Am I being overly sensitive or do I have a reason to be mad?
Replies
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Yes, send a FR - they'd be glad to connect.I think you should send these people you know a FR on MFP if you really want their support here. You won't get very far in life always expecting other people to know exactly what you are thinking and what you want from them.
And if they don't, then you know something's up.0 -
Agreed--I have several friends that I have told and know they use this site--some are doing more...some are not--not my business, don't care either--this is my life...I offer the site as a tool and they can use it if interested. As far as competing--I think you think highly of yourself to think you have that kind of power over someone..to think that their choices are based on you... isn't is possible that the workout was fun and she just did more? And even if she is using you as a challenge...who cares...youe workout is for you, hers is for her...let it go.0
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I wouldn't have anyone like that on my FB page. I only keep people I actually talk to and keep in touch with.
Don't worry about them. You are doing this for you.
I agree with this person. Your weight loss journey is yours alone and not a competition which is what it seems they are making it out to be. You've offered them information and tools to assist in their journeys to lose weight, you even volunteered to be supportive but they did not accept. Move past them and give yourself a pat on the back for leading them in a positive direction (remember that old cliche..."You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink"), it is now on each of them to continue the journey and make it successful. You don't need the aggravation of stressing over people who are not going to support you;)0 -
:indifferent:0
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You are overreacting and being overly sensitive. A weight loss journey is very personal and not everyone wants to turn it into The Breakfast Club. I have people I know irl on this site that are not on my buddy list because they are uncomfortable with it. It doesn't make us any less of friends; it just means they're not inclined to share their stats with me. I don't think you should be getting upset over a few people not friending you on the weight loss version of facebook. If you are happy in your real life relationship with them don't fret over it. If you aren't, MFP friends requests are doubtfully the seed of your relationship issues. Either way, I wouldn't worry about it.0
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Personally I would delete them from FB and not even worry about what they are doing. Obviously they are not close friends, so you don't need them anyway. Maybe they are jealous of your accomplishments and that's why they haven't friended you. If I were you, I would just forget about them completely and be proud of what you have done. Keep up the success! I am also a SAHM and kind of know where you are coming from. I got up to 218 with my first and 216 with my second. After I had them and the water weight dropped I was still at 190 and super unhappy. I started going to the gym 4 months after my second was born and lost 20lbs, but them I was stuck! Wasn't till I joined MFP that the weight finally started to come off. I hit my first goal and got back to my pre babies weight, but now I am trying to get those last 10lbs off and get back to my wedding weight! Just keep doing what you are doing. My props to you for staying motivated!0
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Maybe they're intimidated by your success's? you're a strong woman who's doing something about her own situation. Yes, you know that you would support them. but maybe theyre not sure they would be as dedicated as you and you'd see that.?
keep doing what you're doing. you are making life changes for you.. not them. Keep up the good work!0 -
First off it was a simple question!There is no need for people to make it out to be that I have nothing else to do but worry about what people post on my fb and who will or will not be my friend.I am a SAHM to a very active 10 month old boy,I come across these posts on my FB,I don't stalk these people!
Second- I am in NO way conceited or feel that these people are trying to be like me,I'm just saying that if I do post something,the other person coincidentally post something similar.
Third- I weigh more than all of them! and have more weight to lose then them.I have never been skinny,they have!
Fourth-I post my MFP on FB because I feel like it keeps me more accountable and I will not fail because it is on my Wall for everyone to see and which pushes me more and makes me want to continue to do well.And my brother lives 12hrs away with a very busy life and fb is more of our way of keeping up with each others lifes than anything else.
Fifth- their opinion about me our wanting to be my friend is not the WHOLE point of the post.I just wanted to know if I was being overly sensitve of had reason to be irritated with "friends that only talk to you when they want or need something,but you are otherwise invisible to them."They are acquaintances,I have a lot of acquaintances I 'm not a facebook nazi that goes through my FB friends list every day and goes"hmmm they haven't talked to me in two days DELETE!" I try to see the good in everyone,I don't expect them to be my friends just because I gave them advice,I'm just saying,don't keep asking me things for your own gain but that be the only reason you talk to me.
When you post something you give a general vague narrative,and people ASSUME and attack from the brief narrative you give, which I find to be plain high school behavior.0 -
Ok then I will give a more simple answer.
"Am I being overly sensitive or do I have a reason to be mad?"
You are being overly sensitive.0 -
Yeaa...that was certainly not a reply made by someone who is prone to overreacting and being overly sensitive. To be fair, I probably wouldn't want to be friends with someone who complains about me behind my back, in a community I'm a part of, instead of being an adult and talking to me about it.0
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Might take them a while to add friends, as they could slighlty be shy about the vast amount of info they can put on MFP.... and hey look at it this way..... if this is really one of the biggest problems / issues you are dealing with right now...... life aint too bad for ya! lol0
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well done on your success so far.
Life is far, far too short to worry about things like this.0 -
to me its like the "friends" you only hear from when they need something,but any other time you don't hear from nor see them for months.Thats the only reason I am the least bit annoyed and mad.
Exactly. Unfriend them, they are just aquaintances.
Congratulations on your success so far!0 -
I have to say one of my best friends joined up on here at my advice, she loves it. We were MFP friends for a bit but I think she has defriended me. I kind of understand - its a bit wierd knowing what your actual real friends ate for breakfast and how often they work out etc. It is quite personal in a way and in a way its about boundaries.
I don't think you're being oversensitve, I think if it really bothers you I'd just ignore the requests for advice etc, or be less helpful with what advice you give out. But I dont' think its about you or how they feel about you, its more about them.0 -
I had several other new moms comment on my post asking me how I'm losing weight,what I'm doing and what advice I could give them. I gave them the link to myfitnesspal and told them to add me if they decided to join and I would gladly support them in every way.Well,the ones that I told about MFP have not added me,but I have found out from their posts that they are actually now members of MFP.
Perfectly acceptable... You shared info with them. They came, decided to join up. But, there is nothing that states they have to automatically send a FR. The fact they were influenced enough to come here simply by asking you about it is in itself: a compliment.I posted the other night about burning 722 calories doing circuit training with the Biggest Loser Calorie Knockout DVD.This one particular girl that always asks me workout questions and now has MFP but has never added me asked me what circuit training was.The next night she put a post about burning 780 calories walking on her treadmill.Mind you she has never put a post like that before and I'm like is she trying to compete with me or is it just a coincidence?
I think you are looking at things where there isnt anything to begin with... why would you automatically assume they are trying to compete? Earlier, they were influenced by you to join MFP.... this is supposed to be a good thing for them.... Again, they still dont have to add you, but you in turn, you dont have to help them any more than you are comfortable with. It does go both ways.I decided today since I was seeing so many moms posting about wanting to lose weight and just starting to workout that I would start a group on facebook for us to post pics,share workouts,recipes,advice and etc and added the ones I thought would be interested.I feel like I probably just wasted my time doing this because noone has posted or showed any interest.I don't know if I'm just being juvenile or if I have reason to be irritated or upset.
No big deal... if no one is interested, they dont necessarily have to tell you anything really... if you can stop and think for a moment, you made a decision to stay at home to be a mother... obviously you have found time to be able to dedicate to your health....which is great.. however, these moms, you dont know if they are in the same situation, you dont know if they have the same availability. I really do think you are jumping the gun in assumptions here. I dont believe you have any reason to be upset, in fact why are you allowing yourself to get so angry over someone else? They made the choice... its not your responsibility...
Again, no one has to automatically friend you the minute they ask for advice... but the same goes for you: you dont have to automatically help them either. You still influenced them to join, and perhaps where you were the one to convince them, they will obviously ask questions. You are definitely thinking WAY TOO much in the whole "It just seems like Im good enough to talk to for your own personal gain"... thats a little overboard. They dont have to be friends with you....These women never talk to me otherwise unless they see me post something about my weightloss or workouts and then they want to ask questions and want to know what I'm doing.It just seems like I'm good enough to talk to for your own personal gain because you see I'm bettering myself and losing weight,but I'm not good enough to be "real friends" with.I've even suggested that the other SAHM meet once or twice a week to eat lunch and go walking at the park for exercise and if anyone was interested to message me,NOTHING!If ya'll say I'm just being overly sensitive then I guess I am,if not then darn it I'm not being nice anymore and they can just watch me get fit and sexy and figure it all out on their own!
Yeah... again, they dont have to do anything they dont want to. And if that means, not replying back, that's their choice.
I do believe you are being overly sensitive over people who have obviously made their choice. Why would you want to let other people's decisions affect you this much, to this degree? Honestly... you keep allowing yourself to be this upset, you are gonna start seeing what stress does to your own body....it aint fun, let me tell ya! LOL!
Someone else mentioned this, and I completely agree without question: weightloss is an individual's journey..
Personally for me, I am extremely picky (for very good reasons) over the kind of person Im ok having in my friends list. Im not here for anyone else - they are not important to me until they ask me a direct question of help. Otherwise, I am out of their business, just like they are out of MY business. We dont step on each other's feet here, we dont automatically criticize each other's journals because - well, to be blunt, its none of their damn business. We do support one another if they post something that is affecting them in real life - Im about to get admitted into the hospital this morning for tests...they were very kind in offering 'best wishes'... someone in my list has just come back from being dreadfully sick, and we all flooded her post with 'glad to have you back again'... but that is the extent of it.
You need to ignore people like the ones you are being overly sensitive about and just focus and concentrate on you. You cant control what isnt your responsibility...0 -
When I first joined this site, I had exactly one friend for probably a year or more before I started branching out, even though I knew other people who were members here.
And it's not the most user-friendly site. They may not have figured out HOW to add a friend. Or maybe they don't want friends here because they want to keep things private.
Yes, you're being oversensitive. These aren't even people you consider friends in real life!0 -
You are doing GREAT but I think you are being sensitive. Send them an invite if you find out they joined. That would make them feel warm and welcome and a part of your group. It's about losing...... Not being social.0
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Ok then I will give a more simple answer.
"Am I being overly sensitive or do I have a reason to be mad?"
You are being overly sensitive.
^^^^This0 -
I would suggest taking them off your Facebook friends list. If you don't normally talk to them anyway then it seems like they are causing you some stress that isn't needed.
You didn't give me the impression that you are overly sensitive. It sounds like you are doing great in your journey and I hope you have much continued success.0 -
You are definitely being overly sensitive. The journey to getting fit is a personal one. What they are doing likely has absolutely nothing to do with you other than perhaps being inspired BY you. Even then, that doesn't mean they are prepared to share something like this.
If you don't know them well enough to have their email address or user name, then this is honestly not something you need to be torturing yourself about. If you really want to be closer friends with these people, make the effort to make it happen. Don't wait for the world to come to you.
You are doing great. Don't get derailed by insecure thinking.0 -
Very childish and over sensitive. You say they aren't even friends, just friends of friends. Do you even bother talking to them on a regular basis? Or is the only communication when they ask you for advice?
Nobody has to be my friend in order to receive my help, to me that's a very selfish and narrow minded way of thinking.0 -
I started my weightloss journey August 2011 when my son was 5 months old.I was 250 when I gave birth and 220.6 on the day I finally was fed up with being overweight and started on this long road to a healthy, fit life.Well, along this journey I have posted pics,posts about my workouts,calories burned during a workout and etc on Facebook. I had several other new moms comment on my post asking me how I'm losing weight,what I'm doing and what advice I could give them. I gave them the link to myfitnesspal and told them to add me if they decided to join and I would gladly support them in every way.Well,the ones that I told about MFP have not added me,but I have found out from their posts that they are actually now members of MFP. I posted the other night about burning 722 calories doing circuit training with the Biggest Loser Calorie Knockout DVD.This one particular girl that always asks me workout questions and now has MFP but has never added me asked me what circuit training was.The next night she put a post about burning 780 calories walking on her treadmill.Mind you she has never put a post like that before and I'm like is she trying to compete with me or is it just a coincidence?I decided today since I was seeing so many moms posting about wanting to lose weight and just starting to workout that I would start a group on facebook for us to post pics,share workouts,recipes,advice and etc and added the ones I thought would be interested.I feel like I probably just wasted my time doing this because noone has posted or showed any interest.I don't know if I'm just being juvenile or if I have reason to be irritated or upset.These women never talk to me otherwise unless they see me post something about my weightloss or workouts and then they want to ask questions and want to know what I'm doing.It just seems like I'm good enough to talk to for your own personal gain because you see I'm bettering myself and losing weight,but I'm not good enough to be "real friends" with.I've even suggested that the other SAHM meet once or twice a week to eat lunch and go walking at the park for exercise and if anyone was interested to message me,NOTHING!If ya'll say I'm just being overly sensitive then I guess I am,if not then darn it I'm not being nice anymore and they can just watch me get fit and sexy and figure it all out on their own!
You and your family are healthy. I am much older then you. Let it go. Stop doing what you are doing and put the energy into the baby. Dont sweat the small stuff and if it wont matter 20 years from now, who cares. Live drama free.0 -
Why do you continue to care about people who clearly don't care about you? Move on and away from them. If I had "friends" or even acquaintances who treated me like you are letting these women treat you, they would be neither "friends" nor "acquaintances" for long. I have too much respect for myself to try and force myself onto people who clearly have no interest in being my friend.0
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The joys of Facebook...
I would worry a lot less about what you think online "friends" may or may not think of you and just get on with your real life. I've come across too many people who have been hurt by real or perceived slights and insults on Facebook. I deleted my profile on it ages ago and have not missed it. These days I ring folk or pop round and see them.
So in short, forget it and move on
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They might like the anonymity of MFP. I don't have any IRL friends here, because my eating/dieting/exercise habits feel very personal. If one of my closest friends joined MFP, I probably wouldn't tell them my username, because I like the freedom of being an unknown. Weird? Maybe. But it could be what some of these women are experiencing.
This is the reason. Unlikely there is a conspiracy in all this.0 -
1. just because you posted your info doesnt mean they saw it, read it, remember it or realize it is for them
2. write to them personally and just say, i would love to support you on mfp, here is my info if you want to add
3. if they dont want to add you just acknowledge they have reasons and dont make assumptions ... just let it go and know you are doing a bad *kitten* job!!0 -
I understand where you are coming from because my brain basically works the same way. I'm constantly being told I'm overly sensitive and over analytical.
Someone earlier had mentioned (and I'm parphrasing) that you should communicate like an adult with these people and ask why they haven't friended you. Well it is my opinion that these women are not acting like adults because they are not saying something to the effect of "I want to keep my progress personal" or "I'm not ready to share this with everyone".
You are a good person for sharing the secrets of your success. If they don't want to be MFP friends, then it is their loss. You can share your tips with them, or next time they ask for advice on what your doing say, "just the usual". Now I don't know all the things they are asking you, but if one of these women asks you why you think something is working for you and not them a simple reply is, "everybody is different and needs to find their own niche". Or you can flat out ignore their questions. You have to do what you feel comfortable with.
To the other people posting on here, you are being a little harsh. A simple question was asked and SOME of you have turned it into something much more then what it is and are being a little judgemental. Did you even think that the woman who started this post was also just trying to vent a little frustration and wanted a little support from us.0 -
to me its like the "friends" you only hear from when they need something,but any other time you don't hear from nor see them for months.Thats the only reason I am the least bit annoyed and mad.
Sounds like they're not really 'friends'. You could always just delete them and *poof* problem solved. Good luck.0 -
True strength would be staying calm when you have a reason to be angry. Mastering yourself is the ultimate form of control.0
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Yep, I agree with quite a few of the posters here and after the 2nd page, I stopped reading the responses.
Yes, you're being overly sensitive. If their lack of connection with you bothers you then delete them. That is what I would do.
I have no idea if the other lady is competing with you, but if she is...that's cool! Competition can be a great motivational tool.
As some of the others have said, maybe it's a privacy thing. I only have a few people on my friend list because my profile is completely open to them including my food and exercise diary, my current and starting weight, my weight loss goals along the way...and of course, my very personal status updates. The few friends I have are my siblings and my sister-in-law, a few ladies from the Mommy Board I've been on since I got pregnant with my daughter, and just a couple of support partners from this site.
Try not to read too much into it and CONGRATS on your healthy lifestyle.0
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