Advise from overweight parents with young children

I think switching schools can have a negative effect on your daughter, even though your best intentions are there. It may teach her to run away from problems in life. I think you should tell her there's no reason she should be offended by these kids because they don't know you and how hard you're trying to change your lifestyle for the better. Teach your daughter that some kids, and later some adults, are naturally going to tease or dwell on the negativity but that she shouldn't and she should ignore them because they are simply trying to get a reaction out of her - and are succeeding. Tell her it's natural to feel hurt by what they're saying but she shouldn't show it to them, she should just find other friends to play with. In time they will (unfortunately) pick on someone else once they see your daughter doesn't react to them... Hope this helps. No kids for me (yet, pregnant w/ first now!) but studied childhood education and had a lot of in class experience in Chicago public schools.

I think switching schools can have a negative effect on your daughter, even though your best intentions are there. It may teach her to run away from problems in life. I think you should tell her there's no reason she should be offended by these kids because they don't know you and how hard you're trying to change your lifestyle for the better. Teach your daughter that some kids, and later some adults, are naturally going to tease or dwell on the negativity but that she shouldn't and she should ignore them because they are simply trying to get a reaction out of her - and are succeeding. Tell her it's natural to feel hurt by what they're saying but she shouldn't show it to them, she should just find other friends to play with. In time they will (unfortunately) pick on someone else once they see your daughter doesn't react to them... Hope this helps. No kids for me (yet, pregnant w/ first now!) but studied childhood education and had a lot of in class experience in Chicago public schools.

It's sad because times have changed. Some people are training their kids to do and say whatever they want with no sensor of the mouth. I've seen it first hand. It's like they train these kids for combat and they go to school and are bullies. Parents not involved in the kids life and rather happy that their child isn't the one being bullied...smh Kids these days are mean and cruel. I've had to nip some bullying in the bud a few times.

Hate to break it to you both, but this isn't a new thing. Kids can be downright vicious, especially to those they perceive as weak (and, unfortunately, wearing your heart on your sleeve is considered "weak"). There's a reason the old "stick and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me" exists (which, according to Wikipedia, has been seen as early as 1872). Wish I could have lived in your happy little bubble, though.

My husband and I were both bullied all through school (and my mom had her share of "fair weather friends" who would turn on her as soon as it suited them). We were the outcasts that even the outcasts rejected.

Whoever said that ignoring them will make them stop has never actually been bullied. The same goes for telling on them. In fact, more often than not, it just makes matters worse (especially in more recent times, where teachers are afraid to/can't take any actually effective disciplinary action). Telling on them gets you branded a narc.

There are only three ways I've ever seen have any kind of effect - the principal comes down HARD on the bully (like, nearly expelling them hard), the victim physically lays the bully out after it escalates into physical violence, or the victim has lost enough spirit that they actually no longer care (at which point, they're probably also dealing with the myriad of self-esteem and emotional issues that come with such a state).

Changing schools may or may not help. I went to five different schools growing up, in three of which I was bullied, and by the fifth one (junior year), I no longer really cared and by that point had become "goth" and wore steel-toed boots and a trench coat to school (post-Columbine, no less; got away with it because I was well-known and liked by the faculty), though my last school was a far cry better than the previous ones.

What I'd recommend:

1. Make sure she knows that it doesn't bother you. You've taken ownership of your weight and are working to fix it. You're not hurt or ashamed, so she doesn't need to be either. Your strength will lend her strength.

2. Enroll her in martial arts. Ideally, if you can find one that balances the inner strength building that the traditional ones (Karate, Tae Kwon Do, etc) are known for with the practical use/self-defense ones that more modern forms (Jiu Jitsu, Ninjutsu, Krav Maga, etc) are known for, all the better. This will give her the strength to resist them both mentally/emotionally AND physically, and will give her a safe haven and support network she can count on.

3. Have her back. Teach her that it's not okay to start a fight, but it is okay to end it. If they swing first, it becomes self-defense. If your school punishes both students equally, then a) make it clear that no matter what the school thinks, she was completely in the right to defend herself, and b) go to the principal and/or the school board. Make it known that you won't stand for the stupid rules that keep victims from defending themselves (the only way to change things is to be more vocal than the people who made it that way to begin with). If people can't defend themselves, then they will just continue to be victims.

3a. If you have to, don't be afraid to consider assault charges, because once it gets violent, that's exactly what it is. It may or may not get very far, depending on your state, but assault is assault, and letting kids get away with it just teaches them that it's okay to do it, and they're more likely to do it as adults.

4. Teach her witty comebacks. Verbal self-defense, basically. They don't have to be scathing ones like the bully is using, but enough to throw them off and leave them dumbfounded. (Be careful, though, this one's best coupled with knowledge of physical self-defense, because they may try to respond violently. In which case, see items 2 and 3)