A Spouse that Doesn't Get it

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dkatzoff
dkatzoff Posts: 3 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
My husband is super supportive of almost everything, but he doesn't get that this diet is a lifestyle change & I need him on board too. He has no problem with his weight himself so he doesn't get it. When we've gone down this weight loss road before it's been fad diets that I just stuck to & they didn't really effect him. He is having a hard time not eating junk food in front of me all the time & respecting that I need him to change his lifestyles too in support. I am doing awesome on my own, but whenever he is around it is a struggle (especially the weekends). I am sure I am not the only person out there with this issue, so I'd appreciate advice please!
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  • Tmh240
    Tmh240 Posts: 1 Member
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    Mine is the same way!! I do great during the week, but on the weekend my husband loves to be in the kitchen fixing all sorts of "bad foods" He usually eats a dessert everynight and the will power is so hard not to join in. So I decided that while he has his sweets I will have a healthy snack instead. He has zero interest in losing weight or excersising. It is an everyday struggle and I am hoping it will get easier as time progresses.
  • ericapage
    ericapage Posts: 108 Member
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    I saw a similar post once and a member had some good advice. He said that this is a lifestyle you are choosing to make. If your husband/friend/roomate doesn't want or need to lose weight they shouldn't be forced to eat what you eat or to avoid thier favorite foods. I am in the same boat as you and my husband brings bad food in the house all the time. We need to learn that these kind of temptations will always be around us and we have to learn to stay strong and make healthy alternative choices. Once night my husband brought home stuff for root beer floats. I passed and instead made a low fat pb&j english muffin with tea. As time goes on, it will get easier and easier. Best of luck to you!
  • maidentl
    maidentl Posts: 3,203 Member
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    Honestly, if his weight isn't an issue for him he should not have to change to accommodate you. The change that needs to happen is within yourself. You've got to learn how to live and eat around people who don't share your goals. I know it's hard but it's not fair to expect him to not eat what he wants to eat in his own home.
  • lina1131
    lina1131 Posts: 2,246 Member
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    I feel like I need to mention that I actually lost 50 pounds before I got pregnant and i'm back trying to lose the baby weight, so I feel qualified to answer :laugh:

    Honestly, I never expected my husband to change the way he ate just because I decided to eat healthier and lose weight. I made what I wanted for dinner and he ate it or he didn't and ate something else. Sometimes he would want something specific that I would make for him and just alter it for myself ( example: Spaghetti, I would make normal for him and just use a little noodles for me and add zucchini to mine or a hamburger I would make his normal and use sandwich thin and no cheese for mine - you get the point). Most times he ate what I ate. He snacked on things I didn't want/shouldn't have and it didn't bother me because I knew that me not eating those things just made me stronger in this journey.

    Good luck!
  • daffodilsoup
    daffodilsoup Posts: 1,972 Member
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    I don't think it's too much to ask for your spouse to be supportive, but asking him to change his lifestyle because you want to lose weight isn't really fair.

    Unfortunately, we can't remove temptation from the world around us - there will always be things there to tempt us. Consider it practice in willpower and self-control - it's fine to look to your spouse for support, but there's nothing that says he has to change the way he eats as well. If he does, it should be because he wants to better himself.
  • sandown12
    sandown12 Posts: 648 Member
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    My guys slim hes a construction worker he never supports me always tries to sabotarge haha Im doing htis for me and me only thats the only way it'll work,if he started it with you then gave up you'd be likely too.
    Just do this on your own and watch his face when you succeed x
  • techigirl78
    techigirl78 Posts: 128 Member
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    Maybe determine what you can and cannot control yourself around. For instance, I am bad with livewire mountain dew and vanilla ice cream. I can deal with other snacks and sweets. Some are really easy and it gets harder with different things. For the ones you really love or it would be really hard to see all the time, maybe ask for those to be kept away. For instance, I don't care about coke/sprite, dark chocolate, chips, and gummy bears. He can keep those all over the house and it doesn't bother me.
  • kit_katty
    kit_katty Posts: 994 Member
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    Personally I think it's a balance. If the situation was reversed I'd want to help to a certain extent. Not giving up all "bad foods" but not hindering by compromising on healthier dinners and such. Good luck.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    I would never ask or expect an adult to make changes to his or her lifestyle just because I decided to change mine.

    You have a right to ask him to maybe hide his junk food if you are likely to raid the cupboard, but otherwise, leave him alone. He doesn't want to make the changes in his diet and he shouldn't have to. Maybe he doesn't like that YOU'RE changing. Is it fair of him to ask you not to make this lifestyle change because he doesn't want to make it? No? Then why is it OK for you to make such a demand on him?
  • sandown12
    sandown12 Posts: 648 Member
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    I dont find 'junk food' a problem in the house at all I have children who have 1 thing a day and my partner he eats what hes likes is very slim and fit I wouldnt dream of telling them they cant have it,tbh we are surrounded by it everywhere shops takeawys etc
  • mab33
    mab33 Posts: 242 Member
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    It's definitely difficult. My husband thinks that my attempt to lose weight is a personal affront to him. It's led to a lot of fights lately and we never fought before. I wish I knew what to tell you.
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
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    My husband is sometimes the same way. He sometimes says things like "you don't even need to lose any more weight". I just answer that too much junk food is unhealthy and I'm not eating it no matter how thin I get.

    I honestly do not understand people who eat a lot of junk food just because they don't get fat. Junk food is very hard on your body even if you don't gain weight from it. My MIL and BIL are both people that don't gain weight no matter what they eat. She is now in her 70's and in very poor health - heart disease, high BP, last year had a stroke. And my BIL, who is just one year older than me but has always been very thin, has just been told he's insulin resistant and if he doesn't change his diet will likely become diabetic. His LDL values are also marginally high. He, at least, is following his doctor's advice and making diet changes.
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
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    I'll be honest....

    This is YOUR lifestyle choice and not his. Why should he be forced to follow your lifestyle choices and give up the things he enjoys? You can not (and should not) force someone to do something they have no interest in doing. It sounds to me like he's happy and content with the choices he makes. Don't nag him about what he's eating. You are both adults. He doesn't want to be told what to do and not to do.

    Make better choices for yourself, but don't expect him to change his life just because you say he should.
  • 76tech
    76tech Posts: 1,455 Member
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    He is having a hard time not eating junk food in front of me all the time & respecting that I need him to change his lifestyles too in support.

    I think expecting him to change his habits because you need to is a bit much. As much support as we can all get, it's still a solitary effort. Expecting someone to support you is one thing, expecting them to change is different, and I think a little unreasonable.

    When you change your lifestyle, you lead by example. Maybe he will too, but don't make your success dependent on his changing. You're better and stronger than that.
  • mllowe2
    mllowe2 Posts: 50 Member
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    I completely understand your frustration! My husband eats what he wants, when he wants but he is a very active person (runs 5-6 miles everyday plus p/t 3 times a week) so I've just learned to stop letting it annoy me. That's all you can do...good luck and hang in there!
  • PinkEarthMama
    PinkEarthMama Posts: 987 Member
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    As long as it is not deliberate sabotage ( Like my husband bringing me ice cream, or mcdonalds... or pizza ), I am not sure there is much you can do. i've asked mine to please keep his junk food in the basement where his TV is. That way I'm not tempted to eat it instead of real food.
  • AmberJslimsAWAY
    AmberJslimsAWAY Posts: 2,468 Member
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    In my opinion, this is a lifestyle change YOU want to make, not him. I understand that it can be hard without his support, but (please don't take this how it's going to sound) you have to be stronger. He shouldn't be forced to change his life simply because you are, You just have to be stronger, and have more self control. Maybe when he sees how awesomly sexy you've become, he'll jump on board too ;)
  • UpEarly
    UpEarly Posts: 2,555 Member
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    I would never ask or expect an adult to make changes to his or her lifestyle just because I decided to change mine.

    I agree with this completely. My husband eats what he wants (Dr. Pepper, Doritos, double chocolate muffins, General Tso's chicken, canned ravioli, entire frozen pizzas, etc, etc) in front of me with reckless abandon.

    I figure that I alone am responsible for the food I put in my mouth. It's not fair for me to tell him he can't have [whatever food] because I'm choosing not to eat it.

    I would love it if my husband made healthier choices, but I'm not here to force him to change. He'll come around to healthy eating/regular exercise when he's ready - and that may be never.
  • DollHouseKiera
    DollHouseKiera Posts: 46
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    I'll be honest....

    This is YOUR lifestyle choice and not his. Why should he be forced to follow your lifestyle choices and give up the things he enjoys? You can not (and should not) force someone to do something they have no interest in doing. It sounds to me like he's happy and content with the choices he makes. Don't nag him about what he's eating. You are both adults. He doesn't want to be told what to do and not to do.

    Make better choices for yourself, but don't expect him to change his life just because you say he should.

    Well said.

    I learned long ago that this is MY process and MY body. If i get sabatoged, it's ME that gets the blame. No one can derail you without your permission. You have to let them. Learn to focus on what you are doing and not on what others are doing and you'll be fine.
  • fj211
    fj211 Posts: 95
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    He is having a hard time not eating junk food in front of me all the time & respecting that I need him to change his lifestyles too in support.

    I think expecting him to change his habits because you need to is a bit much. As much support as we can all get, it's still a solitary effort. Expecting someone to support you is one thing, expecting them to change is different, and I think a little unreasonable.

    When you change your lifestyle, you lead by example. Maybe he will too, but don't make your success dependent on his changing. You're better and stronger than that.

    I agree. My boys eat healthier because I'm still the one doing the cooking. However, they had chocolate ice cream Saturday night and it was ok . I just left the room and let them enjoy their sweets.

    Ask yourself this--am I assigning this too much importance because I'm looking for a reason to quit?

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