Why are the closest ones to you are not very supportive?
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a lot of interesting advise...... 0 -
True enough, your friend might be contemplating punching YOU in the face.
whoever punches me....well there will be two hits...me hitting that person and them hitting the ground!! :explode:0 -
Easy. One word: Jealousy.
Now yes, this is barring that you haven't become a sudden nutritional/fitness quasi expert that talks about nothing else. If so,then it's still one word: Annoyance0 -
Sadly I felt this way when my boyfriend started to lose weight, I just felt left behind honestly and sad that I wasn't doing it too... but then I started to get into health and fitness and not we're kinda always talking about weight loss n strength training together :P even work out together. I think it's just hard to accept your getting left behind... cause if someone you know is doing better and you know your not... your gonna feel like crap and no one wants that... so they may seem like that0
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Not to be mean, but maybe you are bragging and she's just tired of it. It doesn't sound like she's sabotaging you, just asking you to be more sensitive to the fact that this is not the most exciting thing for her and perhaps you are coming across as bragging.
I'm genuinely happy for my friends when they get engaged, but that doesn't mean that every detail of their wedding planning fascinates me. After a pretty short while they just start to sound self involved. Weight loss can be the same way. Most people don't find other people's work outs that interesting. Try focusing your conversations on shared interests and see if she's happier.
I think we have a winner! This is an awesome answer.0 -
Ok, I can honestly say I have been on both sides of this table. And it's not just jealousy, it's envy.
I remember having friend who would always within the first 10 minutes of us meeting up say "I've lost 10 more pounds!" everytime I saw them. Being that I had weight to lose as well, this sparked envious feelings. I wasn't just jealous of her weight loss, I was envious that she had found the motivation to lose it, the motivation that I lacked and so badly wanted. While part of me was happy for her, the other part was inspired to lose weight as well. And I did lose some weight too, but since this false motivation came from my envy, it didn't last. That was a while ago, and after all these years, I have finally found the right kind of motivation to lose weight for me, out of wanting to improve my own health and not looking at other people's journeys.
Now, I obviously don't know your friend, or what kind of friendship you have with her, but it seems to me that she's going through the same emotions I did (except I would fake excitement for my friend instead of flat out being discouraging to her face)
My advice is, if it's really an issue for you that you think will hinder your happiness and success in a healthier lifestyle, then maybe cut down or cut off contact with her for awhile. But I personally don't think you can fault her for her feelings (but you can if she expresses ill will towards you)
Sorry if I'm babbling and making no sense
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envy. jealousy. self-guilt.0
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It's very hard for the people in your life who are closest to you to see you change. I went through a TON of that when losing the bulk of my weight. Your friend doesn't mean to not support you most likely... but with my friends it was mostly that they were worried I would be different, or it brought up insecurities in them. She probably won't do a 360 but you can change the way you view her reaction, it really isnt personal, its probably about her.0
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I'll play devil's advocate - and read somewhat between the lines. She's happy for you - yet she said she's not going to be as enthusiastic every day ...which led me to believe that she's hearing about it every single day. I'd be tired of hearing what a great sex life my best friend is having - regardless of whether I am or not....but it could be that you just need to dial it back a little. Your weight loss and better / healthier body will be obvious to everyone, so continue to be upbeat and positive about it. While we're gung-ho about logging every morsel here in MFP - others find it boring, time consuming, waste of time, etc etc. I realized almost all my conversations were about weight, working out, logging my food - and one day I realized I hadn't had a REAL conversation about anything non-healthy... so I just let my body speak for itself, and talk exercise w/ the gals I work out with, and talk real life stuff with the others. Yes -she could be jealous - yet you did say she was happy for you, just tired of hearing about it every day. Doesn't hurt to just dial it back with her and just be happy on the inside, and let the results speak for themselves.0
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I have found that my family (husband and two daughters ages 17 and 19) are kind... but do not give me the support that I get from friends here on MFP. My best girlfriend is aware of my new focus on good health and nutrition with exercise but not interested in hearing about it. She will listen but, I figured out that I am best with my focus on my goals and not on feedback from her. She is overweight also and not interested in any diet or lifestyle change at this point. She may come around to my way of thinking and actions but not now. My daughters think my food is not "real food" and my husband (god bless him) will try anything I am eating.
When I feel low somedays... the support from some good friends here on MFP are what bring me up. Knowing that out there are people that truly understand calorie restriction, portion control and daily exercise are key to my peace of mind.
Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools0 -
I'll play devil's advocate - and read somewhat between the lines. She's happy for you - yet she said she's not going to be as enthusiastic every day ...which led me to believe that she's hearing about it every single day. I'd be tired of hearing what a great sex life my best friend is having - regardless of whether I am or not....but it could be that you just need to dial it back a little. Your weight loss and better / healthier body will be obvious to everyone, so continue to be upbeat and positive about it. While we're gung-ho about logging every morsel here in MFP - others find it boring, time consuming, waste of time, etc etc. I realized almost all my conversations were about weight, working out, logging my food - and one day I realized I hadn't had a REAL conversation about anything non-healthy... so I just let my body speak for itself, and talk exercise w/ the gals I work out with, and talk real life stuff with the others. Yes -she could be jealous - yet you did say she was happy for you, just tired of hearing about it every day. Doesn't hurt to just dial it back with her and just be happy on the inside, and let the results speak for themselves.
I agree with this.. remember that life is perception and while your perception may be you don't mention it at all, her perception may be that you do, or rather she just remembers it more. Its kind of like if you ever worked customer service, and you can do everything right 99 times out of 100, but the customer will only remember the 1 time you didn't do something right and it becomes the thing you always do wrong.
Its also good idea to leave as many people out of it in your real life as possible. Friends and family are not a good support system, that's why you are on MFP, you are with like minded people who are here to cheer you on. Do you really need any validation at all from anyone else besides youreself? You are doing great .. keep it up and focus on yourself not some a$$clown. 0 -
They are simply depited since they see how you are able to make things change for you - while they are obviously not.
I've heard so many times from people "Oh, I need to drop some weight here" - while they are just eating their second dessert.
One of my MFP friend around has a very supportive wife - it's extremely rare ; people are always looking to project into somebody's else Life.
In the end, the more successfull in Life you will be, the less close support you would easily find 0 -
Honestly - I think weight loss is like babies and weddings and pregnancies and other things that can absorb us - incredibly interesting and important to the person who is at the centre of it - and pretty tedious for everyone else.
She says she is happy for you - great, say "thanks" and change the subject to something that is of interest to you both.
Save the in depth discussion for your MFP buddies, they will appreciate the small victories much more than people in real life who aren't on the same journey.0 -
.. the Sartre said "L'Enfer c'est les Autres."
:laugh:
("hell is other people" )0 -
I would think my best friend would be thrilled about me losing weight and encouraging, but she thinks I'm just trying to brag and rub it in her face! :frown: Which is not the case at all, I'm just ecstatic because I've never been this motivated before ever! :bigsmile: I come here to mfp to vent a little and see if anyone can sympathize with me here? I told her how I felt and she said "I'm happy for you but I don't feel like being encouraging every day!" I want to thank everyone on here with their success stories and encouragement, because that gives me motivation and the desire to keep moving forward! Good-luck everyone and God bless.
I find the over weight friends and family tend to shy away from encouraging or talking about weight loss.. Since they r way too big the subject is taboo to them..They r not ready to take control over their life and bodies so it tough for them to encourage others..I think that's pretty normal..I need no encouragement for others to complete my goals and you don't either...Just an old man's thoughts......0 -
Misery loves company, but no one wants to only hear about one subject. Keep weight loss a part of your life, not your entire life.0
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You've been here a month at most. Your ticker indicates that you've lost a pound.I find it less likely she is jealous of all your success. It may be that when she said she couldn't be excited everyday she was telling you the truth. Everyday all about your weight loss would be trying by day two. You say she feels you are bragging and throwing things in her face. Is it possible that her perceptions is just as valid, if not ahem moreso, than the opinions of random strangers here that immediately conclude "jealous saboteur!"
At one month and one pound and expecting your friend to talk about your weight loss everyday, geez it just sounds like the guy from high school who barely makes the jv squad but all of a sudden knows everything about football, will tell you about it but really his tru peer in his mind is Eli Manning. Don't be that guy. Lay off the diet talk *completely * and start talking about whatever you talked about before.0 -
Because people are scared of change and feel out of control when something constant starts changing rapidly. When they say "Oh you've changed!" it means they're upset that you are no longer prepared to live life their way. A true friend would be happy for you and support you, not dump on you!0
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The other night my parter phones me from McDonalds asking if I want anything lol When I said no of course not he contined "What about a wee sundae or mcflurry??! go on!!" NOOOOOOOO lol He also ate 4 burgers in front of me that day haha. Im going to lose weight and he's going to gain it all on himself!0
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My fiance is supportive, and my best friend and I do this together.
My in-laws to be always comment on me not eating a lot. But I don't think anyone is really hurting my progress or being down on it.
Those who are are probably insecure..0 -
Maybe it's because you talk about it and ONLY it? I have that problem. I'll get on the phone with my mom or something and just ramble about how my body hurts, what I've eaten, how much I've lost etc. I can see how it could be draining on someone.0
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There are dozens of reasons based on your relationship dynamic.
1. They dont think you are serious, so they dont wanna be either.
2. Theyve heard it all before and are over it.
3. They are jealous.
4. They dont care---this isnt bad, but many ppl dont get vested in something unless it has a direct impact on their lives.
5. Any number of things.....dont always hate on non supportive people....many times they are ignorant as to the fact they arent being supportive.....just worry about yourself and let them have their own problems.0 -
Im going through this at the moment with a few people. Once friend seems to think Im bragging about my weight loss, Im not at all
Im just trying to stay positive!
And my family are awful. If I try to eat healthier they nag me that Im 'going over the top' and stressing too much. Yet if I ate one bad thing ever, they would laugh and say 'I knew you wouldnt last!' - First to say I told you so.
Nobody seems to understand Im not on a diet at all, I can have anything I want, but in MODERATION. I exercise every single day now, Im exploring healthier choices food wise, and Im really trying to take care of my body. Thats all. Vanity wise, losing weight will be a bonus, a massive bonus! But Im doing this for a healthy heart and lifestyle.
Why does nobody get this??
Im so glad I foind this website 0 -
its so much easier for people to bring others down than to build them up. Mostly its a fear we will succeed in our quest, jealousy, feeling bad about themselves, etc.
I'm a doer and not a talker. I don't talk about my weight loss, I don't talk about eating healthy, and exercise with the people close to me unless they engage the conversation and ask or are working towards similar goals. I've found that co-workers, friends, and family who struggle with weight or being healthy but aren't trying to do anything about it just turn an ugly face toward me if I mention anything about my healthy lifestyle. If they want to change themselves only they can do it - and when and if they seek advice I will give it and be supportive. MFP is a great place to get support and give it! That's why I love this site!!!!!!! :-)0 -
Sorry she is not supportive. you know what to do for yourself and you are doing it! Keep up the good work.. we are here for You! Hugs!:bigsmile: :flowerforyou: 0
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Feed them laxitives and have the last laugh...mwahahahahaha!!!!
No, but seriously, I know how that is. I am lucky now though, because I have pretty much whipped them all into submission.
I like this one!
But I feel for you. I'm sorry to hear that your close ones are not giving you the support I'm sure you deserve. I've learned that personal journeys are taken alone, and no one can hold your hand or help you or even offer help or support. There will never be someone else who is 100% on your side. Everyone has their own agenda, or insecurities, or more specifically, weight hang-ups. I know this might not make you feel any better because naturally we expect our friends to be as happy for us as we are. This is rarely the case though. That's why you join these forums or Weight Watchers etc., to join like minded people who understand your struggle and the sacrifices and the sense of accomplishment of achieving your weight goal. Everyone else will not, and can not, understand 100% what it's like for you.0 -
Feed them laxitives and have the last laugh...mwahahahahaha!!!!
No, but seriously, I know how that is. I am lucky now though, because I have pretty much whipped them all into submission.
love your sense of humor!0 -
I would think my best friend would be thrilled about me losing weight and encouraging, but she thinks I'm just trying to brag and rub it in her face! :frown: Which is not the case at all, I'm just ecstatic because I've never been this motivated before ever! :bigsmile: I come here to mfp to vent a little and see if anyone can sympathize with me here? I told her how I felt and she said "I'm happy for you but I don't feel like being encouraging every day!" I want to thank everyone on here with their success stories and encouragement, because that gives me motivation and the desire to keep moving forward! Good-luck everyone and God bless.
Sometimes when you're happy, making good decisions for yourself (whether it's fitness/health, personal relationships, etc), it shines a big, huge shiny mirror in the face of THEIR own shortcomings/areas of improvement/whatever you want to call it. It's also hard for people to accept change - You are making positive changes and that requires them to re-evaluate and sort of "re-categorize" you in their minds. This process also means that THEY are going to be re-categorized in their own minds as well, in relation to your new position (i.e. they may not be the "same" or the "skinnier" of the two of you, they might now be the "larger" one while you are the "smaller" one, etc).
She's taking it personally (as are you, not that I blame you). It's really not about you at all. It's the fact that she's unhappy with herself. And as others have said, it is true, that unfortunately sometimes people have a difficult time celebrating the victories of others because they don't have victories to celebrate themselves.
I had this happen to me, once with a friend regarding weight loss and another with a different friend in regards to my new, happy relationship. In the first, my friend literally staged an "intervention" when we started discussing body fat and how my personal trainer had asked me how low I wanted to get my body fat (i.e. 16-18% (really fit) or lower (12-14%, elite athlete status)). At the time I hadn't committed to doing anything, I just thought we were having a conversation, but she freaked out. In a HUGE way. She kept saying it was "unhealthy" to be that low in body fat (to which I asked her, being so fit you're equivalent to an elite athlete is 'unhealthy'??), but what I realized was, she didn't like the change, what it meant to her position in relation to me and that it was a big mirror to ALL the things she WASN'T doing (making good fitness/health decisions).
In the second scenario, my relationship with my new boyfriend (at the time) basically brought up insecurities and jealousy in a good friend of mine, who had just broken up with a guy a few months prior. I felt that she couldn't be "happy" for me, because it just shined a great big light on the gaping hole she felt she had in her life (the lack of a significant other). In both of these cases, it really had nothing to do with ME. It was about the OTHER person and their own inability to cope/manage or change their situations.
I guess what I'm saying (not very succinctly), is that it's really about the OTHER person. Their actions, thoughts, reactions, are all a reflection of who they are, their experiences, fears, insecurities. Don't let them making it about YOU. You're doing fine. Keep at it. 0 -
This.She says she's happy for you. You can't expect everyone to be as excited as you are, though. That isn't fair. It might be that she isn't as interested in your fitness/weight loss as you are, and that's okay.0 -
I think sometimes that when we make a positive change in our lives, one of the 'side-effects' is that you highlight those that aren't. It's an uncomfortable place to be - to be shown up for not doing all you could do in the face of someone else who is.
It's not jealousy as such, more an uncomfortable place to be. When you talk to her about your weight loss, new mind set, better health etc. in some ways you are forcing her to reflect on herself also. I would bet that she has apsects about herself that she doesn't like, I would also bet that she has spoken to you about them in the past. She now knows you are doing something about yours and that she isn't doing anything about hers.
Also, it's quite possible you're going on a bit and boring her to death! 0
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