When Friends don't eat healthy

I work with a wonderful friend who thinks food = love. She had gastric bypass 2 1/2 years ago. I had mine July 2011. I am sticking to a healthy, clean eating plan high in protein. She has gotten off track, gained weight, and is now attending Weight Watchers. I see M&M's by her desk, a bowl full of chocolate mini candy bars, and she brings in cakes, donuts, and other goodies. I won't eat any of it. Sugar causes dumping syndrome. But I feel like of all people, she should have more self restaint. All of us have asked her not to bring this stuff in. She just smiles and says "I do it because I love you". Don't love me so much

Ok so last night my good friend came round for my bday and she's not the healthiest of eaters, so along with the Margaritas she brought chips, guacamole, queso dip, salsa, and several chocolate cakes, it was so thoughtful of her to do this but I really didn't want to eat all that crap, I had some chips with guacamole and salsa and said "ok no more chips for me" I could tell she got upset and I almost felt guilty like I should eat all this **** even though I didn't want to, I even bought light margarita mix for myself, and when I asked her to use it I could tell that upset her with her comments. The cakes sat there all night until she finally ate one, I really didn't want one, I honestly didn't want it so I said I would eat some tomorrow. When I got up this morning I noticed she took all the cakes with her, I feel bad but should I? would you?

You could have gone without saying the part that I bolded...you only drew attention to the fact that you weren't eating what she brought needlessly. She probably wouldn't have noticed if you hadn't mentioned it. That's what I would've done.

Friends should respect what you're doing. Only thing I could recommend is letting it be known before hand. I could see how she could be upset, probably not upset you're eating healthy rather she went through the trouble of prep and realized afterwards it isn't what you wanted.

You shouldn't feel bad at all

Honestly --- she's probably feeling a little guilty herself. I find that when I am around people who are eating a ton of crap and I choose not to eat it, it makes them feel bad for eating it because they already KNOW it's bad for them. I mean it is no secret most of what we snack on isn't very healthy. I know that when I first started eating healthy it made my partner feel VERY bad about what she ate. It's been about 6 months and she's starting to actually change what she eats because she felt so bad about it. She started picking up some of my habits, like looking at labels and eating things in portions.

At work my co-workers went from giving me a lot of crap to just understanding that I am not at a place where I am to put bad things into my body. BUT they still include me just in case I want to. AND they appreciate when I tell them about healthy options such as quinoa and spaghetti squash. AND they like to share their things they have heard or read (which are generally not very true anyway). BUT when they are being healthy they feel like they have someone they can come and talk to about it.

If it's something new for you or your friend isn't used to eating around you when you are eating healthy especially for special occasions-- just give her time. It's a life change that she also will adapt to. Maybe you could talk to her about it? I would. I would probably tell her you felt like maybe she was upset that you didn't eat a lot of the food. Explain that it's those foods that made you feel the need to correct your nutritional choices. That you were more than thankful she thought about you, but that you were making a whole lifestyle change. It wasn't just a diet. It was changing how you eat for life. That you'd love to talk to her though and try and come up with some great snacks that you both could enjoy together the next time you hang out so that no one feels upset or uncomfortable.

Good luck!

you really have to watch out for people that are not trying to live healthy life styles they have a way of getting you off track if its intentional or not. My ex-boyfriend used to get off work kinda late and we would eat out all the time....needless to say i gained some weight that i had lost back even though i kept persisting that i cant continue to eat so late in the evening.

Now i have learned to just say no. My current boyfriend is supportive but a bit skeptical if i will stick with my journey. So when he has something i dont want like a beer he doesnt ask if i want any cause he already knows and i also have to resist myself.

I've even learned to help my friends by getting them to avoid some of the unhealthy foods they may see when we are out....like at the mall they have this cookie spot thats hard to avoid but i managed to get her mind off of the cookie by purposely walking around in the other direction.

The most important thing is your health so dont ever feel bad about that.

Multiple cakes? That confuses me. Now if she made you a from scratch cake from the best ingredients and you wouldn't eat it, then I could see her getting a little testy. Or that she made the guac herself. Or stopped special at that little Mexican place that makes their chips by hand and brought them hot from the oven.

But she ran to the store and bought a whole bunch processed food and was mad that you didn't chow down with her?

I think folks should not expect to get "Wow, thanks" for buying processed junk foods. She may thought she was buying it for you but her reaction makes me think she was buying it for herself and was just happy to share it with you to syndicate responsibility. (You see I had to eat it because it was HER birthday, doncha know.)

Most of my friend are naturaly thin and they don't eat very healthy foods. If I know I'm going out on the wknd I will bank my calories during the wk so that I can indulge a little on the weekend . I also do an extra hour at the gym to make up for the extra calories. I hope this helps.

It takes a while for your friends to catch on to your new eating habits. Mine still tease me as I rarely eat at restaurants any more - and when I do I order a burger with no buns! - but they now understand it is who I am. Give it time and don't change your new healthier habit. Let them eat what they want and you eat what you want.

You refer to her as a 'good' friend...a good friend would have already KNOWN what you were trying to accomplish!