Broken Brain

sweetmelissa222 · January 2012

I have a problem... someone said something kind of horrible to me a few weeks ago and I think it broke my brain. You can see when it happened reflected in my food log because for the few days around that event I didn't eat more than 800 calories because every time I did I felt disgusting. Now I am at a point where every time I eat or log food, if I get even close to my calorie goal I feel absolutely horrible about myself. I just keep hearing what she said spinning around and around and around and all I want to do is never look at food again.
Yesterday I tried to change that by eating closer to my calories and I ended up being up 4 lbs this morning. I'm freaking disgusted and hurt and frustrated and I don't know what to do. I know that I just need to stick with it and wait for the scale to drop again and that in the long run I will do this and then I can slap her with a little reality of my own, but in the meantime everything feels like it is standing on its head.

LeilaFace · January 2012

I am so, so sorry someone has planted that kind of seed in your brain. If you gave your body low calories for a few days it probably went into survival mode and stored the influx of calories to fat in case you starved it again (this is my theory, because it's happened to me the less I eat the more I gain but is seems to make sense). Just stay close to your calorie intake and your body will even itself out again.

I feel horrible that someone could be so cruel instead of supportive. Just stick with it and you will be able to slap them with your weight loss. You are trying to be healthier and lose weight, that is all you can do. If you need more motivation add me as a friend I'm super crazy supportive

katkat1717 · January 2012

I agree. People can be cruel. I agree with leilaface. Keep going and try to ignore anybody who has a negative attitude to your lifestyle change. You are doing this for you- not them. Though, i also agree that it would be awesome to wipe the smirk off of the faces of the cruel people later when you've reached your goal. If you need support, feel free to add me.

anthony438 · January 2012

OK, 2 things:

1) What did they say?

2) Want me to smack 'em for ya?

:flowerforyou:

treehugginpam · January 2012

I'm sorry that someone said something so horrible to you. :frown: It's not easy to do, but try to remember that when people are mean and insulting it has more to do with THEM than with you. That person felt the need to lash out for some reason -- bad day, feeling jealous about your loss, needing to feel better than someone else by being mean -- but it was because of their issues, not yours.

Please don't beat yourself up over the gain, as it's most likely just temporary water weight. In order to gain 4 REAL pounds, you would've had to have eaten at least 3500 calories for each pound -- that's an extra 14,000 calories in one week! That definitely didn't happen. I do know that when I eat too far under my allotted calories that my body just revolts and the scale doesn't budge. Eating more always gets the scale going for me in those cases. If you haven't already, check out this calculator to get a good estimate of how many calories you should be eating:

http://www.freedieting.com/tools/calorie_calculator.htm

You might be surprised to find that in order to get your metabolism running right you'll need to eat much more! It's a scary prospect, but it works. I promise.

Don't listen to the negativity; you've done great so far!

sweetmelissa222 · January 2012

Thanks guys. I was in a really negative place this morning because I get the added pleasure of seeing this person every day so seeing her immediately after such a huge gain kind of spun me out.

1.) Needs a little explanation. I am in grad school and as my gift for finishing in a year and a half my parents are sending me to Europe. They aren't paying for the whole trip, but they are paying for a large chunk of it. My motivation for losing weight is not only to get healthy, but also to be in great shape when I go on my trip in late 2013 or early 2014. This person is very aware of the fact that I am planning to go to Europe and she saw me scrounging for a snack later in the day and said your really don't need to eat anything. I ignored her and she then said I hope they have big chairs in London, at which point I walked away.
If it were any other person I probably would have lost it, but because of who it was it just killed me. She has apologized, but it really hasn't helped with the sting of it.

2.) Lol, thanks but no thanks. I'm trying not to be mean back, no one wins in that situation.

anthony438 · January 2012

Reply to 1) Oh wow, that was not cool at all!!! - Just know that you're doing great, and no rude or thoughtless comments from this jack-hole can stop you

Reply to 2) Are you SURE you don't want me to smack them???

treehugginpam · January 2012

That definitely sounds like jealousy to me!!

yuckidah · January 2012

You poor bugger. People are thoughtless arses sometimes. Often even.
I also have 'brain' issues. I can't eat my calorie quota for fear of being hungry later and not having any left. Of course I never run out and in fact end up eating far too few which i KNOW is crazy, but my head tells me differently.
As a result my weight-loss only lasted 2 weeks and now, as I'm eating 700-800 most days, the scale is going UP rather than down, and it's bloody depressing.
So, our heads have a lot to answer for but I guess we have to try to over-ride the negative thoughts. Easy to say - I know how difficult it is.
Lets both try to ignore the voices in our minds and try to up our calories closer to 1200.
When you're feeling gorgeous & packing your bags for Europe you won't give a toss about the person who said such nasty things. I realise you'll never forget the sting of her words, but you'll have proven her wrong & she'll be green with envy :flowerforyou:

PinkEarthMama · January 2012

I wonder if they have better friends in Europe? Cause you certainly don't need one like THAT!

I can't get out of my own brain. I'm a recovered ( obviously ) anorexic. In my brain, not eating is GOOD for you. The way to lose weight is to NOT EAT. Guess how well that works?

I find that the only way I put on a ton of weight is salt. Did you go way over salt when you started eating again? Conversely... if you aren't " regular "... if you know what I mean... that can contribute to a big gain, too. I have super slow digestion - I seem to see some weight loss about twice a week. :-/

FatBottomGirl1213 · January 2012

What a bitc---errr, BAD PERSON! So sorry!

First of all, CONGRATS on your degree! That's awesome! And I hope you enjoy your trip! You've earned it!

You are doing great and know that your body needs sufficient calories to work. I understand the frustration with the scale, but a quick gain like that has to be mostly fluid. Regardless, any time the scale goes up, I want to chunk it out the window.

Lol, I'd send her a post card from every beautiful city visited. But, I'm mean and vengeful ;-p

dls06 · January 2012

Looking good is the best revenge. :drinker: They only win if you let them.:flowerforyou:

cmriverside · January 2012

I wish I could say I've never said a mean thing in my life.

But, sometimes our mouth is in motion before our brain is in gear.

I hope you will find it in yourself to forgive her. She tried to apologize. That is all she can do.

Reedern · January 2012

I feel your pain there... last time I went to a weigh-in, the girl that weighed me and checked my balances (who happens to be a very thin gal and I'm sure always has been) proceded to tell me that I should be losing more than 3 lbs in 2 weeks and then asked me if I was getting any exercise...wtf. I let that stick in my head for a few days and it really bothered me, but then I realized that she has no idea how my body works or what I am doing with it day after day and that I am the only one that knows how hard I am working. She can kiss my butt next time I see her! Keep pressing on! Woot Woot!

bcattoes · January 2012

You are letting her win. Likely this person was trying to throw you off track. Don't let her do it. Only you can stop her. She, whoever she is, is not worth it. You are worth it. Get back on track for yourself and those you care about.

ShrinkRapt451 · January 2012

Got this go-to response to use from another member here. I suggest you keep it in mind for when people say idiotic things like that:

"Are you saying that to be helpful, or hurtful? Because it really sounds like you meant it to be hurtful."

Great way to establish a boundary without being impolite yourself, if you can manage it in a calm tone. Most people, confronted that directly, will immediately back down.

As for your brain: another quote. Please think about this one:

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent." (Eleanor Roosevelt)

Even if the person who said it is your thesis advisor, she doesn't own you. She isn't you. That comment was rude and hurtful, but how you respond to it is up to YOU. In the grand scheme of things, she doesn't get to be the boss of your weight and healthy (or unhealthy) choices. That's your business. And since she's already apologized, I suggest you graciously accept it and then keep your interactions with her as professionally-based as possible. If you put up a "my personal life is no longer up for discussion" boundary in a polite and pleasant way, she'll get the message. I like the "oh, there's really nothing to talk about" response for when people ask about something you don't wish to discuss -- followed by a change of subject, back to professional matters. (Remember, just because someone wants to know something about you doesn't mean they're entitled to the information!)

So please be kind to yourself and your body. Nourish it properly -- not just so that you can walk all over Europe and have a great time, but also so that you enjoy your life before and after that trip!

sweetmelissa222 · January 2012

Thanks guys, this is why I love this place. Sometimes you just need someone to say, hey don't worry about it you're doing great and I got it from all of you

Broken Brain

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