Why are the closest ones to you are not very supportive?

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  • gabbingfilly
    gabbingfilly Posts: 106 Member
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    I'm having sort of the same senario with my best friend. She acts like she's somewhat supportive, but here lately she's been pulling away. I've been trying to get her as motivated as much as I am, but she just doesn't seem to want to commit to losing the weight. I feel bad because I feel like I'm leaving her behind, but I can't sabbatoge myself to wait for her to be ready to lose her weight. I think honestly all we can do is worry about ourselves and our MFP friends. This is a great place for support even if it's from complete strangers :) I've gotten a lot more motivation from everyone here than I have from those around me. Just stay strong and know that you're doing for you and nobody else :) It keeps me going, that's for sure.
  • cathiaflock
    cathiaflock Posts: 112 Member
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    I can't remember where I heard this from if it was the biggest loser or I use to be fat show. But I feel it totally applies to your situation and to everyone out there reading this. Some people don't like to see others be successful and try to sabatoge others' successes because they are afraid of seeing others' succeed because they will feel like failures. Oh I remember it is in the book The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson. Just keep doing what you are doing and maybe they will find it in them to join you. If not I agree sometimes it is better to cut the negative people out of your life. Give them time but keep losing the weight/toning up. Congrats on your successes!!!!! Oh and remember if people aren't ready to lose weight than you can't force them to they will only do it if they want it just as bad as we want it!
  • Bysshe
    Bysshe Posts: 428 Member
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    My grandmother brought me TWO burgers and fries from McDonalds the other day, then got mad when I wouldn't eat them....
    Most people don't want to hear about my weight loss... but I hate when someone tries to sabbatoge it!
  • onedayillbamilf
    onedayillbamilf Posts: 662 Member
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    All of you.....except for a few.....all I can say is wow. Just, wow.

    And next time something good happens for one of your friends, remember that's not happiness you feel. Its jealousy and the desire to sabotage since clearly that's what it means when we tell a friend we're happy for them. Right?
  • Savyna
    Savyna Posts: 789 Member
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    This is why I like my MFP community so much. I can talk endlessly about my pants fitting and my buddies here "get it" whereas my friends in real life are happy for me but don't really understand what it means to me.

    Exactly feel the same way. I had a friend and I felt like when I started talking about some fast weight loss all she did was try to belittle it and say this and that. (this was a couple of weeks ago) but I stopped talking to her several days ago. I'd rather be supportive of myself alone than have a bunch of people around me who just want to put me down or say that what I'm doing is just whatever.
  • chadaharvey
    chadaharvey Posts: 10
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    i am getting the same thing, and I think it's because they're jealous. Honestly, no one wants someone in their life coming up and losing weight. I say they're just jealous, and haters. Even though they're your friends they want to be the center of attention. If not that, then there are other reasons. Keep up the weight loss, and remember you're doing this for you.
  • killagb
    killagb Posts: 3,280 Member
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    All of you.....except for a few.....all I can say is wow. Just, wow.

    And next time something good happens for one of your friends, remember that's not happiness you feel. Its jealousy and the desire to sabotage since clearly that's what it means when we tell a friend we're happy for them. Right?
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  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
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    *sigh* Many of you seem to think that people are jealous of you. Some of you might be right, but if someone I care about is doing well, I am happy for them. Give your FRIENDS the benefit of the doubt. Check your own behaviour. Are you constantly talking about calories and workouts? That might annoy others.

    Let's not be silly, shall we?

    You're losing weight - not curing cancer. I think some perspective is in order.
  • onedayillbamilf
    onedayillbamilf Posts: 662 Member
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    *sigh* Many of you seem to think that people are jealous of you. Some of you might be right, but if someone I care about is doing well, I am happy for them. Give your FRIENDS the benefit of the doubt. Check your own behaviour. Are you constantly talking about calories and workouts? That might annoy others.

    Let's not be silly, shall we?

    You're losing weight - not curing cancer. I think some perspective is in order.
    :flowerforyou:
  • killagb
    killagb Posts: 3,280 Member
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    *sigh* Many of you seem to think that people are jealous of you. Some of you might be right, but if someone I care about is doing well, I am happy for them. Give your FRIENDS the benefit of the doubt. Check your own behaviour. Are you constantly talking about calories and workouts? That might annoy others.

    Let's not be silly, shall we?

    You're losing weight - not curing cancer. I think some perspective is in order.
    True enough, your friend might be contemplating punching YOU in the face.
  • sweetangel99
    sweetangel99 Posts: 21
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    :smile: a lot of interesting advise......
  • sweetangel99
    sweetangel99 Posts: 21
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    True enough, your friend might be contemplating punching YOU in the face.


    whoever punches me....well there will be two hits...me hitting that person and them hitting the ground!! :explode:
  • TheFitnessTutor
    TheFitnessTutor Posts: 356 Member
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    Easy. One word: Jealousy.

    Now yes, this is barring that you haven't become a sudden nutritional/fitness quasi expert that talks about nothing else. If so,then it's still one word: Annoyance
  • SammyPacks
    SammyPacks Posts: 697 Member
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    Sadly I felt this way when my boyfriend started to lose weight, I just felt left behind honestly and sad that I wasn't doing it too... but then I started to get into health and fitness and not we're kinda always talking about weight loss n strength training together :P even work out together. I think it's just hard to accept your getting left behind... cause if someone you know is doing better and you know your not... your gonna feel like crap and no one wants that... so they may seem like that
  • maidentl
    maidentl Posts: 3,203 Member
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    Not to be mean, but maybe you are bragging and she's just tired of it. It doesn't sound like she's sabotaging you, just asking you to be more sensitive to the fact that this is not the most exciting thing for her and perhaps you are coming across as bragging.

    I'm genuinely happy for my friends when they get engaged, but that doesn't mean that every detail of their wedding planning fascinates me. After a pretty short while they just start to sound self involved. Weight loss can be the same way. Most people don't find other people's work outs that interesting. Try focusing your conversations on shared interests and see if she's happier.

    I think we have a winner! This is an awesome answer.
  • Natihilator
    Natihilator Posts: 1,778 Member
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    Ok, I can honestly say I have been on both sides of this table. And it's not just jealousy, it's envy.

    I remember having friend who would always within the first 10 minutes of us meeting up say "I've lost 10 more pounds!" everytime I saw them. Being that I had weight to lose as well, this sparked envious feelings. I wasn't just jealous of her weight loss, I was envious that she had found the motivation to lose it, the motivation that I lacked and so badly wanted. While part of me was happy for her, the other part was inspired to lose weight as well. And I did lose some weight too, but since this false motivation came from my envy, it didn't last. That was a while ago, and after all these years, I have finally found the right kind of motivation to lose weight for me, out of wanting to improve my own health and not looking at other people's journeys.

    Now, I obviously don't know your friend, or what kind of friendship you have with her, but it seems to me that she's going through the same emotions I did (except I would fake excitement for my friend instead of flat out being discouraging to her face)

    My advice is, if it's really an issue for you that you think will hinder your happiness and success in a healthier lifestyle, then maybe cut down or cut off contact with her for awhile. But I personally don't think you can fault her for her feelings (but you can if she expresses ill will towards you)

    Sorry if I'm babbling and making no sense :p
  • CalJur
    CalJur Posts: 627 Member
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    envy. jealousy. self-guilt.
  • ActorGirl1476
    ActorGirl1476 Posts: 221 Member
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    It's very hard for the people in your life who are closest to you to see you change. I went through a TON of that when losing the bulk of my weight. Your friend doesn't mean to not support you most likely... but with my friends it was mostly that they were worried I would be different, or it brought up insecurities in them. She probably won't do a 360 but you can change the way you view her reaction, it really isnt personal, its probably about her.
  • judykritikos
    judykritikos Posts: 161
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    I'll play devil's advocate - and read somewhat between the lines. She's happy for you - yet she said she's not going to be as enthusiastic every day ...which led me to believe that she's hearing about it every single day. I'd be tired of hearing what a great sex life my best friend is having - regardless of whether I am or not....but it could be that you just need to dial it back a little. Your weight loss and better / healthier body will be obvious to everyone, so continue to be upbeat and positive about it. While we're gung-ho about logging every morsel here in MFP - others find it boring, time consuming, waste of time, etc etc. I realized almost all my conversations were about weight, working out, logging my food - and one day I realized I hadn't had a REAL conversation about anything non-healthy... so I just let my body speak for itself, and talk exercise w/ the gals I work out with, and talk real life stuff with the others. Yes -she could be jealous - yet you did say she was happy for you, just tired of hearing about it every day. Doesn't hurt to just dial it back with her and just be happy on the inside, and let the results speak for themselves.
  • bademasi
    bademasi Posts: 180 Member
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    I have found that my family (husband and two daughters ages 17 and 19) are kind... but do not give me the support that I get from friends here on MFP. My best girlfriend is aware of my new focus on good health and nutrition with exercise but not interested in hearing about it. She will listen but, I figured out that I am best with my focus on my goals and not on feedback from her. She is overweight also and not interested in any diet or lifestyle change at this point. She may come around to my way of thinking and actions but not now. My daughters think my food is not "real food" and my husband (god bless him) will try anything I am eating.

    When I feel low somedays... the support from some good friends here on MFP are what bring me up. Knowing that out there are people that truly understand calorie restriction, portion control and daily exercise are key to my peace of mind.

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