How do you motivate someone?

nnylee
nnylee Posts: 811 Member
edited November 2024 in Chit-Chat
I have a friend who is obese. He eats fast food or frozen dinners every night and drinks a liter of soda a day.

I know first hand that unless a person is motivated to lose weight and live a healthy lifestyle, they will not do it no matter how much someone tells them to.

I'm not his mom, I know that. But I care about him and am worried! I'm terrified that his already high cholesterol will go through the roof if he keeps eating all this crap every day.

There's nothing I can do right? Is anyone else in this position?

Replies

  • ambivalence11
    ambivalence11 Posts: 93 Member
    My whole family is obese, and even my best friend is. I made the decision to change for me, and I know that no matter what I do, they wont. This is something you have to do 100% for yourself. They say I am an inspiration, but then they go out to dinner and eat 2000 cals in a single meal. Be supportive and offer to help them in anyway you can, but until they want to change, there's nothing you can do.
  • katkins3
    katkins3 Posts: 1,359 Member
    All you can do is lead by example.
    Usually efforts to encourage someone to diet only makes them dig their heels in. If someone decides to lose weight too, let them approach you and then be gracious and avoid "I told you so"
  • acyinks2000
    acyinks2000 Posts: 1
    I agree with those saying to set an example, but there are some things you can do if your friend is willing. The best way (imo) is to try to find something, anything, that provides some cardiovascular workout that they enjoy. Be it walking, rollerblading, biking, hiking in the woods/mountains, swimming, surfing, etc. Help them find the activity they enjoy. Any amount of exercise is more than they are getting now and that is a start. And if they aren't motivated to continue then just tell yourself you tried and accept them for what they are, your friend, and that is what matters not their weight.
  • melmac1972
    melmac1972 Posts: 1
    People HAVE To be ready for this step, and if it comes down to something (health related) happening to him, that might be what it takes, Its something you hate to see, but you can't babysit him , you can't prepare his meals & follow him around, and drag him to the gym. Get healthy for you and maybe it'll rub off, and maybe it won't...just focus on being THE BEST U, That U can be !!!! :smile:
  • poustotah
    poustotah Posts: 1,121 Member
    You can't motivate him. The only person that can motivate him is him. Unfortunately. My husband was 350 lbs and had no intention of losing weight. He would literally come home and ask me what was for dinner. When I would tell him baked chicken and roasted vegetables, he would tell me that it didn't sound good. So I started telling him that Burger King was right down the street. I heard over and over how he was going to change and I just got sick of it. When we moved here he woke up one morning with chest pains and I took him to the immediate care center. We thought he was having a heart attack. While he was laying on the bed he kept telling my youngest son how much he loved him and I told him, "I did not marry you to watch your die and that's what you're doing to yourself. If I'm going to be a single mom to 4 kids, then I'm going to leave you now so that I can have the support of my family because I need someone that is going to be around to help me and you don't care enough about us to fix this."

    He has since lost 30 lbs (this was only 2 months ago) just by changing his eating habits. It took almost having a heart attack to motivate him. That's really sad but that's what it took.
  • nnylee
    nnylee Posts: 811 Member
    Wow, that is an incredible story. Really scary, but I'm glad he changed for the better. My friend , he's only 26 and it seems to me that he's heading down that road. :(
    You can't motivate him. The only person that can motivate him is him. Unfortunately. My husband was 350 lbs and had no intention of losing weight. He would literally come home and ask me what was for dinner. When I would tell him baked chicken and roasted vegetables, he would tell me that it didn't sound good. So I started telling him that Burger King was right down the street. I heard over and over how he was going to change and I just got sick of it. When we moved here he woke up one morning with chest pains and I took him to the immediate care center. We thought he was having a heart attack. While he was laying on the bed he kept telling my youngest son how much he loved him and I told him, "I did not marry you to watch your die and that's what you're doing to yourself. If I'm going to be a single mom to 4 kids, then I'm going to leave you now so that I can have the support of my family because I need someone that is going to be around to help me and you don't care enough about us to fix this."

    He has since lost 30 lbs (this was only 2 months ago) just by changing his eating habits. It took almost having a heart attack to motivate him. That's really sad but that's what it took.
  • nnylee
    nnylee Posts: 811 Member
    He walks to and from work. Which is actually a nice walk. But because he walks, he rewards himself by eating junk food. We have A LOT of fast food and Chinese take out places around here so it's easy for him to order on up and eat the crap.
    I agree with those saying to set an example, but there are some things you can do if your friend is willing. The best way (imo) is to try to find something, anything, that provides some cardiovascular workout that they enjoy. Be it walking, rollerblading, biking, hiking in the woods/mountains, swimming, surfing, etc. Help them find the activity they enjoy. Any amount of exercise is more than they are getting now and that is a start. And if they aren't motivated to continue then just tell yourself you tried and accept them for what they are, your friend, and that is what matters not their weight.
  • xtinalovexo
    xtinalovexo Posts: 1,376 Member
    show him this....
    300_26953.gif
    and say... "this is what you are made of."
  • nnylee
    nnylee Posts: 811 Member
    I honestly don't know if I could do that. That seems really harsh. ;_;
    show him this....
    300_26953.gif
    and say... "this is what you are made of."
  • xtinalovexo
    xtinalovexo Posts: 1,376 Member
    i know right?! that would be soooooo mean.

    only do it if they complain!
  • nnylee
    nnylee Posts: 811 Member
    No, he never complains about it. He doesn't seemed concerned at all!
    i know right?! that would be soooooo mean.

    only do it if they complain!
  • summertime_girl
    summertime_girl Posts: 3,945 Member
    Lead by example.

    You can't motivate someone who isn't ready. But you can certainly demonstrate a healthy, fit lifestyle.
  • msjones2831
    msjones2831 Posts: 126 Member
    I'm in the same situation with my mother. I soooooooooo want her to live a healthy life, but no matter what I say or do she is not yet ready. So I have offered to help her whenever she is ready for change until then I just pray for her and I'm trying to get my life on the right track and be that example others have spoke of.
  • maybethistime70
    maybethistime70 Posts: 65
    you can't motivate him but you can sit him down and tell him your concerns, and say that whenever he is ready you are there to support and encourage. sometimes just telling someone how worried you are about their habits can be a motivation.
  • nnylee
    nnylee Posts: 811 Member
    Lead by example.

    You can't motivate someone who isn't ready. But you can certainly demonstrate a healthy, fit lifestyle.

    The 3 friends that he has...We all work out, eat clean and go to the same gym. He is the only one who doesn't.
  • Helenatrandom
    Helenatrandom Posts: 1,166 Member
    Does he tell you his cholesterol is high? If so, you can encourage him to track it here, and learn for himself what foods are high in cholesterol.
    Could you invite him over for dinner and prepare something tasty and healthy? If he sees that healthy eating isn't all lettuce leafs and tofu, he may decide he can make better choices.
    But tread carefully. Even now, if someone hurts my feelings, food can be mighty seductive.
  • foremant86
    foremant86 Posts: 1,115 Member
    Lead by example.

    You can't motivate someone who isn't ready. But you can certainly demonstrate a healthy, fit lifestyle.

    The 3 friends that he has...We all work out, eat clean and go to the same gym. He is the only one who doesn't.

    all you can do is keep trying but as you know, he has to want to change himself.

    It took me a few months to get my brother to workout and eat healthier with me, but i just kept talking about my progress and how much I feel and what not and a couple months ago he finally decided to work out with me, eat better and join MFP. I've also recently motivated my father and mother to start watching what they eat and to exercise and a friend of mine has also started to make healthier choices.

    You CAN motivate people, you just can't make them do anything they don't want to do. but nobody truly wants to be obese and unhealthy, it's just easier to be that way than to get up and do something about it..
  • FabMrFox
    FabMrFox Posts: 259 Member
    show him this....
    300_26953.gif
    and say... "this is what you are made of."

    Um is that lemon jello??? cause I want it!!
  • nygiantschick
    nygiantschick Posts: 289 Member
    All you can do is lead by example.
    Usually efforts to encourage someone to diet only makes them dig their heels in. If someone decides to lose weight too, let them approach you and then be gracious and avoid "I told you so"

    ^this
  • FabMrFox
    FabMrFox Posts: 259 Member
    seriously though simple but creative motivation for a guy........take a semi nude photo have it made into a puzzle.....1 piece per month of no soda and or 5 pounds weight loss.....if you are truly "just" friends make the last piece the face and have the picture not be you lol
  • rpantusa
    rpantusa Posts: 267 Member
    I am in the same boat with my father who is currently weighing in at 299, and has had 2 heart attacks, and stints put in twice. He is depressed that he is overweight, but he just does not have the willpower and desire to do anything about it. He eats horrible foods, and smokes a pack a day. He is at the point that he thinks why bother even trying. I have offred help, I wanted him to do this with me, and he would not. His excuse is that he is too tired after work, he doesnt even want to take a walk with me. I know he has to be ready to do it for himself, but hopefully him seeing my progress will strike something in him, and he will know that it is possible, and he can do it too.
  • SammyKatt
    SammyKatt Posts: 363 Member
    I have a friend who is obese. He eats fast food or frozen dinners every night and drinks a liter of soda a day.

    I know first hand that unless a person is motivated to lose weight and live a healthy lifestyle, they will not do it no matter how much someone tells them to.

    I'm not his mom, I know that. But I care about him and am worried! I'm terrified that his already high cholesterol will go through the roof if he keeps eating all this crap every day.

    There's nothing I can do right? Is anyone else in this position?

    Sadly, you can't. I have a friend at work who is close to 300 pounds and I've tried and tried and tried to get her to lose weight. I've offered doing diets with her, going to the gym with her (we have a gym at our work), I talked her roommates into getting her the EAS Active for the Wii for Christmas last year so she could do that (I was currently doing that at the time and kept telling her how much fun it was and how awesome it was. They did get it for her and she used it for a week) The last thing I tried was setting up a weight loss challenge between 4 girls at work. We have weekly weigh-in and you have to pay if you gain weight and whoever gets their body fat % down the most wins all the money. Well that worked, for a month. She got down to 270 and now shes back up to 283 (in 2 weeks BTW) So at this point, I'm done trying. I've tried for 3 years now and the only thing she has done is continue to gain weight. She used to be fit and could run miles at a time too.
  • Ianultrarunner
    Ianultrarunner Posts: 184 Member
    The best thing is to not tell them but show the yourself.
    After a while you could let them know how much better you feel, etc but not in an over bearing way. Just once in a while.
    You could also suggest a walk once in a while, just in the moment. Take them to a local park or lake.
    If they're smart, it'll sink in but some people are just happy being who they are.
  • garlic7girl
    garlic7girl Posts: 2,236 Member
    Don't beat over the head with diet info, exercise requests etc but always be an example with your lifestyle the good bad and ugly share by how you live eat etc. Listen to his whoa...we like when folk listen. When he is ready he WILL ask or tell you and be ready in a small step way...Be a friend love without judgement is the best. :D You care and that is step 1.
  • nnylee
    nnylee Posts: 811 Member
    I am not comfortable with having a semi-nude photo of myself for him. Lol. He has had unrequited feelings for me and I have a long time boyfriend. He is one of my roommates though.
    seriously though simple but creative motivation for a guy........take a semi nude photo have it made into a puzzle.....1 piece per month of no soda and or 5 pounds weight loss.....if you are truly "just" friends make the last piece the face and have the picture not be you lol
  • nnylee
    nnylee Posts: 811 Member
    He can see the difference! Our other roommate, me, and my boyfriend all have lost weight and gotten muscle. He does walk to and from work, which is a nice walk. But then rewards himself with food. :/
    The best thing is to not tell them but show the yourself.
    After a while you could let them know how much better you feel, etc but not in an over bearing way. Just once in a while.
    You could also suggest a walk once in a while, just in the moment. Take them to a local park or lake.
    If they're smart, it'll sink in but some people are just happy being who they are.
  • nnylee
    nnylee Posts: 811 Member
    all you can do is keep trying but as you know, he has to want to change himself.

    It took me a few months to get my brother to workout and eat healthier with me, but i just kept talking about my progress and how much I feel and what not and a couple months ago he finally decided to work out with me, eat better and join MFP. I've also recently motivated my father and mother to start watching what they eat and to exercise and a friend of mine has also started to make healthier choices.

    You CAN motivate people, you just can't make them do anything they don't want to do. but nobody truly wants to be obese and unhealthy, it's just easier to be that way than to get up and do something about it..

    I actually did introduce him to MFP and he was like, "I'll check it out later." And never did.
  • zontuin
    zontuin Posts: 72 Member
    You can not motivate anyone... only yourself. What you CAN do is INSPIRE someone, though. Inspire your friend by your example, your health, your choices, your non-judgement, your acceptance of who and where they are. Being a good example is the perfect way to inspire someone. They will see what you have and what you've worked for, and will want it for themselves at some point. Be patient with them, and stick to your journey. You'll be surprised... At some point, they'll ask questions. They'll start to make inquiries, and start hungering for change in their own life. But this will only happen if you do NOT push. :) You're a great friend. Be proud.
  • nnylee
    nnylee Posts: 811 Member
    You can not motivate anyone... only yourself. What you CAN do is INSPIRE someone, though. Inspire your friend by your example, your health, your choices, your non-judgement, your acceptance of who and where they are. Being a good example is the perfect way to inspire someone. They will see what you have and what you've worked for, and will want it for themselves at some point. Be patient with them, and stick to your journey. You'll be surprised... At some point, they'll ask questions. They'll start to make inquiries, and start hungering for change in their own life. But this will only happen if you do NOT push. :) You're a great friend. Be proud.

    I don't feel like a good friend. Every time I see him put another liter of soda in the recycling bin, it makes me sad. :(
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