Have you ever had someone tell say "you don't need to lose w

bidwhist
bidwhist Posts: 40 Member
edited October 3 in Health and Weight Loss
My sister in law said that to me about two months ago. Now she really is overweight, and needs to be on a diet. I was telling her what I was trying to do has far as eating and working out. Then she said I didn't need to lose wait because I wasn't fat. I have gained nearly 80 lbs since high school. Granted I graduated almost 20 yrs ago, but 80 lbs is 80 lbs.

I don't know if by her being so large compared to me made me appear skinny. I was just shocked that she could think that someone 5'4 200 lbs(back in January, 30 lbs less when she made the comment) could not be fat.

Replies

  • kirstiey
    kirstiey Posts: 243
    confused...How much did you actually weigh when she said it?
  • suemar74
    suemar74 Posts: 447 Member
    Quite a few of the ladies at my TOPS meetings said it to me all the time, even though my weight is at the line between "overweight" and "obese". It made me feel like I wasn't getting the support I was looking for there. I eventually stopped going.
  • Hoppymom
    Hoppymom Posts: 1,158 Member
    She may feel that if you think you are in need of weight loss it makes her look bad if she is heavier than you. She may feel "fatter""" because you have lost and she doesn't like it so she is trying to sabotage you (consiously or unconsiously). I wouldn't listen to her.
  • Jenny_Bee
    Jenny_Bee Posts: 102
    We all have our journeys, however different our goals and numbers may be. Sometimes my friends focus only on their goals because they feel they have more to lose, but that doesn't make my journey any easier either. Remind your sister-in-law that we are all in this together with a common goal of being healthy and happy.
  • Bonny272
    Bonny272 Posts: 154 Member
    I've gained at least 50 since school. The more people around you doing the same thing kind of says it's okay. If you lose weight she'd have to make some decisions she's not ready to make yet. Just keep getting healthy and when she's ready you introduce her to this site. :smile:
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
    I think sometimes they're jealous of your commitment to loose weight and better your health. Plus misery loves company....they want an equally overweight friend (or in this case sister in law), that way they don't have to feel like they need to try and loose weight.
  • cbirdso
    cbirdso Posts: 465 Member
    If you look around, so many people are overweight that it appears more 'normal' to be overweight than a normal BMI. I found this to be true for myself. 20 pounds ago I thought I looked GREAT! Mostly because then I was smaller than the average person. But now as I have slimmed down more, I can realize what an improvement it is in my overall looks and health. Just nod your head and keep following your own goals.
  • JediMaster_intraining
    JediMaster_intraining Posts: 903 Member
    this happened to me with my ex roommate (who turned out to be not so nice). she was bigger than i was though we were about the same height. she would always say "you are not fat! let's go to taco bell" or "you are soooo skinny". i mean compared to her and her friend who would come over ....maybe i wasn't that bad. of course i knew i was overweight by 30 pounds. i dunno...maybe she wanted me to get fatter because she'd always invite me to go eat fast food and she would buy me donuts (when i don't eat them and shouldn't eat them) randomly. i mean...c'mon. i told you several times that i am losing weight stop tempting me with donuts and chinese food.
  • New_Hope
    New_Hope Posts: 84
    My family tells me that all the time. They're also all very overweight (most are obese to morbidly obese). I think a lot of people who say that just don't want to have to admit to themselves that if you need to lose weight, then they need to lose weight as well.
  • martinbeks
    martinbeks Posts: 255 Member
    My exroommate, who is about 5'0", and around 110-120 during the time I knew her, kept telling me that when we were living together. I'm a lot taller than her (5'9") and weighed a WHOLE LOT more than her at the time (283). She was really insecure, though. I think she was worried that I'd try to steal her boyfriend or something, and was trying to psych me out. Frenemies are grand, aren't they?
  • paperpromisesx3
    paperpromisesx3 Posts: 67
    I get it here at work all the time .. "you don't need to lose weight. you're so thin". I'm SHORT so just because I weigh less, doesn't mean I'm thin. Yes I'm the thinnest one in the office ... but that doesn't mean I'm "thin" .. the most important thing is to do it for you, and listen to yourself. If you listen to other people, it won't benefit you.
  • auntiebabs
    auntiebabs Posts: 1,754 Member
    If she recognizes your issues. She can't maintain denial about her own weight problems.

    Sometimes I switch to the "it's not so much about the weight, it's more about eating right to be healthier and feel better." strategy.
    "I'm just tired of feeling like crap"

    People may contradict you on weight, but no one knows how you feel.
    While some folks say "it's okay to have a donut (or whatever) you don't have to worry about your weight" but most folks won't say "Awww, really it's okay to feel like crap"
  • jamielise2
    jamielise2 Posts: 432 Member
    It's hard to be around people who are not supportive, and I'm betting most of them have no ill intentions. The reality is that people are so careful these days to not offend ANYONE that they seek to build themselves and others up with false flattery. A good possible response to people like that is: "Thank you for saying that, but I feel uncomfortable in my own skin...so I'm going to focus on getting myself healthy so I'll feel better". Beyond that It's nobody's business. I have a cousin who was a size 6 who had gained enough weight that she felt she needed to lose weight. What she really needed was to tone her body and feel good in her own skin again.
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
    Yes. All the time.
  • kitinboots
    kitinboots Posts: 589 Member
    Yes. When I'm not talking about losing weight to begin with. I tell people I'd like to lower my bfp and tone up, and they respOnd by telling me I don't need to lose weight. It's very irritating and shows how misinformed or how bad at listening people are.
    It's either that or 'muscles on girls look gross'.
  • capriciousmoon
    capriciousmoon Posts: 1,263 Member
    Yes. I'm actually scared to admit to people that I want to lose weight because of that type of reaction. There's also the whole "If you think you're fat, what do you think about me" line of thinking.

    I had someone look at me like I was crazy because I said I'd rather bike somewhere than get a ride in a car. She thought I didn't need exercise because I don't need to lose weight.
  • terar21
    terar21 Posts: 523 Member
    Yes. I'm actually scared to admit to people that I want to lose weight because of that type of reaction. There's also the whole "If you think you're fat, what do you think about me" line of thinking.

    I had someone look at me like I was crazy because I said I'd rather bike somewhere than get a ride in a car. She thought I didn't need exercise because I don't need to lose weight.

    I find this a common situation as well. You'll never be able to satisfy any is the conclusion I've come to. I never tell people unless I know it's someone who would genuinely be happy that I'm trying to better myself. I think the expectation of what a normal body weight is has changed even though health has stayed the same. So people that are not nearing a high level of obesity are often approached differently when they say they are trying to lose weight.

    I've defaulted to "trying to get in shape and be healthy" and just leave weight out of it all together.
  • terar21
    terar21 Posts: 523 Member
    *double post
  • MikeSEA
    MikeSEA Posts: 1,074 Member
    Unless a doctor tells me I shouldn't lose weight, I like to think of something I heard Ru Paul say:

    "Other people's opinions about me are none of my business."
  • martinbeks
    martinbeks Posts: 255 Member
    I like that!
  • killerqueen17
    killerqueen17 Posts: 536 Member
    A lot of it is about perception... Particularly in parts of the country with a high obesity rate (like here in the South), people will tell a legitimately overweight person that he/she is "too skinny," just because other people they know are biggER...

    I've seen it happen, and it's happened to me. It's a cultural and social phenomenon, for sure... And maybe a bit of denial to make themselves feel better.
  • amberpryor
    amberpryor Posts: 14
    I get that all the time. And yes, I am "thin/slender" and within my healthy weight range, but I weigh more than I used to, and I see which parts of my body I still need to work on. Besides, I think it's good for EVERYONE to eat well and exercise, so it's more than just a weight-loss lifestyle... it's a healthy lifestyle.

    However, yes, I am much thinner than most people I know. Especially after having 3 kids, I know I'm lucky to have bounced back so well. (Fatter) people seem to think that we should just be happy with how we look, because "it could be worse." But I just refuse to think that way. I only see how much more I have to improve! I do, of course, try to be thankful for the assets I have, but if you go around saying "I look good!" then people think you are gloating!

    I think people say those things just to insult themselves. I'm not sure why women do that, but we do. If I say "You're so pretty/skinny/tall/whatever..." It's really a way of saying "I'm so ugly/fat/short..." It just seems part of our nature to put ourselves down. Yes, I'm sure your SIL is also trying to make it seem like she doesn't need to change her lifestyle either. As long as someone skinnier than her is "fine with her weight" then she can remain that way too.

    I used to post my progress on Facebook, but got way too much of that negativity. So I was very happy to find MyFitnessPal where I can post my health progress/questions/setback all day long, and ONLY get support! I still find it hard not to talk about my healthy goals and lifestyle around EVERYONE, and I'm working on that. It's really best if I can figure out first if the person is open to it and/or supportive of it before going on and on about how much weight I've lost or how many calories are in that, etc.
  • swilkie1961
    swilkie1961 Posts: 107 Member
    My aunt says that all the time! "You have large frame. That is why you weigh so much" But she think I look beautiful no matter how much I weigh, so I take it as her loving me! She doesn't see the fat on me, only my beauty!! :heart:
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