What do you tell yourself AFTER a break up?
flatbellybella
Posts: 303 Member
I'm usually pretty weary about asking these types of questions on here because there is no real way to delete a thread...
Anyways,
Let's say you were the one to call it quits
Let's say this person was an ex (you were trying to see if it could work) Problem #1
Let's say you had nothing in common with this person and they were unwilling to compromise
Let's say this person saw you after you dropped weight and didn't say anything
Let's say this person has those type of "female friends"
Let's say this person went on the 'rebound' (20 mins after) to those female friends and started flirtying/begging for attention
and communication... which pretty much proves you were right about the true nature of their "friendship" :sick:
Let's say you went out of your way to look nice and this person never complimented you
Let's say most of your female friends are in relationships or engaged and it's not that easy to go out and "mingle"
Let's say despite the person's bad qualities they did have good ones......
but let's say at the end of the day you felt like you were settling.
Blah. :ohwell: What do you honestly tell yourself and how do you handle a break-up?
Do you think it's easier if you ended the relationship? :indifferent:
Anyways,
Let's say you were the one to call it quits
Let's say this person was an ex (you were trying to see if it could work) Problem #1
Let's say you had nothing in common with this person and they were unwilling to compromise
Let's say this person saw you after you dropped weight and didn't say anything
Let's say this person has those type of "female friends"
Let's say this person went on the 'rebound' (20 mins after) to those female friends and started flirtying/begging for attention
and communication... which pretty much proves you were right about the true nature of their "friendship" :sick:
Let's say you went out of your way to look nice and this person never complimented you
Let's say most of your female friends are in relationships or engaged and it's not that easy to go out and "mingle"
Let's say despite the person's bad qualities they did have good ones......
but let's say at the end of the day you felt like you were settling.
Blah. :ohwell: What do you honestly tell yourself and how do you handle a break-up?
Do you think it's easier if you ended the relationship? :indifferent:
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Replies
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"Time for some strange!!!!!"0
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Break ups are hard no matter what side you are on. Relationships start because on some level you are attracted to another person and no matter what you are invested into that person with time, emotion and even money. Giving up that investment is what seems hard to me...but if you buy a car and it starts smoking...you probably ought to get rid of it.
If a relationship doesn't seem to be working, holding on because you have limited options is only a sure way to have a miserable life punctuated by a divorce or worse breakup while wasting the precious time you have on this planet.
Sorry if I am a little to the point. I work in healthcare and see all sorts of people in abusive relationships that don't see a way out because they fear giving up on horrible relationships and fear being alone. Holding onto a job, significant other or anything that causes you daily angst is no way to live.
Find a young professionals club/volunteer force with people your age to broaden your social scene if you want to try something new.0 -
people hardly ever answer my threads :grumble:0
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people hardly ever answer my threads :grumble:
Maybe everyone broke up with you. :laugh:0 -
What do you tell yourself AFTER a break up?
NEXT!!0 -
You can't find Mr. Right if you're still clinging (in a way) to Mr. Wrong. Let him go - you are worth way more than that. :flowerforyou:0
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Change the locks, and all your passwords.
Get to steppin'!0 -
I usually tell myself. I'm better off! And I can do better!0
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I always think there are plenty of more choices out there.
If it's not right it's not worth your time.
It's better to be single than be unhappy.0 -
You can't find Mr. Right if you're still clinging (in a way) to Mr. Wrong. Let him go - you are worth way more than that. :flowerforyou:
I love this! But yeah, I would remind yourself that you ended it for a reason. Onward and upward!0 -
No one should have to "settle". It isn't fair for you. Isn't fair for your partner. Cut your losses and learn from the experience!0
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Do not EVER settle. If you have to convince yourself they were good for you then he's not the one. Move on! Life is too precious to spend it with someone whom doesn't completely love you girl and if he did he would let you know! so cut your loses now. You deserve better!0
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^This. Life is too short to waste on those who don't appreciate youWhat do you tell yourself AFTER a break up?
NEXT!!0 -
This, and your stunning hun xI always think there are plenty of more choices out there.
If it's not right it's not worth your time.
It's better to be single than be unhappy.0 -
I can't say I've had many breakups, but I can say this; life is too short to settle. You can like/love someone, but that doesn't mean you are a good match for each other. There is a much better match out there for you, and when you find that better match, you will never regret the decision you just made. That's how it happened for me, anyway. Chin up, girlie. You are beautiful and full of love. Wait for someone who will love you back.0
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Change can be difficult!
But he's a loser.
Hold your head up high and realize that you now have an opportunity to have a loving and caring relationship with another beautiful human being like yourself. Someone that is deserving of your time and energy. Someone that will respect you and love you.
Don't second guess yourself.
Don't look back.0 -
I tell my friends that struggle during a breakup to get a notebook and write down 5 things every day they are grateful for.
Example : 1. I can watch anything I want to watch on tv tonite. 2. I can flirt with the UPS guy today, you never know he might have just become single too...
ETC ETC .. If you look for the negative, then I gaurantee you that you will find it...
GOOD LUCK!0 -
"Good riddance," and, yes, it's easier if you're the one doing the breaking up, because you're not the one being rejected.0
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You can't find Mr. Right if you're still clinging (in a way) to Mr. Wrong. Let him go - you are worth way more than that. :flowerforyou:
Amen.0 -
my first serious break up sounded like the guy you are discribing. i think the breaking point was when i was having surgery and told him how scared i was and he said "your over reacting" then when i was recovering for a week he didnt call. his excuse was he didnt want me to have complications (surgery was in my throat). he also did things like get a tattoo without telling me, he joined the ARMY. etc... i waiting around for him to come back, we had a final rise in our relationship, then he totally blew off our anniversary plans arived late etc. i was done with being tormented by him, he cried and said he could have immagined us getting married. in my head i was just thinking "who would want to marry you?" i used to get butterflies when he was in the room, but at the end i dreaded seeing him at all. i delt with that by moving on to (sadly) one of first guys best friends...
2nd serious breakup (1st guys best friend), he cheated on me with one of my best friends. right before prom. i ended up going with my gay best friend... i remember laying in bed, crying alot, panic attacks. drinking alot and going to clubs. and i am still smoking after picking it up after we were over. i told myself we would get back together, even tried to kiss him. he lead me on for about a week. then he accused me of being the problem somehow "had it comming". turned into a person i had NEVER seen before. putting things on fb just to hurt me and having his ex write me messages about how they were always planning on getting back together. i delt with that by going into his room, ripping everything down that i ever gave him. then i took his xbox back (which i had bought him). broke some stuff kicked some stuff then forgot about him. :]
i delt with that by calling my guy friend and told him i wanted to get a hotel after prom and drink. those of you who think one night stands cant turn into a relationship are wrong :]
im now dating my best friend who was actully loved me through all of those jack offs. we had worked together for a long time and now live together. i guess i was just not at the right part of my life to realize that i wanted him too, even though he voiced how he felt about me all the time. (which was actully really creepy hehe)
i have much more love for him then i have felt for anyone who has ever been in my life. he saved me
this post really brought up a lot of feelings for me and it made me realize that, yeah those times sucked. really really sucked. and i thought my life was over, or i thought i had to put up with things and they would get better. but truth is you dont have to. you dont have to settle for anything less then you deserve. if you wait, good things will happen. you deserve to be respected, loved, and charished.0 -
You can't find Mr. Right if you're still clinging (in a way) to Mr. Wrong. Let him go - you are worth way more than that. :flowerforyou:
this is totally what i ment to say in my long rant haha.0 -
Hey, my ex did the same thing. Should add in we were married. Any way, cut to a year and some change later? I'm happy and in a *much* healthier frame of mind AND body than I was when we broke it off (and yea, I took the blame because I brought it up, so I gotcha there, too!).
Basically, my advice is to take care of you. Don't dwell on the past, look at YOU and what YOU need in this life to be HAPPY with YOURSELF.
Yea, that sounds harsh, but most of my girl buddies are in their 40s. And most of them? Wish they had spent more time making themselves happy instead of everyone else, especially the man that took off after a year or two.
Now, to be fair? This rant goes to men too. Take care of you and your happiness cause NOBODY out there is going to worry about you like you should. Love the person you are with, care for them, share with them, and do the same for you. And guess what? You start to attract people that are healthy and happy and you find healthy and happy relationships.
I wish the best for you, break ups suck big time, and they make you second guess yourself... don't. Just find your happy, take care of yourself, and love those around you. Sounds hippie-ish, but I have never been so happy in my life and in my skin as I am now.
:flowerforyou:
Meg0 -
Well I usually tell myself I made the right choice & life moves, and that a few months later it all will be beter each relationship u grow & learn0
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^This. Life is too short to waste on those who don't appreciate youWhat do you tell yourself AFTER a break up?
NEXT!!
Exactly!0 -
Change can be difficult!
But he's a loser.
Hold your head up high and realize that you now have an opportunity to have a loving and caring relationship with another beautiful human being like yourself. Someone that is deserving of your time and energy. Someone that will respect you and love you.
Don't second guess yourself.
Don't look back.
My favorite Mantra is all of this :flowerforyou:0 -
If you feel like you're settling or if the relationship isn't worth your time and effort, I would say it's time to walk away and start over, regardless of how difficult it may be to get out and mingle. I met my husband at work, so there's not always a need to go out and about to meet someone.0
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If, from the first post, that ex went on a rebound shortly after - then it shows you how much they really cared. They didn't.
I personally do a cord-breaking meditation after each break-up; makes it all the easier to deal with it. Every person you come in contact with, you form a bond with them; this cord that connects you to that person. When a break-up happens, you still have this cord connected to them and those persons emotions and feelings are shared with you - you feel like crap after and it's harder to let go. After one break-up, I cried for 2 weeks straight (nothing was wrong with the relationship, but he had an addiction he needed to get rid of and deal with). I did this meditation, went to bed and never cried about it again. I felt a bit hurt, but it didn't compare to what I had felt earlier.
Their actions will always tell you everything you need to know about that person. They could say they love you and all that fun stuff, but if no effort is there to show you they love you. Or to show you you're beautiful to them in every way - they're just another waste of time. I always put mantra's (of sorts) where I can see it. Things like, "You don't need him". I remind myself of the bad things about him (when you're in a break-up, you think about all the good, but none of the bad).0 -
^This. Life is too short to waste on those who don't appreciate youWhat do you tell yourself AFTER a break up?
NEXT!!
Exactly!
Rihanna and Nicki Minaj have a great song you need to crank everytime you start feeling lonely....
"Raining Men"
It's all the above and then some
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Similar situation after 14 years together...after the initial reaction of "POO! (<< I'm a mod cant swear here) have I made a mistake?"
I soon realised that both of us were worth more than mere "settling" Also a lot of "his loss" for the behaviour that got us in the situation.0 -
people hardly ever answer my threads :grumble:
Maybe everyone broke up with you. :laugh:
Lol maybe 0
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