Not-so-supportive Friends?

mkwow · February 2012

Hi everyone.

I was just wondering if any of you have had some of the same problems I have been experiencing since starting my weight loss journey. Before I begin, I dont want to sound negative at all- I have tons of people in my life that are soooooo supportive of what I have been doing and I am so very thankful for them. I do however have a couple that are not so supportive and I am having a hard time dealing with how to respond to those individuals, especially the one that is supposed to be my best friend. It seems like ever since I started this whole process very seriously, he is not as willing to hang out and just seems distant. We used to party ALOT before I started this and now I have completely given up drinking and going out regularly, I am really serious about losing weight and I want it gone! My friend is supportive in the way he says that Im doing amazing and how he is proud of me, but then he turns around and asks if I want a drink and continues to pressure me until I get annoyed. He has been doing this regularly now. It has really started to bother me. Today of all days was the worst though. We were out shopping and wanted to grab some lunch and the place we wanted to goto had closed down- we didnt know this. I am on a very specific diet that I can only have those specific things, so going out is often challenging, but still very doable.

Once we find that the restaurant had been closed, my friend starts rambling off all these fast food places that we could goto instead. I of course said I couldnt eat at those places and finally I just said- "I dont have to eat right now, Ill just eat later" out of frustration. His response was "Great! Then we are going to SmashBurger". So that where we went and I sat there with my cup of water pissed as hell at my friend. Am I over reacting to this? In my opinion, a friend- especially one who is supposed to be your best friend- would have said, no lets find a place where we both can eat. He is even one of the people who helped me decide the program I am on!! I dunno I probably should have been more vocal, but I assumed my friend who has been "supportive" would have made a different decision than he did. Its hard. People really dont understand how challenging weight loss can be on its own, let alone when there is not support.

How do you deal with unsupportive friends?

dyellz · February 2012

Ive sort of had the same thing. I just decided that i do not want them in my life til they make a valid effort that they want to supportive. You need supportive people around you and even your mfp family. Stay strong, do not let people get you down. You control you!! Good luck!

hapoo100 · February 2012

I think we all face this same issue to some extent. some of our friendships are centered around things like food, or parties, or whatever. I have also seen quite a few people say that they have people in their lives who are jealous of their changes. You have made a choice to become healthy, you should make the choice to be more vocal. If your best friend doesnt understand you journey, take the time to explain your feelings. If he is your best friend, he will want what is best for you.

getalife9353 · February 2012

How do you deal with unsupportive friends?

Talk to your friend about your need for his support. If he still doesn't get it, (actions speak louder then words) than it may be time to take some time away from this friend. This is a difficult enough journey without your friends trying to sabotage it. Good Luck

ludogx87 · February 2012

when i first lost weight 2 years ago i had 2 really close friends who i done nearly everything with and we would regularly go for lunch / dinner.... then once i started losing weight i stopped going for lunch all the time and when i was asked to go and said no, they would moan and poke fun at me being "on a diet" then eventually i stopped gettin asked to lunches and dinners and they would go themselves and then eventually they stopped inviting me out alltogether to parties and nights out claiming that they thought i wouldnt want to as i was "dieting" ....... needless to say these 2 girls are not part of my life anymore

end of the day, i managed to lose 75lbs and the pair of them are bigger than they orignally are. so their loss

dont let bad friends get you down, they just dont understand your need to be heatlhy and want to lose weight. and if they cant understand it then they are not really your friends. but sit and have a word with your friend. he may not realise how you feel about wanting to lose weight. xxx

FitSid · February 2012

To the friend that pressures you, I don't think you should respond with anger, have you tried talking to him honestly and firmly?

juliekaiser1988 · February 2012

If it is a food related plan (let's go out for dinner), then decline. If it's a fitness related plan (let's go jogging), then accept

JulieH3art · February 2012

He might be scared (subconsciously or otherwise) that your change in behaviour is going to affect your friendship. He might miss the old, safe, comfortable you and that's why he's acting like this.

In my experience, people who can't allow you room to change and be who you want to be aren't really that good friends. They want you to be who you were before because that is best for THEM, and they are not concerned with what is best for YOU.

janluke · February 2012

I think its worth remembering that its tough for him too. As far as he's concerned you are the one who has changed the "rules" snf the basis of your friendship.Socialising with food and drink may have been a major part of your friendship but now that has changed.

Explain to him how important it is to you, how unhappy you where before you started losing weight and how much happier you are losing weight.

If he's a true friend he will take it onboard but may need reminding every now and again

If he really can't see it then maybe you need to spend less time with him

Not-so-supportive Friends?

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