Why are the closest ones to you are not very supportive?

sweetangel99
sweetangel99 Posts: 21
edited November 9 in Motivation and Support
I would think my best friend would be thrilled about me losing weight and encouraging, but she thinks I'm just trying to brag and rub it in her face! :frown: Which is not the case at all, I'm just ecstatic because I've never been this motivated before ever! :bigsmile: I come here to mfp to vent a little and see if anyone can sympathize with me here? I told her how I felt and she said "I'm happy for you but I don't feel like being encouraging every day!" I want to thank everyone on here with their success stories and encouragement, because that gives me motivation and the desire to keep moving forward! Good-luck everyone and God bless. :wink:
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Replies

  • courtneymal17
    courtneymal17 Posts: 672 Member
    I know what you mean, my aunt nagged on me for 20 mins about why I wasnt eating Wendys when they were...just get chicken just have one fry" blah blah blah...I cant understand it either....Just shut up and be happy that we're making the right decisions, you know?
  • becoming_a_new_me
    becoming_a_new_me Posts: 1,860 Member
    Feed them laxitives and have the last laugh...mwahahahahaha!!!!

    No, but seriously, I know how that is. I am lucky now though, because I have pretty much whipped them all into submission.
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    She says she's happy for you. You can't expect everyone to be as excited as you are, though. That isn't fair. It might be that she isn't as interested in your fitness/weight loss as you are, and that's okay.
  • Angiefn
    Angiefn Posts: 2
    most people dont like seeing other people happy .. or most people dont like you doing better than them, even its your family..thats a fact.
  • jaysenbjohnson
    jaysenbjohnson Posts: 1
    Sorry to hear your friend isn't being very supportive. Maybe suggest that she do this with you (whether she needs to lose weight or not)? Maybe she will see how fun it is. Just my thoughts.

    I have to admit this is the funnest app I've used in a long time, never thought dieting and watching calories could be so much fun. Best of all it's teaching me how to live a healthier lifestyle.

    Keep up the good work, you can do it. Don't let the pessimists bring you down.

    Jaysen :happy:
  • ChelSleeve
    ChelSleeve Posts: 144 Member
    Feed them laxitives and have the last laugh...mwahahahahaha!!!!

    No, but seriously, I know how that is. I am lucky now though, because I have pretty much whipped them all into submission.

    Is it bad that I've debated on doing this?? :)
  • onedayillbamilf
    onedayillbamilf Posts: 662 Member
    Maybe she is happy for you but doesn't feel like being encouraging every day. Just because you're enthusiastic about it doesn't mean she has to be all giddy about it. Just like I'm sure there have been times that she was excited about something and you were happy for her but didn't feel like coddling her and jumping up and down about it every day.
  • chachalita8
    chachalita8 Posts: 36 Member
    Its sad, when I lost 30 lbs, my best friend told me I looked no different than when before I started!!!
    I think most times they kind of feel convicted that they arent doing that, but who knows?
    All you can do is know you're doing this for you no matter what people are there for you or not!! Keep your head up!!:)
  • jenbusick
    jenbusick Posts: 528 Member
    Could be that seeing you so excited and doing so well is giving her some qualms about the areas she'd like to fix but hasn't been able to. She may be happy for your success but struggling with issues of her own. I suggest giving her a little space.
  • Tskitzo
    Tskitzo Posts: 42
    most people dont like seeing other people happy .. or most people dont like you doing better than them, even its your family..thats a fact.
    This
  • LabRat529
    LabRat529 Posts: 1,323 Member
    most people dont like seeing other people happy .. or most people dont like you doing better than them, even its your family..thats a fact.

    I kinda feel sad for you if that's really your outlook on life.

    I also disagree. I like people. I think they're mostly decent folk. They try to be nice, kind, supportive, and most of them want me to be happy (and they want to be happy too).
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
    She's definitely jealous and sabotaging your success.



    Or she just doesn't care as much about your life as you do. Which is the more likely scenario.
  • brandonrdn
    brandonrdn Posts: 71
    I stopped talking to my once bestfriend because of the same situation. This was about a year and a half ago, and I wasn't in the weight loss kick that I'm currently in, but all he did was put me down. Whether it was about my weight(was around 285, maybe heavier, down to 245 now), looks, etc. I considered him my bestfriend because we always hung out and had fun playing football, music(I play guitar, he played drums), and just hanging out, but his sense of "humor" was to put people down. I decided that the negatives were a lot worse than the positives so I stopped talking to him. Looking back, I miss having someone to go to with problems, or to just call and have something to do if I'm bored, but my life has been so positive lately that I feel it was the right decision to make. Sorry to rant, but sometimes cutting the negative things, including people, out of your life is the best solution. Not saying to do what I did, but maybe talk to her and tell her that you could really use her support and see if she can be a bit more supportive of what you're trying to do. Best of luck!
  • Elizabeth_C34
    Elizabeth_C34 Posts: 6,376 Member
    This is why I like my MFP community so much. I can talk endlessly about my pants fitting and my buddies here "get it" whereas my friends in real life are happy for me but don't really understand what it means to me.
  • becoming_a_new_me
    becoming_a_new_me Posts: 1,860 Member
    Feed them laxitives and have the last laugh...mwahahahahaha!!!!

    No, but seriously, I know how that is. I am lucky now though, because I have pretty much whipped them all into submission.

    Is it bad that I've debated on doing this?? :)

    If I only did 1% of what I thought about doing, I'd probably be in prison. There is a fine line between thinking and doing. :laugh: :drinker:
  • becoming_a_new_me
    becoming_a_new_me Posts: 1,860 Member
    This is why I like my MFP community so much. I can talk endlessly about my pants fitting and my buddies here "get it" whereas my friends in real life are happy for me but don't really understand what it means to me.

    Speaking of which, that is the best workout!! Bend over, pull up, bend over, pull up....so perfect!!
  • killagb
    killagb Posts: 3,280 Member
    She's definitely jealous and sabotaging your success.
    This, punch her in the face.
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
    Feed them laxitives and have the last laugh...mwahahahahaha!!!!

    No, but seriously, I know how that is. I am lucky now though, because I have pretty much whipped them all into submission.

    Is it bad that I've debated on doing this?? :)

    If I only did 1% of what I thought about doing, I'd probably be in prison. There is a fine line between thinking and doing. :laugh: :drinker:

    Here's a really neat blog post about things people think but never do!

    http://thehairpin.com/2012/02/were-all-murderers-inside-our-own-heads-or-the-time-my-boss-wanted-to-kill-me
  • Levedi
    Levedi Posts: 290 Member
    Not to be mean, but maybe you are bragging and she's just tired of it. It doesn't sound like she's sabotaging you, just asking you to be more sensitive to the fact that this is not the most exciting thing for her and perhaps you are coming across as bragging.

    I'm genuinely happy for my friends when they get engaged, but that doesn't mean that every detail of their wedding planning fascinates me. After a pretty short while they just start to sound self involved. Weight loss can be the same way. Most people don't find other people's work outs that interesting. Try focusing your conversations on shared interests and see if she's happier.
  • onedayillbamilf
    onedayillbamilf Posts: 662 Member
    Your friend was just a big douchasaurus, her friend is happy for her but doesn't feel like being the drn pep squad 24/7. I would be annoyed to if one of my friends was harping on the same exact thing day in and day out. You did the right thing, your friend sucked. Her friend, on the other hand, sounds like she is just tired of talking about the same thing day in and day out. At least, that's how I read it.
    I stopped talking to my once bestfriend because of the same situation. This was about a year and a half ago, and I wasn't in the weight loss kick that I'm currently in, but all he did was put me down. Whether it was about my weight(was around 285, maybe heavier, down to 245 now), looks, etc. I considered him my bestfriend because we always hung out and had fun playing football, music(I play guitar, he played drums), and just hanging out, but his sense of "humor" was to put people down. I decided that the negatives were a lot worse than the positives so I stopped talking to him. Looking back, I miss having someone to go to with problems, or to just call and have something to do if I'm bored, but my life has been so positive lately that I feel it was the right decision to make. Sorry to rant, but sometimes cutting the negative things, including people, out of your life is the best solution. Not saying to do what I did, but maybe talk to her and tell her that you could really use her support and see if she can be a bit more supportive of what you're trying to do. Best of luck!
  • gabbingfilly
    gabbingfilly Posts: 106 Member
    I'm having sort of the same senario with my best friend. She acts like she's somewhat supportive, but here lately she's been pulling away. I've been trying to get her as motivated as much as I am, but she just doesn't seem to want to commit to losing the weight. I feel bad because I feel like I'm leaving her behind, but I can't sabbatoge myself to wait for her to be ready to lose her weight. I think honestly all we can do is worry about ourselves and our MFP friends. This is a great place for support even if it's from complete strangers :) I've gotten a lot more motivation from everyone here than I have from those around me. Just stay strong and know that you're doing for you and nobody else :) It keeps me going, that's for sure.
  • cathiaflock
    cathiaflock Posts: 112 Member
    I can't remember where I heard this from if it was the biggest loser or I use to be fat show. But I feel it totally applies to your situation and to everyone out there reading this. Some people don't like to see others be successful and try to sabatoge others' successes because they are afraid of seeing others' succeed because they will feel like failures. Oh I remember it is in the book The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson. Just keep doing what you are doing and maybe they will find it in them to join you. If not I agree sometimes it is better to cut the negative people out of your life. Give them time but keep losing the weight/toning up. Congrats on your successes!!!!! Oh and remember if people aren't ready to lose weight than you can't force them to they will only do it if they want it just as bad as we want it!
  • Bysshe
    Bysshe Posts: 428 Member
    My grandmother brought me TWO burgers and fries from McDonalds the other day, then got mad when I wouldn't eat them....
    Most people don't want to hear about my weight loss... but I hate when someone tries to sabbatoge it!
  • onedayillbamilf
    onedayillbamilf Posts: 662 Member
    All of you.....except for a few.....all I can say is wow. Just, wow.

    And next time something good happens for one of your friends, remember that's not happiness you feel. Its jealousy and the desire to sabotage since clearly that's what it means when we tell a friend we're happy for them. Right?
  • Savyna
    Savyna Posts: 789 Member
    This is why I like my MFP community so much. I can talk endlessly about my pants fitting and my buddies here "get it" whereas my friends in real life are happy for me but don't really understand what it means to me.

    Exactly feel the same way. I had a friend and I felt like when I started talking about some fast weight loss all she did was try to belittle it and say this and that. (this was a couple of weeks ago) but I stopped talking to her several days ago. I'd rather be supportive of myself alone than have a bunch of people around me who just want to put me down or say that what I'm doing is just whatever.
  • chadaharvey
    chadaharvey Posts: 10
    i am getting the same thing, and I think it's because they're jealous. Honestly, no one wants someone in their life coming up and losing weight. I say they're just jealous, and haters. Even though they're your friends they want to be the center of attention. If not that, then there are other reasons. Keep up the weight loss, and remember you're doing this for you.
  • killagb
    killagb Posts: 3,280 Member
    All of you.....except for a few.....all I can say is wow. Just, wow.

    And next time something good happens for one of your friends, remember that's not happiness you feel. Its jealousy and the desire to sabotage since clearly that's what it means when we tell a friend we're happy for them. Right?
    troll-face-meme.png
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    *sigh* Many of you seem to think that people are jealous of you. Some of you might be right, but if someone I care about is doing well, I am happy for them. Give your FRIENDS the benefit of the doubt. Check your own behaviour. Are you constantly talking about calories and workouts? That might annoy others.

    Let's not be silly, shall we?

    You're losing weight - not curing cancer. I think some perspective is in order.
  • onedayillbamilf
    onedayillbamilf Posts: 662 Member
    *sigh* Many of you seem to think that people are jealous of you. Some of you might be right, but if someone I care about is doing well, I am happy for them. Give your FRIENDS the benefit of the doubt. Check your own behaviour. Are you constantly talking about calories and workouts? That might annoy others.

    Let's not be silly, shall we?

    You're losing weight - not curing cancer. I think some perspective is in order.
    :flowerforyou:
  • killagb
    killagb Posts: 3,280 Member
    *sigh* Many of you seem to think that people are jealous of you. Some of you might be right, but if someone I care about is doing well, I am happy for them. Give your FRIENDS the benefit of the doubt. Check your own behaviour. Are you constantly talking about calories and workouts? That might annoy others.

    Let's not be silly, shall we?

    You're losing weight - not curing cancer. I think some perspective is in order.
    True enough, your friend might be contemplating punching YOU in the face.
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