Am I being overly sensitive or do I have a reason to be mad?

Logansmom2011
Logansmom2011 Posts: 81 Member
edited October 7 in Motivation and Support
I started my weightloss journey August 2011 when my son was 5 months old.I was 250 when I gave birth and 220.6 on the day I finally was fed up with being overweight and started on this long road to a healthy, fit life.Well, along this journey I have posted pics,posts about my workouts,calories burned during a workout and etc on Facebook. I had several other new moms comment on my post asking me how I'm losing weight,what I'm doing and what advice I could give them. I gave them the link to myfitnesspal and told them to add me if they decided to join and I would gladly support them in every way.Well,the ones that I told about MFP have not added me,but I have found out from their posts that they are actually now members of MFP. I posted the other night about burning 722 calories doing circuit training with the Biggest Loser Calorie Knockout DVD.This one particular girl that always asks me workout questions and now has MFP but has never added me asked me what circuit training was.The next night she put a post about burning 780 calories walking on her treadmill.Mind you she has never put a post like that before and I'm like is she trying to compete with me or is it just a coincidence?I decided today since I was seeing so many moms posting about wanting to lose weight and just starting to workout that I would start a group on facebook for us to post pics,share workouts,recipes,advice and etc and added the ones I thought would be interested.I feel like I probably just wasted my time doing this because noone has posted or showed any interest.I don't know if I'm just being juvenile or if I have reason to be irritated or upset.These women never talk to me otherwise unless they see me post something about my weightloss or workouts and then they want to ask questions and want to know what I'm doing.It just seems like I'm good enough to talk to for your own personal gain because you see I'm bettering myself and losing weight,but I'm not good enough to be "real friends" with.I've even suggested that the other SAHM meet once or twice a week to eat lunch and go walking at the park for exercise and if anyone was interested to message me,NOTHING!If ya'll say I'm just being overly sensitive then I guess I am,if not then darn it I'm not being nice anymore and they can just watch me get fit and sexy and figure it all out on their own!
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Replies

  • _GlaDOS_
    _GlaDOS_ Posts: 1,520 Member
    I think you should send these people you know a FR on MFP if you really want their support here. You won't get very far in life always expecting other people to know exactly what you are thinking and what you want from them.
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
    These are people you genuinely like, right?
  • Logansmom2011
    Logansmom2011 Posts: 81 Member
    these are people I just know through someone,or have only meet once or twice,just acquaintances .I would send them a friend request on mfp if I knew their usernames or emails,but to me,it was pretty obvious when I said if you decided to join MFP add me and my username was put for them to find me.I don't want their support,its just,don't keep asking me all this stuff about what I'm doing or whatever,but you don't care to be an MFP or friend in general.
  • _GlaDOS_
    _GlaDOS_ Posts: 1,520 Member
    Ok. So tell them that. "It bothers me a little that you always ask about my food/exercise/whatever, and you haven't requested to be my friend on MFP yet. Would love to be friends there and have the support!". The end. Adult communication - works every time.
  • rosemariegraham
    rosemariegraham Posts: 4
    congrats to you and all of your success so far, but is there a chance that they don't know your user name or email address?
  • lor007
    lor007 Posts: 884 Member
    I think you are probably being overly sensitive.

    If you want to be their MFP friend, message them on facebook asking for their MFP screen names because you would like to send them a FR.
  • Logansmom2011
    Logansmom2011 Posts: 81 Member
    congrats to you and all of your success so far, but is there a chance that they don't know your user name or email address?
    they know,when I posted the link I put my MFP username and them what it was.
  • MyPromise
    MyPromise Posts: 12
    People ask for help and advice yet are not looking for a friend just yet. Maybe they are not ready for friendship or maybe they just need help with nothig expected in return. Helping others is kind but people should not have to become your friend because you helped them. It is hard for people to ask for help sometimes and it is nice that you help them. Let the fact that you are helping people be enough for you and keep helping out of the kindness of your heart not because you expect them to become your friend because you helped them. Help people, boost your self-esteem by knowing that what you do is helping someone else live a longer life. Help to help and that will make you fell rally good about yourself. Be proud of helping someone else, it is truely a wonderful thing you are doing and I'm sure some of their family are glad you are helping. Remember your help my be saving someones life. Please keep helping people fo rnothing in return.
  • lor007
    lor007 Posts: 884 Member
    You never know, they could be sitting at home crying because you haven't added them yet.
  • Logansmom2011
    Logansmom2011 Posts: 81 Member
    to me its like the "friends" you only hear from when they need something,but any other time you don't hear from nor see them for months.Thats the only reason I am the least bit annoyed and mad.
  • Logansmom2011
    Logansmom2011 Posts: 81 Member
    You never know, they could be sitting at home crying because you haven't added them yet.
    yeah I'm sure ^ _ ^
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
    Any reason why you're keeping them as friends on FB?
  • lor007
    lor007 Posts: 884 Member
    to me its like the "friends" you only hear from when they need something,but any other time you don't hear from nor see them for months.Thats the only reason I am the least bit annoyed and mad.

    You said they were basically acquaintances you met through a friend or have only seen once or twice. I think you may expect a bit too much out of your acquaintances.
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
    Yes, you are being overly sensitive. You have a reason to be mad if you wish to be mad.
  • gymshoe42
    gymshoe42 Posts: 97 Member
    I'd say you're being overly sensitive and over analyzing things. Competing with you on calories burned? I don't bust my *kitten* every day at the gym just so I can one up someone on MFP. Who knows why these folks are on MFP but haven't friended you. Why do you actually care? Do you msg them without them msg'ing you first? ... There's so many things to be upset about in this world. .... this (in my opinion) shouldn't be one of them.
  • 2Bgoddess
    2Bgoddess Posts: 1,096 Member
    If i was just starting out, i wouldn't want any real life aquaintences on my mfp friend list. Even after losing 66 pounds, i do not in any way mention it on facebook, because although i think it is a pretty good accomplishment, I am embarrassed that I got to the point where i was.
    I don't want my real life world knowing every detail, what if i fail? -could be their thoughts...they're mine, for sure.
  • cinfinrn
    cinfinrn Posts: 15 Member
    A simple click will "un-friend" them and then you don't have to read or worry about anything they do or do not post/request. It seems it is taking a lot of your time and energy worrying about what "acquaintances" are posting online...energy you can channel into the positives in your life! Congrats on your healthy changes and success!
  • thatsnumberwang
    thatsnumberwang Posts: 398 Member
    They might like the anonymity of MFP. I don't have any IRL friends here, because my eating/dieting/exercise habits feel very personal. If one of my closest friends joined MFP, I probably wouldn't tell them my username, because I like the freedom of being an unknown. Weird? Maybe. But it could be what some of these women are experiencing.
  • kathleen2001
    kathleen2001 Posts: 154
    Maybe they are still too new and don't know how to do that yet???
  • karenwill2
    karenwill2 Posts: 604 Member
    uhhhh... yes they probably do want to be just like you but they probably don't want you, a person they might have to look in the eye, to see their actual weight and bad food habits and other issues.

    It is one thing to make friends on here but to have to actually look someone in the eye after you fell off the wagon or some other thing is a totally different issue. I really don't want to be that personal with people I have told about this site. I tell them why and of course it is all the reasons listed above. I post to facebook if I do something awesome to get some love from those friends.
  • LaGordita87
    LaGordita87 Posts: 161 Member
    Maybe just ask for their names and try to add them, maybe they forget, i know i forget stuff all the time there are always things i "mean" to do but forget and then don't remember until i am somewhere where i can't do it(it's usually phone calls i need to make lol)
  • LittleMissAngi
    LittleMissAngi Posts: 243 Member
    I wouldn't have anyone like that on my FB page. I only keep people I actually talk to and keep in touch with.

    Don't worry about them. You are doing this for you.
  • XXXMinnieXXX
    XXXMinnieXXX Posts: 3,459 Member
    Block them on facebook. They are out for themselves. Its how I would feel x
  • vickijank
    vickijank Posts: 73 Member
    A simple click will "un-friend" them and then you don't have to read or worry about anything they do or do not post/request. It seems it is taking a lot of your time and energy worrying about what "acquaintances" are posting online...energy you can channel into the positives in your life! Congrats on your healthy changes and success!


    Agreed. The only people you need in your life are the ones that need you in theirs. I'd forget about 'em. Defriend them and be done with it because I agree with you, if they wanted to be your friend on MFP they would have friended you. It sounds to me like they just use you for what they need and, if you don't really care about them, stop worrying about them and focus on the great work you've already started!

    There are plenty of people on here to support and motivate you, you don't need to worry about people like that.

    Keep up the great work!
  • JoanWill
    JoanWill Posts: 217
    If i was just starting out, i wouldn't want any real life aquaintences on my mfp friend list. Even after losing 66 pounds, i do not in any way mention it on facebook, because although i think it is a pretty good accomplishment, I am embarrassed that I got to the point where i was.
    I don't want my real life world knowing every detail, what if i fail? -could be their thoughts...they're mine, for sure.

    I am the same. I have one real friend (went to HS with and talk on the phone for hours once in 3 months) on my friends, the rest I met here.

    I like MFP on FB to promote it but has never mentioned to anyone about this change I am doing.

    On the other hand, this really should not be an issue. Let it go. It will make you feel better. Choose not to be bothered.
  • bjfmade
    bjfmade Posts: 543 Member
    these are people I just know through someone,or have only meet once or twice,just acquaintances .I would send them a friend request on mfp if I knew their usernames or emails,but to me,it was pretty obvious when I said if you decided to join MFP add me and my username was put for them to find me.I don't want their support,its just,don't keep asking me all this stuff about what I'm doing or whatever,but you don't care to be an MFP or friend in general.

    If they are larger than you they may be embarrassed for you to know their personal information. Don't worry about it, find other people that fit more into what you are looking for.
  • BPayton27
    BPayton27 Posts: 626 Member
    I also think you're being overly sensitive, but I DO get where you're coming from. I rarely post things on Facebook regarding weight loss or my workouts, but on the rare occasion I do I get questions from acquaintances. I have recommended MFP to many, many people and told them to add me if they want. They usually don't.

    I know that when I first started here, I didn't want anyone I personally knew on my friends list. I was embarrassed at where I was and what I had become. I am 100% honest in my food logging and exercise. In the beginning my diaries were atrocious. She may be competing with you (I know people like this too, it's annoying), but who cares. This is about you. This community is full of supportive people to surround yourself with. You should probably remove these people from your FB, too. You're clearly bothered by them which brings unnecessary negativity in your life.
  • cheeksv
    cheeksv Posts: 521 Member
    I think the mommy group thing is a great idea and you should continue to look for people around you or in your community to do that with. Don't drop it becasue some people are looking for more than the occasional advice. I would be annoyed too. I mean if you already told them how to get in touch with you and they chose not to then ok but if they keep going to you for advice why not take the extra step to either be workout friends at least or just cut ties. I would not go out of your way to ask them for their info so you can add them. Just do you and if they keep asking you for advice just say you will post the stuff on the mommy page for them to look at. If they still are distant then I would limit your interaction with them. They don't seem to want a full out friendship and you shouldn't do all the footwork to make one happen.
  • philOHIO
    philOHIO Posts: 520 Member
    Maybe they are uncomfortable about it... who knows really? Do this for YOURSELF, not for a popularity contest.
  • TDGee
    TDGee Posts: 2,209 Member
    Send me their names. I will do it for you.
    :flowerforyou:
This discussion has been closed.

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