Really struggling

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mamalula
mamalula Posts: 42
in Motivation and Support
Last week I put on 0.5 kg, I am so upset but the stupid things is I know why but rather than seeing my mistakes and finding a way to do it better, I just want to give up!
I have just finished breast feeding my 10 month old boy after 2 weeks of slowly weaning him on to the bottle. It was easier than I expected I thought he would not be happy but he seems to like the bottle, it's me who is having a hard time with it, I feel so sad that this special time is over and maybe this will be my last baby. So apart from the 300 cals less I am feeling pretty emotional right now.
The other thing that has been difficult is not being able to walk. It has been -7 degrees here with 100km winds and for the past month or so I have been walking to pick up my eldest at school with the baby in a pushchair. It was a really good work out about an hour of brisk walking but with this weather it is impossible with the kids. I really like exercising with a purpose and that with the 30 day shred I was consistently losing every week.
I realise how easy it is for me to fall back into old patterns. It has basically been happening since thursday after my weigh in and I think I was so disappointed that I just gave up. I have been eating secretly and not filling it in on my food diary or adapting what I have eaten on the food diary so it seems like I haven't eaten as many calories as I have. I mean how stupid is that!? I know I am only cheating myself but I still do it. Last night I found a magnum icecream in the back of the freezer and as I was eating it my husband came into the kitchen and I hid it under the table until he was gone and then I went on to finish it, calling myself "big, fat, disgusting pig" the whole time. I hate myself so much right now. I have had one slip up and I feel like I am doomed to being this fat and obese for the rest of my life.
I am on level 3 of the 30 day shred and it is going ok but Jillian says this thing that is driving me crazy about a 6 pack starting to show, how ridiculous! My stomach could be further away from a six pack if I tried, it is a huge flabby disgusting thing.
Anyway enough of my moaning and self pity. Thanks for reading hope it wasn't too painful!

Replies

  • aniiohev
    aniiohev Posts: 3 Member
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    Hang in there! ending your breastfeeding relationship is tough...can cause feelings of depression. You no longer have those "feel good"hormones floating around...what to do...eat to temporarily feel better. Forgive yourself for falling off for a few days, Give yourself a few days to mourn the loss of the breastfeeding relationship and get back on your journey..hugs...you'll do it!
  • Jesea
    Jesea Posts: 374 Member
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    Hang in there! Pregnancy, post-partum and post nursing are all crazy hormonal times. When you hear yourself saying negative things. remind yourself that it's the hormones talking and tell them to shut up! Eventually, they will even out and you will feel better about yourself, so keep trying. If you can squeeze in a quick workout while the kids are napping, that's great. Even if you don't have any equipment, a half hour of jumping rope or climbing stairs will work. The weather will warm up and you'll be able to walk again soon. Definitely don't beat yourself up about a rough few days, just move on.

    Feel free to add me if you'd like!
  • MamaBear57
    MamaBear57 Posts: 336 Member
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    You are emotionally raw right now!! Like every other tough time your friends are here for you....you will make it through this. Stay strong!! I know what you mean about the JM thing....I see no abs either. But they are forming under the fluff (what I like to call it)
  • woodmetal
    woodmetal Posts: 72
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    I breastfed two of my children until they self weaned at three! My Daughter the first I nursed had issues! Anyway the point... I had a hard time accepting the change for a while. You do mourn the relationship. It is a pattern in bringing up children. It is exciting , magical to see them grow on the one hand but you miss the things that they outgrow to. Mine are grown now, my 14 year old is 6 ft 5 in and 230lbs and when he jokingly sat on my lap the other day it brought tears to my eyes and I for a moment wished he was tiny and still nursing.

    The weight and food thing... I know it is a struggle for me to. the scale hasn't moved and I am not seeing the big changes Jillian promises in the the shred. I keep going but last night at a party really just let go. I even had a martini... who knew it had 480 cal? But it was good and so was the pie. And you know I am not going to miss those the rest of my life. I am going to allow for them at least some times. You need to be kind to yourself and that is really hard to do!!! You can do this and you will! Life and all things in it are temporary. So take this temporary side trip in stride and try to find a smile and a hug!

    Add me as a friend if you wish! Warm thoughts for you!
    Kim
  • lynheff
    lynheff Posts: 393 Member
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    The biggest hurdle for most of us "foodies" is guilt. We have to let it go, let the past BE the past, and forgive ourselves for slip-ups or we can't move on. We will slip back into our destructive way of handling guilt--with food. You are not a "big, fat pig" You are a perfectly normal person whose particular weakness is food. Ok. You can handle it.
    Reward yourself with a smiley face sticker (or some other little silly thing) for every good day. Or even every good decision. Only you need to know what those little stars are doing on the calendar. But everything you see them, you will be empowered. The " I did it once I can do it again" mindset is a positive influence. Losing weight and keeping it off will always be difficult for most of us here. That is our particular area of weakness. But you have done it before and you can do it again. Good luck! You can do it!!!
  • hooligansmom
    hooligansmom Posts: 122 Member
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    Wow..you really put it all out there. I admire you for admitting your problems. I am so sorry you are having a tough time. I weaned my last child almost 13 years ago, and I still remember the sad feelings I had at that time. It is a loss and I needed time to adjust to a different relationship with him.

    You really didn't fail, if you are still here. You could start tomorrow with a clean slate if you want to. Or maybe give yourself a break for a few days and start tracking again? It sounds like you have a lot going on in your life right now.
  • lilkitn
    lilkitn Posts: 25 Member
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    I agree with Jesea, nursing and postpartum is a very hormonal time. I have a friend that is going through that now and she's taking something to regulate her hormones, perhaps you can talk to your doctor or pharmasist and see if there is something that they can recommend for you. But like Jesea says, when you hear yourself making those comments just remember it's the hormones not you. Try to love yourself when you can and take a bit of time to do some exercises around the house to give you those feel good endorphines. Stay strong, you can do it!
  • i_miss_donuts
    i_miss_donuts Posts: 180 Member
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    Oh! I am sorry you are feeling so low! I know what you are talking about and the cycle of self-sabotage. Sounds like you really need some positive feedback loops for yourself when the scale doesn't cooperate. I know that is hard but you have to find the positive in your experience, your children, your progress - something and focus on that! It has been freaking cold here as well but I stay inside and make sure I do whatever I can - jumping jacks, jump rope (without the rope if the ceiling is too low) go up and down the stairs and just try to stay busy. I wear a Fitbit and link it to MFP and it helps me meet my calorie burn & consumption goals even on days I am not working out. Spring is right around the corner and it will be easier to keep moving with the warmer weather. Finally, I typed a note to myself "Everyday that I wake up and see the kids is a good day" to help me reframe what is a "good" day or a "bad" day - because it is easy to lose perspective. My boss, his wife and one of his two daughters were killed in a car accident 2 days before Christmas a few years ago - one teen daughter survived with head injuries. I have to remind myself everyday that everything can be taken away in a moment and that everyday is a gift - and that I have to make the most of it. I hope this doesn't sound too preachy - I just know that it helps me sometimes to try to refocus my perspective.
  • mscreed
    mscreed Posts: 6 Member
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    Hang in there girl! You can do it. I agree with the other folks who have answered you. I breastfed all my children, (who are now all grown-the youngest is 21 yrs) and hated for it to end with each one of them. But, I tried to focus on what their next development would be and enjoyed the ride with them. Remember, each day is a new day to start over. We've all had times when we hid something we shouldn't eat. However, give yourself permission to do it every one in a while. I once learned from an excerise/diet research professor at the University of Louisville a 80/20 rule: eat right 80% of the time and 20% of the time give yourself a break and eat something that you really like. Repeat to yourself "I am a beautiful person." Please keep the negative thought away. When they creep into your head, change whatever you are doing at that moment to something else. Sing a song, read the comics, play a game, etc. Good luck to you!
  • good2bthaking
    good2bthaking Posts: 325 Member
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    Well, as a guy, I can't say much about the breastfeeding. My wife went through all the depression stages when she had our 3 children.I supported her, married going on 27 yrs. What I do know is that we are not perfect and all screw up on our eating. Don't give up because it's worth it in the end.We didn't put the weight on overnite and it won't come off overnight. What I do for motivation is keep a picture of my family in my food journal. I wrote food down in a phsical journal also.Everytime I want to stray from the good eating, I open book to look at kids and wife. I just walked my middle daughter down the aisle on Feb 3rd and that was reason enough to stay at it.We all stray.Keep at it and just look at those children when you want to cheat. As far as exercising in cold.jog in place while inside, do push ups or situp, but keep moving.warm weather will come and you will be fine.GOOD LUCK!!!!!
  • MeRoBi
    MeRoBi Posts: 127 Member
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    Wow, although I stopped breast feeding my 14 year old 13 years ago :), I feel your sadness. Breastfeeding my kids was one of the highlights of my life. As other posters have said, the feeling is compounded by your hormones. But don't give up...think of this journey as a gift to your kids. You'll be healthy and strong, and you'll be modelling good healthy habits for them. You can do this...
  • mamalula
    mamalula Posts: 42
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    Thank you all so much for all your words of kindness! I can't tell how much it means to me. And all such sound advice especially about putting my life in perspective and realising how lucky I am! Truly, thank you, it has really helped.

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