A Spouse that Doesn't Get it

dkatzoff
dkatzoff Posts: 3 Member
edited November 8 in Health and Weight Loss
My husband is super supportive of almost everything, but he doesn't get that this diet is a lifestyle change & I need him on board too. He has no problem with his weight himself so he doesn't get it. When we've gone down this weight loss road before it's been fad diets that I just stuck to & they didn't really effect him. He is having a hard time not eating junk food in front of me all the time & respecting that I need him to change his lifestyles too in support. I am doing awesome on my own, but whenever he is around it is a struggle (especially the weekends). I am sure I am not the only person out there with this issue, so I'd appreciate advice please!
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Replies

  • Tmh240
    Tmh240 Posts: 1 Member
    Mine is the same way!! I do great during the week, but on the weekend my husband loves to be in the kitchen fixing all sorts of "bad foods" He usually eats a dessert everynight and the will power is so hard not to join in. So I decided that while he has his sweets I will have a healthy snack instead. He has zero interest in losing weight or excersising. It is an everyday struggle and I am hoping it will get easier as time progresses.
  • ericapage
    ericapage Posts: 108 Member
    I saw a similar post once and a member had some good advice. He said that this is a lifestyle you are choosing to make. If your husband/friend/roomate doesn't want or need to lose weight they shouldn't be forced to eat what you eat or to avoid thier favorite foods. I am in the same boat as you and my husband brings bad food in the house all the time. We need to learn that these kind of temptations will always be around us and we have to learn to stay strong and make healthy alternative choices. Once night my husband brought home stuff for root beer floats. I passed and instead made a low fat pb&j english muffin with tea. As time goes on, it will get easier and easier. Best of luck to you!
  • maidentl
    maidentl Posts: 3,203 Member
    Honestly, if his weight isn't an issue for him he should not have to change to accommodate you. The change that needs to happen is within yourself. You've got to learn how to live and eat around people who don't share your goals. I know it's hard but it's not fair to expect him to not eat what he wants to eat in his own home.
  • lina1131
    lina1131 Posts: 2,246 Member
    I feel like I need to mention that I actually lost 50 pounds before I got pregnant and i'm back trying to lose the baby weight, so I feel qualified to answer :laugh:

    Honestly, I never expected my husband to change the way he ate just because I decided to eat healthier and lose weight. I made what I wanted for dinner and he ate it or he didn't and ate something else. Sometimes he would want something specific that I would make for him and just alter it for myself ( example: Spaghetti, I would make normal for him and just use a little noodles for me and add zucchini to mine or a hamburger I would make his normal and use sandwich thin and no cheese for mine - you get the point). Most times he ate what I ate. He snacked on things I didn't want/shouldn't have and it didn't bother me because I knew that me not eating those things just made me stronger in this journey.

    Good luck!
  • daffodilsoup
    daffodilsoup Posts: 1,972 Member
    I don't think it's too much to ask for your spouse to be supportive, but asking him to change his lifestyle because you want to lose weight isn't really fair.

    Unfortunately, we can't remove temptation from the world around us - there will always be things there to tempt us. Consider it practice in willpower and self-control - it's fine to look to your spouse for support, but there's nothing that says he has to change the way he eats as well. If he does, it should be because he wants to better himself.
  • sandown12
    sandown12 Posts: 648 Member
    My guys slim hes a construction worker he never supports me always tries to sabotarge haha Im doing htis for me and me only thats the only way it'll work,if he started it with you then gave up you'd be likely too.
    Just do this on your own and watch his face when you succeed x
  • techigirl78
    techigirl78 Posts: 128 Member
    Maybe determine what you can and cannot control yourself around. For instance, I am bad with livewire mountain dew and vanilla ice cream. I can deal with other snacks and sweets. Some are really easy and it gets harder with different things. For the ones you really love or it would be really hard to see all the time, maybe ask for those to be kept away. For instance, I don't care about coke/sprite, dark chocolate, chips, and gummy bears. He can keep those all over the house and it doesn't bother me.
  • kit_katty
    kit_katty Posts: 992 Member
    Personally I think it's a balance. If the situation was reversed I'd want to help to a certain extent. Not giving up all "bad foods" but not hindering by compromising on healthier dinners and such. Good luck.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    I would never ask or expect an adult to make changes to his or her lifestyle just because I decided to change mine.

    You have a right to ask him to maybe hide his junk food if you are likely to raid the cupboard, but otherwise, leave him alone. He doesn't want to make the changes in his diet and he shouldn't have to. Maybe he doesn't like that YOU'RE changing. Is it fair of him to ask you not to make this lifestyle change because he doesn't want to make it? No? Then why is it OK for you to make such a demand on him?
  • sandown12
    sandown12 Posts: 648 Member
    I dont find 'junk food' a problem in the house at all I have children who have 1 thing a day and my partner he eats what hes likes is very slim and fit I wouldnt dream of telling them they cant have it,tbh we are surrounded by it everywhere shops takeawys etc
  • mab33
    mab33 Posts: 242 Member
    It's definitely difficult. My husband thinks that my attempt to lose weight is a personal affront to him. It's led to a lot of fights lately and we never fought before. I wish I knew what to tell you.
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
    My husband is sometimes the same way. He sometimes says things like "you don't even need to lose any more weight". I just answer that too much junk food is unhealthy and I'm not eating it no matter how thin I get.

    I honestly do not understand people who eat a lot of junk food just because they don't get fat. Junk food is very hard on your body even if you don't gain weight from it. My MIL and BIL are both people that don't gain weight no matter what they eat. She is now in her 70's and in very poor health - heart disease, high BP, last year had a stroke. And my BIL, who is just one year older than me but has always been very thin, has just been told he's insulin resistant and if he doesn't change his diet will likely become diabetic. His LDL values are also marginally high. He, at least, is following his doctor's advice and making diet changes.
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
    I'll be honest....

    This is YOUR lifestyle choice and not his. Why should he be forced to follow your lifestyle choices and give up the things he enjoys? You can not (and should not) force someone to do something they have no interest in doing. It sounds to me like he's happy and content with the choices he makes. Don't nag him about what he's eating. You are both adults. He doesn't want to be told what to do and not to do.

    Make better choices for yourself, but don't expect him to change his life just because you say he should.
  • 76tech
    76tech Posts: 1,455 Member
    He is having a hard time not eating junk food in front of me all the time & respecting that I need him to change his lifestyles too in support.

    I think expecting him to change his habits because you need to is a bit much. As much support as we can all get, it's still a solitary effort. Expecting someone to support you is one thing, expecting them to change is different, and I think a little unreasonable.

    When you change your lifestyle, you lead by example. Maybe he will too, but don't make your success dependent on his changing. You're better and stronger than that.
  • mllowe2
    mllowe2 Posts: 50 Member
    I completely understand your frustration! My husband eats what he wants, when he wants but he is a very active person (runs 5-6 miles everyday plus p/t 3 times a week) so I've just learned to stop letting it annoy me. That's all you can do...good luck and hang in there!
  • PinkEarthMama
    PinkEarthMama Posts: 987 Member
    As long as it is not deliberate sabotage ( Like my husband bringing me ice cream, or mcdonalds... or pizza ), I am not sure there is much you can do. i've asked mine to please keep his junk food in the basement where his TV is. That way I'm not tempted to eat it instead of real food.
  • AmberJslimsAWAY
    AmberJslimsAWAY Posts: 2,339 Member
    In my opinion, this is a lifestyle change YOU want to make, not him. I understand that it can be hard without his support, but (please don't take this how it's going to sound) you have to be stronger. He shouldn't be forced to change his life simply because you are, You just have to be stronger, and have more self control. Maybe when he sees how awesomly sexy you've become, he'll jump on board too ;)
  • UpEarly
    UpEarly Posts: 2,555 Member
    I would never ask or expect an adult to make changes to his or her lifestyle just because I decided to change mine.

    I agree with this completely. My husband eats what he wants (Dr. Pepper, Doritos, double chocolate muffins, General Tso's chicken, canned ravioli, entire frozen pizzas, etc, etc) in front of me with reckless abandon.

    I figure that I alone am responsible for the food I put in my mouth. It's not fair for me to tell him he can't have [whatever food] because I'm choosing not to eat it.

    I would love it if my husband made healthier choices, but I'm not here to force him to change. He'll come around to healthy eating/regular exercise when he's ready - and that may be never.
  • DollHouseKiera
    DollHouseKiera Posts: 46
    I'll be honest....

    This is YOUR lifestyle choice and not his. Why should he be forced to follow your lifestyle choices and give up the things he enjoys? You can not (and should not) force someone to do something they have no interest in doing. It sounds to me like he's happy and content with the choices he makes. Don't nag him about what he's eating. You are both adults. He doesn't want to be told what to do and not to do.

    Make better choices for yourself, but don't expect him to change his life just because you say he should.

    Well said.

    I learned long ago that this is MY process and MY body. If i get sabatoged, it's ME that gets the blame. No one can derail you without your permission. You have to let them. Learn to focus on what you are doing and not on what others are doing and you'll be fine.
  • fj211
    fj211 Posts: 95
    He is having a hard time not eating junk food in front of me all the time & respecting that I need him to change his lifestyles too in support.

    I think expecting him to change his habits because you need to is a bit much. As much support as we can all get, it's still a solitary effort. Expecting someone to support you is one thing, expecting them to change is different, and I think a little unreasonable.

    When you change your lifestyle, you lead by example. Maybe he will too, but don't make your success dependent on his changing. You're better and stronger than that.

    I agree. My boys eat healthier because I'm still the one doing the cooking. However, they had chocolate ice cream Saturday night and it was ok . I just left the room and let them enjoy their sweets.

    Ask yourself this--am I assigning this too much importance because I'm looking for a reason to quit?
  • mallory3411
    mallory3411 Posts: 839 Member
    Like some other posters have said already, this is something YOU are choosing to do. YOU have decided that YOU want to better YOURSELF and change YOUR lifestyle. If he doesn't have a problem with weight why does HE need to change things?

    I understand that it can be difficult being in a house with someone who can and will eat everything you used to eat however just because YOU have decided to do this HE shouldn't have to change his ways.

    My soon to be husband doesn't have an issue with his weight. He is free to eat whatever it is that he wants. I am the one that does the cooking so at dinner time I make the food so it is healthy however he gets more of whatever it is that I make. He can choose to add things to his meal or have dessert after. He can sit down with a beer and chips later on if he wants - I choose not to have any. If I do want some I make sure I have the calories to do so. Our only deal is that if he decides he wants chips, chocolate etc that he put it up where I can't reach it.. he's still free to eat it whenever he wants though.

    In my opinion, you can't expect those around you to change their lives because you have decided to change yours. Personally I believe that if his ways are being made an issue by you, he will eventually grow to be angry and resentful. If he doesn't need and choose to change things no one should expect otherwise.
  • Articeluvsmemphis
    Articeluvsmemphis Posts: 1,987 Member
    it takes time, he may or may not adopt the lifestyle you have, so just continue being a good example, and continue your learning process, and see where that lands you. my brother still buys pizza, and I LOVE PIZZA, but it's up to me if I eat it or not, poor guy can't be punished because I've changed, lol. sidenote: I WILL EAT THE PIZZA, then log it, haha. be modest in what you expect of him, and eventually you all will find common ground
  • Babs540
    Babs540 Posts: 19 Member
    I hear ya. Lots of us understand that having junk in the house is a hard temptation and it would certainly be helpful if certain OTHERS didn't place those delicious looking cookies in front of us. I'm in the same boat as you. But my husband will never be able to adapt to the change that i've taken on and I can't expect him to. He has to make the choice to eat the things that will make him healthy (or not) just as we need to find our inner strength not to have a snip, here and there, of the junk foods that have contributed to our weight gain and having to diet in the first place. The best thing we can do is muster up the courage to convince ourselves that what he eats isn't what we need to eat and we just simply know better. We need to take care of ourselves, mind & body. And i believe that the mental temptations we face are one of the first most hurdles we need to overcome. Hang in there, most of us are all in the same situation.
  • healthythymes
    healthythymes Posts: 7 Member
    Oh my goodness, you sound like me. Difference is, my husband needs to loose too. I find I'm ok during the week, but weekends, he likes his goodies and we go out to eat at least 3 times a week. I'm so going to try to get thru this week and weekend. I want to feel good in my bathing suit this summer. We can do it!!
  • happinessawaits
    happinessawaits Posts: 35
    Honestly, if his weight isn't an issue for him he should not have to change to accommodate you. The change that needs to happen is within yourself. You've got to learn how to live and eat around people who don't share your goals. I know it's hard but it's not fair to expect him to not eat what he wants to eat in his own home.

    ^^this
  • tig_ol_bitties
    tig_ol_bitties Posts: 561 Member
    If you are the one that needs to lose weight, why do you expect him to change, too? That's really selfish and unfair. It's about you, not him.
  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
    I agree with the others...you can only change YOURSELF, and maybe hope that by leading with a good example, he will join you eventually.

    After waiting months for him to be ready, I just finally decided to quit smoking (today is day one) even though my husband says he "isn't ready" to quit right now. I'm hoping he will change his mind when he sees me succeeding and saving tons of money, and will encourage him to do it, but I also had to accept that this is MY next step in a lifestyle change, and I can only control what I put in my body every day...not anyone else.
  • Dtho5159
    Dtho5159 Posts: 1,054 Member
    Mine doesn't get it because he has never had a weight issue. He is on the small side and never has had to worry about what he eats. He does try to be supportive but its hard for him.
  • debsgallery
    debsgallery Posts: 7
    I started this healthy eating for me, not my partner. He sometimes feels bad about eating what I don't want (not what I can't have, I changed my attitude and it's what I don't WANT) but that's his choice, not mine. He sometimes gets upset that I ask him to weigh my food or measure the servings (he does all the cooking). When he cooks something high calorie, I have a small amount of it ( usually 1/4 to 1/2 cup) and then load up on salads or veggies. We keep a big bowl of salad greens (several diff. kinds of lettuce, and other green low calorie foods in the fridge and I just dish those out and eat less of what he makes that is bad.
  • floweringcurrant
    floweringcurrant Posts: 112 Member
    I think some other people gave some really sound advice in saying that this lifestyle change is about you and not anyone else. That is something each and every one of us will have to learn over time - that we cannot control or try to take responsibility for anyone else's food choices, and vice versa, we are generally solely responsible for our own food choices, too.

    Because you live together and are partners I think it is reasonable to have a discussion about this kind of thing, but I would go about it in a certain type of way. Instead of scrutinizing his food choices, I would focus on your own. I liked someone else's suggestion about figuring out what you have a really hard time with and the things that you can learn to handle having around.That way you could say "I respect your food choices and I also am trying to improve my diet for _____ reasons, these particular foods are really hard for me to have around the house, do you think there might be a way we can both support each other?" But be considerate and compromising. It is important to realize that you are the only person that can essentially take responsibility for your food choices and nobody, especially no adult, should be required to change their lifestyle because of that.
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