Getting Rid of the "Fat-girl" mentality
andforpoise
Posts: 185
So... this is something I've been struggling with for a while..especially since I've lost almost 40 lbs and am almost not in the overweight category now (I'm now only considered 3-5 lbs overweight :P)
FAT GIRL MENTALITY! Anyone else know what I'm talking about? Now what do we do to combat it?
I still see "fat" when everyone else around me tells me how great I look. My dad even joked that if I lose anymore weight he's going to make me move home and lock me in a pantry :P
I was at a new year's party last night and ran into guys from highschool that never even talked to me and they were telling me how good I looked. Another guy had his arm around my waist and kept telling me I looked like a Victoria's Secret model... I asked him if he was on drugs (he was drunk..so close enough :P). I was flattered by both but still not buying it!
I go into my favourite jean store to buy new jeans because my size 8's are bagging on my butt... but I feel embarassed to be buying the size 6s... things like that!
These are examples of my inner "fat girl" talking to me... what are some of yours and what have you tried to combat her ugly nagging voice?
FAT GIRL MENTALITY! Anyone else know what I'm talking about? Now what do we do to combat it?
I still see "fat" when everyone else around me tells me how great I look. My dad even joked that if I lose anymore weight he's going to make me move home and lock me in a pantry :P
I was at a new year's party last night and ran into guys from highschool that never even talked to me and they were telling me how good I looked. Another guy had his arm around my waist and kept telling me I looked like a Victoria's Secret model... I asked him if he was on drugs (he was drunk..so close enough :P). I was flattered by both but still not buying it!
I go into my favourite jean store to buy new jeans because my size 8's are bagging on my butt... but I feel embarassed to be buying the size 6s... things like that!
These are examples of my inner "fat girl" talking to me... what are some of yours and what have you tried to combat her ugly nagging voice?
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Replies
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I lost 16 pounds (132 now 116) & now wear a size 3 (juniors) jeans but refuse to buy it and instead buy the 5 and they always are baggy then I don't want to wear them. But i'm convinced if I buy the 3 that i'll have fat rolls hanging over or they wont button.... Its all in my head. so dumb! I'm curious if anyone has any helpful ideas to stop this!0
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I know exactly what you are talking about. All throughout high school I was slightly overweight and I always felt like the fat girl. My friends and family did not even notice the extra pounds but I constantly ostracized myself from both of them. I got to a point where I was so ashamed and self conscious that I developed an eating disorder. I lost 30 lbs but I still felt fat. when I got to college I got a lot of attention from the boys in my dorm hall and I gained some self esteem. I realized that I couldnt let other peoples thoughts define how I feel about myself. I got involved with my campus and ran for student government and even joined ROTC on a whim. although the fat girl still lingers in the back of my mind, I just tell myself that I am my toughest critic and that nobody will even care or notice that extra 5 pounds I gained over the holidays. It also helps to list your good qualities and things that you like about yourself and always go about your day with a positive attitude. I realized that life is much too short to dwell on feeling fat and in a few decades you and those high-school girls who never talked to you will have the same wrinkles and the same old lady jeans. All I can say is to remain positive and remember that you are your toughest critic; you do not look as big as you think you do.0
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You know, I think a lot of women harbor not-so-secret resentment of "thin girls". What happens, then, when you become thin? Your brain doesn't magically change. It takes time to change your self-perception, and focusing on your HEALTH and your other great qualities that have nothing to do with the number on the tag of your jeans really does have a lot of value.
But if you need to see it for yourself, have you taken before-and-after photos? Especially next to someone or something whose size hasn't changed? That's a good visual knock upside the head.
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Oh man. I am SO there!! I just found this site today: www.mybodygallery.com. You can input your height, weight, size, shape and it gives you random images of women your size. I must admit, I was shocked. The girls my size are HOT! I had to look FORTY lbs heavier than I am to find girls who looked like how I think I look.0
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I know exactly what you are talking about. It takes a while for the brain to adjust apparently. When I was 336 pounds at my heaviest, I would look in the mirror and think "I don't look that big". Now I weigh 172 pounds and all I see in the mirror is every little bit of flab and think I need to lose "___" many more pounds. It is weird.0
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I totally understand, Ive lost 40 but got 10 to go, but I still feel so fat, and see myself as fat all the time. I know I look better but I still cant seem to realise that I could look good0
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100% get it. I've lost half of the weight i want to lose and only have about 15 pounds left to lose, but i still feel like a fat school girl. in the morning i'll feel thin for a while but then after i eat or see someone thinner on tv, i feel like a tubbo again.
i think it is a self esteem thing and can take a while to get over but perhaps try focussing on whether there's anything else that's making you dislike yourself - something more than how much you weigh.0 -
I am not nearly to my goal yet, but wondering if I'll still think about the chair breaking before I sit in it (even though that's only happened once ... and it was missing a few key bolts. But still embarrassing) or whether I need to turn sideways before I walk through somewhere. Wondering if my brain will retrain itself as the weight comes off, or if I'll still think about stuff like that.0
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I know exactly what you mean I've lost 70lb and still feel like the fat girl I once was. I'm at the high end of healthy and gone from a UK size 18 (us 20) to a 10-12 (8-10) and still feel the same I even expect to be told I shouldn't have the smaller clothes as I'm to big.
I hope one day I will get over my fat girl image but for now I'm stuck with it0 -
During my vacation the past couple weeks, I still found myself trying to get the right pose so I wouldn't look like a blob in all my pictures. I still have a ways to go, but I don't really have to "adjust" my body now to take a decent picture. Ugh. I totally know what you mean.0
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LMAO. Exact same thing I am currently going through.When I was 286 I was like " oh it's no problem" when I saw mysel.
I'm at 176 now and think I'm a whale when others want me to put on weight
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Oh my gosh, YES! Sometimes I feel the more I lose, the bigger I feel.0
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I am simultaeouly the thinnest ive been in yearsand the fattest i will evdr be! That is our love hate relationship. Our reality.0
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This is a hard thing overcome and it takes time. Eventually, you'll get past the number on your clothes, but most of us use that number to grade weight loss progress so of course you're still programmed to look at it.
Do you have any clothes from before you started? Mine was my wedding dress. I weighed 250lbs on my wedding day. When I got down to 215, my mom dared to me to put it on. It fell right back off. :-) When my husband got home I was holding my wedding dress up so it would stay on and dancing around the house like a lunatic.
I saw a lot posts about not buying the right size clothes because of the number. Baggy clothes make you look bigger than you are, and help feed this "fat girl" mentality. Your clothes don't fit properly and you see something more like the "you" your brain expects.
This trick has helped me. Take a friend shopping with you. Get them to grab several sizes in what you want to try on and hand them to you. Try them on WITHOUT peeking at the tag. Then use the mirror and your friend to tell you what fits rather than the tag.
The other thing that has helped me get past the number on my clothes is the realization that women's sizing is utterly arbitrary. I tried on a coat at a local vendor. It was a missy XL and wouldn't come close to buttoning. The sales lady handed me another missy XL coat (same brand) and it was a little big. Go figure.0 -
I still have a long way to go, but I have to force myself to notice any changes. I hope this gets better, beacause it annoys me and I'm sure it annoys people when they comment on how good I look and I can't agree lol0
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I have to admit I hide behind my "fat girl" and am a little intimidated of coming out and letting her go. I am so used to being the fat girl at the office or not being looked at twice by guys that I got use to the lack of attention, and as I start getting more attention I don't know how to respond so I pull back in to the soft, snuggly wobbly bits I know/knew so well......time will tell I suppose0
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let me know when you figure it out!0
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Oh you took words right out of my mouth!
I have admittedly put on 10lbs of the 20lbs I initially lost but have started back as of 1st January to lose that weight gain.
However during the summer where I was floating between 126 and 127lbs every time I looked in the mirror I could still see the 147lbs me, I was getting so annoyed (although not directly at the people saying it) when someone would say you are so skinny/small/lost so much weight/too skinny etc because it just wasn't what I was seeing at all. I know the scales said different I know I was wearing clothes 2 dress sizes smaller but it made no difference to what I saw in the mirror!
Alot of people told me to look at photos and I would notice the difference but I didn't I looked straight at my problem areas and they still looked big to me - so you can imagine how I feel when I look at myself now having gained 10lbs back!
I am really hoping that I won't feel the same way this time round but I don't see it changing how I feel when I look in the mirror.
Whats wrong with us lol why can't we see what others see.
Oh by the way I still go to pick up size 12's (UK) even though I am now a size 8 - 10 !!!!!!!!!! I still take the 12's with me into the changing rooms lol!0 -
This may sound weird, but I think the 'fat girl' and her 'mentality' may not want to be gotten rid of. Self-talk is something your brain hears. Maybe, try convincing your inner 'fat girl' that she needs to take care of herself. I sometimes think that we hate certain parts of ourselves that need more love than the rest of us.
I hope this doesn't sound too psycho-babbly, but I do feel that there's a war going on within myself sometimes, and that maybe what I need to do is make peace with all the factions.0 -
I know exactly what you are talking about. It takes a while for the brain to adjust apparently. When I was 336 pounds at my heaviest, I would look in the mirror and think "I don't look that big". Now I weigh 172 pounds and all I see in the mirror is every little bit of flab and think I need to lose "___" many more pounds. It is weird.
This is very true. I've heard that it takes about a year after losing weight for our brain and thoughts to catch up and begin to understand and think about ourselves in a different way! Some days I look in the mirror and think "wow, I look great what a change" and most other days I look and think "I've lost weight but don't see it today". I can't wait for my thoughts to realign with the physical changes. When I receive a compliment on my weight loss I am able to say "thank you so much" but inside I have to still remember to sit up tall, shoulders back and all that jazz. Spent too many years trying to look smaller and crunched myself up. Difinitely going to check out the site that cass suggested www.mybodygallery.com0 -
love love love my body gallery! I have the same problem but my friends have been great in helping me get clothes that fit! This week I went shopping and started trying on larges and ended up walking away b/c even the smalls were too big but if my friends werent there I would have bought the larges.0
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My inner fat-girl keeps taking me over to the plus size section of every store I go to. I went shopping Friday....actually My DH ordered me to go! Right away, there I go...trotting to the large size area.
A wonderful sales girl asked me if I needed help finding something for a friend. When I told her I was shopping for me she told me quite promptly I was in the wrong section of the store. I told her I really, REALLY needed help. I told her what I was looking for so she put me in a changing room, took my measurements and proceeded to bring clothes in to me. It took a few tries but she helped me to see "me" in a new light. Size 10 bottom and medium tops to be precise.
Yeah, the mentality is still there to an extent....but it's getting a little fainter every day. Especially when I put on the skinny jeggins and go out in public :bigsmile:0 -
Sadly I know this all too well. I had lost 50lbs the healthy way 10 years ago and was at my goal weight. I got complimented on and hit on constantly. I really didn't know how to handle it as I still saw myself as 50lbs heavier. Like everyone else said I was still buying stuff too big and just never accepting of myself. Maybe because I was younger and so less confident in myself. Here I am now, ten yrs later and had put on 90#. I lost 20 since I've been on mfp a year ago. I'm just focusing on being nicer to me and way less harder on me. Accept the compliments! Congrats on the loss!0
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Body image is probably more flexible if you haven't carried extra weight for a long time. I was a chubby girl, an obese teen, and a slim 20- and 30-something. I was slim for over 10 years, but I never really adjusted to it. Sometimes, I would look in the mirror, and not recognize myself.
One thing that saddened me was the way I internalized the societal hatred for my size. When I was slim, I continued to have contempt for my old self, and I wasn't very kind to people at higher weights than me. Not very understand of me, particularly because I knew the struggle so well.
I've tried to work on that over the years, so that my 'inner fat girl' doesn't feel abandoned or rejected. I also try not to see people of size on a hierarchy of better or less than me at the moment. Afterall, my 'inner fat girl' has been known to overeat due to stress. So why do that to her?0 -
Oh man. I am SO there!! I just found this site today: www.mybodygallery.com. You can input your height, weight, size, shape and it gives you random images of women your size. I must admit, I was shocked. The girls my size are HOT! I had to look FORTY lbs heavier than I am to find girls who looked like how I think I look.
I just checked out mybodygallery.com - what an amazing idea. Thanks for sharing the link - it really does put things into perspective!0 -
My inner fat-girl keeps taking me over to the plus size section of every store I go to. I went shopping Friday....actually My DH ordered me to go! Right away, there I go...trotting to the large size area.
A wonderful sales girl asked me if I needed help finding something for a friend. When I told her I was shopping for me she told me quite promptly I was in the wrong section of the store. I told her I really, REALLY needed help. I told her what I was looking for so she put me in a changing room, took my measurements and proceeded to bring clothes in to me. It took a few tries but she helped me to see "me" in a new light. Size 10 bottom and medium tops to be precise.
Yeah, the mentality is still there to an extent....but it's getting a little fainter every day. Especially when I put on the skinny jeggins and go out in public :bigsmile:
Thanks for the encouragement to rest of us. I have to admit, I am a little nervous about the day I don't fit in the Lane Bryant 14/16's. I don't know that I remember to how to shop for "skinny girl" professional clothes.0 -
I know exactly what you are talking about. It takes a while for the brain to adjust apparently. When I was 336 pounds at my heaviest, I would look in the mirror and think "I don't look that big". Now I weigh 172 pounds and all I see in the mirror is every little bit of flab and think I need to lose "___" many more pounds. It is weird.
That's me!! lol The numbers are different but the thought process the same!
I was amazed when I saw how far I had come when I compared a pic from August to now - What was I looking at in August cos I certainly didn't see 'her' staring back at me! I went to buy a tankini last week and tried on a 12 hoping it would fit me after considering picking up the 14 instead of my usual 16, it was a little big but I believed I had no business trying on a 10. Thankfully my husband convinced me to try it, it fitted and I bought it!!
It seems we do a number on ourselves mentally, guess that part of the journey will be longer than the weight loss part!! The best part is to realize you have the fat mentality you have to have lost weight and that is something we can all be proud of!
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Hi - I have lost just over 20lbs and am now considered to be within the healthy weight category and I know exactly what you mean. I used to wear UK16 (US12) and now am having to buy UK12 (US8) and my brain is still partly stuck in fat mode! One of the things I have found that helps is I went through my wardrobe and tryed all my clothes on and got my husband to say whether he thought they fitted, were too big or too small. Everything that he said was too big went into a suitcase. All the things he said looked good were UK 12's (US 8). I know now that I can buy UK12 (US8) and not worry they fit for the first time in 19 years!.
My aim for 2012 is to embrace being this size (and refill my wardrobe) and to make sure I am no bigger and hopefully a bit smaller this time next year!0 -
My inner fat-girl keeps taking me over to the plus size section of every store I go to. I went shopping Friday....actually My DH ordered me to go! Right away, there I go...trotting to the large size area.
A wonderful sales girl asked me if I needed help finding something for a friend. When I told her I was shopping for me she told me quite promptly I was in the wrong section of the store. I told her I really, REALLY needed help. I told her what I was looking for so she put me in a changing room, took my measurements and proceeded to bring clothes in to me. It took a few tries but she helped me to see "me" in a new light. Size 10 bottom and medium tops to be precise.
Yeah, the mentality is still there to an extent....but it's getting a little fainter every day. Especially when I put on the skinny jeggins and go out in public :bigsmile:
Thanks for the encouragement to rest of us. I have to admit, I am a little nervous about the day I don't fit in the Lane Bryant 14/16's. I don't know that I remember to how to shop for "skinny girl" professional clothes.
This will be new territory for me, too. I read www.WardrobeOxygen.com a lot. Allie, who writes this blog, is mostly size 10/12 and I like her style.0 -
I totally know what you're talking about!!
I have been wearing pants like 2-3 sizes bigger than I should be and keep thinking that there's no way I can fit into medium tops or normal sized (rather than plus sized) pants! I still get emails from Torrid and Lane Bryant and I'm like... oh wait, I don't need to shop there anymore!
I have lost many inches and increased my muscle tone, but all I see is my arms being jiggly (though I do have a bit of a developed bicep now).
To combat this, I take measurements and compare to old measurements, try on my largest old pair of pants (size 22!), look at old pictures (next to new pictures), and just focus on how much more fit I feel, how much further I can run and how much stronger I am!0
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