Grumpy husband

Cherrystargirl
Cherrystargirl Posts: 62
edited September 19 in Health and Weight Loss
Has anyone else found that the more weight they've lost, the more off their partner has been wih them? At first he was really positive about my progress, but this weekend in particular and me 30lbs lighter he's been AWFUL. Really off with me, showing me no affection, stomping round the house like a moody teenager and all the time saying he's fine when I ask.

I've had enough of it! I'm losing weight to feel more like me and to have the energy to keep up with my 1 year old daughter, but you'd think i was doing it to p*ss him off the way he's behaving. We've been together 8 years I tell him I love him every day so he has no reason to doubt me so why is he being such an idiot?

Please tell me I'm not alone :cry:

Replies

  • mnichol
    mnichol Posts: 642
    Maybe something else is bothering him.

    My husband is very supportive and tells me he can tell I've lost weight.

    Hope you can get this resolved.

    good luck.
  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
    Is he over weight?
    Is he the jealous type?
    Are you cooking diet meals each night and he has to eat salad and plain chicken breast?
    Is your exercise schedule interfering with his anything schedule?

    My dh had a HISSY fit at about the 3 month mark of my lifstyle change. Turns out he was frustrated because he wanted a big fat steak, so I made him one:wink: . He also had this silly fear that I was losing weight so I could leave him:noway: He has always been the jealous type, but not since gaining all the weight.

    He is now :grumble: because I work out more. Well, that one is not going to change and I told him so. He is welcome to join me on my walks, or join the gym, but I need this for my health.

    Good luck, give him a few days and he will prob be ok.

    :flowerforyou:
  • oEmmao
    oEmmao Posts: 466 Member
    insecurity can be a big thing with men sometimes and it comes out as anger or frustration :noway:
  • faithjobes
    faithjobes Posts: 104 Member
    Sorry to hear your going through this. My husband is doing some of the same things. He works out with me and is eating better, but has only lost 12 lbs. I've lost 21 lbs. He's frustrated about that. AND he's the jealous type so he probably aLSO thinks I'm getting skinny to leave him or cheat on him. But I am doing it for me. I have diabetes and it's out of control AND I want to look and feel and actually BE better. He tells me he cannot tell a difference. I am a whole size or two smaller! Oh well. I guess we're going to have problems either way. I might as well be getting healthy in the mean time. But you know what always works for us? A marriage councelor. Usually, it's easier for me to say how I really feel with one as a mediator. If I say stuff at home, my husband just leaves or blows up and nothing gets resolved. Oh yeah, we're about to celebrate our 8 year too so maybe it just gets harder at this point in a marriage.
  • mahurosky
    mahurosky Posts: 3
    well your his girl the more weight you lose he prolly realized the hotter your looking and that means the more attention your getting i always leave little cute notes around the house when im not home for my husband to find or if hes working late i always put one on his side of the pillow or in his work clothes for the next day just to say how much he means to me. maybe something like that will help
  • nikii14
    nikii14 Posts: 403 Member
    Jealousy can be a nasty thing!! But don't let it discourage you!!!

    You must be looking GREAT!! and he notices that..and maybe he sees that others are noticing too.:wink:

    Maybe if you tell him that one of the reasons you are doing this is for "him"....(even if its not true) You want to look good for him
    He may be becoming a bit insecure. In all honesty, i would probably be the same way if my husband started losing weight...sometimes you just can't help feeling jealous.

    Good Luck!!
  • angievan26
    angievan26 Posts: 212
    I know where you are coming from. My boyfriend has a fit when I take and hour out of the day to go to the gym. Guys are so stupid. I guess they think once we are thin we will leave them?
  • Cherrystargirl
    Cherrystargirl Posts: 62
    You guys are amazing, thanks so much for the support. Losing weight and feeling myself again means so much right now, and if he can't see how much better and happier I'm feeling then that's his own fault. I'm not going to let him drag me down and even after only being on here a week, I know I can get support from others on here (even if I'm not getting support from him!) :wink:
  • wellbakedwoman
    wellbakedwoman Posts: 6 Member
    Sister.......

    You are improving your health and looks, not only does your husband notice, but he knows other guys noticing as well.... it it were reversed and he took up bodybuilding and was getting ripped and more girls were checking him out, how would you feel? Laws of human nature. Take care!
  • wellbakedwoman
    wellbakedwoman Posts: 6 Member
    P.S. He is seeing how happy and healthier you are, that's the reason for the attitude. Take care!
  • Dave198lbs
    Dave198lbs Posts: 8,810 Member
    Maybe something else is bothering him.

    My husband is very supportive and tells me he can tell I've lost weight.

    Hope you can get this resolved.

    good luck.

    at least one person said it.......maybe it is something else

    it is possible his mood has absolutely nothing to do with you.......geeesh....one says all guys are stupid....most say he is jealous.....maybe it is that very attitude that is making him act the way he is acting......why automatically assume something negative about him.....maybe he got some bad news...maybe he is worried about his job....maybe his car....maybe maybe maybe

    sometimes you gals are just very very unfair
  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
    Maybe something else is bothering him.

    My husband is very supportive and tells me he can tell I've lost weight.

    Hope you can get this resolved.

    good luck.

    at least one person said it.......maybe it is something else

    it is possible his mood has absolutely nothing to do with you.......geeesh....one says all guys are stupid....most say he is jealous.....maybe it is that very attitude that is making him act the way he is acting......why automatically assume something negative about him.....maybe he got some bad news...maybe he is worried about his job....maybe his car....maybe maybe maybe

    sometimes you gals are just very very unfair

    edited :wink: :happy:
  • paulamma1
    paulamma1 Posts: 544 Member
    sometimes you gals are just very very unfair

    Yeah, and a lot of times we're right.

    :bigsmile:
  • Dave198lbs
    Dave198lbs Posts: 8,810 Member
    sometimes you gals are just very very unfair

    Yeah, and a lot of times we're right.

    :bigsmile:

    thats very true

    just like men
    everyone can make mistakes
    especially men and especially women
    if that makes any sense:wink:
  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
    sometimes you gals are just very very unfair

    Yeah, and a lot of times we're right.

    :bigsmile:

    thats very true

    just like men
    everyone can make mistakes
    especially men and especially women
    if that makes any sense:wink:

    It does. I was talking about my new lifestyle non stop.......making DH think I was telling him he was a fat oaf. I wasnt thinking that at all........I was thinking about ME.

    So here is this guy who has had a dinner on the table at 5 pm for 20 some odd years, and now he comes home and I am at the gym. I cant blame him. My life changed-and therefore his did without his consent.

    Takes time to get used to a new routine. He is cool now, and even made veggies for me when he was having burger and fries.

    Its all good:drinker:
  • faithjobes
    faithjobes Posts: 104 Member
    i agree that we should give him the benefit of the doubt that there's something else wrong. I also meant to mention in my post that I know my husband has some medical issues that really bother him. Some he knows about but some are undiagnosed. Maybe that has something to do with your husband's issue too. Just try talking to him, something I'm not very good at. My husband saw my post and is pissed even though I don't think I said anything wrong.
  • havingitall
    havingitall Posts: 3,728 Member
    My husband is doing this with me. He is down 56 lbs and I am down 52. We are continually telling each other how good the other one looks. We are finding new things about our bodies that impress us and commenting on them.

    I agree that maybe there is something more to his moodiness. Have you asked him more specific questions other than " what is wrong?"
  • Valtishia
    Valtishia Posts: 811 Member
    I, like a few others in this thread think it is likely something else that is bothering him.
    It could be something simpler like one person said "he just wanted a steak" or something bigger like problems at work.
    The other thing I think it could be is jealousy.... but not because you are losing weight and he is worried you'll leave him but rather he sees how happy you are now compared to before and it might hurt him to feel like he isn't a part of that... kinda like he wasn't enough to bring you to that level even though I'm sure he definately does make you happy and you don't feel that way at all. People in general really like to be part of things or be the reason that others are happy.
  • kelligirl
    kelligirl Posts: 210
    Support helps. Having my bf ask me if I want my eggs (whites!!!!) fried in his bacon grease is enough to make me rolls my eyes and shake my head in serious annoyance. :noway: However.... smiling and simply saying, "no thanks!" is the better option. We could fight about this lifestyle change of mine, but I'm one to choose my battles and this one certainly isn't worth fighting about. :noway: I'm a better me, and hopefully some of my betterness will wear off on him.
  • rinalynn
    rinalynn Posts: 87
    Mine is acting weird also and when I ask him what is wrong he says nothing I am fine your different, yep I am we have been married 17 years I stayed home and raised my boys in the past 2 years I have gone back to school, been on the right track in my eating and fitness routine, and he will not tell me how I look, if I ask or say something he will agree but he will not just come out and say " Your looking good." I think when we make a lifestyle change and when his life changes with out him agreeing on it, it ruffles their feathers a bit. Hopefully you will get over this hump just like anything else a marriage is a job and it takes lots or work just like exercise and eating healthy just don't let this stop you from reaching your goals you are just as important!!
  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
    My husband is doing this with me. He is down 56 lbs and I am down 52. We are continually telling each other how good the other one looks. We are finding new things about our bodies that impress us and commenting on them.

    I agree that maybe there is something more to his moodiness. Have you asked him more specific questions other than " what is wrong?"

    Why do you think we all envy you!!:wink::laugh:
  • havingitall
    havingitall Posts: 3,728 Member
    This is a second marriage for both of us.I know that I did a lot better the second time around!!!
  • cellorocker
    cellorocker Posts: 290
    I'm talking from experience here (with my own parents, not my own marriage :laugh:).

    When my mom lost 110 pounds, after that, my parents' relationship pretty much fell apart. My mom was a happier person, and my dad was really jealous. He hated to see my mom so happy over something he didn't do, so he started getting jealous and yelling at my mom, saying she only lost the weight so she could cheat on him... You should also note that my mom weighed 240, got down to 130, while my dad stayed at 249. Yeah, I think he was jealous.

    There's a possibility that it's something else, but from experience, it may be jealousy, especially if he's not losing weight (if he needs to) and you are.
  • kimber607
    kimber607 Posts: 7,128 Member
    Hi all

    I just can NOT wrap my head around this whole jealousy business....maybe because I have never been a jealous person (DH isn't either)
    We openly talk about other people being attractive etc...doesn't threaten me in anyway

    I would just be up front and ask him what is wrong........maybe he's feeling like you might leave him behind etc
    Try to get him to open up about his feelings
    Kim
  • Cherrystargirl
    Cherrystargirl Posts: 62
    Oh guys,you wouldn't BELIEVE how much I've tried to get him to open up, but the more I try, the more the walls are coming up. And I've tried in different ways too, but nothing's working. I'm just going to resign myself to the fact that this is HIS problem (whatever it is) and there's a reason he doesn't want to open up to me, so I'll leave him to deal with it in its own time.

    In the meantime, I'll just concentrate on losing weight, feeling great and learning to be me again!

    thanks for all your comments xxx
  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
    Oh guys,you wouldn't BELIEVE how much I've tried to get him to open up, but the more I try, the more the walls are coming up. And I've tried in different ways too, but nothing's working. I'm just going to resign myself to the fact that this is HIS problem (whatever it is) and there's a reason he doesn't want to open up to me, so I'll leave him to deal with it in its own time.

    In the meantime, I'll just concentrate on losing weight, feeling great and learning to be me again!

    thanks for all your comments xxx

    Good attitude!!

    at least you know you are not alone:laugh:
  • czewwhat
    czewwhat Posts: 8,715
    Blame the testosterone! Just kidding.

    Marriage and family counselors will tell you, whenever there is a drastic change in their partner, the other partner suffers some anxiety. Male or female! Weight loss, disease, Plastic surgery, weight gain, the list goes on and on. We humans are creatures of habit and do not really like change much. Encourage him about your love and devotion to him and talk to him. Praise how wonderful of a father he is, How secure you feel when you are together etc. Men need compliments too! It is not a female verses male thing at all.
  • rosabella
    rosabella Posts: 194 Member
    sometimes you gals are just very very unfair

    Yeah, and a lot of times we're right.

    :bigsmile:

    thats very true

    just like men
    everyone can make mistakes
    especially men and especially women
    if that makes any sense:wink:

    Haha, too true Dave!
  • Learning2LoveMe
    Learning2LoveMe Posts: 1,430 Member
    I wonder if he just feels left out of your new lifestyle. I think the bf feels a little left out when I go on my walks, he always says we should go on a walk together - but when it comes down to it he doesn't want to go.

    The bf doesn't get weird with me though (*knock on wood*)... he's been way too excited with me cooking in the kitchen instead of going to the drive-thru. :laugh:
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