I can't believe I'm scared?

As humans, we are unfortunately pre-programmed to have a fear of the unknown and un-familiar. It is similar to the reason we normally seek partners and friends with whom we share commonalities. It is the reason that not many people make any significant fundamental change throughout their lives.

I completely understand what you are saying, it is something I analyse within myself on a very regular basis. How will my life change when I'm no longer the 'big guy' of the group? Will I be able to maintain this forever or will I (and others) just have an expectation of failure. How will I feel if I get all the praise and admiration for making a change, just to let it slide...

I have always been overweight, as a kid (my parents ignored this often and made no changes to our lifestyle), as a young adult I was always the funny guy - I will admit that served me reasonably well though .

I don't think I had one single moment when I hit the switch and changed my life, but it happened through educating myself etc, and I know this is a change I am going to stick with (I have been here for 155 days and not missed a single meal). This is a part of my life now, and I know I have made the effort to build the knowledge base and support systems around me to make sure I succeed.

I firmly believe that once I get to the destination (physically), that the mental shift will come, and that the new me will actually become the 'norm' in due time. That I have to put down to faith, but regardless of what happens I know that I have at least made healthier lifestyle choices and added a few years to my use-by date, and to me that is the most important thing of all.

Oh I know the feeling. I was terrified of losing weight even before I lost anything. Now, (after losing 30 pounds), I get emotional when I try on new clothes. I bought jeans the other day that are a size smaller than I ever imagined I could fit into, and I (oddly) felt kind of sad. We just need to remember that even though we've physically changed, we're still the same people. We're not betraying that overweight person that used to look back at us in the mirror, we're just improving them best of luck on your journey x

It's all about or self perception.
But try and think of those nerves as excitement and anticipation of the good times and healthy life ahead.
I am often surprised when I see a post like the one before mine. (Rayman)
I would never have though of him as anything else but a healthy, fit, lean guy, because I didn't see him before - no perception of him except what I see now.
You will gradually stop relating to the old you and embrace the change with relish!
Good Luck!

took the words right out of my mouth

Hey, that is perfectly normal. I have been heavy since around the age of 11 or 12. Even if it was subconscious, I know I felt the same way. That is why I decided till my 40's to do something about it. I was comfortable being the funny guy, etc. The mind/body image thing is pretty crazy as well. When I was at 336 pounds I could look in the mirror and think I am not that big, I don't look that fat. Just protecting myself, I suppose.
But, you will not believe how much you will be glad you put yourself through all that hard work. Good luck to you and do it for yourself and never look back!

Troy

I've been told by some health and fitness people I know.. can't say for sure if it's true,.. that fat holds emotional memories.

That all the feelings you stuffed down when you were overeating, will surface again as you let go of the fat.

Like I said, can't say for sure it's true, but i try to keep that in mind when I feel something that seems out of place to me when I'm working on this.

I struggle with something similar, and I've thought about it a lot. For me, I think this has two components. One is straight-up fear, and others in this thread have described that well. The other component, though, is harder to define.

I think I would call it "defiance". As a heavy person, I have struggled mightily for dignity and self-respect. I am not, nor have I ever been, a less worthy person because of my size. I think this stems from the "helpful"/hurtful things that "caring" friends and family say to fat people. (I don't know what they say to boys/men, but girls/women get told things like "you have such a pretty face," and "if you just put some effort into your appearance...") The implicit message of these statements is that the potential worth of the target is diminished by being fat, and as a woman, that her only significant source of worth would come from her appearance meeting societal standards.

I refuse to accept that I am less worthy, and feel that I must defend my worth. I am obstinate and contrary by nature, and this has become a... a "thing". I have worked very hard to be smart, strong, and competent. I think I have worked even harder to accomplish these things on my terms, to prove that I am fine the way I am. To prove that those "loving words" full of thorns are not true.

I have gotten to a point in my life where I am ready to try to lose weight for myself. Not to be prettier. Not for the approval of people who ought to love me as I am. Not so boys will like me more (my girlfriend is the jealous type.) Not because I hate fat, or fat people, or myself for being fat.

I think I am ready to lose weight so that I feel better, because I want to. Because it is my body to change by losing weight, the same as it is my body to change by piercing or tattoo. My choice, my terms.

Still, I dread hearing anyone say smugly "See? Aren't you so much happier now?"

I do understand your conflict. You are you, large or small. You should never define yourself by your weight. That being said, I should practise what I preach. As with most people on this site, I've been obese (yep-I used the "O" word) most of my life. Now when I find myself in a group of women, I look around and wonder if I still appear to be the largest woman there. I wonder if THEY see me as the biggest person in the circle. I wonder if the chair will hold me or if I'll be able to pull myself up off the sofa without a crane. I was 244 lbs and a tight size 20. Now I'm 155lbs and a size 8-10. Other peolpe say I'm skinny or thin, I still see fat. Working out at the gym tonight, I was face to face with myself in those huge floor to ceiling mirrors they have everywhere. What I saw in the mirror was a reasonably thin woman with curves. I couldn't accept that it was me and kept looking away. Yes, someday I will come to know this new person, but I also don't want to ever forget the person I was before. I never want to be jaded and unkind to other people with weight issues.

Remember who you are in your heart and love yourself whoever that may be. Happy Valentine's Day

I'd just say that change is just something that people don't usually like. Embrace the change instead of fearing it. Think about all the good things that will come with the change instead of focusing on your fear.

Everyones scared of change And u used ur weight as cushion, or something to hide behind. Now u can't, and life is going to be alot different, it's scary, but exciting, and u have to accept this change and welcome it, otherwise, like most people, u gain all ur weight back

I struggle with something similar, and I've thought about it a lot. For me, I think this has two components. One is straight-up fear, and others in this thread have described that well. The other component, though, is harder to define.

I think I would call it "defiance". As a heavy person, I have struggled mightily for dignity and self-respect. I am not, nor have I ever been, a less worthy person because of my size. I think this stems from the "helpful"/hurtful things that "caring" friends and family say to fat people. (I don't know what they say to boys/men, but girls/women get told things like "you have such a pretty face," and "if you just put some effort into your appearance...") The implicit message of these statements is that the potential worth of the target is diminished by being fat, and as a woman, that her only significant source of worth would come from her appearance meeting societal standards.

I refuse to accept that I am less worthy, and feel that I must defend my worth. I am obstinate and contrary by nature, and this has become a... a "thing". I have worked very hard to be smart, strong, and competent. I think I have worked even harder to accomplish these things on my terms, to prove that I am fine the way I am. To prove that those "loving words" full of thorns are not true.

I have gotten to a point in my life where I am ready to try to lose weight for myself. Not to be prettier. Not for the approval of people who ought to love me as I am. Not so boys will like me more (my girlfriend is the jealous type.) Not because I hate fat, or fat people, or myself for being fat.

I think I am ready to lose weight so that I feel better, because I want to. Because it is my body to change by losing weight, the same as it is my body to change by piercing or tattoo. My choice, my terms.

Still, I dread hearing anyone say smugly "See? Aren't you so much happier now?"

Very well said... took the words right out of my mind!!

All my life, I've been told, "You would be so pretty if only you would lose weight." When I look in the mirror, because I am still fat, I see ugly, tho I"m told I'm pretty... beautiful even. But I still see ugly.
And I dread those words... "See? Aren't you happier now?" or something along those lines.