put on 20 pounds (still in my healthy weight range, but barely), she *****ed at me for getting fat again. I hope you work things out better with the people who care about you.0 -
I think different people mean different things. You really can only ever know if you ask them. They've been blunt enough to comment on your weight, so there's no reason you can't be blunt and ask them what they meant.0
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Ok so I look like a new person, I've lost over 70 pounds and gone from a uk size 22 to a uk size 14.
I've toned up a lot and look much firmer.
However, I am still officially overweight and want to lose another 30 pounds. So why does everyone keep saying I've gone far enough? I dont want to be super skinny as, at 43 I think this may age me too much, but I do want to be slim.
When people say 'don't get any thinner' do they really mean 'don't get any thinner than ME'???
Yes of course they don't get thinner than them, i keep getting told that also but i ignore it .I'll know when to stop just like you will do. Don't let anyone try to you becoming more healthier.0 -
No I don't think it's jealousy. You've got to remember that your friends perception of you is much different from yours. You still see the FAT you when you look in the mirror, even if you can admit that it's a lot less fatter than before.
What your friends see is a trim and confident woman - probably with curves in all the right places looking $1.000.000 in that new party outfit and naturally they see that improvement and think "WOW!!! Doesn't she look fantastic!" so when you say you've another 30lbs to lose they think, "how is that possible?" because they don't see the hidden weight you're still carrying (and to be honest most of us are carrying a few extra lbs even when we look and feel great!)
I know I look so much trimmer than before... I've lost 44lbs and 7½" from round my belly, so my friends have noticed the difference. But I'm still about 5 stone overweight (according to BMI which is a load of old Pants, but you gotta have some kind of benchmark I suppose) and I know that having lost 3 stone I want to lose another 3 stone and get down to a comfortable L-shirt and 34" jeans. Then I'll be at the size I want to be (although I'll then probably want to aim for a M/32" :laugh:)
Your Good Friends aren't trying to dissuade you - they just think you look a right Bobby Dazzler!!!0 -
^^^^^^^People get weird when you lose weight. As an earlier poster said, if losing more weights puts you into the "healthy weight range" then go ahead and do it. (Also, try talking to your doctor about what they think.) It may be partially sour grapes, and it may just be concern from other people, especially if they're not accustomed to seeing you at a healthy weight. Also, if you're losing weight really quickly this somethings scares people. If you care about them, you can try explaining to them that your goal weight is within the healthy weight range for you. If they're not important people in your life, then just ignore them if you want to.
People get so weird about weight. I think most of it has to do with people's own issues with their weight. When I first got to a healthy weight (from being obese since my early teen years), my mother *****ed at me for being too thin. Then almost 3 years later when I put on 20 pounds (still in my healthy weight range, but barely), she *****ed at me for getting fat again. I hope you work things out better with the people who care about you.
THIS!0 -
I think sometimes when someone has lost a lot of weight and changed their shape dramatically which i am pretty sure the amount you have lost has done it alters how someone sees us, they could be looking at you and thinking that the amount you have lost must surely make you a good weight for your height, after all it is quite difficult to accuratly guess someones weight just by looking at them. Maybe they are concerened that loosing another 30lbs will take you below a healthy BMI, What i am saying is maybe you look very slim for the weight you are and carry it well, so dont look like you have much more to loose.
When i had an operation a few years ago the ward staff didnt believe i coule be the weight i said i was and weighed me, then neither did the theatre staff who insisted on weighing me again, both sets of people said i looked a lot lighter.
I hope that makes sense, talk to the person/people who are concerned, aks why they think you should stop.0 -
When people say 'don't get any thinner' do they really mean 'don't get any thinner than ME'???
I think you have it there exactly! Congratulations - and feel free to be thinner than me - I'm sure you look and feel fantastic, well deserved!0 -
wowsa, congrats on your weight loss!
i think why people want you to stop is probably because they dont know you smaller... so you're starting to look thin to them, not cause you are necessarily but they arent used to it.
I'm having that myself. My coworkers saying i should stop now.
oh well, it's up to you and how you feel. But dont watch the BMI thing... it's not normed to fit every body type0 -
Some of it is probably jealousy but some of it could be genuine concern as well. I lost a lot of weight quite rapidly a few years ago and everyone was telling me to stop even though I still had lots more to lose. It throws people off when they see someone they've known for x amount of time suddenly look very different.0
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Are your friends overweight? I found that even before losing my weight my larger friends would refer to me as 'tiny' and 'skinny', even though I was a size 12 with a double chin in nearly all of my photos! I may not have been overweight but my BMI was the high end of healthy (now it is smack bang in the middle) and I would never have referred to myself as 'skinny'.
People have different perceptions of body sizes so it may not be jealousy.
I think it's great that you have lost so much weight and that even now you still strive to be healthy. The average dress size in the UK is a 14 (A term I hear so often from women of that size as they shun the gym and eat more!) so I think it's brilliant that you are seeing this through. Well done!
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I get this too. I was up to 210 pounds. I've lost 55 pounds and want to lose another 25. My goal is 130. I weighed less than 130 all through my 20's and 30's so I don't understand why people think I should settle for 155 now! I'm happy with what I've done and if I don't lose anymore I know I will still be happy with what I've done, but I'm not going to stop logging and exercising (even when I get to 130), so I'm bound to lose more because at 155 there is still a lot of fat on my frame. I'm 5'4" and my "healthy" weight on the BMI scale is 107 - 145.
You know, after losing 71 lbs, how much food food it right for you in the course of a day. As long as you are not starving or purging yourself, your body will reach the weight that is right for your frame.0 -
Unless you are super-tall, you are not "too small". Friends and family are used to seeing the old you so that is what they are comparing you to. And yes, some people are jealous. Just keep up the good work and the comments will stop. I had a lot of them while I was losing, but I've been maintaining for 2 years now and the comments have stopped.0
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LoL oh yes the "concerned" friendsI get this also, quite frankly it's nobody else's business!! You do what you feel you are comfortable with, nobody knows your body like YOU do! I often think, how come when I was overweight and putting my health at risk nobody said anything then??! Mmmm funny that, sometimes it's envy that motivates people to say the things they say...keep up the great work xxxx0
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People love to tell others what to do and how to live their lives. It's something I will never understand at all, but it happens. I don't see it as any different than someone trying to control what you eat, who you marry, your religious practices or your family planning choices.I get this too. I was up to 210 pounds. I've lost 55 pounds and want to lose another 25. My goal is 130. I weighed less than 130 all through my 20's and 30's so I don't understand why people think I should settle for 155 now! I'm happy with what I've done and if I don't lose anymore I know I will still be happy with what I've done, but I'm not going to stop logging and exercising (even when I get to 130), so I'm bound to lose more because at 155 there is still a lot of fat on my frame. I'm 5'4" and my "healthy" weight on the BMI scale is 107 - 145.
You know, after losing 71 lbs, how much food food it right for you in the course of a day. As long as you are not starving or purging yourself, your body will reach the weight that is right for your frame.
Someone at work told me the same thing, too when I made the mistake of mentioning that I had just dropped 30+ lbs. I am still 15 lbs north of "obese" according to my BMI and have 40 more lbs to lose. I just smile and say "thanks for the opinion".0 -
I think it depends on the person, sometimes when a person loses to much weight they look older in the face, not saying that is the case with you, I haven't seen you before. Bottom line is you have to make yourself happy. Are you positive though that you just don't see yourself havier than you actually are? I think as long as you are in your weight range you are fine. It too may just be that with that much of a weight loss that your friends just see the huge difference, and think that you look fantastic, which I am sure that you do. Good luck with what ever decision is. :flowerforyou:
I agree with this 100%
Being skinny/slim and then looking 10 years older is so not a good look...0 -
This is what I think:
Yep! I'm sure this would be true of my friends.No I don't think it's jealousy. You've got to remember that your friends perception of you is much different from yours. You still see the FAT you when you look in the mirror, even if you can admit that it's a lot less fatter than before.
What your friends see is a trim and confident woman - probably with curves in all the right places looking $1.000.000 in that new party outfit and naturally they see that improvement and think "WOW!!! Doesn't she look fantastic!" so when you say you've another 30lbs to lose they think, "how is that possible?" because they don't see the hidden weight you're still carrying (and to be honest most of us are carrying a few extra lbs even when we look and feel great!)
.....
Your Good Friends aren't trying to dissuade you - they just think you look a right Bobby Dazzler!!!
But, I guess I have gone through the years surrounding myself with kind & good people, not jerks.
So it entirely matters, I suppose. Are your friends a bunch of a-holes? I mean, seriously, if they are truly sabatojing you and truly don't want you to a. be healthy, b. feel great, c. look great, then find some new friends, yesterday.
Great job on your weight loss!0 -
I think it is up to you, i started around the same size as you (and the same age) and have only just dropped into a UK 18 and people are querying why carry on just maintain, but i want to get to size 12. 14 is a nice size, but until you get to where you can happily reach then you wont know how you look.. I am working on the theory, get rid of much as i psyhcially can and then if i do get to a 10, then i can also gain a little if i do not look great or find it impossible to maintain that weight.
Just do not tell the people that are having a go (or being over caring) that you are trying for more of a loss, just keep going steady and slow and let it drop off you. I have learnt over the last few months that keeping weight loss under your hat with others that arent on the same wavelength is best. Some are jealous, some do not understand and some really think you look amazing. Sometimes it hard to keep quiet, but at least you are on this site, where people are ultra supportive and know where you are coming from and what you are going through.
Good luck,0 -
No I don't think it's jealousy. You've got to remember that your friends perception of you is much different from yours. You still see the FAT you when you look in the mirror, even if you can admit that it's a lot less fatter than before.
What your friends see is a trim and confident woman - probably with curves in all the right places looking $1.000.000 in that new party outfit and naturally they see that improvement and think "WOW!!! Doesn't she look fantastic!" so when you say you've another 30lbs to lose they think, "how is that possible?" because they don't see the hidden weight you're still carrying (and to be honest most of us are carrying a few extra lbs even when we look and feel great!)
I know I look so much trimmer than before... I've lost 44lbs and 7½" from round my belly, so my friends have noticed the difference. But I'm still about 5 stone overweight (according to BMI which is a load of old Pants, but you gotta have some kind of benchmark I suppose) and I know that having lost 3 stone I want to lose another 3 stone and get down to a comfortable L-shirt and 34" jeans. Then I'll be at the size I want to be (although I'll then probably want to aim for a M/32" :laugh:)
Your Good Friends aren't trying to dissuade you - they just think you look a right Bobby Dazzler!!!
This!0 -
Also remember they are most likely seeing you with clothes on. And they might be used to seeing you heavy, that with a big loss you look fantastic already!
I can hide a good 15lbs depending on what I am wearing. While you have to do this for you and be where you are comfortable, I wouldn't completely ignore close friends and trusted family members. When you get to goal and people still say you are too thin you can really look at yourself and decide for yourself.
While no body actually told me I was too skinny at my thinnest, I now know I was. I was fit and muscular but my body type needs a few extra pounds. I had the startings of a six-pack but I had so many other bones and veins sticking out, I didn't think that was very attractive. Plus it was too hard to maintain and ended up gaining more then I am comfortable with. So all reasons pointing towards my now goal weight of about 10lbs heavier than my lowest.
Good luck! Yes some people do get threatened by your loss, but most truly love you more than what size you are.0 -
As in all things, I think we must be our own guides and use our own judgement. I don't let anyone tell me what I need to do any more. That is a losing battle as they are not the ones who have to live with the results of my behavior.
Congrats and keep rolling until YOU'RE ready to stop. 0 -
(sarcasm approaching) I love it when people tell me that I'm getting too thin. I'm not. I'm at a healthy weight for the first time in my adult life. I'm in better shape than when I was in high school. I'm muscular, not thin. My goal now is not to lose more weight, but to tone. And I'm working my butt off to make it happen. Many people tell me.....I don't have time to do what you do......for the most part that's bull........ I get up at 4:50 am 5 days a week to make it happen and am very carful about what I eat. I was the type of gal who ate EVERYTHING and lots of it. Heck....I still eat a lot........but my body composition has changed and I process calories differently now.
It cracks me up when people feel free to tell me to stop losing weight/exercising so much. Those same people did not tell me to put down the darn doughnut. And it's mean if I tell them that they need to lose a few....what's the difference?????
Can you tell this is a topic that gets me fired up???0 -
If they are just "friends" that say that, then they mean don't get thinner (than me because then I will get jealous). If they are true friends then they area just caring about you and your wellbeing.0
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Post your picture - let's see what your results look like.Ok so I look like a new person, I've lost over 70 pounds and gone from a uk size 22 to a uk size 14.
I've toned up a lot and look much firmer.
However, I am still officially overweight and want to lose another 30 pounds. So why does everyone keep saying I've gone far enough? I dont want to be super skinny as, at 43 I think this may age me too much, but I do want to be slim.
When people say 'don't get any thinner' do they really mean 'don't get any thinner than ME'???
Maybe these folks are right.
Anybody not posting a pic doesn't pass the smell test.0
This discussion has been closed.
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