Jokes

Options
CountryBoy65
CountryBoy65 Posts: 908 Member
in Chit-Chat
So this english guy walks into a pub. The bartender says, hello old chap, it looks like you have a steering wheel in your pants....

The guy responds, "Yeah, I know...its driving me nuts!"

Replies

  • Hungry_Tuna
    Hungry_Tuna Posts: 361 Member
    Options
    *blinks*

    :) goooood one. hahah
  • avalonms
    avalonms Posts: 2,468 Member
    Options
    A priest, a rabbi and a Presbyterian minister walk into a bar. The bartender takes one look at them and says, "Wait, don't tell me. I've heard this one."
  • CountryBoy65
    CountryBoy65 Posts: 908 Member
    Options
    A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas, and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, “I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.” The rancher said, “Okay , but don’t go in that field over there…”, as he pointed out the location.

    The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, ” Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me !” Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. “See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish…. On any land !! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear??……do you understand ?!!”

    The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.

    A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher’s big Santa Gertrudis bull……

    With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he’d sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs…..

    “Your badge, show him your BADGE…….. ! !”
  • the_journeyman
    the_journeyman Posts: 1,877 Member
    Options
    Love it!!!

    JM
  • Christinemary6
    Christinemary6 Posts: 60 Member
    Options
    A Higgs bosun went into a church but a priest refused to let it in. The particle says "But without me, how can you have mass?"
  • CountryBoy65
    CountryBoy65 Posts: 908 Member
    Options
    This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?”

    The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight....”

Categories