how to get rid of this chip on my shoulder...

cppeace
cppeace Posts: 764 Member
edited November 9 in Motivation and Support
so Ive been single 2 years now. I hate being single. I'm smart and sweet, funny, friendly, love kids and animals, dependable, passionate and loyal. I rarely if ever judge a book by their cover. Ive dated guys of all sizes, shapes, religions and races. I get attention from guys but never really guys I have enough in common with to want to pursue a relation with. Alot of guys wont even look my way since Im a bigger girl. This Ive grown used to and have always figured if someone is shallow enough to judge me by my body alone they simply miss out on an amazing person. These days Im half my old size and guys glance a bit more. I find to no end this annoys me. The thinner I get the heavier this chip on my shoulder is getting. I still treat everyone friendly and am as sweet as ever but I'm instantly ready to blow off guys that flirt these days cause my mind says oh they didnt want you thin what makes them think they deserve you now?
Am I doomed to be just as single thin as fat?
Just a rant- guess we all have a right to em on occassion.
Kimmy

Replies

  • cppeace
    cppeace Posts: 764 Member
    not a single reply?
  • Nitachi
    Nitachi Posts: 142
    so Ive been single 2 years now. I hate being single. I'm smart and sweet, funny, friendly, love kids and animals, dependable, passionate and loyal. I rarely if ever judge a book by their cover. Ive dated guys of all sizes, shapes, religions and races. I get attention from guys but never really guys I have enough in common with to want to pursue a relation with. Alot of guys wont even look my way since Im a bigger girl. This Ive grown used to and have always figured if someone is shallow enough to judge me by my body alone they simply miss out on an amazing person. These days Im half my old size and guys glance a bit more. I find to no end this annoys me. The thinner I get the heavier this chip on my shoulder is getting. I still treat everyone friendly and am as sweet as ever but I'm instantly ready to blow off guys that flirt these days cause my mind says oh they didnt want you thin what makes them think they deserve you now?
    Am I doomed to be just as single thin as fat?
    Just a rant- guess we all have a right to em on occassion.
    Kimmy

    Same thing happened to a friend of mine and he managed to find true love in a bigger girl since he knows how it felt like being judged.
  • MelissaSel
    MelissaSel Posts: 90 Member
    I'm 43 and have been single and dating for the last 20 years. Well... actually I got divorced at 24 and didn't date anyone for 7 years because I didn't feel good about myself... so I guess I've only been dating now about 12-13 years. Anyway... I am also heavy. I dated one man for 5 years who was GORGEOUS! People would look at us like we didn't belong together. If we were at the bar (his brother would often go with us, and he was gorgeous as well... looked like John Stamos!), and this I kid you not, EVERY time I went to the restroom girls would follow me in there to ask me to introduce them to the guys I was with (because, ya know, guys like that wouldn't be with someone like me). Talk about a chip on the shoulder! That boyfriend was the sweetest man with the biggest heart... but he had issues. I have standards and I won't settle for less, even if that means being by myself. So... here's my advice to you:

    Focus on you. Get your life where you want it first. Get in shape, career, money saved, travel... whatever it is... just focus on YOU first and don't worry about a man. If one shows up, fine.

    Also, learn to love being single. I love solitude so much... it's so peaceful! I keep saying I've been single far to long to put up with an ounce of BS from any man... and I am perfectly content with being single that I don't need to let a man into my life if all he wants to do is complicate things.

    Find your self worth, love yourself, and love that you are single. Get to where you want and then you can go from there : )
  • 3shirts
    3shirts Posts: 294 Member
    It's hard to know what to tell you. You already seem to understand that the 'problem' is yours. That sounds really harsh so I hope you understand what I mean.

    All I can suggest is you try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. So they find you physically attractive and let's be honest here, physical attraction is an important part of a relationship and it's generally the first impression we get of each other. Just because it is the first thing that draws them to you doesn't mean it's all they care about.
    As I say, give them a chance and you will soon find out what kind of person they are.
  • ludogx87
    ludogx87 Posts: 286 Member
    haha join the club!!
    im single too, never really had a long term proper boyfriend.,...
    pretty much figured am destinted to live alone --- HAHA
    JUST KIDDIN am too good for the guys about here. :) xxxx
  • bisland
    bisland Posts: 245 Member
    It's hard to know what to tell you. You already seem to understand that the 'problem' is yours. That sounds really harsh so I hope you understand what I mean.

    All I can suggest is you try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. So they find you physically attractive and let's be honest here, physical attraction is an important part of a relationship and it's generally the first impression we get of each other. Just because it is the first thing that draws them to you doesn't mean it's all they care about.
    As I say, give them a chance and you will soon find out what kind of person they are.


    Totally agree. You have to get to the point in life of being happy with yourself first. Get busy with your church, volunteer in the community, fill your life with other things that give you a feeling of self worth. The glow from it will follow you and stop looking at what you do not have. It will happen when you least expect it. Trust me I know from experience.
  • cppeace
    cppeace Posts: 764 Member
    lol I work, workout everyday,am starting a business, write books, have a close set of friends I dedicate time too, watch sports and occassionally dat... Dont believe I can stay much busier lol.
  • fitzyloveslife
    fitzyloveslife Posts: 19
    i would say expand your circle of friends x you never know what might happen x good luck with the finding of a wonderful soulmate x
  • bisland
    bisland Posts: 245 Member
    It's hard to know what to tell you. You already seem to understand that the 'problem' is yours. That sounds really harsh so I hope you understand what I mean.

    All I can suggest is you try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. So they find you physically attractive and let's be honest here, physical attraction is an important part of a relationship and it's generally the first impression we get of each other. Just because it is the first thing that draws them to you doesn't mean it's all they care about.
    As I say, give them a chance and you will soon find out what kind of person they are.


    Totally agree. You have to get to the point in life of being happy with yourself first. Get busy with your church, volunteer in the community, fill your life with other things that give you a feeling of self worth. The glow from it will follow you and stop looking at what you do not have. It will happen when you least expect it. Trust me I know from experience.

    When I went thru my divorce I was feeling pretty low. I got involved with my church group more. Volunteered at a camp for kids with cancer, at a homless shelter, and delivered meals to the poor. It was like a huge pat on the shoulder and made me really appreciate what I had in life and not what I did not have. It added that glow I am talking about. Soon after I met my SO my post picture is in the Bahamas, he has taken me there twice and to Bermuda 3 times.
  • samandlucysmum
    samandlucysmum Posts: 320
    "All good things come to those who wait" , that's always been my motto, and it has always work, I say stop looking, enjoy your life, and the right one will come along.

    :smile:
  • Ali_TSO
    Ali_TSO Posts: 1,172 Member
    not a single reply?

    You posted at 4:30 in the morning, honey....we were all sleeping. :wink:
  • Ali_TSO
    Ali_TSO Posts: 1,172 Member
    These days Im half my old size and guys glance a bit more. I find to no end this annoys me. The thinner I get the heavier this chip on my shoulder is getting. I still treat everyone friendly and am as sweet as ever but I'm instantly ready to blow off guys that flirt these days cause my mind says oh they didnt want you thin what makes them think they deserve you now?

    Sweetie, think about the guys you've gone out with in the past. You've been attracted to them. It's that initial attraction that gets things started. :wink: There's something in our brains that tells us what we're attracted to and what we're not. The majority of people (men AND women) are more attracted to "normal" sized people than morbidly obese people. :ohwell:

    I'm obese right now, and I know this. And it doesn't bother me. I don't know how attracted I'd be to someone my size, if the roles were reversed. I'm just being honest. :happy:

    That's why we're all on here.....to feel AND look better. :heart:

    Don't hold it against these guys...just appreciate that they see how hard you've worked and are diggin' the new bod! :flowerforyou:
  • raven56706
    raven56706 Posts: 918 Member
    f that... new people are discovering you... and if they didnt discover you before... so be it .... life moves pretty fast... you have to deal with the hand given to you and thats it...


    you cant look to the past... its what yo do in the present...
  • mlc3409
    mlc3409 Posts: 45 Member
    not a single reply?

    You posted at 4:30 in the morning, honey....we were all sleeping. :wink:

    I agree ^^^

    1) Maybe it isn't a chip on your shoulder about your weight that you have to worry about. You describe yourself as a "great person" Haven't met you can't say otherwise. HOWEVER, from your impatience about getting replies tells me that you might have some underlying issues NOT related to your weight at all. This might lead you to be pushy or bossy to some guys. Just take a step back and look at what you might be saying to people. Look at how you act around people.

    I had to do this and found out I was VERY Bossy, controlling, short tempered and some time just down right snotty. NOT Attractive to anyone especially guys NO MATTER WHAT SIZE YOU ARE>

    2) You can't look at guys that are interested in you NOW (that didn't know you when you were bigger) with the disstain of WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I WAS BIGGER attitude. That is NOT fair to them. Those that did know you when you were bigger and had no interest in you then OK give you that one. Those are the ones I would have to NOT have time for.

    3) If you are going to JUDGE every guy as WOULDN'T HAVE LOOKED AT ME WHEN I WAS BIGGER then YES you will be single for a long time.

    Over all there is the expression Beauty is skin deep but UGLY is to the bone. So if you are going to only give guys a hard time because they weren't there when you were bigger then you will never FIND someone because you will always put out that UGLY personality first and not giving anyone time to get to REALLY know the good person you are.

    I wish you the best.
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