Spouse support
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I'm very fortunate - blessed - that my Dear Hubby is totally on-board with weight loss... he's losing too, and he does most of the cooking (I shop and do meal planning). He weighs things for me, he encourages my workouts, he works out...
but then, he is my best friend, and that's what best friends do. I'm very lucky to have married mine. :happy:0 -
My husband has actually been really supportive, however there are some things I have to give in with.
1) We spent more on food because he will get things like fried chicken from the grocery store hot food section sometimes because he won't eat what I am cooking.
2) He wont' tease me with things that I really like but he is still able to bring junk in the house and eat it when he wants. For example I know he brought some candy home today. I don't even know what its in a bag and he put it away and I haven't looked. For other stuff I'm lucky that we have very different tastes in dessert. (There is cheesecake in the fridge but that is no problem, I don't like cheesecake!! ) So basically he gets the stuff he likes but he knows I don't much.
3) He supports me going to the gym. If I try to work out here its much harder (hard to push though when someone is laying around on the couch) but if I go to the gym I can focus and he doesn't mind having the time to himself either.
He hasn't said anything about my appearance but I don't think it has changed much, I'm only down 9 pounds which since I still have more then 100 to go is not much at all. However he does tell me I'm doing well... and he bought me a kinect for christmas, the most fun exercise EVER!0 -
My fiance is supportive in general but, at times I feel like he is judgmental. Unlike your scenario our arguments are more over who has the better ideas about what is healthy or the best way to loose weight. We have a hard time seeing eye to eye on how to go about it but, we found a common ground. If she is flip flopping ( one day wants you active the next jealous of your new mistress...your health) than I would say try to get her involved. instead of going to the gym see about going indoor rock climbing or something active and together. We also got a Wii fit that we love to play together and I am not a fan of video games so it was nice to find some we both enjoyed and it was still active. If she cant handle your new healthy life than just point out to her how she acted before and ask what she wants. Not in a patronizing way but, just ask. I am sure once she sees you getting healthy and looking better she might catch on and stop with the sweets lol until then willpower will have to prevail. Maybe add shopping as one of your chores? that way she will be less likely to stop at the store just to get sweets and you can get her ones you hate and she likes?0
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In an ideal world, I would wish that a switch would go off in my family's head and they would instantly join me in keeping a larder/fridge of nutrient-dense foods, no junk, and want to exercise with me when I am inspired to change. But, I know there have been times, it's been reversed, THEY have sought change, and I wasn't feelin' it Did I feel like I wanted to sabotage them? No. I just wanted my comfort foods. I was selfish, not vengeful or hostile. So, now I'm the lead in this health-oriented journey, and they are gingerly making first steps with me. Maybe with your continued success, your wife will join you too.
I well understand the temptations of having 'trigger' foods around, or even worse, preparing them for others in the family. But hopefully your new normal will become the norm for your household. At least, I wish that for you!0 -
I agree with the person who thought your wife was jealous. Sounds like it bothers her that you are making great strides and she is not doing anything.
My husband is supportive but he has never struggled with weight so he doesn't really get it.
However I have an amazing group of friends who are doing this with me and keeping me on track. So my suggestion is that you should try to find some friends who will do this with you and who will be thrilled and excited for you when you lose three pounds. This ha made all the difference for me.
Aside from that, personally I would chuck the food she brings into the house. You've asked her not to and she isn't respecting your wishes. Your health is more important than her sweets. Just sayin'0 -
I don't think your weight loss is the issue here-- her comment as you were leaving for the gym says it all to me. It sounds like she's jealous of your time. Sure it sounded great to her for you to lose weight but she wasn't thinking about all the time you would spend away from her. And honestly, walking out in the middle of a fight isn't really the way to make her happier.
If she feels neglected try to balance some things so that you are still making time for her whether she wants to work out or not. Maybe you could do your work out in the morning and then spend evenings together. Or instead of going to the gym you two could go for a walk. Try to make an effort to spend time with her and see what develops.0 -
I did not walk out out of a fight. Just asked to finish after she calmed down and.an hour should give her enough time. I do work out at different times so we have more time.together i have asked for her to walk with me and when she does go complains about it 10 min in. I also bought her a membership to the same gym if she wants to go with me. She has tons.of.choices. I really don't think its a time.thing from her i think its her wanting to complain.about something instead of being supportive or work with e on a never life style.0
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my husband was actually the one who decided he wanted to lose weight first, and i began cooking him healthy balanced meals.
then he started losing weight, and i was amazed at how much hotter he looked to me - i had never thought of him as fat before.
so i decided to jump on the bandwagon.
then he started running, and guess who started running then too???
yup.
now we try to get in a run together atleast once a week.
i will also admit though, that since i've gained a couple of lbs back i find myself loading HIS plate just a bit more....
fair is fair, no?!0 -
Sounds to me like she is jealous of your dedication to the plan. She may not have the same constitution that you do and while she may want to support you she is having a hard time because she wishes she were in that same place as you are mentally. Sticking with a diet is hard work and everyone knows that. She may not be ready for the sacrifices involved with weight loss and from her perspective she sees all the pluses (you losing the weight) but since she's not the one doing the work she doesn't understand the challenge of it. If she would buckle down with you and work for a small weight loss goal I'm sure she would quickly see that it's worth the challenge and why you so very much don't want to back track due to the amount of work it takes.0
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my husband was actually the one who decided he wanted to lose weight first, and i began cooking him healthy balanced meals.
then he started losing weight, and i was amazed at how much hotter he looked to me - i had never thought of him as fat before.
so i decided to jump on the bandwagon.
then he started running, and guess who started running then too???
yup.
now we try to get in a run together atleast once a week.
i will also admit though, that since i've gained a couple of lbs back i find myself loading HIS plate just a bit more....
fair is fair, no?!
that made me laugh about loading his plate0 -
I once dated a guy who used to say "Keep em chunky, keep em home!" Could it be she is afraid someone else will notice how great you look? Sounds like this is about her insecurity.0
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Wow.. All I can say is I am sorry that she isn't supportive like a wife should be!!
My husband is a fit junky not really but he works out everyday hes an avid runner training for an Iron Man Me well im dieting to look better for him while he is at his races.
He is like you, he refuses to go out to eat but not because he will go over in calories but he doesn't want me to go over.
My thought being from a female view is that maybe and only maybe since I don't know her personally
but maybe she is afraid that if you change you wont love her, want her, or feel the same about the way she looks, eats, acts, and so by keeping you down and the same she feels better about herself..
I wish you the best of luck!!! Add me as a friend if you would like..
Keep doing what you're doing. FYI some restaurants offer online menus with nutritional info on them. Or if she wants to go out and you cant look something up suggest subway or some place like that.. I just found out my fav food at Taco Bell is only 270 heck yea Im eating there more often now :-)
Good luck Keep up the hard work.. Its all worth it in the end!! No matter what others think or do..0 -
So does anyone actually get support from their spouse? My wife is not a small women but she is not really overweight either. She is always bringing in some type of desert and sweets. I have nicely asked her to not stop brining sweets in the house just don't bring so many at one time. She always says to me I am not going to stop and if you don't want to eat then don't. I have done well the past three months not eating it but it's pretty hard. She also would make comments about my weight before and now that I am doing everything I can to lose this weight she does not seem supportive. She get's annoyed with me that I won't go out to eat anytime she want's because I don't want to splurge on calories and go over. She get's annoyed with me that I look at every item in the grocery store to look at the label and calories. I go to the gym a lot and even added her but she will hardly go with me and when she does she want's me to only be there for a few minutes and then come home. She does not even get excited when I say hey I lost 3 pounds this week. About the only thing I have gotten from her is that I am looking better after losing 40+ pounds. Says she can notice the weight.
That is my husband!!! Drives me nuts and I have HARD time staying focused!0 -
My boyfriend is the same way - klondike bars for breakfast, cheesesteaks for lunch, and chinese take-out for dinner. He works out alot and retains muscle really well - he's one of those people that can eat everything and anything and still stay skinny. Its just frustrating for me bc he knows how much I love to eat and he also knows how far of lengths I go to eat healthy & clean.
I wish he was more supportive of my goals, but I also know its good for me bc it strengthens my self control every time I choose not to give into his unhealthy eating/cooking habits.0 -
I guess I handle such matters a bit differently than most.So does anyone actually get support from their spouse? My wife is not a small women but she is not really overweight either. She is always bringing in some type of desert and sweets. I have nicely asked her to not stop brining sweets in the house just don't bring so many at one time. She always says to me I am not going to stop and if you don't want to eat then don't. I have done well the past three months not eating it but it's pretty hard. She also would make comments about my weight before and now that I am doing everything I can to lose this weight she does not seem supportive. She get's annoyed with me that I won't go out to eat anytime she want's because I don't want to splurge on calories and go over. She get's annoyed with me that I look at every item in the grocery store to look at the label and calories. I go to the gym a lot and even added her but she will hardly go with me and when she does she want's me to only be there for a few minutes and then come home. She does not even get excited when I say hey I lost 3 pounds this week. About the only thing I have gotten from her is that I am looking better after losing 40+ pounds. Says she can notice the weight.
If I ask nicely once, I don't ask nice again.
Those deserts get tossed to the yard dogs if not splattered all over the wall.
Some people need a self-interest motive to lend support out of either respect or fear.
At the end of the day I get what I want - end of story.
After a few such episodes, I either get support from her or her replacement.
And no, I am not a serial killer of relationships. We just celebrated 28 years married.
She just knows that when I ask for something important, I mean it. My wife is very supportive.
In fact she's here on MFP doing very well, enjoying the experience and glad for the push.
All is possible!0 -
I do most of the cooking as well but nights I get busy at work or just tired her thing is let's go out even though she knows I would rather stay in and something better.
maybe you should be a good example of going out and staying within certain limits, and she will lighten up on going out so much if she knows that you will go sometimes, or have a set day to go every week, like a date night.0 -
I once dated a guy who used to say "Keep em chunky, keep em home!" Could it be she is afraid someone else will notice how great you look? Sounds like this is about her insecurity.
I was thinking the same.....0 -
My husband is super supportive of me. When he is home he cooks the most awsome meals with me in mind, knowing I am trying to lose weight. We go to the gym together and he pushes me all the way! I can't wait for him to come home. Unfortunately I have a long wait. He is supportive from afar! My Christmas present was a gym membership! So yea I am lucky to have him!0
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I hope you find a way to get things worked out for both of you. I dated a guy once, started chunky, got fat, and when I tried to lose weight he kept taking me out to dinner and bringing me my favorites. I know it was my own fault for not having self control and when I finally got self control I lost 60 pounds in a year without even realizing it.
The guy I'm with now doesn't stop me from dieting but doesn't stop me when I'm eating cake either. He doesn't care if I lose weight or not. He says that doesn't matter to him. He's really overweight too, so I don't know if he thinks if I lose weight I'll look for someone else or the weight really doesn't matter to him. But tonight I've finally had it. I watched him putting his shoes & socks on and he was so out of breath. He was getting the trash ready to go out and he again out of breath. Tomorrow is trash day. I will be gettting up early and throwing away all the pies & cakes he hasn't let me throw away cause it's "wasting food".
Your wife is your partner and friend. And you should be able to talk to her about anything and also be honest with her about anything and everything and she should be supportive of you taking charge of your health.
And looking at all the replies here, you've got plenty of support from MFP. I know it's not the same but it helps.
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My husband brings home his favorite foods - the fried chicken, the baked cookies from the store, the big honkin' huge breads, the beer, and pizza like a madman... but Im not even phased by it at all. He knows I wont touch it and he will never offer it because he knows they contain a number of items that I am actually hypersensitive to...
Im about to start going back to the gym and it doesnt bother him one bit. He works third shift and comes home to shower and hit the sack by 6am, sleeping in until about 1:00pm... I spend the rest of the time with him if I have to work at night..
I do all the cooking (I work as a chef for a living), and he has actually lost about 25lbs with my cooking everything...
I may not get that stunned reaction of "WOW, thats AWESOME!!!!!" but he supports me in other ways, especially when it comes to going out to dinner. Thankfully we can dine out anywhere - he knows how important it is to either know ahead of time, or to spend some extra time looking over the menu to see what I can order that not only keeps me on program, but will also help me to make sure no allergic-ingredients exist in the meal Im about to order.
Sounds to me, its not a matter of support that is the issue, but, Im not willing to fall into the belief of "she is just jealous' - your wife is not being honest with you when it comes to the work you are doing to get healthier....
This also is a give-and-take here.... sounds to me she has been hiding the truth in what is really bugging her... and I do agree with someone else who posted... whether she calmed down or not, I would not have left to go to the gym.... That would have been the optimal time to hold a heart to heart discussion....by you leaving, that added more fuel to the fire...0 -
MY husband taunts me with food... (mmm doesn't this look good! or he chants McDonald's as we drive by)
so no i dont get support from him.
but that just qisses me off more to prove what a D!ck he can be!0 -
My hubby has always been supportive....for a while I cooked 2 sort of meals, one for me and one for him. He never asked for that, I just sort of felt the need. Gradually I started giving him some of the healthier stuff....and now he is making changes for himself. This was a 2-year process. At the beginning, he would still occasionally bring in cookies or cake or candy and get slightly miffed when I complained or did not want to eat any, saying "it's not going to hurt you..." until one day I said "yes, it IS going to hurt me! It makes me FAT!!!" LOL. Anyway, I worked on ensuring him somewhat in that a lot of spouses get a little insecure, thinking they might lose you to the positive changes. So, I mostly made sure I didn't "neglect" him in any way and he's been really good and, in fact, gets better and better each year! Sometimes it just takes time.0
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Lose the weight and start talking about all the guys better looking than him you plan to shag.MY husband taunts me with food... (mmm doesn't this look good! or he chants McDonald's as we drive by)
so no i dont get support from him.
but that just qisses me off more to prove what a D!ck he can be!
I love revenge against those mean to me. And I always, ALWAYS get even.
Again, lose the weight and start trolling for his replacement.0
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