How do you count calories when the calories are so messed up

While I enjoy this site and its UI is easier than others I find the calorie counts vary wildly on a lot of items. Take a NY strip steak, you can find 15 variations on this in the database all of them vastly different. In a lot of cases I've compiled my own food items where I have looked at a couple of other sources but I'm not an expert by any means so I try to find an average. My wife mainly has done a good deal of researching other sites for counts

I'm not counting calories per say, I'm counting carbs, fat & protein. The calories I calculate from the carbs, fat and protein which is also confusing because I would think the site would do that same. Again I'm not an expert but i know there are 4 calories per gram of protein and carb and 9 per gram of fat. Why wouldn't this site calculate like that?

Finally, I'm not utilizing the goals on this site because of the calorie issues and I also have 2 different counts of carbs, fat & proteins based on if it is a weight lifting day or not.

I'm interested in what others are doing to calculate?

thanks