body bashing

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jazzalea
jazzalea Posts: 412 Member
in Motivation and Support
I love this site and most of the people on here and I know these comments aren't intended this way but does anyone else get discouraged when for example.....


you've lost 80 pounds and feeling great about yourself cuz you are DOWN to 250 pounds from over 300 and then someone posts their before and after pics of them STARTING at 250 and down to 120.....

My problem is when they make comments about "how embarrassing their before pics are.... or say things like gross or yuck....."when their before is still better than my after:sad: :sad:

I'm happy for their success and I can't wait to reach a healthy weight too!.... I'm just tired of feeling like a leper until I get there and when I see people posting how embarassed they WERE to be the weight I AM.... it gets to me :)
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Replies

  • ilike2moveit
    ilike2moveit Posts: 776 Member
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    I'm sure they aren't trying to be hurtful. Maybe try to keep in mind that everyone is on their own journey. Best wishes to you!
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
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    The issue you're really facing here is that YOU have poor feelings about yourself. You see yourself as still not good enough even after the work you've done. So the comments other people make get to you because they trigger your poor feelings. Once you start to fix the issues you have with the way you see yourself, what other people have to say will be of little consequence to you. They're talking about the feelings they have about themselves, not you.

    Don't make this healthy lifestyle you're adopting strictly physical. Get inside of your head and get some workouts in there as well. Good luck.
  • cloud2011
    cloud2011 Posts: 898 Member
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    I also see the opposite...someone who's so proud to be down to my current weight and they feel fantastic. I guess I see that I must not be all that bad at 233, if other people are celebrating to be there. (I started at 263). My goal is 135, which I haven't been in years (I'm 48).

    I understand what you're saying, though. I guess it shows self-worth is emotional and mental, not fixed by some outside objective criteria.

    Sort of like someone who struggles to earn a "C" in a class feels prouder about success than someone who earns an "A" without any effort.

    I think most of our culture would have more understanding of weight and weight loss if they could read the stories of people on MFP. It takes an amazing amount of willpower, dedication, devotion, ability to change, and courage to decide you need to do this for yourself.

    You have that courage, and you obviously have taken all of the hard steps to get where you are today.

    I saw your pictures and your transformation is incredible. Really, super, amazing. Give yourself a giant pat on the back!
  • jazzalea
    jazzalea Posts: 412 Member
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    sighs.... I should stop talking......


    I don't have poor self esteem..... I think my body is fantastic ( now I'm conceited)

    My point was that ON MY JOURNEY TO HERE.....

    I would often log in feeling great about HOW I LOOKED..... and then see a person saying their "AHA" moment was when they discovered they were 50 pounds lighter than I am now..... or then.... or whatever......

    All I' was asking .... ( and boy am I sorry I started this)..... was does anyone else find it discouraging ?

    sheesh......
  • sweet_lotus
    sweet_lotus Posts: 194 Member
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    I think it's an "everything is relative" type of situation.

    Focus on yourself and your own achievements. You certainly have a lot to be proud of!

    And no body is disgusting. Anyone who calls themself "gross" has a problem with self hatred. Just ignore it.
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
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    Your thread is titled "body bashing" and you said *you* felt discouraged when other people bash their before bodies which is your "after" body. You did not ask what discourages other people. You asked if others are discouraged by the same thing you are. There was no failure to understand you. You didn't ask what you thought you were asking.
  • timadotcom
    timadotcom Posts: 674 Member
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    I think everyone has insecurities about themselves, no one is perfect. This site is great for support but still there are those out there who think it is funny to make negative comments about others. Once you realize that people who spew out these comments have low self-esteem, or whatever other issues they are going through, then you begin to feel sorry for them. Some people need constant attention on them and will do anything to get that attention.

    You have lost a lot of weight and you should not need anyone to tell you how great you are doing! you know you're awesome, now you just need to act like it!!

    --

    I just read your update and honestly the only thing that discourages me is my own actions. Others' results on here are only an encouragement because I have yet to see a person who tracks their weight gain, so when I see someone who is constantly loosing it motivates me.
  • Amazongirl
    Amazongirl Posts: 16
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    I see your point - and I do understand. I think that seeing and reading these comments can be both discouraging and also VERY motivating!!! I don't think that the people who are posting this are thinking about anyone but themselves and reflecting on how they felt at a certain point in their lives....and now see how much better they feel and look - according to their own standards of themselves. I think that if seeing these things discourages you - avoid them like the plague - and only look to things that will keep you going and motivated! I like looking at these stories - because it gives me hope - to see someone who was exactly where I am right now - and then see all of their success, it makes me believe that I can actually get there - and motivates me to stay the course. But again - I can see how this could also be interpreted by some as discouraging.
  • cms6300
    cms6300 Posts: 163
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    You're entitled to feel how you feel. I personally don't get it.
    Related side-note: I read your profile and find you and your journey to be incredibly inspirational.
    Have a great weekend.



    sighs.... I should stop talking......


    I don't have poor self esteem..... I think my body is fantastic ( now I'm conceited)

    My point was that ON MY JOURNEY TO HERE.....

    I would often log in feeling great about HOW I LOOKED..... and then see a person saying their "AHA" moment was when they discovered they were 50 pounds lighter than I am now..... or then.... or whatever......

    All I' was asking .... ( and boy am I sorry I started this)..... was does anyone else find it discouraging ?

    sheesh......
    [/quote]
  • HauteP1nk
    HauteP1nk Posts: 2,139 Member
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    Don't take it personally...they aren't directing their comments to you.

    People talk badly about themselves - we are our worst own enemies! We look in the mirror and say harsh and cruel things about ourselves. We don't judge others half as badly as we judge ourselves.

    We should really learn not to do that though.

    Iif we said the things we say about our own bodies to our friends we wouldn't have any friends...
  • p0stdramatic
    p0stdramatic Posts: 372
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    Are you at your ideal weight now? Are you where you want to be? If you are, then who cares what anyone else says? Also, weight is relative. I look great at 155 pounds, but someone who is 5'3 might not.

    If you aren't at your ideal weight/size, then use it as motivation to get there. Then you can post your pictures and say "I went from this to THIS!"

    No, it doesn't discourage me, it inspires me.
  • KarmaxKitty
    KarmaxKitty Posts: 901 Member
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    I dont find it discouraging, I find it motivating. I'm already down on myself for everything, so seeing someone else do it makes me want it even more. All a matter of perspective. I have days I feel good about my body, and then days I HATE my body. I want to change that, which s the whole point of my weight loss. It takes a lot of work to get comfortable. Don't feel discouraged. You are comfortable with yourself at a point when some people are not. Doesn't that say something awesome about YOU?
  • DirtyHippieFeet
    DirtyHippieFeet Posts: 22
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    I've felt that; I almost followed this girl's blog on Tumblr until I looked at her before pics where she was much smaller than I am now and talking about how disgusting she was (although her goal was something like 125 lbs at 5'11"). I was crying by the time I closed her page.

    Then I reminded myself that it's relative. If they haven't been bigger than that, they may truly feel the way that they say. Someone who has truly been where you have will feel differently; ask yourself how you feel now looking at pictures from before you started this journey. You're right to feel great and be proud of your success, no matter what point anyone else is at on their journeys.
  • Butterfly3730
    Butterfly3730 Posts: 220
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    The issue you're really facing here is that YOU have poor feelings about yourself. You see yourself as still not good enough even after the work you've done. So the comments other people make get to you because they trigger your poor feelings. Once you start to fix the issues you have with the way you see yourself, what other people have to say will be of little consequence to you. They're talking about the feelings they have about themselves, not you.

    Don't make this healthy lifestyle you're adopting strictly physical. Get inside of your head and get some workouts in there as well. Good luck.

    This
  • Articeluvsmemphis
    Articeluvsmemphis Posts: 1,987 Member
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    sighs.... I should stop talking......


    I don't have poor self esteem..... I think my body is fantastic ( now I'm conceited)

    My point was that ON MY JOURNEY TO HERE.....

    I would often log in feeling great about HOW I LOOKED..... and then see a person saying their "AHA" moment was when they discovered they were 50 pounds lighter than I am now..... or then.... or whatever......

    All I' was asking .... ( and boy am I sorry I started this)..... was does anyone else find it discouraging ?

    sheesh......

    lol, YEP you're conceited, let's proceed to bash you about that :) I understand exactly what you are saying. an Yes, it is funny to see people complain about being at a certain weight that I can't wait to get to. But yeah everyone's journey is different and that's why we should all take pride in our own success, congratulate others when it's due, and not get distracted on our own prize
  • bjshields
    bjshields Posts: 677 Member
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    I know what you're talking about. Just be careful what you post and try not to take it to heart when people are mean or thoughtless. And congrats to you for progress!:happy:
  • sandislim
    sandislim Posts: 264
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    I also see the opposite...someone who's so proud to be down to my current weight and they feel fantastic. I guess I see that I must not be all that bad at 233, if other people are celebrating to be there. (I started at 263). My goal is 135, which I haven't been in years (I'm 48).

    I understand what you're saying, though. I guess it shows self-worth is emotional and mental, not fixed by some outside objective criteria.

    Sort of like someone who struggles to earn a "C" in a class feels prouder about success than someone who earns an "A" without any effort.

    I think most of our culture would have more understanding of weight and weight loss if they could read the stories of people on MFP. It takes an amazing amount of willpower, dedication, devotion, ability to change, and courage to decide you need to do this for yourself.

    You have that courage, and you obviously have taken all of the hard steps to get where you are today.

    I saw your pictures and your transformation is incredible. Really, super, amazing. Give yourself a giant pat on the back!

    ^^This totally!
  • fatty_to_fitty
    fatty_to_fitty Posts: 544 Member
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    I think this is a reflection of how you judge yourself not of how others judge you.

    They have a right to have been upset with how they were and to make a change. It is not a dig at you and you shouldn't really call them on it.

    Maybe it bothers me that I am not 'fat enough' for anyone to give a crap? Like I have to go on getting bigger and bigger before I can get a pat on my back for turning my life around? I know you are not saying that but can you it is the same thing?

    You are doing a great job by being healthy every day and any move towards a healthier you is worth shouting about. Size is irrelevant you are the one focusing on it not others.
  • fitplease
    fitplease Posts: 647 Member
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    Keep in mind it is how they feel about themselves. It is not how they feel about you. However, the experience may be similar. It's just that they started at a heavier weight than you did. When you lose more weight, you may feel the same way about yourself being heavier. We all do, to some degree, I think. --- I know I do. For me, looking at old pics I think to myself thoughts like "how did I let it get to that point?" and rejoice in that I've lost. I like how I feel at the lighter weight. I didn't like it so much when I was heavier.


    HTH
  • fatty_to_fitty
    fatty_to_fitty Posts: 544 Member
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    Don't make this healthy lifestyle you're adopting strictly physical. Get inside of your head and get some workouts in there as well. Good luck.

    This too, she said it better?

    Fat is a mentality.

    I lost a lot of weight a few years ago, 40lb and I looked so good. But I looked in the mirror and cried one day because I realised I was still me. Being thin doesn't miraculously turn your life around but a better mentality that comes with it will help.
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