heavy heart

It’s like I’m re-living it all over again….

Last year at this time, I was driving to Buffalo, NY through a snowstorm. I received a phone call from my best friend’s sister, stating that her little brother and my best friend had fallen ill the previous evening during his firefighter training. I did not believe it. He was healthy and so young. We were only 3 months apart in age. We were JUST talking on the phone.

I did not even turn the lights off in my house. I ran to my car, yelling at God, “please God do not let what she said to me on the phone be true! Please!” Two hours into my drive, I continued to receive calls from his family with updates of his condition, every call adding speed to my drive through the snowstorm. My muscles were so tight from clinching the steering wheel, I was actually sore.

Along the way, I saw a terrible car accident take place. The SUV had rolled what seem to be a million times into the middle of the road embankment. I knew that my best friend needed me, but I also knew that the SUV passengers needed me. There was a reason that I saw it happen. I pulled over on the highway and ran, slipping & sliding because of the weather condition. I reached the two women that were in the embankment, hanging upside down by their seatbelts and called 911. With my best friend in my mind telling me to comfort these women, I took off my coat and gave it to the passenger, then went back to my car to get a blanket, and gave it to the driver. All of the windows had been busted, their SUV was on its roof and traffic continued to fly past us. Nobody stopped to help these women. I promised them that they were not alone. I promised I would not leave them. I was put there for a reason, to wait with them and comfort them until help arrived. 45 minutes later, the paramedics finally arrived and I ran back to my car to continue my journey.

Hours later, I made it to the hospital. Walking through the halls, his fellow firefighter brothers grabbed my hands and told me to brace myself. I still did not believe it. He is too strong for this! He has never been sick is all I could think. I made it to my best friend’s bedside and saw him laying with tubes down his throat. A million monitors everywhere. Crosses that had been draped over his limp body and placed in his hands. WHAT THE HE** IS HAPPENING?!

They all left the room and closed the curtains so I could speak to him alone. I did not know this was my final goodbye. I kissed his warm cheek and told him I loved him and told he is too damn strong for what ever is happening inside of his body! I thanked him for making me the strong, confident woman that I am today. I told him he saved my life. He saved me from me! I still do not know if Jarrett heard me, but as I was holding his hands and talking to him, tears ran down his face. The doctor said Jarrett was brain dead, but I believe it took brain activity to create the tears that I saw when I was talking to him. Later that day, after a ton of tests, the state of NY declared my best friend to be officially brain dead and he was taken off all life support.

Weeks later, (because we had to bring him home to another state) we buried my best friend. His casket rode to his last destination, wrapped in an American Flag, on of his fire truck, fire companies for all over the tri-state area led & followed, police sirens, and miles of loved ones laid him to rest. This day, one year ago, I lost him. His brother carried me away from the hole in the ground because my legs would not let me leave him. I lost my soul mate. I lost the one who taught me how to love with my whole heart. He is the one that taught me that the world owes you nothing, it gives you a place to live and a path to take, but ultimately, it is up to you to take the right path, so stop being so bitter. I lost my best friend that taught me that just because I wasn’t’ born into a loving family, did not mean that I was alone in life. I lost the person that taught me self-respect, to love myself and love others all of the time. The man that taught me to be genuine hearted and make positive decisions, is dead. The first family I really ever had, lost their son and I lost my best friend on this day, one year ago. My heart hurts every single day. There literally is not one day that goes by that I do not think about him.

Jarrett was an amazing young man with an old soul and wisdom. He shared it with every single person that he knew. He changed lives & saved lives. My best friend, Jarrett Eleam, deserves to be read about today.

I hope that after reading this, you hug or kiss the people that you love. I still do not understand why a wonderful person was taken away so young, but I am incredibly thankful and blessed to have had him in my life. He made me who I am.
Please, always be thankful for what you have.


Meet my very best friend:

This photo makes me laugh every time I look at it. He was always goofing around.
Jarrett in his “extra medium” tee shirt.



Rest In Peace