HELP (step duaghter is over weight)

At her age I would think rather then a conversation that may give her self esteem issues I would focus on making healthy choices for the meals she will be eating with you- up the veggies ans fruit, also maybe make a two helping limit on the meat and carbs and unlimited refills on the veggies.
Get the family up and more active. Take her grocery shopping or make it a family event and talk about making healthier choices. Are you calculating you calories on here? If you are trying to be healthier in your food choices it would be very natural to be feeding the family healthy foods.
Also think about packing her lunch for schools, cafe. lunches are not always the healthiest.

I agree- It is a touchy subject, but at that age there is no way to have that conversation without making her feel awful. My mom would always try to put me on "diets" when I was growing up and I've have food/ self image issues my whole life. If there are major health issues then her parents need to make the decision that that conversation is necessary.

In the meantime- just keep the food options in your house healthy. Don't make a big deal about it or seem like it's all about her. I think that's the reason eating healthy is so difficult, we make it a special situation instead of having it as a normal part of our lives.

I agree with everyone else. Make your house supportive of health, nutrition, and physical activity. Suggest family walks. Do active things as a family (you may not have the power to get her from couch potato to roller-blading, but you can at least not spend whole afternoons in the house watching TV).

Because even a non-stepmother would have to tread lightly on a teenage girl's weight. As a step-mother, I don't think you can do much but to set a good example in your house.

And trust me...she knows she's fat. Naming it will not help!

YOU shouldn't do anything -- but keep healthy food available and limit the amount of junk/calorie dense food that you make available.

She isn't your daughter and it isn't your place to put her on a diet. Her parents need to talk with her about the implications for her health, and you should support the, but unless she asked you for help I would stay out of it.

I COMPLETELY agree with this poster. I am married with 2 step kids, but it is NEVER my place to say somethng like that and I am MARRIED. You aren't even married to the girls father and I suspect it would harm your relationship if you were to get involved with he issue of her weight.

It takes a village to raise a child, and it is very sweet that you want to help. You will need her parents' cooperation though. Have you talked to them about it?

Also, I think her doctor needs to be involved. I don't know what they can or can't do, but you should have a conversation with her physician if you are authorized to do so.

I agree that packing her lunches, setting a good example and trying to be active with her are great places to start. Would she be interested in learning a sport, martial art, or dance? I absolutely hated gym class when I was a kid, but I liked learning new dances and I had a good time swimming. Try to find something active that she likes to do and see to it that she has the opportunity to do it.

She is at an age where she can start making decisions on how to care for herself. Maybe you can talk to her about nutrition. I wouldn't necessarily bring up calories, but you can talk to her about balancing fruit, veggies, meat and carbs. When I was a kid, we learned about the four food groups. Then, it was the food pyramid, and now I think it is "my plate" but regardless, using a visual aid to talk about nutrition is a great place to start.

Also, see if you can find examples of what portion sizes should look like. For example, a serving size of meat should be the same size as a deck of cards. A serving of cheese looks like a few dice. You get the idea. I wouldn't attack her and show her how much food she is eating. Just show her what a normal, healthy amount looks like and let her decide for herself if she's really hungry or just eating for fun.

You can pack her lunches until you are blue in the face, but when she gets to school there are plenty of opportunities to trade or smuggle food around without your knowledge or cooperation. She really needs to get the info to make her own decisions about how to take care of herself. Deciding what to eat should go right along with deciding to take a shower or wear deodorant.