HELP!! This isn't health related but I don't know what to do

Very good advice

What a horiible situation to be in!

Unfortunately, when you loan someone money, always consider it a gift not a loan, because you usually will not get it back. It sounds like you will not get it back based off your post.

She is the mother, not you....she is an adult. If she can't managed her money properly it is her fault, not yours. If you loan her money now, she will keep asking you for more and more...it is called enabling. She can go to her landlord and explain her situation and ask to make modify rent payments for a time period, she can look for a cheaper place to live, she can bring in a room mate....there are solutions availible to her that does not require her to borrow money from you.

You need to protect yourself and your future...don't put yourself into a situation that will cause more stress...if she gets angry with you over this than she is just usuing you....we can pick our friends, but cannot choose our family, but just because someone is family doesn't give them the right to treat you horribly....

Standing up to a parent is really hard....it is a difficult situation...but stand firm....you won't make her homeless, if she becomes homeless that is all her own doing...

I agree. it's a horrible feeling to deal but I do believe this is the right path to take.

I think it's time for some tough love. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this, but it sounds like your mom could very well cut and run with your $1,000. If you need that money for your wedding, then don't give it to her. It sounds like she really needs a wake up call and if you keep bailing her out, she will never learn to rely on herself. Sending you a huge hug...

Agree. I know it sounds harsh, but one thing I've learned the hard way is people have to learn from themselves and if you continuously bail them out they become dependent.

I would actually write a note/loan document, with interest, and make her sign if you choose to lend it (you can find them on the internet easily). If you don't choose to lend it I would tell her exactly why, don't lie or that puts you on the same level.

just my 2 cents....

The reason i wouldn't suggest doing this is that it if the relationship isn't already strained enough, turning it into a business proposition will. Not to mention the main point, which is that if she decides not to pay it back, because she obviously can't afford to, no document will be able to drudge up money that she doesn't have. It's essentially the equivalent of suing a person with no money. There's nothing to be gained. Besides that, it's your mother - I can't imagine you would ever take what little money she has left anyway.

My thoughts are like many others, which is that standing up to parents is probably one of the hardest things to do, but it sounds like you need to do just that. Explain to her that you've worked hard for what you have and that you are saving to make a life for yourself. A good mother would put your happiness and success in life above her own. If you feel incredibly guilty, you could do some research for her and give her some options maybe she hadn't thought of or didn't know about. Is there a way she could make money? Does she have any skills? Does she have a retirement account (not that that's a particularly great option either)? The point is that there are many options that aren't always clear or obvious, but you may be able to think of something.

Best of luck to you!

Well that is a hard decision to make. If you have had problems in the past and even present trusting your mom that does play a factor in your decision. Would she be able to get a loan from one of those credit loan places where she could make payments to them to pay it back with interest. That way she is kinda held accountable if she doesn't pay it back. Where if you lend her the money if she doesn't pay you back it may not affect her as much as if she didn't pay back a credit loan. I know those aren't the best places but sometimes you have to do what you have to do at the time.

I would really think twice before you lend her money. It could affect not only you but you and your fiance. Good luck though

What a horiible situation to be in!

Unfortunately, when you loan someone money, always consider it a gift not a loan, because you usually will not get it back. It sounds like you will not get it back based off your post.

She is the mother, not you....she is an adult. If she can't managed her money properly it is her fault, not yours. If you loan her money now, she will keep asking you for more and more...it is called enabling. She can go to her landlord and explain her situation and ask to make modify rent payments for a time period, she can look for a cheaper place to live, she can bring in a room mate....there are solutions availible to her that does not require her to borrow money from you.

You need to protect yourself and your future...don't put yourself into a situation that will cause more stress...if she gets angry with you over this than she is just usuing you....we can pick our friends, but cannot choose our family, but just because someone is family doesn't give them the right to treat you horribly....

Standing up to a parent is really hard....it is a difficult situation...but stand firm....you won't make her homeless, if she becomes homeless that is all her own doing...

^ This ^

agreed , no way. lie if you have to tell her blew the money and don't have it any more. if shes in another country she won't know. at your stage in life where you are just starting out you don't need set backs, you have all sorts of things you need, education/traiing, house , wedding all those expensive things to set up in your 20's. So you don't end up like your mum!!!!!

Shes being selfish to ask she should know that.

You don'lt have to be active in someone's life to love them, let her live and learn. I did the same with my mother for years only to have her violently attack my family. I no longer speak to or will ever speak to her again.

My best advice, surround yourself with positive and let her go. Family isn't always blood and blood sometimes hurts.

You can ask her for your omas' jewelry as collateral for the $1000.00 this way you kind of both win. If she doesn't pay you back at least you have something of value that is also sentimental I'm sure. From the sound of her history, she may have already pawned it to get out of a previous jam. Also you should not feel guilty, she tries to guilt you into getting what she needs by giving you sad stories. Yes she is your mother (and I have a similar one and I too try to give her the benefit of the doubt) but if she hasn't changed her ways by now, she never will. From my experience I doubt she feels guilt for anything she has put you through! In my Mom's world it's always everyone else's fault that she is in whatever situation arises and someone else's fault when she does something that affects me. I am almost 40 so I've grown quite tired of my mother and her lying ways- I suppose if I had money to throw around, I would give my mom what she needed but I don't and it doesn't sound like you do either. Good Luck

Your best option: "Sorry Mom, but I don't have access to it." and that's it, period.

If you're really worried - corroborate her story with someone else - the brother, perhaps. Is money really the issue, or does he want her out for other reasons? He may be tired of her stuff, too!

Don't lend her ANYthing. If you feel strongly that you should do something to help, wire a couple hundred DIRECTLY to the landlord - but not to your mother. And that's it - tell them the coffer is empty. I would announced it is a gift, so's never to have to speak about it again. If it's a loan, that opens up a whole other can of worms to try to get it back.

Good luck .. and have an AWEsome wedding!

First, I am so sorry, that totally sucks having a tough relationship with any family member, let alone your mother.
Second, I haven't read all the other posts, but honey, you have to let her bear the weight of her choices. If she is in truly dire circumstances because of something completely outside of her control thats one thing, but if she cant manage her money by now then there is nothing you can do for her. Money isn't the problem, her life decisions are.
Third, if you feel compelled to help her, then do it with an open heart, and expect nothing back from her. Do what you can to forgive her for what she has done, and if you decide to send her some money (however much), forgive her in advance for not repaying you. Plain and simple, just don't expect it to come back. Its the only way to "lend" money to family without straining the relationship.

Never loan more to a friend or family than you can afford not to get back. You are going to have to say no or it's never going to end. Tell her you won't loan the 1,000.00 to her because if for any reason she wasn't able to pay it back (not that she wouldn't want to) it would put you in a bind too. Tell her having to pay you back that big of an amount is going to be a burden on her later because her bills won't stop and it'll just add to her debt and hurt your relationship. Offer to give her a little as a gift if you feel guilty (and actually can) but leave it up to her to find a way to make the rest. Is there any way you can help her that isn't giving her money? Could you help her find a financial counselor, a second job, or a cheaper apartment? Offer and if she turns you down, she's only wanting your money, not your help.

I wouldnt loan it. 9 times out of 10 it goes bad when you "loan" money to friends or family. sure you can write out a contract but then YOU end up being the bad guy when you take them to court to get them to follow through with the contract. I would be straight with her. She wont be homeless. There are programs out there.. and you are not the only person she knows. and even churches help out if asked :-) good luck! i know how horrible it can be (we are in similar circumstances with my mother in law)

Kerce wrote earlier:
"I wouldnt lie to her, that makes you no better than her! Be straight with her and tell her you love her but you arent going to loan her the money because she needs to help herself for a change. I wouldnt even bring up the fact that you need it for your wedding. That isnt the issue, she needs to take care of herself and not depend on you all the time. You are just enabling her. Be honest and straight forward! Make sure that you tell her how much you love her and that is why you will not lend or give her the money! Here's hoping everything works out well for you both! Big hugs!"

You have been put into such a tough place - and there is lots of advice out there. I agree with Kerce that it is time to teach her some honesty, so you need to be honest about why you cannot give her this money. However, if this decision is going to hang over you, and wind you up with guilt, so that it spoils your wedding plans, you might need to agree with your fiance that you GIVE her $250 to help her out this time, but tell her never again. And others have suggested that you give it direct to your uncle for her rent, not to her, which makes a lot of sense.

At the end of the day, you have to evaluate your relationship with your mother, and you do need to emphasise that you love her, and will always love her, but your focus is now on making a new life with your fiance.

Good luck, and God bless!