Is there any good way to say this?

I had similar concerns. Please take a look at the advice I received.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/301791-help-or-not-to-help

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/303899-help-and-encouragement-or-unwanted-advice-and-implied-judgme

Unfortunatly no.

It varies from person to person, some people are simply unaware they have a problem and will appreciate the honesty whereas some people may be perfectly happy or insecure and will react badly.

I think if you are diplomatic and express it as genuine concern and not criticism, you might be OK. However the person should legitimately be to a point where his/her health is at stake. If you bring it up because of a bit of a beer gut or muffin top, he/she might get offended.

I don't know. I do know however, that I, personally, would have appreciated someone saying something to me years ago that I was getting a bit...pudgy. I don't live with anyone, so no one is 'used' to me and can't see that I was slowly expanding over the years. YMMV

I think it depends on the friend. Do they know they're overweight (or underweight if that's the issue). All my life I have known I needed to lose weight so when friends/family mentioned to me that maybe I'd gained a few pounds, I didn't take it as an insult. But if your friend is really sensitive, she might. It's kind of a double standard though, I think. Because slim people will complain about gaining five or ten pounds to everyone they can fishing for a compliment. So I think it's up to you as you know your friend best

I'm curious. Is there any good way to approach a friend and tell them that you're concerned about their health and weight?

Yes. You introduce them to someone who can give a professional opinion.


A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

It depends on how close you are with the friend. Only the very closest of my friends would I tell them, honestly, sincerely, kindly. What's more, I'd want to be able to remind them of reasons THEY'VE ALREADY EXPRESSED about wanting to lose weight--for example, have you heard your friend say, "I'm just tired of being overweight," "I want to be able to play with my kids more"? And, as their friend, you'd better be ready to offer a solution--commit to yourself to at least be there to give them an encouraging word, or even exercise with them. For the most part, my advice is this: tell them, only when they want to be told--they've expressed their dissatisfaction, they've expressed reasons why they want to be more healthy (strong, positive reasons--as opposed to negative ones like "I want to make my ex jealous"), and they've expressed all of this TO YOU directly. At that point, all you're doing is being the nudge they've been ASKING you to be. But without all of that, the answer is: no, it's none of your concern. And honestly, if being around someone who is living such an unhealthy lifestyle that it sets you on edge, but you don't have the relationship with them you need to offer your help, then there is nothing wrong with making a healthy choice FOR YOU and backing off from people whose lifestyle makes you uneasy or sad. You do not and should not have to be someone's savior. Good luck!

I say start the conversation somewhere along the lines of "I want to talk to you about something and I'm not sure if you'll agree/be thankful i was honest/get mad/etc but I just want you to know that I'm only bringing this up because I care and I hope you will not be offended. If you are offended then I am sorry but I want you to know that no matter how you respond I will be here to as your friend" or something like that. Basically, warn them ahead of the convo that you are not saying what you are saying to hurt their feelings but in the hopes that it will extend your friendship into the MANY years ahead.

I think the answer is: maybe.

It depends on your friendship with the person. Are they your best friend, or someone you're otherwise very close to? That's the kind of person who will take your words to heart and take them as you mean them, and understand that they come out of care and concern and not malice.

If it's not someone you're especially close to, I wouldn't say anything. You don't have that level of trust to be able to say something like that and not otherwise damage the relationship.

I'm curious. Is there any good way to approach a friend and tell them that you're concerned about their health and weight?

I think it depends on the relationship. I've had friends that I know would never take it well not matter how tactfully it was said. Usually I just bring up the subject of weight and health in reference to myself. If they don't expand the conversation to include their weight, then I take that as a sign that they don't want to talk about it.

I'm curious. Is there any good way to approach a friend and tell them that you're concerned about their health and weight?

Nope..

Its up to the individual person to come to terms with their own health situations...Im pretty confident that whomever you are referring is already aware, but only they can get the reality check activated....

Ive got a friend right now who is about 200lbs overweight... and they damn well know they are also. Its NOT my place to tell them they should take this seriously.

That is a job best left up to their DOCTORS...

I had to say something to my husband - we are both overweight, but luckily I havn't got any major health problems. I had to point out that I understood that he was unhappy with his size but I was worried that the weight plus health problems meant that whilst I was trying to improve my health and life, I was really scared that the way he was going it would mean me spending a healthy life on my own.

It was really difficult to tell him, and I do love him no matter what size he is, but I knew I had to say it. In saying that this is me telling the person I have been with for 24 years and there has never been anything we couldn't talk about. So I guess it depends on who it is? The weight was a big factor, but it was because of the knock on effect of his health problems which were shortening his life expectancy. If my husband had the same concerns I would expect him to say to me.

In saying that I take exception to anyone else telling me I need to lose weight, it's noone elses business.

I don't believe so. My belief is to lead by example, and hope people in that situation notice, and might possibly want to follow your lead.

Jeez with guys its so much easier...

guy #1. dood your fat.

guy #2. Ya?

next topic.