boys boys... (dating)
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Everything I read about men, is that if a man really wants to be with you, they will make time for you and go out of their way to assist in your life, to be part of it, not take away from it.
#2 wants to be with you. he wants to share with you. He goes out of his way to impress you (like the male species does), he wants to provide as a team with you.
I know breaking someone's heart is not on your top of the list to a great day, but it's not often men will go out of their way, it always means he totally digs you, and that is super cool.0 -
boy 2.0
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My objective answer is try being alone.0
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Does boy #1 have an existing life insurance policy or a large amount of wealth? If so, stay with boy #1. :bigsmile:0
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#2!0
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If you think of nothing else consider your kids... which one do you want as a role model for them? One that sits on the couch playing video games leading an unhealthy lifestyle or one who actively likes to spend time with them.
I tell guys I am thinking of getting involved with "date me date my daughter".
Face it.... you knew the answer before you even posted this
Change is scary... take a chance as opposed to wondering what if.0 -
From reading your post, it's obvious that you've already subconsciously chosen boy #2. He seems like a much healthier (physically and emotionally) choice for your life.0
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You have only been seeing Boy #1 for 6 months, he has never met your children and you have never met his family. I don't think that is like a serious relationship. I don't think you should feel bad ending things, he should understand that a 33 year old woman can't sacrifice the rest of her life for someone in his position. It sounds like he was subconsciously waiting for you to move onto a more appropriate relationship, if that makes you feel better. Maybe you could remain friends with him?wow... thanks for the overwhelming response. i think yeah i should go ahead w boy number 2. i just now gotta decide how/when to talk to boy 1 and get past all of this... i know many have commented on his behavior and all... he is a good person and when we are together we have a great time.. but he needs me and i don't need him... we've come past a point of being committed... and if he were my husband most people would say different... that the relationship is about not walking away from each other when the support is most needed... when i say the man is sick... i mean sick... like a lot of bathroom issues, difficulty breathing, ect... it's not guilt i feel...it's love. tossing him to the side because he's a dying man who can't fulfill certain needs in my life seems like a kick in the face... especially because i've known from the beginning that getting serious with him would certainly mean that some things i would never be able to do because he simply can't... we've had that talk so many times and he's been left several times over for the same thing... because people don't understand that he just can't... my heart breaks. i'm basically someone who committed into a difficult relationship and now pretty much cheated and am going to dump him off to fend for himself so i can move on with life... kinda makes me sound like a jerk.
for those who asked what he did before me... well before me it had been a long time since his first medical "death" and pacemaker... he had the second right before we met.. which put him out of work for over 2 months and sank him in medical debt... now he's only living to keep lights on, stay in his apt and pay for the crap they did to keep him alive... leaving him with a life that's barely livable... before that happened he was doing well for himself on his own...0 -
You seem to be more of a caretaker to boy #1, not a relationship. I'm for boy 2. You can't be responsible for someone else's person happiness. Making a clean break with #1 may hurt a lot at first, it stinks when both people are decent people, but take a chance, make a change and go with number 2 (slowly).0
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Think about it this way, there are people in this world who have been through devastating loss (hurricanes, earthquakes, bombs, fires, etc. etc.). Haven't you known or seen anyone (maybe on TV or in the news) who has gone through something traumatic and still finds happiness and peace? And you wonder how they can? I think it's a choice to be happy, and you cannot make that choice for Boy 1. Don't let yourself think you will be his savior if you stay with him. Your duty is to yourself and your existing family - will you be a more whole person by taking care of Boy 1? It sounds much more like you are whole with Boy 2. You mentioned that you make "a great team". What does an imaginary future look like with Boy 1 and Boy 2? Do you have regrets or misgivings?
I really think it would be a mistake to commit to Boy 1. If you try to break up with him, he might try emotional manipulation to make you feel guilty for leaving him in his state. Make sure you are prepared to deal with that. You have already outdone yourself and, frankly, it sounds like are manipulated already because of his condition(s). I hope I haven't said too much - I hope you will know what to do!0 -
What I would do is post your entire sordid love life on a community bulleting board and solicit the advice of total stangers and then make life decisions on all the feedback you receive. Really folks????? Maybe email Kim Kardashian and ask her what she would do in this situation. Cmon... isnt there and HRM question in here somewhere??? (feeling snarky today...)0
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My objective answer is try being alone.
i've spent so much time alone... it's really time to move on and try to find someone i want to share my life with in some way.0 -
Does boy #1 have an existing life insurance policy or a large amount of wealth? If so, stay with boy #1. :bigsmile:
this is funny... someone else told me to marry him before he dies and collect ss.. lol really not my thing.0 -
What I would do is post your entire sordid love life on a community bulleting board and solicit the advice of total stangers and then make life decisions on all the feedback you receive. Really folks????? Maybe email Kim Kardashian and ask her what she would do in this situation. Cmon... isnt there and HRM question in here somewhere??? (feeling snarky today...)
do you know what it's called when you make negative remarks on **** on the internet that you don't care about??? A TROLL. if you don't care or think it's stupid... then don't read it or waste your time commenting... no one likes trolls.0 -
It sounds like you have already made up your mind. believe me once you make the move and get boy # 1 out of your life the weight of the world will feel like it has been lifted from your shoulders. Do for YOU0
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I hate to say it I am all for Team 2!
You have said it yourself in your post, what each brings to the table. Team 1 - no life vitality, doesnt do jack. Team 2 - full of life and vitality.0 -
I suspect the only thing that is holding you to number 1 is sympathy over his heart condition and leaving him that way makes you feel guilty.
Going by what you are saying he has given up on life and if you stay with him it will suck yours out of you.
Yep, and I've been there. You will resent him for it eventually, and then you'll resent yourself for wasting years catering to someone because you felt sorry for him.
Your choice is clear and you know it -- number 2 all the way. He's making an effort, and that hints at your potential relationship with him being a balanced one....unlike the one you have with number 1 (which is terribly one-sided).
You deserve better, so go and get it. Maybe your absence will make number 1 figure things out for himself and get his life in order...which it should have already been at his age. If you stay, you're enabling him, and that's not fair to either one of you.0 -
Couple of points:
1. Weigh the pros and cons of staying with the boyfriend in light of where you see yourself both now and in the future.
2. Determine your current "role" in the relationship (caretaker? girlfriend? soul mate?) and ask yourself are you willing to remain in that role for the foreseeable future?
3. Can you imagine being a widow (Not being crude, but something to think about)?
If you do decide to go to Boy #2, you need to:
1. Finish correctly, i.e. break up with boyfriend in a way that's honest, forthright and with sensitivity.
2. Allow a good deal of time to pass before you transition over to the other guy. Breathe and be "unattached" for a minute. Do some introspection.
3. Weigh the pros and cons for and against the new relationship.
All the Best!0 -
Be happy, do not settlle, i agree with one of the other posters, By posting this about the situation, you have already answered your questions. Good luck.0
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Sounds like you're hanging on to #1 out of guilt and for staying in your comfort zone.
Boy #2 is the one you need to be with.
Been there, done that..... TRUST ME!!!! Almost identical situation. Dump #1 and go for #2 before it's too late. If boy 2 truely is how he sounds, you will NOT be sorry.... Matter of fact, you will be soooo happy. It will be hard at first, but you gotta do it.0 -
Have confidence in yourself AND in your judgement, and make YOUR choice. It's YOUR life that we are talking about here, and nobody else's. I know that this is not an easy decision to make, but let your heart speak.
I know what you're going through and that things are very different when kids are in the picture. When I took my decision, I knew it was the right one.
You don't owe anything to anybody. But you owe to yourself to be happy.
Wish you the best! You deserve it.0 -
The best recommendation I can make is to avoid men at all costs. Its gotten me very far in life.0
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I agree with almost all the post on here. You have posted this question obviously your current relationship isn't where you'd like it to be, you see something in #2 that you are looking for.
If you are questioning which one is the better choice then you chose what is best for you if you are asking because you can't decide because neither is what you want, then maybe like another person said neither are best for you. And you need to take a break from and relationships and just stick with friendships for a while.0 -
Many reasons to keep boy 2 and ditch boy 1... my #1 reason may be a surprise to you, though, and it may not. Being someone who is passionate about psychology... you are in a completely CODEPENDENT relationship with boy 1 whether you know it or not. It's comepletely unhealthy for you. It's a classic "caregiver/patient"-like situation. You enjoy "taking care of him"... was the dead giveaway. The guy is a loser... from your description of him anyway (I cannot say for sure because I only know what's in this post). Also... basically dying twice, being extremely obese, and wearing a pacemaker aren't things that might suggest there is much of a future there.
You seem to have A LOT in common with boy 2... and these all seem to be POSITIVE things. I can see this one being a very healthy relationship for both of you and your children as well. Just from the way you've described both of them... boy 2 far outshines boy 1 and treats you and your kids very well. What does boy 1 do in regards to your children, if anything at all???0 -
I'm Team 2!!
As for the boyfriend, what can I say??? For having his life given back to him and to choose to spend it like that is a slap in the face of God! I understand that sometimes we get into a rut and feel sorry for ourselves, but don't bring others down with you.
You are not responsible for his health or his happiness, only yours. This seems like a toxic relationship to me.
This! X0 -
Do what ever makes you happy. It's pretty clear from the way you wrote the descriptions which one you prefer. If you really think you aren't sure then flip a coin. While it's in the air you'll know which outcome you're hoping to see.0
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I am for Team 2 as well!! Boy #1 isn't offering anything into your life and you are too young to be weighed down. You got to live your life too....even though it may seem harsh or mean to him.0
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wow... thanks for the overwhelming response. i think yeah i should go ahead w boy number 2. i just now gotta decide how/when to talk to boy 1 and get past all of this... i know many have commented on his behavior and all... he is a good person and when we are together we have a great time.. but he needs me and i don't need him... we've come past a point of being committed... and if he were my husband most people would say different... that the relationship is about not walking away from each other when the support is most needed... when i say the man is sick... i mean sick... like a lot of bathroom issues, difficulty breathing, ect... it's not guilt i feel...it's love. tossing him to the side because he's a dying man who can't fulfill certain needs in my life seems like a kick in the face... especially because i've known from the beginning that getting serious with him would certainly mean that some things i would never be able to do because he simply can't... we've had that talk so many times and he's been left several times over for the same thing... because people don't understand that he just can't... my heart breaks. i'm basically someone who committed into a difficult relationship and now pretty much cheated and am going to dump him off to fend for himself so i can move on with life... kinda makes me sound like a jerk.
for those who asked what he did before me... well before me it had been a long time since his first medical "death" and pacemaker... he had the second right before we met.. which put him out of work for over 2 months and sank him in medical debt... now he's only living to keep lights on, stay in his apt and pay for the crap they did to keep him alive... leaving him with a life that's barely livable... before that happened he was doing well for himself on his own...
Still boy 2 x0 -
Couple of points:
1. Weigh the pros and cons of staying with the boyfriend in light of where you see yourself both now and in the future.
2. Determine your current "role" in the relationship (caretaker? girlfriend? soul mate?) and ask yourself are you willing to remain in that role for the foreseeable future?
3. Can you imagine being a widow (Not being crude, but something to think about)?
If you do decide to go to Boy #2, you need to:
1. Finish correctly, i.e. break up with boyfriend in a way that's honest, forthright and with sensitivity.
2. Allow a good deal of time to pass before you transition over to the other guy. Breathe and be "unattached" for a minute. Do some introspection.
3. Weigh the pros and cons for and against the new relationship.
All the Best!
some wise words thank you.0
This discussion has been closed.
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