What to say back when friends/family bring you down

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  • maryjay51
    maryjay51 Posts: 742
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    my father used to always tell me i was fat and i needed to lose weight ,even when i was skinny.. so when at one time i did lose weight instead of saying he was happy for me he said ..you shouldve done that a long time ago.. i havent talked to him in 12 yrs and dont miss him one bit..nothing positive ever came out of his mouth .. no one says anything to me now. im down 80lbs or so and have made an incredible turn around im my life ..anyone who knows me knows i will tell them to go F themselves if they even dared said something .. dont allow yourself to be a doormat .learn to not respond at all or change the subject .. falling prey to their comments is what keeps them doing it
  • Dave198lbs
    Dave198lbs Posts: 8,810 Member
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    "You should tell yourself frequently 'I will only react to constructive suggestions.' This gives you positive ammunition against your own negative thoughts and those of others. "

    Jane Roberts
  • GTOgirl1969
    GTOgirl1969 Posts: 2,527 Member
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    "I appreciate your input but I'm doing what I feel is best for me."

    If they can't take that at face value, all you can do is get up and walk away. Caring about what other people think is fine and it's only natural, but not when it comes at the expense of your self-worth and your sanity.
  • PanteraGirl
    PanteraGirl Posts: 566 Member
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    I would ignore them...Tell them you are doing it because you want to, and that you are an adult there fore do NOT need to explain yourself. And leave it at that...the more you try and explain, the more they will bother you about it. Don't pay any attention and just do what you need to do for yourself!!! Good luck!
  • 2Bgoddess
    2Bgoddess Posts: 1,096 Member
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    It sounds like you know that they are wrong. Remember that . No one wants to start an argument, and you will feel the need to defend yourself. i have been in the same boat.
    My answer is, thanks for your concern, I am a big girl and I have to do what is healthy for me. (throw in that you have a doctor's approval, why the hell not) and just say lets change the subject, cuz there's more interesting things to talk about.
    Occasionally, I have had to be rude, and just say "I am not kidding. the subject is closed. If you expect me to answer, you'll need to talk about something else." - awkward, yes, but staying firm on it shuts down the negativity pretty quick. 2 or three times, and they know you mean it.

    Also, wow, that is a gorgeous picture. I would have thought it was a model. (not the super ridiculous skinny models. but the healthy "lifestyle" models that are becoming all the rage)
  • NicolePatriot
    NicolePatriot Posts: 621 Member
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    You don't look anorexic at all. You look toned & HEALTHY! Health is the most important thing to you, just emphasis that to them. Good luck. Family can be some of our toughest critics.
  • jenbit
    jenbit Posts: 4,289 Member
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    I find that Bite me works fairly well when people start messing with my weight loss. Just dont bring it up around them negativity is no godd for you right now .
  • hamiltonba
    hamiltonba Posts: 474 Member
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    Are you still on the shot? The #1 side effect is weight gain and depression. In addition you get loss of bone densitiy. Please stop taking this if you are still on it. Plus it will STOP you from losing weight. I am speaking from experience. Regarding your actual request for advise - Once they start talking about weight - either change the subject or just tell them that you don't want to discuss it as you always end up walking away with hurt feelings - you're not lying and you won't have to hear the negative comments. Being mean back does not help anyone!!
  • slumcookie
    slumcookie Posts: 4
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    First, you need to know that your family members coming down on you is because of one reason.
    They’re jealous. They’re jealous because YOU took the initiative to lose weight, eat healthier and pushing for a healthier, fresher life. You’re not being lazy like them. You actually care for your health and future.
    So when they make comments about what you eat, just say “so what, you’re not the one that’s eating this. I eat it because I enjoy it”
    When they make comments about you losing weight, just say “thank you, I’m proud of how far I’ve come. I can’t wait to get back to my beach body”
    It’s hard when no one really supports you, but if you can pull through it and make it on your own, that shows that you really are a badass, tough chick!!!!! Just remind yourself that you’re doing this for YOU, you owe it to yourself to not fall off the wagon or let other people bring you down.

    You look 100% HEALTHY and beautiful in that picture. 
  • melissa_e
    melissa_e Posts: 13
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    I generally say that I am not interested in talking about my weight and then change the subject. But I think the trick with setting boundaries is that, however you decide to declare them at first, you have to back it up. If your friends or family don't respect your boundaries, you have to be prepared to clearly repeat yourself a few times and then leave the situation if necessary - otherwise you're setting boundaries with words but not actions, and people will learn not to respect them.
  • niknak2308
    niknak2308 Posts: 315 Member
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    I can only echo what everyone else has said... You look fab in your goal weight picture. And tell the family, sternly, that at the end of that day once you are lower than a healthy BMI they can start to worry, and until then, can they take their negativity elsewhere. x
  • ahealthy4u
    ahealthy4u Posts: 442 Member
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    We are always told at a young age that we come first and we need to do what makes us happy. You know your body better then anyone besides a doctor so I would say if you are not happy and you want to change get back in there. My family really don't say much but thats nice or she is just doing that stuff again. They just don't understand and no matter home much I try to explain they just don't get it. So I let the comments roll off and do what is best for me. Good Luck to you
  • jessashcher
    jessashcher Posts: 155
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    I would be totally honest with them, tell them what they are saying is hurtful and this is your goal to be healthier and you would really appreciate it if they would leave rude remarks or comments to themselves, remember if you have nothing nice to say then don't say it at all. Tell them you would appreciate it if they would try to be a little more supportive and pray on it.
  • ReinventingLisa
    ReinventingLisa Posts: 104 Member
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    Are you still on the shot? The #1 side effect is weight gain and depression. In addition you get loss of bone densitiy. Please stop taking this if you are still on it. Plus it will STOP you from losing weight. I am speaking from experience. Regarding your actual request for advise - Once they start talking about weight - either change the subject or just tell them that you don't want to discuss it as you always end up walking away with hurt feelings - you're not lying and you won't have to hear the negative comments. Being mean back does not help anyone!!

    Def not on the shot anymore! I gained 20lbs in a month from taking that from April-May 2011 and I'm never taking it again!
  • ReinventingLisa
    ReinventingLisa Posts: 104 Member
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    Thanks for all the replies! I was wondering myself if they were just being jealous.. I have a friend that would bring up my weight when we weren't even talking about my weight. The last time she did that, I lashed at her and told her straight up that it was my body and I'll do what makes me happy so stop bringing it up cuz it just pisses me off. That was probably 2 years ago, when I was only 20lbs from goal. She hasn't said anything about my weight since LMAO!

    I do have one positive person in my life, and luckily it's my boyfriend that I live with. He joined a gym with me even though he didn't have to, and we were going together up until I started my new job which has us on a different schedule. Hoping my schedule will change in a few weeks since this schedule is only temporary for training. And since we're going to North Carolina for vacation in September, it would be even better if I were near or at my goal weight by then. If I lost 10lbs a month, I'd be at my goal weight by that time. I'd love to have a killer beach body by then even though it is after summer. :happy:
  • stubbysticks
    stubbysticks Posts: 1,275 Member
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    It kind of surprises me to see so many responses suggesting you tell your loved ones to shove it. Here's the deal:

    Your family does not have to like what you are doing. They don't have to understand what you are doing. They are not obligated to say what you need to hear or say positive things at all. The only person who is "supposed" to do anything to support your weight loss/fitness efforts is YOU. Of course, it's NICE to have your friends/family be supportive, but it's not reasonable to expect other people to behave a certain way just because you decided to make a change in your life.

    That aside, it wouldn't hurt you to be a little more empathetic. You can't really think that they're saying the things they do because they're retarded jerks who don't like you. If you put your defensiveness aside, you might recall that they have their own obesity issues to deal with & for whatever reason are not ready to tackle it head-on like you are. That doesn't make them bad people. Didn't we all have to go through it for a while before we became ready to take action? Before you got serious about this effort, were you crazy about being around other people who were super gung-ho on nutrition & fitness? I doubt it.

    People tend to have difficulty when confronted with others who remind them of the very things they are avoiding, Just because they aren't dealing with it in the most elegant way is no reason to kick them to the curb.

    Stop taking it so personally because it's not about you, it's about their issues with what you're doing. Once you stop taking it personally, you'll find that it bothers you less & when you're around them, you'll be less likely to engage in those conversations with them. You don't owe anyone an explanation for trying to improve your health.
  • stubbysticks
    stubbysticks Posts: 1,275 Member
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    OAN...they could also be feeling like you're judging them for not being as health-conscious as you are. You do love them for other reasons, right? So focus on those things when you're around them & steer the convo away from weight loss whenever possible. Try to come up with diplomatic responses to the snarky comments. If someone asked if I was pregnant & it was clearly a dig, I'd say very matter-of-factly, "Wow, that's a really mean thing to say to someone you know is NOT pregnant. Why would you say something so hurtful?" I'd say it in a way that made it clear it didn't bother me personally that they said it, I just wanted to point out that it made them look like an a-hole.

    If they said I look better now than I did when I was thinner, I'd say, "Nice of you to say, but my health was much better then so that's what I'm trying to work on. We could all benefit from getting more exercise, wouldn't you agree?" And if they were being vindictive about it, I might add on "...what have YOU been doing for exercise lately?"
  • Amalthia79
    Amalthia79 Posts: 38
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    First, you look fantastic at that weight! So you are NOT aiming for something unhealthy. And any time a family member brought it up I would turn the subject back on them. Something like "I'm sorry you think living a healthier life is not a good idea for me. Have you thought about why your ideas of healthy and fit might be a bit skewed or just plain wrong?" Make them see that they would never want someone talking to them about their weight and how they should live their lives.
  • arc_82
    arc_82 Posts: 9
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    People tend to have difficulty when confronted with others who remind them of the very things they are avoiding

    This is head on. It is more about insecurity than jealousy. You could really insert "insecure about" for avoiding.

    I had serious issues with my sister-in-law when I went through this about 4 years ago (before I had my baby). I lost 80-85 lbs over about a year and half. She is incredibly insecure about her weight, constantly talked about my weight, would discuss fitness/eating with me constantly, and then run around saying I had changed and was judgmental and b!tchy behind my back.

    Her husband (my brother-in-law) actually walked into our home and commented on a photo of me from when I was at my heaviest and said "I think you looked better then, I like that better." Not surprisingly, he is a yo-yo dieter/exerciser and has weight issues of his own. One of my motivators for losing weight was to get him to stop talking about my "big thighs" or whatever else constantly.

    This same thing happens to new parents, when people buy homes...basically any lifestyle change. I don't have a solution to your issue other than to try to be graceful about it. Just change the subject, tell them you'd rather not discuss it, try to be sensitive to their issues, but don't stop what you are doing or let them get you down. You are doing this for you. You know what you want. You have set a healthy goal. Just stick with it.

    Haters are gonna hate no matter what you do, and the reason people hate is because of their own insecurities. There is nothing you can do about that.
  • PINKSPARKLEPRINCESS1965
    PINKSPARKLEPRINCESS1965 Posts: 8
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    :brokenheart: Yes I agree I have a friend hat since I met them have brought my spirit down over and over again How in the world could I had not seen this person for who they really were not a friend of mines.. never was never will be.. ever has been I feel so stupid I really do to had let this go on and on and on fro so long.. I admit Im stupid as can be.. But ive learned tonight a treu friend will be there to left you up not tear you down not amke fun of you try and hurt your feelings everyday know how much you are in need of help and frankly just doesnt give a damn about if I was hit tomorrow nad died I never want to see this perosn again in this life

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