My Journey

Sometimes I feel like I never fully disclose anything. About what all has happened in my life that has impacted this journey I am on now. Or what roads I've been down - and where I have come from.

Because right now I find myself struggling a little - I thought it was time to put it down and document my journey so far. To share with my MFP friends and family - and as a reminder to myself of how far I have come. I need a refresher right now.

I've always been a chubby girl. Not fat. But in High School..when you are a size 14...16 - well - you might as well be Jabba the Hut. In retrospect - I say I was a little pudgy. Go back in time and ask 16 year old Amy - she'd say she was a big fat giant whale of a beast. I thought I was HUGE. But I never really did anything about it. I was still pretty popular. Always the funny girl - to make up for not being the skinny girl.

In college I gained some weight. I don't remember the details....I don't even know what I weighed year by year. But when I was 21 - my first big heartbreak came. My reaction - I need to lose weight. Maybe I thought my relationship ended because I was fat? I don't know. I don't recall having that thought - but I remember I went on my first "diet" ever. I started somewhere around 260 lbs. It was the last semester of my senior year. By the time I graduated - I had lost 50 lbs. I was probably close to my High School weight - but this time I had a new perspective. I felt hot. I was confident. And it showed - and I got lots of attention. I didn't intend to stop that weight loss journey there. But right after college I met my (now ex) husband. That relationship spelled disaster for my weight loss. We ate out EVERY day. He was a big guy. By the time we got married in 2003 (2 years later) - I was up to 270 lbs. I'll admit - it was a delicious couple of years.

About 5 seconds after my marriage I got pregnant with my first daughter. Free reign to eat everything in sight right? I was well over 300 when I gave birth to her. And sure - I lost a little when I gave birth - but the next year after she was born I began to emotionally eat. Before now - a lot of my eating was just excess - glutany - good times. This is when I first recall eating as a coping mechanism. And boy was I good at it. By Spring 2006 I was weighing in at 320 lbs.

In May 2006 I decided to have Gastric Bypass. It's like my dirty little secret. I think I can count my friends on 1 hand who even know I had it in my past. Certainly never breathed a word of it here on MFP. In the first 6 months after the bypass I lost 100 lbs. I was back to 220 and feeling GOOD. OK - let me clarify quickly - I'm 5'11". So 220 may not be THIN - or even NORMAL - but I have an inflated sense of self confidence and I thought I was hot stuff and had the attitude to match.

Again - I didn't intend for this weight loss journey to end after 6 short months. Surely the effects of a major weight loss surgery should last longer then 6 months? Right? Well - in January 2007 I got sick. No - not the flu. I found out I had a brain tumor. Right. A brain tumor. That sucks right? Not just your regular run-of-the-mill good times brain tumor either. One that was basically engufling my whole pituitary gland and the tumor itself secretes extra human growth hormone. Giving me a condition called Acromegaly. I completely gave up on any fight I had left from my from the Gastric Bypass. Aside from having major vitamin deficits now - I have negated all benefits of the procedure. And again - coped with food.

Over the next 4 years I battled this tumor. I had surgery to remove the majority of it. And several radiation treatments to destroy what remains. But it's still there. Little nasty tumor. And it still secretes gobs and gobs of HGH. Making my ability to lose weight - one of the biggest uphill struggles. It's nearly impossible. My body loves to get bigger...and bigger....and bigger.

Squeeze in there in 2009 - I decided to have another baby. A medical miracle in itself. Ok - not a miracle - since it took a slew of Drs to get that thing brewing inside me. But I had to go off all my Acromegaly meds.

Then - in 2011 - my marriage fell apart. My emotional state was already in turmoil from the struggles of the previous years - so my marriage was nothing that you'd want to use as an example. But my husband stepped out on our marriage - and I had no tolerance for it. And said good-bye. When this happened I was 277.8. I was a HOT *kitten* MESS. I was depressed - from the ****ty marriage - to the new baby - to medical nightmares. Food was the best coping mechanism.

That's where my MFP journey began. A little over 1 year ago I decided to change my life. A fresh start. A chance to be the best mother I could be. And to overcome all the adversity I had faced. I lost 50 lbs in my first year of this war. Yeah - it wasn't all smooth sailing. I lost a few battles here and there. Had a few slips. But I'm totally going to come out on top in the end. I still have another 50 lbs to lose. It may take me longer than most with the challenges I have - but I'm not giving up. I've never been committed for so long to weight loss. A full year. And I look back at all of the times I slipped and re-gained - and the fact that I still found the strength to come back is something. And I keep going. And I am seriously happier then I EVER remember being.