Has anyone ever had this happen to them??????

Maryaly40
Maryaly40 Posts: 551 Member
edited November 8 in Chit-Chat
So I'm looking for some input on a certain subject.........Where I work, I work with men and women. So I'm friends with some of the men here, we talk and joke around about stuff, life in general etc. There's this one guy, who I don't think has ever had a "normal" conversation with me. Instead, he likes to make fun of me, mock me, embarrass me in front of others (not sure if he knows he has embarrassed me a few times). But then, there are certain ppl he doesn't do it in front of, so there's no consistency. Now, I'm married, he knows this. I'm thinking this guy really does not like me for some reason, cause it seems that he rather enjoys being somewhat "mean" to me. He walks by me and throws me the finger, calls me names. What the confusing part is I have watched him with other women here and he is a butt buster but he talks normal to them too. And yes, I have tried to start up "normal" conversations with him, they last about 2 minutes. There have been times he has told me how good looking he is, he grabs his own butt when he walks by me......is this guy a very strange dude, or what?????:huh: I just don't understand why he doesnt just TALK to me normal like he does with others......any help here would be great! I also have thought about coming right out and asking him why, but not sure how to ask. Yikes!! I've never had this happen to me before...
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Replies

  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    I wouldn't even give him the opportunity for a discussion about it. I'd go straight to HR, if I were you. Totally disrespectful and a little hostile.

    If someone treated my wife like this, they'd be surrounding the building right now.
  • Jain
    Jain Posts: 861 Member
    Yup, RoadDog is spot on. Go to either your manager or HR Dept. He sounds like he has a problem working with women.
  • atsteele
    atsteele Posts: 1,358 Member
    He's a bully. And he figures that he can get away with it with you for some reason. Make sure that he knows that he can't. Tell him that if he so much as looks at you the wrong way in the future that you'll go straight to HR. I'd make your warning short and sweet and tell him, if he protests or starts in with his crap, that the conversation is over. There is absolutely no excuse for his behavior. Anywhere. Anytime. If he likes his job, he'll stop what he has been doing... or be fired.
  • DQMD
    DQMD Posts: 193
    Tell HR. If it was not in the workplace I would tell you to put him in his place. Since it is at work..going the proper chain of command and tell HR. He shouldn't be doing that at work.
  • Yanicka1
    Yanicka1 Posts: 4,564 Member
    I wouldn't even give him the opportunity for a discussion about it. I'd go straight to HR, if I were you. Totally disrespectful and a little hostile.

    If someone treated my wife like this, they'd be surrounding the building right now.

    Agree
  • mikeyml
    mikeyml Posts: 568 Member
    It sounds to me like this guy is pretty immature and for whatever reason he is treating you like one of the guys. He probably views you as safe when it comes to being crude or quirky. What is the work environment that he's in?
  • mo_is_here
    mo_is_here Posts: 95
    I totally agree with going to HR to get this documented ASAP. I would also ignore him as much as possible. If you don't have to have contact with him in the normal course of the workday, then don't. If you walk past each other do not even make eye contact or give him the opportunity to do his 'weirdness'. Just keep walking on by like he doesnt exist. Eventually he will get the hint and give up. Hopefully.
  • felice03
    felice03 Posts: 2,644 Member
    I wouldn't even give him the opportunity for a discussion about it. I'd go straight to HR, if I were you. Totally disrespectful and a little hostile.

    If someone treated my wife like this, they'd be surrounding the building right now.


    This!
  • ednawhatnot
    ednawhatnot Posts: 93 Member
    Keep a diary of everything he says and does to you so that you have evidence to back up what you're saying. It might be worth confronting him over his boorish behaviour to find out if he has a reason for it. Is there a workmate who can come with you for moral support while you speak to him?
    If not, go to HR and tell them you find his behaviour unacceptable. If you raise an official grievance against him they have to take action. You do not have to put up with this, you're paid to do a job, not to take s*** from idiots. Good luck!
  • Maryaly40
    Maryaly40 Posts: 551 Member
    It sounds to me like this guy is pretty immature and for whatever reason he is treating you like one of the guys. He probably views you as safe when it comes to being crude or quirky. What is the work environment that he's in?

    Believe it or not....psychology. We're an insurance company for mentally ill/drug & alcohol addiction
  • ansonrinesmith
    ansonrinesmith Posts: 741 Member
    If he puts gum in your hair, then I think he likes you!
    My guess is you intimidate him or he likes you and this makes him act out.

    Tell him that they way he behaves around you will not be tolerated.
    Tell HR that you have had a discussion with him about it, so that if he escalates/retaliates it's already out there.
  • eileencorry
    eileencorry Posts: 30
    I wouldn't even give him the opportunity for a discussion about it. I'd go straight to HR, if I were you. Totally disrespectful and a little hostile.

    If someone treated my wife like this, they'd be surrounding the building right now.

    totally!
  • ansonrinesmith
    ansonrinesmith Posts: 741 Member
    If you work any any kind of government workplace, mention the No-FEAR act.
  • Shayyy01
    Shayyy01 Posts: 290 Member
    I had a neighbor that was like that and i just flat out asked him and told him i'm not okay with his childish ways and if he wants to act like that he can stay away from me. He respected me for it and we actually grew into pretty good friends. Just stand your ground.
  • Bentley2718
    Bentley2718 Posts: 1,689 Member
    HR, HR, and HR. And as someone said before, keep a dairy. Record EVERY incident, even if he just walks by you and gives you the finger, write down the date, time, and what he did. That is NOT acceptable.
  • irishgirl63
    irishgirl63 Posts: 53
    This guy sounds like a real *kitten*! I agree with the others...don't give him the time of day and next time he flips you off get in his face and tell him that will be the last time he will be doing that to you or any one else...he should get the message..
  • luv_lea
    luv_lea Posts: 1,094 Member
    I wouldn't even give him the opportunity for a discussion about it. I'd go straight to HR, if I were you. Totally disrespectful and a little hostile.

    If someone treated my wife like this, they'd be surrounding the building right now.

    Yep! I joke a LOT with guys at my work place, we throw fingers all the time/make jokes. But it's known we all are joking and playing. If it feels hostile or serious in anyway, I would agree that you should confront the situation and make it stop.
  • sixisCHANGEDjk
    sixisCHANGEDjk Posts: 243
    I wouldn't even give him the opportunity for a discussion about it. I'd go straight to HR, if I were you. Totally disrespectful and a little hostile.

    If someone treated my wife like this, they'd be surrounding the building right now.

    What he said. This guy isn't worth the time you've had to spend writing your question. I'd definitely report his behavior.
  • hazels_melody
    hazels_melody Posts: 5 Member
    Tell him that they way he behaves around you will not be tolerated.
    Tell HR that you have had a discussion with him about it, so that if he escalates/retaliates it's already out there.

    I think this is great advice. Let him know where you stand and give him the opportunity to modify his behaviour. And giving HR the heads up is a good idea too, just in case.
  • tam120
    tam120 Posts: 444 Member
    Hostile work environment, go to HR.

    Unlawful harassment is a form of discrimination that violates Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and other federal authority.

    http://www.fcc.gov/encyclopedia/understanding-workplace-harassment-fcc-staff
  • YouAreTheShit
    YouAreTheShit Posts: 510 Member
    I don't disagree with anyone that you should report the guy. Sometimes, that's best.

    The truth is, he likes you. Regardless of the fact that you're married, he is flirting with you.

    Everything he is doing is classic 3rd grade playground stuff, which can get him into trouble in the workplace.

    On the playground... it's classic "boy likes girl" stuff...

    It's the male (pea)**** spreading his feathers and wanting the hen to kaw at him.
  • Captain_Mal
    Captain_Mal Posts: 945 Member
    Sounds like you work with a giant *kitten*.
  • HauteP1nk
    HauteP1nk Posts: 2,139 Member
    This guy sounds like a complete idiot...lol At first I was going to say that maybe he had a crush on you because some men are very immature and tend to pick on the women they really like...however, his behavior is kind of bordering on harrassment and insanity!

    I would ignore him...or, if it persists I would approach him or his manager. He shouldn't be making you feel upset or uncomfortable at work.
  • KYMUSE
    KYMUSE Posts: 66
    Definitely like the idea about keeping a diary, but I'd also start with emailing HR to ask about a time when you can come in and talk to them about a situation with a coworker. Print the email(s) out and save them-gives you a dated paper trail as to the times you've tried to rectify the situation. Sadly, I've known situations like this where HR swept it under the rug and having that paper trail strengthened their case.
  • rileamoyer
    rileamoyer Posts: 2,412 Member
    Pretty cut and dried 1) He has given you the finger 2) grabbed his butt in front of you = inappropriate behavior, bording on possible sexual harassment

    Talk to HR immediately. PS: I am an HR manager with over 15 years experience. This is not a subject to be treated lightly.
  • anchorageb2
    anchorageb2 Posts: 55 Member
    Well Unfortunately I have learned that HR will do nothing till you have voiced your unapproval to him atleast 3 times. So the next time he does it be very loud and say "Thats innappropriate I do not think I have done anything to deserve that kind behavior." This will draw attention to both of you. He will either escualte it to where everyone can see what kind of work he is or he will stop. The more witnesses to his behavior the better. Or you can do the opposite and just pretend you do not see him or hear him after asking him to stop and reporting it to someone higher up.

    If most of the times he does this is when you two are alone in a room you need to be very vocal voicing your opinion of not being left alone with him at any point. You never know someone may finally break down and tell you what he is thinking you did.
    I hate when people try to say OH he likes you because guess what? NOT EVERYONE will like you. Sorry just does not happen not even for Jesus. What that guy was doing was not some school boy crush that was being spiteful and mean. He either thinks he is defending someone by thinking he is revenging them or He really just does not like you. If your the only one who has the issues with him they may see you as the problem. Learn how to deal with it because in your field you are gonna see it a lot! Not everyone will be happy about being clean or they way you handle them and others will hear something you did and treat you different for it.
  • elgo1819
    elgo1819 Posts: 23
    If you don't want to take the HR step immediately, the way I handled a similar situation (except it was another guy), is just look him square in the eye, and ask if he has a problem with you professionally.

    It doesn't need to be aggressive, insisting, or rude. It's the workplace. He needs to respect that.

    All else fails, HR.
  • rileamoyer
    rileamoyer Posts: 2,412 Member
    I would, also, DOCUMENT every occurance. You should, if you feel comfortable, tell him to stop and document that as well. Each company has a little different internal policy as to how to report. Look in your employee hand book (if you have one). Documentation is the key.
  • mikeyml
    mikeyml Posts: 568 Member
    It sounds to me like this guy is pretty immature and for whatever reason he is treating you like one of the guys. He probably views you as safe when it comes to being crude or quirky. What is the work environment that he's in?

    Believe it or not....psychology. We're an insurance company for mentally ill/drug & alcohol addiction

    Wow, I was not expecting that one! lol

    The real question here is: Do you feel threatened or abused by this guy? If you feel like this guy has malicious intent and is purposefully degrading / mocking you, then by all means keep a diary and report his actions to HR.

    When I read your original post, my initial thought was "this guy just thinks he's funny." I've had guys treat me this way because I'm a guy and that's how a lot of immature guys act. Only you know if he is trying to be a funny guy or if he is being a bit evil. Hope that helps.
  • bigdawg025
    bigdawg025 Posts: 774 Member
    First things first... you need to tell HIM face-to-face to stop. It has already gone too far. If you don't address it to him first there is a chance that HR won't take your claim seriously until it's too late. Once you have asked him to stop... then if he continues his behavior then it's time to go to HR. It wouldn't hurt to set up a meeting with them anyway, but they will almost certainly ask you if you have told him to stop doing what he's doing.

    This guy sounds like a real douche canoe. I think he does like you in some sick twisted way... like the 3rd grader on the playground as someone else commented.
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