PRETENDING TO NOT LOVE SOMEONE WHEN YOU DO?

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farfalledibaciodinotte
farfalledibaciodinotte Posts: 181 Member
in Chit-Chat
Ok, so.... my ex and I have recently started communicating a little in the last week. When our relationship ended it was kind of a FLASH BANG BOOM kind of breakup... no closure, I left.. just to step out of the situation, and look and see what went wrong. we both had some pretty big things to work on, in the breakup and now the months that have followed, we still care very much for eachother, but it's kind of a "let's start as friends again, and see where or if it leads anywhere" my only problem is I never stopped loving him, and I'm confused as to how I'm supposed to play it off as I'm not "interested in him" or that I am not in love with him.

am I nuts for even agreeing to this? Or should I just move on ? I don't think I can handle this pretending game. Seeing him be single and talking to other girls would kill me.. even though he's said he's just focusing on himself and since we were both hurt pretty bad when someone committed fraud and extortion against us...


how do I approach this?
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Replies

  • Cooriander
    Cooriander Posts: 2,848 Member
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    I am a proponent of open communication, so I think you should ask him and tell him. However, I am also a person who don't really have any firm emotional boundaries, when sometimes I probably should have.
  • PepeGreggerton
    PepeGreggerton Posts: 986 Member
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    I personally wear my heart on my sleeve always. I'd rather have regret for telling someone I care about them, than to always second guess myself.
  • sandiki
    sandiki Posts: 454
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    Always be truthful to your feelings.. as tomorrow my be too late.
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    Just because you love someone doesn't mean you need to be in a relationship with that person. There were obviously issues before since you broke up; if those things haven't been resolved, then jumping back into a relationship is only going to make things worse.

    That being said, if you know you can't be "just friends" because of your feelings for him, don't tell him that you can. That's a lie, and that's not how you want to begin the process of fixing whatever went wrong between the two of you. Be honest about how you feel, and let him decide how he wants to handle it.
  • farfalledibaciodinotte
    farfalledibaciodinotte Posts: 181 Member
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    see that's my reasoning completely. I can't stand the fact that you know.. tomorrow is not guaranteed, and not knowing if he knows I love him.. or if he even cares. like I don't want to come off as desperate, but like.. I really am.. I mean when you know you love someone and it's not just an infatuation... it's hard to think of your life without that person.
  • onefitdiva
    onefitdiva Posts: 331 Member
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    Man, I would love to know too. I am in no position to give any advice tho that's for sure, I'm not sure if I am staying thinking a great love lost still may have pilot life waiting to be sparked or out of some deep seated commitment to loyalty or just the fear of the unknown. At least you had the sense to stand back and evaluate. Good luck.
  • PepeGreggerton
    PepeGreggerton Posts: 986 Member
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    see that's my reasoning completely. I can't stand the fact that you know.. tomorrow is not guaranteed, and not knowing if he knows I love him.. or if he even cares. like I don't want to come off as desperate, but like.. I really am.. I mean when you know you love someone and it's not just an infatuation... it's hard to think of your life without that person.

    Yes you risk heartache putting yourself out there, but if you really love someone what choice do you have?
  • farfalledibaciodinotte
    farfalledibaciodinotte Posts: 181 Member
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    LOL my gut is saying he's the love of my life.. and that we're supposed to be together.. We've talked about it.. and being that now since the breakup we now live in two separate states..makes things pretty tough..
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,793 Member
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    You're only 22. Move on.

    We always learn from these types of situations, but we rarely seem to apply the lessons until the next relationship.
  • CountryBoy65
    CountryBoy65 Posts: 908 Member
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    Maybe, just maybe, could you both feel the same way and be afraid to admit it?

    We broke up, yeah it's tough,
    most guys would've been crushed
    Wastin' their time wonderin' where they went wrong
    No way, not me hey I'm doin' just fine I'm not afraid of movin' on,
    it's Easy...goin' out on Friday nights
    Easy...every time I see her out I can smile,
    live it up the way a single guy does
    But what she, what she don't know
    Is how hard it is to make it look so Easy

    The truth is I miss lyin' in those arms of his
    But I don't ever let it show
    I laugh and I act like I'm havin' the time of my life
    As far as he knows,
    it's Easy...goin' out on a Friday night
    Easy...every time I see him out I can smile,
    live it up the way a single girl does
    But what he, what he don't know
    Is how hard it is to make it look so Easy

    Oh it's easy Oh it's easy...goin' out on a Friday night
    Oh it's easy...every time I see him out I can smile
    Live it up Forget about the way it was
    But what she, Oh but what he don't know
    What she don't know Is how hard it is to make it look so...easy Looks so easy

    (thanks to Rascal Flatts...wish I could take credit, but...ya know... )
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,370 Member
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    Do you see him as returning your feelings or are you a plan B for him?
    My guess is the latter but of course no way I can know for sure.

    If that is the case and you know it deep down then as much as it may be painful today,walk away.
    There is no point in devoting your heart and life to a man that sees you only as a fall back for companionship or perhaps physical intimacy.
  • morganhccstudent724
    morganhccstudent724 Posts: 1,261 Member
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    You're only 22. Move on.

    We always learn from these types of situations, but we rarely seem to apply the lessons until the next relationship.


    ^^This...
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    You're only 22. Move on.

    We always learn from these types of situations, but we rarely seem to apply the lessons until the next relationship.


    ^^This...

    Or, maybe you need for him to truly break your heart. I needed to try something again only to realize... "WTF was I thinking loving him in the first place?"

    And, as TankGirl recently introduced me, I shall introduce you to this song:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6b4BU8N9mo&ob=av2n

    (the uncensored version has more "win")
  • CaptainGordo
    CaptainGordo Posts: 4,437 Member
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    You can do it!
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    You can do it!

    You should really think about being a motivational speaker - and be sure to hand out flowers.
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
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    Move on. Loving someone doesn't mean you're in love, and you can love someone very much who is the absolute wrong person for you. Both of you have things to work on ... so keep working on those things, get yourself right inside, and then seek out a partner that makes you truly happy.
  • Begood03
    Begood03 Posts: 1,261 Member
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    You can do it!

    You should really think about being a motivational speaker - and be sure to hand out flowers.
    LMFAO
  • ttrevorr
    ttrevorr Posts: 4
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    I personally wear my heart on my sleeve always. I'd rather have regret for telling someone I care about them, than to always second guess myself.

    I do the same thing
  • Prozack1964
    Prozack1964 Posts: 318
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    the biggest thing is dont pretend thats being fake or same as lying it will make it worst just be honest and really talk to each other from the heart
  • CakeFit21
    CakeFit21 Posts: 2,521 Member
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    Move on. Loving someone doesn't mean you're in love, and you can love someone very much who is the absolute wrong person for you. Both of you have things to work on ... so keep working on those things, get yourself right inside, and then seek out a partner that makes you truly happy.

    I agree. Also, loving someone also doesn't mean you are meant to be together forever. He's the love of your life right NOW. Think about what you NEED and not what you WANT. This is a very important distinction. Another important distinction is the difference between happiness and pleasure. Happiness isn't what makes you FEEL good, it's what is good for you.

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