Am I being paranoid?
Talked to this guy online for a year, consider each other friends, we texted daily before we met. We finally met and it went good, he was flirty and touched my knee a few times. Now it sort of seems he has changed, not texting as much but says he had fun and wants to see me again. I asked if we could go to a movie and he said yes. I suggested we go to the next town over and he said maybe, but not on Tuesday night because he works the next day. (it takes an hour to get there), Then I suggested I chill at his house and we watch UFC together. He asked who was fighting but never answered me. I also gave him the option of not doing anything. I know if he didnt want to do anything or see me again he would say so. I also know during that year of us talking online he had previously told me even if he likes someone he doesnt need to see or talk to them daily. It's just not who he is. I feel like when I try to text him that I am bothering him. I love texting and I guess he sees that now that we have met and live in the same town, maybe it isnt as important to text so much? I dont know. Am I being paranoid?
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Replies
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I say it's time to move on.0
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I say you should just leave the ball in his court, and start looking again. It sounds like he's trying to cut everything loose.0
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yea, you showed you're interested, if he is he should contact you other wise...you know the deal0
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ask him if his feelings have changed since meeting in RL0
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I think you should be honest with him and also our emotions are very deceptive. Love is an action not a feeling. There is no greater love than that of he who will lay his life down for his brother. I think it changes things when you change up a relationship. When you meet it's like hitting the reset button on a relationship. Also when you write someone you don't really know them. It's easy to have a missrep of someone who's on the other side of a computer or text. I'd give it some time. I do get where you are comming from and my heart goes out to you.0
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He is clearly intimidated by your awesome biceps. Cut him loose0
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Are you sure he is not married??? sounds like he is hiding something.0
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I think you sound like me!!! It's no fun, I know... I tend to overanalyze and disect everything.
The best thing is to just relax, I KNOW easier said than done but whether this guy likes you or not, it's not going to change anything by you worrying or questioning everything.
It sounds at the least, you made a new friend. Enjoy that. If it's in the process of growing into more, don't rush it. TRUST ME I KNOW EXACTLY what you're feeling. I've accepted that at the least, I've made a great new friend and if it were to ever grow into more, cool, if not, he will be an awesome cool guy that I can have fun with.
I do recomment you pull back and not always be the initiator in contact or planning. I did that as well lol. Hey, my guy is a great one, can't blame me for wanting to be around him... but I started to see it was more me so I pulled back (it was HARD) and sure enough he started texting/ calling me and invited me out. Let him participate... if not, it's all 1 sided and you'll never know (because you're not giving him the chance) if he likes you back in that way.0 -
Sounds like he's married or in a relationship. I'd say move on.0
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If he is into you he will do everything in his power to be with you. Sounds like he isn't, so take a step back and think about it. Do you really want to be with a person who can't be everything that you want?0
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If he is into you he will do everything in his power to be with you. Sounds like he isn't, so take a step back and think about it. Do you really want to be with a person who can't be everything that you want?
^^ this ..0 -
Read 'He's just not that into you' it has stories just like this. You deserve someone who wants to be with you and if a guy wants to be with you, he will be! Best wishes,.0
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It's gotta hurt, but I think he is slowing things down too much. After meeting, things should speed up. Why in the world would it take a whole year to meet when you live in the same town? You are not being paranoid, you are being smart. This guy is married or a commitment phoebe. I think he likes the chase and is being a complete jerk now that you have met. You are worth soooooo much more than this guy is willing to recognize. I know it will be hard, but move on.0
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he's just not into you. move along and find someone that is.
but my gut says he's married0 -
I'm reading thru these posts and I agree...and need to follow the same advise myself...I just watched the movie "He's just not that into you" I love the line at the end (had to google it so I could read it again and again) where she's talking about what we girls sometimes need to do. No, its not easy, but sometimes just sitting back and waiting is the best thing to do. My mom always told me, guys don't want to be chased. They are natural born hunters. Let him chase you. However, do keep your eyes and your ears open. Be aware of the "flags" Good luck to you!0
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If a guy is truly interested he would make time to see you. He does not sound interested. I say move on.0
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I love how MFP has turned into Yahoo answers... seriously. lol no sarcasm. It's a win win for me.
I would say he's just not that into you. Go off of actions and IF he REALLY wanted to be with you... well you already know the answer.
It's always the hard truth- no one wants to hear "yeah, he probably just doesn't like you THAT much" but it sounds like he really doesn't. I wouldn't sweat it (again easier said than done)
but move on to bigger and better!0 -
Keep it moving...
He would pursue you if he was into you....or at the very least you would be pursuing each other.
Usually if there is stalling from someone....something or someone is holding them back. Don't stick around to find out what it is....
Good luck :flowerforyou:0 -
I wouldn't pursue it any further. Like the others have said, he'd make time to see you if he was interested.0
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Keep it moving...
He would pursue you if he was into you....or at the very least you would be pursuing each other.
Usually if there is stalling from someone....something or someone is holding them back. Don't stick around to find out what it is....
Good luck :flowerforyou:
I kind of agree. I would back off on the texting and do it every once in awhile only. See if he picks up the ball and communicates more. He should be pursuing you. If he doesn't I would say he is more in the friend zone and move on.0 -
He's in a relationship...trust me...I promise you...0
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I would just let him make the next move. If he wants you, he'll come and get you.
I've known a lot of guy friends like this so it's not that crazy.0 -
He's in a relationship...trust me...I promise you...
Totally agree . . . he is hiding something was the first thing I thought as I read this. Time to move on! You can so totally do it!!0 -
WOW! I do understand where everyone is comming from but I do think the advice is a bit drastic at this point. What is so wrong with going slow?
1) You don't really know him, you know the electronic version but computers give us the ability to be anyone we want and deception can often play a role. How the story played out in your mind is not necessarily how it played out in his.
2) He may have gotten cold feet. Guys can be self conscience too. Past is a good indicator of the future and you don't have that. You have his words but friends and family bring a clearer picture of who someone is.
3) You want to mary your best friend if in fact that is where this relationship ends up. What are his beliefs and are you willing to compromise your for his. You started out as friends, so be his friend and get to know him. You really are complete strangers. Just because I interact with a book doesn't mean I know the author. Enjoy where you are at and communicate your intention for this relationship with him. If it's meant to be it will flourish but you have to stand firm. We are such a cut and run socoiety. It's important to remember that he has feelings too and may have been hurt in the past. Even though it's not necessarily going the way you want it to doesn't mean there's nothing there. Take your time. What if he missread you and dumped you out of his life and you really liked him? Have compassion and grace.
Treat your self like the treasured gift you are and be willing to treat this relationship like the valued priviledge it is. Someones life has been placed in your life for a purpose. You should find out what that is.
Lastly, feelings are deceptive. There is no greater love than that of he who will lay his life down for his brother. Love is an action not a feeling. Sometimes we have to do something we don't want to do for the good of others and it doesn't always feel good. I don't like to punish my kids but I love them enough to protect them from the dangers they are willing to put themselves in.
Be blessed I know everything will work out the way it should.:flowerforyou:0 -
He is clearly intimidated by your awesome biceps. Cut him loose
I have to agree with this.. that's some bicep0 -
WOW! I do understand where everyone is comming from but I do think the advice is a bit drastic at this point. What is so wrong with going slow?
1) You don't really know him, you know the electronic version but computers give us the ability to be anyone we want and deception can often play a role. How the story played out in your mind is not necessarily how it played out in his.
2) He may have gotten cold feet. Guys can be self conscience too. Past is a good indicator of the future and you don't have that. You have his words but friends and family bring a clearer picture of who someone is.
3) You want to mary your best friend if in fact that is where this relationship ends up. What are his beliefs and are you willing to compromise your for his. You started out as friends, so be his friend and get to know him. You really are complete strangers. Just because I interact with a book doesn't mean I know the author. Enjoy where you are at and communicate your intention for this relationship with him. If it's meant to be it will flourish but you have to stand firm. We are such a cut and run socoiety. It's important to remember that he has feelings too and may have been hurt in the past. Even though it's not necessarily going the way you want it to doesn't mean there's nothing there. Take your time. What if he missread you and dumped you out of his life and you really liked him? Have compassion and grace.
Treat your self like the treasured gift you are and be willing to treat this relationship like the valued priviledge it is. Someones life has been placed in your life for a purpose. You should find out what that is.
Lastly, feelings are deceptive. There is no greater love than that of he who will lay his life down for his brother. Love is an action not a feeling. Sometimes we have to do something we don't want to do for the good of others and it doesn't always feel good. I don't like to punish my kids but I love them enough to protect them from the dangers they are willing to put themselves in.
Be blessed I know everything will work out the way it should.:flowerforyou:
very well said0 -
Thanks for all the replies. I know he is not in a relationship and I know he is not married. I have gotten to know him as a person the last year, albeit not IN person. I agree it is important to be friends first. We haven't talked at all about a relationship or if he could see himself in one with me, simply because he told me a long time ago the next girl he starts seeing he is in no rush. I know he has been cheated on before, and I know the girl before me just used him. I know this because we talk about everything. He has never held back feelings on different topics before, and has never not told me when I am being stupid about something or whatever. We consider each other friends and I am pretty sure he would be honest about any topic with me. That being said, this doesnt mean he is into me, too!
I totally just want to ask him if he is into me at all, but I do not want to rush anything! Realistically, hanging out once is not enough, IMO, to know if you want to be in a relationship with someone. I probably did rush it. We met, and it went well. Then I asked the next night if we could hang out. He was busy. Then I asked the next night if we could hang out. He said no, not tonite. Thats when I asked if he had any interest in hanging out again and he said yes, that he had fun. And then I realized I am asking him too much! I left him alone for a couple days then we started texting. I asked if he wanted to go to a movie, and queue in my story above.
I dont know! Do I leave it or do I flat out ask him? Or do I just see how out next hanging out goes?0 -
If he has told you he doesn't need to talk or be with someone all the time it could just be his personality. I am very much this way as well. I appreciate the "touching base" and contact but I don't need it all the time to validate a relationship. The catch is finding someone who works that way as well. if you don't work that way then THAT may ve the reason to move on.0
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I think it's up to you. Do you feel he's worth waiting around for? I do think you could make your intentions know but also to be his friend. It may be what he needs That would be my advice. I hope it's helpful.0
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I think it is his personality. He likes to play video games and doesn't go out much. He has a good job, so he's not someone who can't socialize or anything (lol) but he more prefers quiet time like I do. And I know that we are just friends, so I guess it is unfair for me to have expectations of him at this point. Also, I have to realize that just because *I* would maybe say or do something in a certain situation, doesnt mean someone else has to. And if they don't, I can't fault them for that. I can't change anyone.0
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