Can he love me again
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My husband and myself have been having problems for a while now. I have been questioning if i love him like I should for the past two years now. He now is saying he loves me but not in the way he should . He moved out of the family home so that we could have space to think. I have know realised that I do love him and do want it to work but I think it might be to late on his part. Is it possible for him to get those feelings back even after I have pushed him away for the past two years.
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The first thing you need to do is be honest about your feelings,is it really love on your part now?
Are you sure you are not just missing having a person around,the comfort and security of his presence as it relates to household matters etc.
Secondly as far as he goes,no guess without knowing all the details but by what it sounds like I would give it a 50/50 (sorry).
Take some time to be 100% sure you do love him and are not just feeling lonely,then arrange a meeting to talk it out,what went wrong,what your feelings were and why,what they are now and how to move forward.
Professional counseling if both are willing as well.
If he is not interested then again I am sorry but acceptance and moving forward is the next step as the legalities are sorted out.
Not trying to sound cold and suspect you desire an arm around the shoulder as much as opinions,I understand that too and am in a way trying to do that as well as answer.0 -
I think the best thing to do is to just give it a try. You'll never know if you don't. Tell him how you honestly feel and work your way through it from there. He may want to make things work, or he may not - but if you don't tell him how you feel, you'll never know and could let a great thing get away. He may just need some confirmation of your feelings, especially if you've been pushing him away as you've said. Don't just tell him you love him, show him. Good luck
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I honestly don't know the answers, but want to support you for feeling safe and trusting enough to invite your MFP Community to share in your life.:flowerforyou:0
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The first thing you need to do is be honest about your feelings,is it really love on your part now?
Are you sure you are not just missing having a person around,the comfort and security of his presence as it relates to household matters etc.
Secondly as far as he goes,no guess without knowing all the details but by what it sounds like I would give it a 50/50 (sorry).
Take some time to be 100% sure you do love him and are not just feeling lonely,then arrange a meeting to talk it out,what went wrong,what your feelings were and why,what they are now and how to move forward.
Professional counseling if both are willing as well.
If he is not interested then again I am sorry but acceptance and moving forward is the next step as the legalities are sorted out.
Not trying to sound cold and suspect you desire an arm around the shoulder as much as opinions,I understand that too and am in a way trying to do that as well as answer.
Carl... that was a great answer. I agree with you 100%.
Jameslucy.... you need to figure out what you really want. If you have been pushing him away for 2 years, there is a reason. To finally want him after he has moved out isn't fair to either of you. Speak to a professional counselor or a minister if you belong to a church.0 -
Just because someone's a good person, doesn't mean they're good for you. I learned that after having to end a 7 year-long relationship that just was dying over the years as well. He was a good guy, a good person, and he deserved a woman who could appreciate that, share his dreams, and give him everything else he needed. I knew I was not that woman. He was not cut out to be the partner I needed in life as well, and I knew it.
Breaking up is difficult, even when it's amicable. Take the time to mourn the loss of your relationship. Then, spend some quality time with yourself. Dedicating yourself to a failing relationship can strip you of your personal dreams and desires - even of yourself entirely. Let go and see what happens. Holding on doesn't keep him with you anyway.0 -
Love is a verb, not a noun. The chemicals that made you feel dizzy and passionate in the beginning of your relationship have died down, and now, during the maintenance phase of your relationship, is when you need to actively love the person. Create romance. Love with your actions. Rely on your friendship to get you through. Just my .02. :flowerforyou:0
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Not enough info to have an opinion. Do you have kids? Are you both dating/seeing other people? Do you still talk everyday or date each other? Usually if it is that bad that you have to live in seperate houses, it is not a good sign. But I have seen people do this and get back together, usually they have kids. Anyway good luck, hope you can be happy with whatever outcome you choose!0
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Yea we have 2 kids aged 9 & 4. The oldest is taking it quite bad. There is no-one else involved we have just drifted apart over the last few years with busy work schedules, kids and other stuff. I admit i just started taking him for granted and not puttung any effort into the marriage. I think he basically gave up trying and decided we should take time apart so that he can work out how he feels now.He said he cares a lot about me but he is not sure if its love for a friend of love for a wife.0
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Tell him how your feeling...see if the two of you could have a couple of dates (like when you were single), and get to know each other again. Maybe you can rediscover each other...if he's already moved out though, are you sure he hasn't moved on with someone else?0
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Yea we have 2 kids aged 9 & 4. The oldest is taking it quite bad. There is no-one else involved we have just drifted apart over the last few years with busy work schedules, kids and other stuff. I admit i just started taking him for granted and not puttung any effort into the marriage. I think he basically gave up trying and decided we should take time apart so that he can work out how he feels now.He said he cares a lot about me but he is not sure if its love for a friend of love for a wife.
There should always be love for a friend there. You two should be BEST friends. If you know you weren't putting in the effort, now is the time to start.0 -
I think it is to late. I have told him how I feel but he cant understand why I am showing him now, he thinks it is because I dont want to be on my own.0
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I think it is to late. I have told him how I feel but he cant understand why I am showing him now, he thinks it is because I dont want to be on my own.
Are you telling him, or *showing* him? Those are two very different things. Get a sitter, go on a date, start romancing each other again. That goes a lot farther than just telling him.0 -
I have suggested that but he doesnt want to go on a date yet. He says maybe in a while. I think I know in my heart its over. Its just accepting it and learning to stop torturing myself cause its my fault the marriage got to were it is now. Im just frightened of living a life full of regrets.0
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Let him go.........if he loves you he will return.0
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As long as you both give it an honest effort, then there shouldn't be any regrets. I was married for 12 years and the last 4 were pretty rough. I knew for me, I had to try to make it work. We do have a 13 year old and that's why I had to try to make it work. Don't confuse the "need" for someone in your life as love. If he is willing, try to do things together to have the chance to fall back in love again. When my ex and I realized it was really over, we kept our son's best interest through the whole thing and still do. The rest is material things and the only thing we wanted to do was make it was easy as possible for him. We had made a deal that there was no bashing in front of our son so it didn't tarnish any relationship for him. I wish you the best of luck!0
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I have suggested that but he doesnt want to go on a date yet. He says maybe in a while. I think I know in my heart its over. Its just accepting it and learning to stop torturing myself cause its my fault the marriage got to were it is now. Im just frightened of living a life full of regrets.
It takes 2 people to make or break a relationship. Stop blaming yourself and focus on what you really want while you have this alone time. You have 2 kids. You committed to your husband. Marriage is full of ups and downs. It's a process of constant love but falling in love again and again as well. I believe all married couples have those times when they feel maybe not so "in love" and other days when they are head over heels. He's not so "in love" right now. You've been there. Give him a break and a chance. Don't give up so easily - this is your family - and don't forget how not so long ago you were in his shoes - questioning your commitment.0 -
Have you considered couples' therapy? And I second KimmieBrie...I don't know any married couple who is always 'in love' with butterflies and fireworks. That doesn't mean they are wrong for each other or their relationship is hopeless.0
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I have suggested that but he doesnt want to go on a date yet. He says maybe in a while. I think I know in my heart its over. Its just accepting it and learning to stop torturing myself cause its my fault the marriage got to were it is now. Im just frightened of living a life full of regrets.
It takes 2 people to make or break a relationship. Stop blaming yourself and focus on what you really want while you have this alone time. You have 2 kids. You committed to your husband. Marriage is full of ups and downs. It's a process of constant love but falling in love again and again as well. I believe all married couples have those times when they feel maybe not so "in love" and other days when they are head over heels. He's not so "in love" right now. You've been there. Give him a break and a chance. Don't give up so easily - this is your family - and don't forget how not so long ago you were in his shoes - questioning your commitment.
marriage is alot of work, takes constant effort, I agree! You should find a way to flirt with him, show him you are still in love. send positive texts, be upbeat, move it foreward!0 -
Thank you everyone for your advice. Does anyone ever believe it is too late.0
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Thank you everyone for your advice. Does anyone ever believe it is too late.
Yes, especially if lawyers become involved (or police).0
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