Getting Rid of the "Fat-girl" mentality

I know exactly what you are talking about. All throughout high school I was slightly overweight and I always felt like the fat girl. My friends and family did not even notice the extra pounds but I constantly ostracized myself from both of them. I got to a point where I was so ashamed and self conscious that I developed an eating disorder. I lost 30 lbs but I still felt fat. when I got to college I got a lot of attention from the boys in my dorm hall and I gained some self esteem. I realized that I couldnt let other peoples thoughts define how I feel about myself. I got involved with my campus and ran for student government and even joined ROTC on a whim. although the fat girl still lingers in the back of my mind, I just tell myself that I am my toughest critic and that nobody will even care or notice that extra 5 pounds I gained over the holidays. It also helps to list your good qualities and things that you like about yourself and always go about your day with a positive attitude. I realized that life is much too short to dwell on feeling fat and in a few decades you and those high-school girls who never talked to you will have the same wrinkles and the same old lady jeans. All I can say is to remain positive and remember that you are your toughest critic; you do not look as big as you think you do.

Oh man. I am SO there!! I just found this site today: www.mybodygallery.com. You can input your height, weight, size, shape and it gives you random images of women your size. I must admit, I was shocked. The girls my size are HOT! I had to look FORTY lbs heavier than I am to find girls who looked like how I think I look.

I totally understand, Ive lost 40 but got 10 to go, but I still feel so fat, and see myself as fat all the time. I know I look better but I still cant seem to realise that I could look good

I am not nearly to my goal yet, but wondering if I'll still think about the chair breaking before I sit in it (even though that's only happened once ... and it was missing a few key bolts. But still embarrassing) or whether I need to turn sideways before I walk through somewhere. Wondering if my brain will retrain itself as the weight comes off, or if I'll still think about stuff like that.

During my vacation the past couple weeks, I still found myself trying to get the right pose so I wouldn't look like a blob in all my pictures. I still have a ways to go, but I don't really have to "adjust" my body now to take a decent picture. Ugh. I totally know what you mean.

Oh my gosh, YES! Sometimes I feel the more I lose, the bigger I feel.

This is a hard thing overcome and it takes time. Eventually, you'll get past the number on your clothes, but most of us use that number to grade weight loss progress so of course you're still programmed to look at it.

Do you have any clothes from before you started? Mine was my wedding dress. I weighed 250lbs on my wedding day. When I got down to 215, my mom dared to me to put it on. It fell right back off. :-) When my husband got home I was holding my wedding dress up so it would stay on and dancing around the house like a lunatic.

I saw a lot posts about not buying the right size clothes because of the number. Baggy clothes make you look bigger than you are, and help feed this "fat girl" mentality. Your clothes don't fit properly and you see something more like the "you" your brain expects.

This trick has helped me. Take a friend shopping with you. Get them to grab several sizes in what you want to try on and hand them to you. Try them on WITHOUT peeking at the tag. Then use the mirror and your friend to tell you what fits rather than the tag.

The other thing that has helped me get past the number on my clothes is the realization that women's sizing is utterly arbitrary. I tried on a coat at a local vendor. It was a missy XL and wouldn't come close to buttoning. The sales lady handed me another missy XL coat (same brand) and it was a little big. Go figure.

I have to admit I hide behind my "fat girl" and am a little intimidated of coming out and letting her go. I am so used to being the fat girl at the office or not being looked at twice by guys that I got use to the lack of attention, and as I start getting more attention I don't know how to respond so I pull back in to the soft, snuggly wobbly bits I know/knew so well......time will tell I suppose

Oh you took words right out of my mouth!

I have admittedly put on 10lbs of the 20lbs I initially lost but have started back as of 1st January to lose that weight gain.

However during the summer where I was floating between 126 and 127lbs every time I looked in the mirror I could still see the 147lbs me, I was getting so annoyed (although not directly at the people saying it) when someone would say you are so skinny/small/lost so much weight/too skinny etc because it just wasn't what I was seeing at all. I know the scales said different I know I was wearing clothes 2 dress sizes smaller but it made no difference to what I saw in the mirror!

Alot of people told me to look at photos and I would notice the difference but I didn't I looked straight at my problem areas and they still looked big to me - so you can imagine how I feel when I look at myself now having gained 10lbs back!

I am really hoping that I won't feel the same way this time round but I don't see it changing how I feel when I look in the mirror.

Whats wrong with us lol why can't we see what others see.

Oh by the way I still go to pick up size 12's (UK) even though I am now a size 8 - 10 !!!!!!!!!! I still take the 12's with me into the changing rooms lol!

I know exactly what you are talking about. It takes a while for the brain to adjust apparently. When I was 336 pounds at my heaviest, I would look in the mirror and think "I don't look that big". Now I weigh 172 pounds and all I see in the mirror is every little bit of flab and think I need to lose "___" many more pounds. It is weird.

This is very true. I've heard that it takes about a year after losing weight for our brain and thoughts to catch up and begin to understand and think about ourselves in a different way! Some days I look in the mirror and think "wow, I look great what a change" and most other days I look and think "I've lost weight but don't see it today". I can't wait for my thoughts to realign with the physical changes. When I receive a compliment on my weight loss I am able to say "thank you so much" but inside I have to still remember to sit up tall, shoulders back and all that jazz. Spent too many years trying to look smaller and crunched myself up. Difinitely going to check out the site that cass suggested www.mybodygallery.com