I lost a lot of motivation and confidence..

Pengygirl24
Pengygirl24 Posts: 34
edited October 7 in Motivation and Support
So, I thought I looked good, so I wore a skirt I haven't been able to wear for years, and a really cute top (a little low cut) but I thought it looked cute. So, I took a picture and put it on FB.. and one of the people I thought was a friend said (and I quote) "I hate to say it sweety, but you are too fat to be wearing things like that. It just makes you look like a fat *kitten* that wants to be a stripper." What am I supposed to say to that?
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Replies

  • rockerbabyy
    rockerbabyy Posts: 2,258 Member
    wow...
    i would say something about how hard youve worked to improve your health and lose weight...explain how you havent been able to wear the skirt for years etc. and how hurt you are at their reaction. and tell them if thats the most support they can give you, maybe you shouldnt be friends any more.

    even if she (he?) doesnt think it looks good, they could have said it a whole lot nicer and in a more supportive way
  • Labcoathipster
    Labcoathipster Posts: 171
    Unfriend.
  • jofromnz
    jofromnz Posts: 82 Member
    Reminds me of an old saying: 'With friends like that, who needs enemies!' This person is not a friend - I say delete the comment and un-friend - that comment is pure nasty!!
  • SmujnZ
    SmujnZ Posts: 47 Member
    wow honesty is one thing, but there are ways and means of being tactful CRIKEY. Totally uncalled for - if its someone you want to keep as a friend you need to confront them though and say how it hurt you.
  • ElementalEscapee
    ElementalEscapee Posts: 552 Member
    Woooow what a *****. Well, personally I would say something along the lines of how I may be fat, but you're ugly, and I can diet, orrr look who's talking, orrrr I hate to say it sweety, but you are too nice to be saying things like that. It just makes you sound like a total ***** *kitten* **** that wants to be the star on Jersey Shore (lmao I don't even watch that show, but I heard the cast consists of *kitten*)." But then again I can be rude and immature when people are rude and immature to me haha so you probably shouldn't use any of those XD

    Unfriending her would be the simplest solution I suppose.
  • Blessedmommy_2x
    Blessedmommy_2x Posts: 419 Member
    That is NOT a friend. If she was concerned about your weight she could've mentioned it privately. But a statement like that is not only the opposite of what a friend would say but totally uncalled for and disrespectful! You are are beautiful at any weight, if she didn't like the picture she didn't have to look at it. Keep your head up and don't let anyone steal your joy!

    I say, unfriend, and delete her comment.

    * I would consider myself a VERY honest straight forward person... but I am also a Christian. And I would never in a million years put something so hateful/heartless on a "friends" picture. Its not her place to say something like that... how is that even helpful? I've heard of constructive criticism but that was NOT it! That was embarrassing and slandering a friend in public! So Sorry!
  • JaneDoughSanAntonio
    JaneDoughSanAntonio Posts: 65 Member
    Unfriend.

    This.
  • megscole64
    megscole64 Posts: 4
    Friend? Really? Ouch. I consider myself a pretty blunt and sometimes less than sensitive person...but I'd NEVER say that to a friend. Or anything even close to that. Not cool.
  • PennyNickel14
    PennyNickel14 Posts: 749 Member
    Unfriend and who would say something like that. I mean Really?!?!?

    When someone makes a mean comment 90% of the time it is about them and not about you. Pity the girl who feels the need to say stuff like that.
  • changinmyways72
    changinmyways72 Posts: 73
    Before you unfriend her, I would make a comment back about your hard work and how far you've come. I'd also make a comment about being tactful instead of downright insulting, make her feel stupid for being really rude. Then unfriend her!

    I think you look great!
  • Hikaru37
    Hikaru37 Posts: 177 Member
    Tell her to f.u.c.k off the nasty cow, block and delete her a.s.s and please don't dwell on her words D:

    You've done really well and if you let a jealous toad like her affect you, she'll have won!
    Keep being determined and from what I can see off your DP you're not even fat!! You have a gorgeous figure!!


    Ohmagawwwwwwd I'm so angry for you right now, I want to batter her
  • gabadabadoo
    gabadabadoo Posts: 49
    Unfriend.

    Agree strenuously. Don't bother to reply - they're not worth it.
  • MaximalLife
    MaximalLife Posts: 2,447 Member
    So, I thought I looked good, so I wore a skirt I haven't been able to wear for years, and a really cute top (a little low cut) but I thought it looked cute. So, I took a picture and put it on FB.. and one of the people I thought was a friend said (and I quote) "I hate to say it sweety, but you are too fat to be wearing things like that. It just makes you look like a fat *kitten* that wants to be a stripper." What am I supposed to say to that?
    You thank them for being honest.
    Too often we delude ourselves, so you are NOT alone. It about perspective.
    When I lost 40lbs from 262 down to 220, I went from a 46 inch pants size down to size 40. I thought I looked GREAT!

    On our vacation, I was at a beach in swimsuit, and pictures were taken.
    Pictures don't lie, and although improved, I still was fat and hanging out - looked like a walrus.

    Now, I am down an additional 30 lbs or so, and things are really looking good, but we are not there yet.
    Just keep it real, be glad for your progress and keep punching ahead.

    You are doing great.
  • MaximalLife
    MaximalLife Posts: 2,447 Member
    wow...
    i would say something about how hard youve worked to improve your health and lose weight...explain how you havent been able to wear the skirt for years etc. and how hurt you are at their reaction. and tell them if thats the most support they can give you, maybe you shouldnt be friends any more.

    even if she (he?) doesnt think it looks good, they could have said it a whole lot nicer and in a more supportive way
    NO!
    Not THIS ^^^^^^

    The last thing you want to do is to start sniveling and crying as you explain it all to those who just don't want to hear it.
    They don't care.

    Delete the comment, unfriend that person and move on.
    Also, remove the pic; that person was probably saying what most were thinking.
  • Galletakek
    Galletakek Posts: 285
    rofl.. wow someones friend sounds a lil jelly! don't delete her or be mean.. kill her with kindness blow her a kiss :D and keep posting all the cute pics you want hun! you look amazing .!
  • ljb82
    ljb82 Posts: 72 Member
    Unfriend.

    Ditto!
  • Bevbu
    Bevbu Posts: 4 Member
    Nasty nasty nasty !!!!!
  • Aereon
    Aereon Posts: 27 Member
    You look fine and should wear whatever you want. Someone like that is just trying to make them self feel better by bringing you down.
  • threecolouredy
    threecolouredy Posts: 10
    Delete them as friends! They are no use to you when you most need encouragement
  • Jessie544
    Jessie544 Posts: 127 Member
    As with the previous replies, UNFRIEND! Just from that comment shows enough of her true self to show there's no reason to be friends with someone that poisonous.
  • jhardenbergh
    jhardenbergh Posts: 1,035 Member
    I would handle it with the following words, " Oh my God, Thank You so Much that was the look I was going for, oh yeah, by the way, You're a C U Next Tuesday" Oh and I would also say, I can always lose weight, but unfortunately for you, you're always gonna be an *kitten*. My favorite thing to say to people I don't know that may have pissed me off in public is this. Start, clapping as loud as you can, and then tell them Congratulations, you just won the biggest *kitten* of the day reward, keep acting the way you act and you are a sure winner for the *kitten* of the year award.
  • Mandalola
    Mandalola Posts: 20
    She's done you a favour by showing her true colours. Don't get into a debate with her. Treat her comments like *kitten* on your shoe - wipe it off and carry on walking. Avoid her if possible and if you can't make sure you use your emotional trash can for comments like that. They will come and go from all sorts of people for the rest of your life - even when you are thin - so don't take them onboard. Wipe if off and carry on. You're doing great. Stay strong.
  • shelmac
    shelmac Posts: 82 Member
    Real friends would tell you nicely if things can be improved on, that is down right nasty, as the other have said Unfriend xx
  • scoyne999
    scoyne999 Posts: 59 Member
    Wow. What an awful person to say that to you. Mean, jealous and downright nasty.

    Unfriend this person immediatly and email them (don't start a FB war) saying you were very hurt and s/he should be ashamed for the comment.

    Don't think twice - unfriend and stay away from this toxic person!
  • AnnaPixie
    AnnaPixie Posts: 7,439 Member
    Tell her to f.u.c.k off the nasty cow, block and delete her a.s.s and please don't dwell on her words D:

    You've done really well and if you let a jealous toad like her affect you, she'll have won!
    Keep being determined and from what I can see off your DP you're not even fat!! You have a gorgeous figure!!


    Ohmagawwwwwwd I'm so angry for you right now, I want to batter her

    ^^This!^^ Some people just dont deserve air time, let alone friendship! Forget her and move on!

    Good luck :flowerforyou:
  • LisaC1026
    LisaC1026 Posts: 1,203 Member
    Hopefully you have deleted the mean, hateful comment. You need to confront this "friend" and let them know that they are totally out of line and tell them how hard you've worked to get to where you are. If they really feel that it makes them feel better to put you down then they need to look else where because you're not going to put up with it.

    You've done a great job and you know it. Don't let someone else's negativity bring you down. Use their stupidity to rev your confidence back up and prove to yourself that you can continue to lose more weight. You can do this, keep your chin up!!! :flowerforyou:
  • mruntidy
    mruntidy Posts: 1,015 Member
    agree unfriend then give us an address so we can go round and TP the house
  • grannygethealthy1111
    grannygethealthy1111 Posts: 422
    You call this person a friend? Delete her and don't give it another thought.
  • Sloth_Jog
    Sloth_Jog Posts: 76
    give us an address so we can go round and TP the house

    (raises hand) i will be part of this nocturnal TP raid!



    and by the way, ahem, 'Takes one to know one' nyah nyah nyah. Usually the first person to point out who is a stripper *kitten* is usually the person who has the most 'issues' with stripper *kitten*. Go figure.

    :flowerforyou: Keep up your good work and don't let negative people get you down...
  • richfaber
    richfaber Posts: 31 Member
    I am sorry this happened but your motivation and confidence should not come from the opinion of others- good or bad. All that matters is what you believe. Some say you shouldn't publicly proclaim your goal and progress to any and all (MFP is the exception). There are many people who want you to stay as you are or even want to see you fail. They see the success of others as somehow reducing their status. MFP friends are right, negative comments from others reveal that they are not your friends. A real friend loves you however you are- they love the fat you, they love the thin you. Changing your thoughts to ones of health and success will change your body but also your wider circumstances- having a positive affect on others, improved job prospects and gaining new friend and leaving others, like the Facebook "friend", behind if needed.

    Repeat to yourself every day why you are doing this. Mark your progress. People will take notice and will compliment you. Keep going!
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