Wedding Ettiquette Advice Needed

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  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,614 Member
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    Invite them all. Who knows, you may hit it off with the new wife and kids and that would probably totally piss off your brother.


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  • christinajohnson
    christinajohnson Posts: 102 Member
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    Your wedding is your day. However, I also had to accept that their are *some* concessions to family when I was planning my own (which didn't happen). If it's going to break people's heart that he's not present or make you feel uncomfortable, then I would send him an invite plus one only. This may sound mean, but, just because he's your brother it doesn't mean you have to love him. He seems to make it impossible for you to try and he seems to reject you in that way. Acknowledge he's family and move on.
  • smbakke77
    smbakke77 Posts: 273 Member
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    I am inviting other children. By name. (Can you tell it annoys me I don't even know these kids' names and have never met them, nor their mother?)

    I wouldn't worry about inviting her kids especially if you've never met her or her kids. Perhaps it will lead to your brother not going to the wedding...
  • angiesteele
    angiesteele Posts: 366 Member
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    Kudos for taking the high road. Allow me to play devils advocate and promote the low road.
    This is YOUR day - f**k him.

    I agree!
  • rjmwx81
    rjmwx81 Posts: 259 Member
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    I can solve all your problems with two little words: Las Vegas.
  • rileamoyer
    rileamoyer Posts: 2,411 Member
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    Are you inviting other children of other family members (not included in the wedding party)? If you are having not inviting anyone else's kids I do not see why you should have to invite his. If you are inviting other kids then I would say you should invite them.
    This. Regardless of the circumstance of your brother and his wife, to invite 3 kids out of the 6 is punishing 3 kids who have nothing to do with your and his issues. Also, should this marriage of his work out, they will be your nieces/nephews for a long time, start out on a good foot with them.

    Otherwise - go with NO KIDS at your celebration. edited: As a second wife and step mom I spent many years attending family events with ex spouse, shared kids and her kids by another husband. Even though we don't really like each other, it was the right thing to do for the family as a whole.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
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    I wouldn't worry too much, from the way it sounds, I'd be surprised if he even shows up... even if he RSVPs.

    This. I'm sorry your brother is such a turd.
  • dls06
    dls06 Posts: 6,774 Member
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    Is it worth a war? Will it cause more stress to invite them or not?
  • Marig0ld
    Marig0ld Posts: 671 Member
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    This is tricky.

    I'd invite them all. Sounds like he wouldn't even show up, anyway. Either way, you can be the bigger person for extending the olive branch. I have family drama too and I've often thought about what I'd do if my bf and I tie the knot. I cannot believe the nerve of your brother...on vacation while his mother is on her deathbed? :noway: No wonder you don't want to invite him!

    I do hope your family find peace soon. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding and your AMAZING weight loss! You should be proud of yourself!
  • Sh1tsRainbows
    Sh1tsRainbows Posts: 1,227 Member
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    Forgot to add: CONGRATS ON YOUR BIG DAY! :D

    Children 18 years or older should receive their own invitation.

    I remember you saying you do not know the name of the children... this is OKAY! You can't keep a track of everybody! There are two ways to address the invitation:

    "Mr. John Smith
    And
    Mrs. Jane Smith
    And Family"

    or

    "The Smith Family"

    It is not necessary to include the full names of each child, even on the most formal invitations!

    THIS....and hope they dont come...are the neices and nephews old enough to come by themselves??
  • buffy612
    buffy612 Posts: 70 Member
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    I have a similar history with an older sister and younger brother. I didn't get along with them before I got engaged, so I didn't feel like I needed to have them present on our special day. When we sent out our save the date cards, I called my parents and let them know that I was not inviting my sister or brother to the wedding. Of course, they encouraged me to try and work it out because it was such a special day, but I just made it clear that I had no desire to re-hash the past issues and I just wanted peace to enjoy the day with my soon to be husband. My brother and sister didn't support me before I engaged and they certainly don't support me now. (When I visit my parents, they treat me the same as always, like I no longer exist.)

    You are ENTITLED to enjoy your day with as little stress and disruption as possible. If you want to invite the ex-wife and the kids do that; but you hold no obligation to your brother and his new wife at this stage. This is your day, make it what you want it to be and don't worry about what the "proper ettiquette" is.
  • AlmstHvn
    AlmstHvn Posts: 378 Member
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    I was just reminded of something my Dad (pastor for 40+ years, now retired) -- all the things that feel like really huge, important, life-or-death decisions about a wedding, really aren't. You need the 2 people getting married, a state-recognized official, and a license. That's about it! The flowers, the cake, the decorations, etc. - none of it has any impact on the success of the marriage.

    After sleeping on it a bit, i say invite them - brother, wife, 6 kids, even his ex if you were really close.... and don't give it another thought. If they don't show, that's their thing. If they come and behave, that's great. If they come and are twerps, well then, you and your guests will have tales to tell for many years to come :)

    NO MATTER WHAT - it's going to be a wonderful day of 2 people joining together in love. Revel in it! And have folks take lots of pictures, because you won't remember a thing when it's over!
  • Sookie_182
    Sookie_182 Posts: 72 Member
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    if its going to be a small wedding people will or should understand why you dont/ cant invite all the children! Remember this is your day and do not them ruin it on you! Hope it all works out for you and best of luck! :smile: :drinker:
  • Bigaug
    Bigaug Posts: 395 Member
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    I have an evil half sister and she is NOT coming to my wedding. If she does try to crash it I will have her arrested - no joke. My heart goes out to the OP, it's a no win situation.
  • ansata
    ansata Posts: 52
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    HEY why not invite all of us????? that way we all can share in your cake errrrr joy!!!

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