Relationship Advice (winey)
Okay before we even get started, no I am not asking for a ring I am just wanting to know the man I am giving my time to wants to marry me somewhere down the line. Every time I bring it up which I do not any more due to him going through a very hard time and not wanting to stress him out. I figure if you want to be with someone and you love them, no matter the situation you should just know in a way if you have been with them for a long time and are sure of what you want. I have been committed to him for a good year and he still is not sure about the idea of marriage with me... Again, all I want to know is if he can see me in his future. I am not asking for a ring or that commitment at all.
Another thing adding on to the problem is a big thing with his job, he quit his other one and was hired on at another one but something fell threw and now he is trying to find another one. He has the time to find one where I am but I believe he has his heart set on moving back to Texas for... I don't know how long (I am in Edmond Oklahoma) I would not move for a guy unless I have a ring on my finger, I also signed a year lease and have a really good job where I am. He wants to continue dating and the last thing I want to do is break up but he is moving away by choice, not because he has to. I have no idea what to feel to be honest, because I have been fighting him moving for so long. If I had to I would move away from the one I love but only because I have to, (school, job, military, family problems) I would fight to stay with the one I love.... I have no idea if this relationship is worth fighting for anymore. I love him so much but his choices are making me doubt his love for me... I sound like a wine bag but I really just need advice...
Another thing adding on to the problem is a big thing with his job, he quit his other one and was hired on at another one but something fell threw and now he is trying to find another one. He has the time to find one where I am but I believe he has his heart set on moving back to Texas for... I don't know how long (I am in Edmond Oklahoma) I would not move for a guy unless I have a ring on my finger, I also signed a year lease and have a really good job where I am. He wants to continue dating and the last thing I want to do is break up but he is moving away by choice, not because he has to. I have no idea what to feel to be honest, because I have been fighting him moving for so long. If I had to I would move away from the one I love but only because I have to, (school, job, military, family problems) I would fight to stay with the one I love.... I have no idea if this relationship is worth fighting for anymore. I love him so much but his choices are making me doubt his love for me... I sound like a wine bag but I really just need advice...
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Replies
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Well, has he asked if you would move to Texas with him? If not, he may be using it as an excuse to go your different ways. Trust me, if he wants to be with you, he will let you know, you don't have to pull him aside and ask where it is going. Especially, since you've stated in the past (from what I understand in your post) that you will not move without a commitment.0
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He's just not that into you0
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First off a year is nothing as far as time goes,believe me on that.
Second,and not trying to sound sarcastic or snarky but read your own words about his reaction to marriage talk,his desire to move away,an unsettled employment picture.
If you are honest with yourself you will see the answers you seek,that is part of growing through life.
Will you accept it?... that is also a part of growing through life.0 -
doesn't want to marry you
not looking to replace the lost job
wants to move out of state
The facts all add up to the same conclusion. He isn't going to marry you.0 -
He's just not that into you
This!! I LOVE this book so so so much. I wish women would stop snubbing it.
If he wanted to marry you, he would have at least mentioned the possibility by now.0 -
I second what Carl said. And I know year can feel like forever when you're with someone but the first year is usually the easiest. This last year my bf and i have been together was our 2nd year together and it was insanely harder than the first year but we pushed through and it has made up stronger. I know it's hard to think about and hear but from the sounds of it he's not as committed to the relationship as you are. Sit down and talk to him about it.0
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He's just not that into you
This!! I LOVE this book so so so much. I wish women would stop snubbing it.
If he wanted to marry you, he would have at least mentioned the possibility by now.
Not nesicarily. My bf gave me a "promise" ring after a year and a half but nothing of marriage was even talked about until recently and we've been together almost 3 years now0 -
He's just not that into you
This!! I LOVE this book so so so much. I wish women would stop snubbing it.
If he wanted to marry you, he would have at least mentioned the possibility by now.
AMEN (and if you haven't read the book, you need to)
PS. it has nothing to do with movie0 -
I love that book! I just wish I would have paid attention more while reading it! :laugh:
My advice, listen to your heart. You sound like you already know what direction this is headed....0 -
Sounds like he's jealous of you.0
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Quick!!! Someone get me a pic of a dead horse face desk-ing!!!!0
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*leaves thread, disappointed*
*continues beautiful relationship with wine*0 -
It's not him, it's you.0
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I have to agree. If he hasn't asked you to move to Texas with him, then you already have your answer. If he can't decide after a year together, then the answer is probably no.He's just not that into you
Otherwise, move on, and find someone who wants to be with you (or be happy being independent for a while).
Besides that..you're 21? What's the hurry to get married?0 -
Sorry.
I agree. He's just not that into you.
If he was, he wouldn't be doing what he's doing.0 -
Well, has he asked if you would move to Texas with him? If not, he may be using it as an excuse to go your different ways. Trust me, if he wants to be with you, he will let you know, you don't have to pull him aside and ask where it is going. Especially, since you've stated in the past (from what I understand in your post) that you will not move without a commitment.
Well said... I'm sorry to say it, but if he's not asking you to go with him, then this may be his way of trying to leave the relationship. I totally understand you refusing to move without a ring (I did the same thing with my now husband) and I think that's a wise choice. Unfortunately, if he avoids all talk of a future together and he's willing to move and leave you behind, then I doubt he's as committed to the relationship as you are and you deserve better than that.
(((HUGS)))0 -
^ What Carl said.First off a year is nothing as far as time goes,believe me on that.
Second,and not trying to sound sarcastic or snarky but read your own words about his reaction to marriage talk,his desire to move away,an unsettled employment picture.
If you are honest with yourself you will see the answers you seek,that is part of growing through life.
Will you accept it?... that is also a part of growing through life.0 -
Are you shacking up together now? If it doesn't work out, can you move in with your mother or something?0
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Okay before we even get started, no I am not asking for a ring I am just wanting to know the man I am giving my time to wants to marry me somewhere down the line. Every time I bring it up which I do not any more due to him going through a very hard time and not wanting to stress him out. I figure if you want to be with someone and you love them, no matter the situation you should just know in a way if you have been with them for a long time and are sure of what you want. I have been committed to him for a good year and he still is not sure about the idea of marriage with me... Again, all I want to know is if he can see me in his future. I am not asking for a ring or that commitment at all.
Another thing adding on to the problem is a big thing with his job, he quit his other one and was hired on at another one but something fell threw and now he is trying to find another one. He has the time to find one where I am but I believe he has his heart set on moving back to Texas for... I don't know how long (I am in Edmond Oklahoma) I would not move for a guy unless I have a ring on my finger, I also signed a year lease and have a really good job where I am. He wants to continue dating and the last thing I want to do is break up but he is moving away by choice, not because he has to. I have no idea what to feel to be honest, because I have been fighting him moving for so long. If I had to I would move away from the one I love but only because I have to, (school, job, military, family problems) I would fight to stay with the one I love.... I have no idea if this relationship is worth fighting for anymore. I love him so much but his choices are making me doubt his love for me... I sound like a wine bag but I really just need advice...
I believe that you know the answer to this but you just need confirmation of it.
You know exactly what you want and he doesn't. If he can't say, for certain, that he wants you to be in his life in the future, then it might be time for you to move on and find someone with similar goals. You said that he is moving by choice and he still wants to date.
PS: When/if he leaves for Texas, it will hurt like he**, but stay strong and focused because you will have the man in your life who is exactly right for you. Who knows, it may even be him.0 -
I wouldn't get too bent outta shape over the lack the bling after only a year. That is not the end of the world. If you love him, as much as you say you do, you have to ask yourself, are you better off with him .. or without him. Now, having said that .. after a year it is not unreasonable to have the disccusion about how his future plans compare with yours.
You are grown adults, and it's not unrealistic to want to know if you are looking in the same direction. He may be dragging his feet because he's old fashioned and is waiting for the right time .. Then again, he may just be dragging his feet because he's comfortable the way things are. You may have to ask him for some time when you can actually just discuss it ...no harm in asking.0 -
You know him better than we do. You are answering your own question, you just want us to confirm it. Sounds like you are holding on to something thats not there. Of course I'm not the love doctor or a bartender, so take my advise with a grain a salt. Reply to your own post as if you were someone else on MFP and you will have your answer. Ketut has spoken now go to Bali and have a love affair. LMAO0
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I judge all dating standards by my first date with my now husband, he asked to visit me & turned up with a load of 2 by 4, a bag of nails & built me a kitchen, now that's how you show interest .Alright, it looked like crap & was wonky but you can't knock him interest. SO ask yourself, has your man ever built you anything with his bare hands? If not dump his *kitten* cause he's not that into you.0
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Have you tried doing any compatibility tests, like the ones they have in some magazines, where you answer the questions and add up your scores to see if you're compatible?0
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Have you tried doing any compatibility tests, like the ones they have in some magazines, where you answer the questions and add up your scores to see if you're compatible?
I heard those are 118% accurate!0 -
Have you tried doing any compatibility tests, like the ones they have in some magazines, where you answer the questions and add up your scores to see if you're compatible?
good idea, I find these are the best way to judge relationships. that or a magic 8 ball maybe?0 -
Have you tried doing any compatibility tests, like the ones they have in some magazines, where you answer the questions and add up your scores to see if you're compatible?
good idea, I find these are the best way to judge relationships. that or a magic 8 ball maybe?
You are all wrong. You need to go by your personal Mayan prophecy.0 -
Honestly, if you're not okay with the situation, or comfortable about waiting another 6 months to a year to see what happens, you need to move on. One year is not long enough to know if you want to marry someone for most people. Especially if you haven't lived together. Heck, I didn't really get out of the honeymoon phase until about a year and a half.
It's stressful knowing the other person wants something from you that you might be ready for in the future, but not right now. My best friend pretty much caused the end of her relationship by pressuring her boyfriend all the time about it. Either tell him that you're willing to drop it for 6 months or a year, and discuss it then, or leave. The fact that he's not willing to talk about it means you either try to bring it up waaay to often, or he's not interested. I knew that I loved my now fiance a lot, but I just wasn't ready for anything more permanent until recently (after 5 years of dating).0 -
Listen to Ketut....Moofey you don't need a man, you need a champion.0
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You are 21.... dating only a year and trying to talk marriage.....
8 ball says: outlook not so good0
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