I just get so mad!

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  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
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    I wish I had better advice but I think your last couple of sentences are correct. You may have to tell her that it's your way or the highway to get her to change. If she has eaten this way all her life then my guess is that she is not healthy at her age. She probably takes meds for BP, LDL, HDL, or glucose control. You can try to use those as reasoning tools (e.g. you do not want that for yourself or your children), but my experience with older family members who act this way is that they are not open to reasoning. Threats work better. They will likely mock you, either behind your back or to your face, but if you stick to your guns they will concede because they want to spend time with the kids.

    By the way, I think you are doing a wonderful thing for your kids and they will likely one day thank you.
  • cynkatt
    cynkatt Posts: 6
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    Ive had this issue from time to time,even with my husband. funny thing is the kids like to eat what I eat so when I'm eating healthy they want to aswell which became an eye opener for hubby. grandparents are another story but I don't see them enough for that to be an issue anymore/ And the junk being left... Know what I'd do with that? Soon as she was gone each week I'd toss it.
  • k1mcat
    k1mcat Posts: 68
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    I dont' know how often you visit her or she visits you, but if it is only on occasion I would say let her have her way and let the kids indulge as a "once in a while" treat. As kids gets older they will tend to lean toward the healthier eating habits that have been bestowed upon them anyway. For the sake of all parties involved I would just let her spoil them. If this is an everyday or every other day thing that is a different story.

    As a mother and a grandmother, I tend to agree with this. When my kids were little they called my mother "gramma-ice cream". They knew that when we went to HER house it was an ice cream free for all! Lol. Of course, I wasn't always a fan, but I figured it was "gramma" time when they were over there. Well- now that gramma is gone, I cherish the sparkle in the kids eyes when they speak of her and the glee in their voices. I am grateful that that is how they remember her. It wasn't about the icecream, it was the whole package of getting to experience their grandmother. Relationships matter more sometimes. Kids are smart. They will get it and they will suffer more from not enjoying their gramma than they will from a little refined sugar and MSG. Just my two cents.
  • LaSutopia
    LaSutopia Posts: 1,195 Member
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    You should rant. These are your children and you are their mother. You want them to know the difference between junk food and healthy food. All you are doing is expanding their life expectancy. If she doesn't like it, throw in the facts about children obesity and the factors behind it. Maybe she'll understand that you only want what's best for your kids. I wish you the best of luck!

    OMG don't get me started on her view of studies and research and things dr.s have learned on how to better ourselves. Heavens forbid you tell her that something she did or does is wrong. He moto is "we had these things, and we gave you these things and we all turned out just fine" WE ARE NOT JUST FINE! We are all overweight or obese and she is blind to that!
  • dargytaylor
    dargytaylor Posts: 840 Member
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    My dad would help me out and pick up my son (he was around 8 at the time) from football practice.

    He would always buy him a MOUNTAIN DEW!! and to boot it was like 8pm on a school night! I would always tell him not to do this, the kid is hyper enough and needs to eat dinner, shower, go to bed!

    What changed it? I gave my son a big bottle of the crap before my dad was babysitting :laugh: My dad saw just how much MORE hyper he got with all that sugar and crap. He never did it again to me!!

    I hope it gets better for you, :flowerforyou:
  • LaSutopia
    LaSutopia Posts: 1,195 Member
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    I wish I had better advice but I think your last couple of sentences are correct. You may have to tell her that it's your way or the highway to get her to change. If she has eaten this way all her life then my guess is that she is not healthy at her age. She probably takes meds for BP, LDL, HDL, or glucose control. You can try to use those as reasoning tools (e.g. you do not want that for yourself or your children), but my experience with older family members who act this way is that they are not open to reasoning. Threats work better. They will likely mock you, either behind your back or to your face, but if you stick to your guns they will concede because they want to spend time with the kids.

    By the way, I think you are doing a wonderful thing for your kids and they will likely one day thank you.

    She absolutly does take all that medication but she refuses to see it is something she did to herself. It is maddening. Not only with my kids but to know that if they would just listen to me then they could be healthier to and be around longer!
  • nakabi
    nakabi Posts: 589 Member
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    This sounds a lot like an issue with boundaries - you are frustrated because you are trying to set boundaries for your kids and yourself and she is not respecting them.

    You have a few choices:
    1. Set firmer boundaries with her on what you will allow and things you don't allow her to do with your kids (i.e. giving them treats, etc). This requires you to be consistent in your actions and to be able to accept whatever reactions/criticisms/etc she may dish out in response.
    2. You can choose to accept that she won't change and find a way to deal with it after she's left (i.e. throwing stuff she gives them away, etc).
    3. You can cut her off entirely and not let her see the kids.

    However, in any of these, I think it best that you don't fall into her baiting - the remarks about "taking things too far" or "being that time of the month". it's hard not to respond to such petty, immature things as they're clearly said to upset you, but reacting and giving into her and letting her affect you so much doesn't make it harder on HER, it makes it harder on YOU.

    You don't need to explain, justify or defend the choices you are making for yourself OR your kids. This is your life, and your children to take care of. The sooner you stop giving her the space to offer her opinion or her foods, the happier you'll be, I think.

    Best of luck!

    THIS
  • AlmstHvn
    AlmstHvn Posts: 378 Member
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    I really like the idea of letting grandma spoil them once or twice a month. She probably likes the faux-adoration she gets for bringing in the "loot", since she and they know it's rare...

    I also support throwing it away when she leaves, or putting it back in her car before she leaves.

    I have a similar issue with my ex's mother (I call her my mom out-law). She drives me mental.... it's also her only grandchild, ever... both her own children died... so.. even though it makes my skin crawl, it's one of the few outlets she has left -- though I have suggested she go do some charity work so she can dote on hundreds of others!
  • jkestens63
    jkestens63 Posts: 1,164 Member
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    Wow...that stinks! I am soooo glad you are trying to teach your kids healthy eating and don't want them to experience being over weight or not having self control with food. My sister has seen my 30 years of weight struggle and it has inspired her to limit the foods she feeds her children so they never have to experience it. Kudos to you for that and for getting healthy yourself.

    I would say maybe make a compromise with her? Since she is over every week why not tell her the last week of every month she can bring a treat to share with the kids. But, let her know it will be this one time and one time per month only if she wants to continue to see the kids frequently. After all she is the grandma, and should be able to spoil them. The difference is not all the time! And they are your kids so she should be willing to respect any wishes you have in regards to them.
    Personally I like this option. To me an all or nothing mindset will just make kids want more junk and set up hard feelings among the adults. Make sure both her and the kids know there is a once a month treat day. If she brings the junk food other than the designated day, remind her and the kids of what the plan is so the stuff she brought is going to provide a treat day for other kids, and bring it to the local food pantry. Try to involve the kids in actually dropping it off.


    Also try to pair the treat day with a fun activity so the treat isn't just the focus on food. Maybe plan a fun craft, a day at the park, going to or renting a movie, check out library activities, etc.
  • Signia
    Signia Posts: 21
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    "That's what grandparents are for..."

    Look at it this way: Consider the grandmother factor to be at the very top of their food pyramid.

    The ONLY junk food will be from her. ("Aren't you lucky?")

    One day she won't be here.

    95% of the rest of their food choices will come from YOU.

    When they are older, they will internalize your healthy habits.
  • zonnetje13
    zonnetje13 Posts: 1 Member
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    The things she brings to your house, put in the cupboard - for later!
    Than trow it away when she has left! Better in the bin than in your children.
    Good Luck and stick to your beliefs
  • kit_katty
    kit_katty Posts: 994 Member
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    Other posters have said just let her once or twice a month, but you said she wouldn't let them eat a full healthy dinner before handing them ice cream!? On and not all ice cream has milk and whatnot in it, so many these days (at least in Canada) aren't allowed to be called ice cream any more because there's no cream! Some aren't even allowed to be called frozen dairy desserts because they have NO DAIRY.

    Point being, if she's willing to compromise on a healthy dinner then some non healthy snacks, then ok once or twice a month but if she wont, it's all or nothing. You're really going to have to take a firm line, it sounds like she wont budge.
  • happylittleclam
    happylittleclam Posts: 27
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    On the days your family eats the junk food, make sure you go for a family walk and walk it out or some other fun activity.

    Your grandmother is just old stubborn. It's okay. If she leaves bags of goodies, act like you are so happy then throw it out.
  • ctalimenti
    ctalimenti Posts: 865 Member
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    OMG you are so cruel!

    ....just kidden.

    I would toss the sweets as soon as she walks out.

    I totally agree with you after reading several young people's posts about how their parents kept wrong foods around or insulted their heavy kids:

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/471023-rant-parents-who-criticize-heavy-kids
  • maddymama
    maddymama Posts: 1,183 Member
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    Hi- Didn't have time to read all the responses, so forgive me if I'm way of base, or it's been said before.

    All you can do is control yourself and your response to the situation, not her. Also try to educate your son on healthy eating habits. Once a week isn't a big deal- most of the people here "cheat" or give themselves a treat once a day or once a week. Make this your son's "treat." and explain and work with him on why a treat everyonce in a while is good, but that it is temporary.

    If she brings candy over, throw it out as soon as she leaves, or as soon as your son has a treat. Don't keep it in the house. If she keeps wanting to waste her money on it, that is her choice.
    Make cakes and treats with your son, but make healthier choices, cut down on the sugar, add some whole wheat flour, use dark chocolate chips, etc. TALK with your son about what changes you are making and WHY you are making those choices.

    My point that I don't compromise on is artificial sweeteners, but I talk to my MIL about that privately and not in the moment of giving my kids a treat. She knows why/how I feel about it, even if she doesn't agree.

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