Sociological discussion on remaining single for a long time

I don't see them as defective at all. As a matter of fact, if we were ever to divorce or if something happened to my husband, I don't think I would even be interested in dating. It's not that I wouldn't be able to move on, I am just a very independent person and that can cause a lot of stress on a relationship. Luckily, my husband doesn't seem to mind too much! Don't worry about what one person said. If you find the right person, you'll go for it. I think it's better to be alone than to settle for someone just to be in a relationship.

I have been single for the three years since my divorce... a little dating here and there, but nothing serious. I find that there are "maters" (people that partner up for the long haul) and "daters" (those that are in serial short-term commitments). I am a "mater"... Every relationship I have had has been something long-term, and, I just haven't found my next (and hopefully last) mate yet!

Hey, to each his own.
I'd go nuts single, because I just don't feel complete alone.
I need my woman - that intimacy.

nothing wrong at all with being single!

There was another thread like this started about a month ago...it was quite interesting,

Here is the link if you're interested

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/452693-for-the-perpetually-single

Tracy

I HATE being single!!!! I've been single for 9 months now and I can't see how anyone has lasted years being single! I'm happy when making someone else happy....all that "you need time to yourself" and "you need to make you happy first" etc...thats not for everyone. I'm independent enough with a job, house and bills, etc...I hate coming home to an empty house!!!

I married young (19) and my marriage lasted only one year. I stayed single for 20 yrs after my divorce. Those were some of the best years of my life. I skydived, raced stock cars, motorcycles, and had a wonderful time with great boyfriends. I dated doctors and lawyers and whatever in between. I would not have given up those years for anything.

I found my husband when I was 40 yrs old. We have been married for 26 years. He's the best husband I could have ever wanted.
Something wonderful is in store for you.

Ginny

I think most people would consider me a functional member of society. I have a good steady job, I'm close to my extended family, I do community service volunteer work and church activities and Renaissance Faires. A long time ago, in high school and college and a few times since then, I dated. But I've never even been kissed. Much less anything else. I don't know if I just really suck at dating, or if my weight puts people off, or if my personality is just that unattractive.

But does being single make me dysfunctional, or mean there's something wrong with me? I don't think so. Sometimes I'm lonely, but I think sometimes married people are lonely, too. I have a cat who loves me unconditionally. I like being independent and not having to answer to anyone else, I enjoy all my different activities, I have a full and rich life.

... no, I do not feel you are defective. You've made a choice to be single until you find someone who is right for you. Having principles doesn't mean you are defective. It just means you're in the lower percentile of people with common sense.

Yes. This. Better to be alone than settle for the wrong person. Excellent advice!

I've been single for over a year and I have been wondering this myself. My last relationship was incredibly demanding, and I found that I have more balance in my life NOT being in a relationship. However, companionship would be nice. I don't see myself in another relationship if I can't find a way to make myself, my kids, and that person happy at the same time. That might mean that my expectations are too high, but life is too short to settle. So, if I never find that person that balances well with my life so that everyone in it can be happy... then I'll just stay single because I can manage to make myself and my kids happy if nothing else.

I haven't been involved with anyone for awhile either. I also haven't found anyone I've connected with, but honestly I have so many issues I have to deal with at the moment I just haven't been looking.

I've been married a long time (25 years), but I don't see anyone who's single as unusual. More people are choosing to be single, or as you said, haven't found the person they would really like to be with.

I think it's personal choice.

I think it's better to be alone for the right reasons than with someone for the wrong reasons (paraphrasing the movie Some Kind of Wonderful). As long as you're being honest with yourself and others- not telling someone you're looking for a long term deal when you're not- than you're making the right choice. Both being married and being single have their pros and cons...and what works now may change for you. You may meet someone you can't imagine living without, and you may find that meeting lots of people is better. No one has the right to say you're dysfunctional just because you're single!

I am single because I won't settle for someone that does not exercise or eat healthy and I am fine with that until I find someone that wants to live a healthy prosperous lifestyle with me!

I was married twice. Never quite happy and always had a little self esteem problem. I had gone from one marriage (2 1/2 years) to the other relationship/marriage (5 years) within a year of my first divorce. Due to the fact I was married very young the first time, I was ultimately single at age 25. During both marriages, I was pretty much "kept in my place" being a secondary source of income in a supportive role. I chose not to have children because of a terminal genetic illness in my family which is a 50/50 deal (you don't find out until later in life if you can or can't pass it along to your offspring). I was often told when showing interest in career paths which would challenge my education, that I had better stay where I'm at or may end up looking for a job. After being single for a few years, I did challenge my education and developed a confident, can-do, attitude and was very successful in a new career direction within an international company. I guess, subconsciously, I chose the wrong personality type in my men. So, for the past 35+ years, I have remained single and when in a relationship, and the fella showed the first sign of subjecting me to negativity in regards to my aspirations, he was dropped like a hot rock. The past 7-8 years I have been alone which is acceptable to me, but not necessarily my preference. I would rather be alone happy, and independent than be suppressed in any way. Strange, because most of my really good friends are men. Go figure!

The person who said there are daters and there are maters is exactly right. It's nice to know up front which you are. It can prevent some emotional pain in the end.


Anyway, if you are happy being single, enjoy. If Ms Right doesn't drop in your lap right away, don't stress about it. It doesn't make you defective. Nobody needs someone that saps their strength and personality and it's nice to have someone that enhances them. :flowerforyou: