Ex Wants to Talk on Daily Basis But Drops Me Immediately Whe
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Metamorphasis555
Posts: 224
in Chit-Chat
Okay, like the title to this post says, my ex has a tendency to want to talk to me almost every single day (sometimes even several times a day with him initiating the majority of the contact) but then the second he gets a new girlfriend, he immediately stops any and all contact with me. I'm getting really sick of this. We have been broken up for about a year and a half now (after being in a relationship with each other for 3 years). Since we split up, he has basically jerked me around like crazy. Like want to talk to me every day and tells me that he still loves me and wants to get back together but then as soon as I agree to give things another try, he suddenly changes his mind and doesn't want to get back together anymore. He'll never outright SAY he doesn't want us to reconcile but his ACTIONS say it.
During this time since we split about about a year and a half ago, he has a few different times asked me to be his GF again (usually in what I'm assuming is a moment of panic that he might lose me for good after I"ve gone NC for a week or longer), but then like I said before as soon as I agree he's suddenly not "ready" yet. Since we split up, he has had four girlfriends and each one broke up with him within two months. His longest relationship since we split was 2.5 months. I always know when he's started a new relationship because he goes from wanting to talk to me every day to all of a sudden not talking to me at ALL anymore with zero explanation given. He never TELLS me look I've got a new GF and so I don't think we should talk anymore (which is what I think would be the mature way to handle it). He just all of a sudden completely stops talking to me. Also, the last time we saw each other in person was at the end of August 2011 and shortly after that he started dating someone & stopped talking to me. He's been supposedly single since the middle of November when that girl dumped him & he & I have been pretty much talking since then for the last few months.
Current situation:
He went from talking to me at least a few times a day to barely any contact at all within the past week, and now it's been five days since I last had any contact with him. He hasn't tried contacting me at all in the last five days & I haven't made any attempts to contact him either. I loved this man so much that I wanted to marry him and this break up has really devastated me. This whole thing has done a real number on my self esteem & the fact that I pretty much know he's now with girlfriend #5 since we broke up really isn't helping.
How can I NOT feel like crap that when he could have been with me the past year and a half, he basically said (with his actions) thanks but no thanks, I think girl #1, girl #2, girl #3, girl #4 & girl #5 are all somehow better than you & I'd rather be with them instead?? Just looking for some advice please on how to get past feeling like a total loser since he'd rather be with all these other girls instead of me. It just really makes me feel bad. Of course it doesn't help that Valentine's Day is coming right up & I know that just like last year, he's going to be spending Valentine's Day with yet another one of his new girlfriends & it just makes me really sad because I have some really happy memories of the Valentine's Days that we spent together.
Also, I've been going through a really rough time financially the past few months & I know it was probably a bad idea but I asked my ex if he could please loan me some money. Long story short, he's loaned me a total of $1,000 over the past 3 months-interest free. He also has told me that basically no rush to pay him back, just when I get a little extra money ahead, send him some, etc. This of course was really generous of him to help me out like that! While I'm really grateful to him for helping me, it just makes me feel even more confused about my feelings for him. After the way he's jerked me around the past year and a half & basically just totally messed with my head and my heart saying he wants to be with me but then instead choosing to start yet another relationship with someone else, I feel like I should think he's a total jerk! But...then he goes and helps me out in a major way by lending me that money and how can I help but feel loving towards him so I once again agreed to give things with us another try after he asked me to be his girlfriend again recently & let my guard down & let myself start to feel loving, happy thoughts about him again, and then he AGAIN goes and chooses to be with someone else instead of me?
He obviously cares about me at least somewhat or else he wouldn't have lent me all that money but in a weird way that almost makes me feel like crap. Why you ask? Reason being is that it's like okay he cares about me enough to loan me $1,000 but he doesn't like me enough to want to be in an actual relationship with me?? Am I really that unattractive?? I know I could really stand to lose some weight but I'm pretty sure I'm not a total ugly troll & I'm smart, a nice person, etc. Please say something to help me stop feeling like crap about myself. It's just so hard to not have this wreck my self esteem when I'm starting to feel more and more he wants to be with anybody BUT me!
P.S.) Just in case you're wondering, no he didn't break up with me because he got sick of lending me money as I only asked him to please loan me money ONCE the entire 3 years we were together and it was for $50.00 which I paid him back promptly for.
During this time since we split about about a year and a half ago, he has a few different times asked me to be his GF again (usually in what I'm assuming is a moment of panic that he might lose me for good after I"ve gone NC for a week or longer), but then like I said before as soon as I agree he's suddenly not "ready" yet. Since we split up, he has had four girlfriends and each one broke up with him within two months. His longest relationship since we split was 2.5 months. I always know when he's started a new relationship because he goes from wanting to talk to me every day to all of a sudden not talking to me at ALL anymore with zero explanation given. He never TELLS me look I've got a new GF and so I don't think we should talk anymore (which is what I think would be the mature way to handle it). He just all of a sudden completely stops talking to me. Also, the last time we saw each other in person was at the end of August 2011 and shortly after that he started dating someone & stopped talking to me. He's been supposedly single since the middle of November when that girl dumped him & he & I have been pretty much talking since then for the last few months.
Current situation:
He went from talking to me at least a few times a day to barely any contact at all within the past week, and now it's been five days since I last had any contact with him. He hasn't tried contacting me at all in the last five days & I haven't made any attempts to contact him either. I loved this man so much that I wanted to marry him and this break up has really devastated me. This whole thing has done a real number on my self esteem & the fact that I pretty much know he's now with girlfriend #5 since we broke up really isn't helping.
How can I NOT feel like crap that when he could have been with me the past year and a half, he basically said (with his actions) thanks but no thanks, I think girl #1, girl #2, girl #3, girl #4 & girl #5 are all somehow better than you & I'd rather be with them instead?? Just looking for some advice please on how to get past feeling like a total loser since he'd rather be with all these other girls instead of me. It just really makes me feel bad. Of course it doesn't help that Valentine's Day is coming right up & I know that just like last year, he's going to be spending Valentine's Day with yet another one of his new girlfriends & it just makes me really sad because I have some really happy memories of the Valentine's Days that we spent together.
Also, I've been going through a really rough time financially the past few months & I know it was probably a bad idea but I asked my ex if he could please loan me some money. Long story short, he's loaned me a total of $1,000 over the past 3 months-interest free. He also has told me that basically no rush to pay him back, just when I get a little extra money ahead, send him some, etc. This of course was really generous of him to help me out like that! While I'm really grateful to him for helping me, it just makes me feel even more confused about my feelings for him. After the way he's jerked me around the past year and a half & basically just totally messed with my head and my heart saying he wants to be with me but then instead choosing to start yet another relationship with someone else, I feel like I should think he's a total jerk! But...then he goes and helps me out in a major way by lending me that money and how can I help but feel loving towards him so I once again agreed to give things with us another try after he asked me to be his girlfriend again recently & let my guard down & let myself start to feel loving, happy thoughts about him again, and then he AGAIN goes and chooses to be with someone else instead of me?
He obviously cares about me at least somewhat or else he wouldn't have lent me all that money but in a weird way that almost makes me feel like crap. Why you ask? Reason being is that it's like okay he cares about me enough to loan me $1,000 but he doesn't like me enough to want to be in an actual relationship with me?? Am I really that unattractive?? I know I could really stand to lose some weight but I'm pretty sure I'm not a total ugly troll & I'm smart, a nice person, etc. Please say something to help me stop feeling like crap about myself. It's just so hard to not have this wreck my self esteem when I'm starting to feel more and more he wants to be with anybody BUT me!
P.S.) Just in case you're wondering, no he didn't break up with me because he got sick of lending me money as I only asked him to please loan me money ONCE the entire 3 years we were together and it was for $50.00 which I paid him back promptly for.
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Replies
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ThiS seems too complicated to be healthy, maybe you could broaden your horizons and continue to date others. It's very nice of him to loan you money but I genuinely feel that men tend to be far less complicated than women, if he loves you and wants to settle down he would. If he hasn't it's because that's not what he wants. You deserve the best maybe you two could just be friends.0
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Pay him off.
Don't answer his calls.
Change your locks too.
If you can't do these three things, then you don't want to be rid of him.0 -
I don't know if this will make you feel better, but at least maybe you will know someone else has been in your shoes and made it through!
I had an ex who I was 100% going to spend the rest of my life with. He chose drugs over me. (Repeatedly) - and the only times he would "quit" using drugs was when he thought he was actually going to lose me. I realized that while he did love me in his own way, he also didn't want JUST me. He wanted me. He wanted his drugs. He wanted to run around with little girls when he was "messed up" and try to cry his way out of it.
So where am I going with this? Hah
Well, long story short, I finally (with much heartache) had to accept that while he loved me in his own way, he also wasn't treating me the way I deserved to be treated. I know it is taxing on your self esteem to be with someone like that, but TRUST ME (please) when I tell you that you will find someone down the road who makes you realize how long you put up with BS when you shouldn't have.
I'm in a relationship now with a man who respects me, thinks I'm gorgeous no matter what, doesn't check out other girls in front of me, would neverrrrr even consider leaving me hanging, etc. I can't believe I wasted so much time trying to get this other ^ dude back.
Love yourself and let yourself be loved. You deserve respect and happiness no matter what.0 -
He's an immature controlling ****o. It has nothing to do with your desirability. He wants you to be his backup booty. You should have more self respect than that.
Pay him back. Don't take anything from him. Cut all ties. Move on.0 -
This sounds like a lot of drama and I think for your own sanity just let it be & move on. If your gonna be friend you need boundaries so you or he doesn't get the wrong idea. I think the fact you have feelings for him means at this moment you shouldn't be friends. Pay him back so he can't hold it over you and be EX free for a bit. Heal & grow.0
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It's clear he is very manipulative and controlling. He clearly lent you the money not because he cared about you, but because he wanted you to owe him something. The sooner you rid him out of your life, the better.
It sounds like he has a lot of characteristics of someone who could end up being abusive on later in the relationship. You'll later consider yourself lucky to be rid of him.0 -
Okay, like the title to this post says, my ex has a tendency to want to talk to me almost every single day (sometimes even several times a day with him initiating the majority of the contact) but then the second he gets a new girlfriend, he immediately stops any and all contact with me. I'm getting really sick of this. We have been broken up for about a year and a half now (after being in a relationship with each other for 3 years). Since we split up, he has basically jerked me around like crazy. Like want to talk to me every day and tells me that he still loves me and wants to get back together but then as soon as I agree to give things another try, he suddenly changes his mind and doesn't want to get back together anymore. He'll never outright SAY he doesn't want us to reconcile but his ACTIONS say it.
During this time since we split about about a year and a half ago, he has a few different times asked me to be his GF again (usually in what I'm assuming is a moment of panic that he might lose me for good after I"ve gone NC for a week or longer), but then like I said before as soon as I agree he's suddenly not "ready" yet. Since we split up, he has had four girlfriends and each one broke up with him within two months. His longest relationship since we split was 2.5 months. I always know when he's started a new relationship because he goes from wanting to talk to me every day to all of a sudden not talking to me at ALL anymore with zero explanation given. He never TELLS me look I've got a new GF and so I don't think we should talk anymore (which is what I think would be the mature way to handle it). He just all of a sudden completely stops talking to me. Also, the last time we saw each other in person was at the end of August 2011 and shortly after that he started dating someone & stopped talking to me. He's been supposedly single since the middle of November when that girl dumped him & he & I have been pretty much talking since then for the last few months.
Current situation:
He went from talking to me at least a few times a day to barely any contact at all within the past week, and now it's been five days since I last had any contact with him. He hasn't tried contacting me at all in the last five days & I haven't made any attempts to contact him either. I loved this man so much that I wanted to marry him and this break up has really devastated me. This whole thing has done a real number on my self esteem & the fact that I pretty much know he's now with girlfriend #5 since we broke up really isn't helping.
How can I NOT feel like crap that when he could have been with me the past year and a half, he basically said (with his actions) thanks but no thanks, I think girl #1, girl #2, girl #3, girl #4 & girl #5 are all somehow better than you & I'd rather be with them instead?? Just looking for some advice please on how to get past feeling like a total loser since he'd rather be with all these other girls instead of me. It just really makes me feel bad. Of course it doesn't help that Valentine's Day is coming right up & I know that just like last year, he's going to be spending Valentine's Day with yet another one of his new girlfriends & it just makes me really sad because I have some really happy memories of the Valentine's Days that we spent together.
Also, I've been going through a really rough time financially the past few months & I know it was probably a bad idea but I asked my ex if he could please loan me some money. Long story short, he's loaned me a total of $1,000 over the past 3 months-interest free. He also has told me that basically no rush to pay him back, just when I get a little extra money ahead, send him some, etc. This of course was really generous of him to help me out like that! While I'm really grateful to him for helping me, it just makes me feel even more confused about my feelings for him. After the way he's jerked me around the past year and a half & basically just totally messed with my head and my heart saying he wants to be with me but then instead choosing to start yet another relationship with someone else, I feel like I should think he's a total jerk! But...then he goes and helps me out in a major way by lending me that money and how can I help but feel loving towards him so I once again agreed to give things with us another try after he asked me to be his girlfriend again recently & let my guard down & let myself start to feel loving, happy thoughts about him again, and then he AGAIN goes and chooses to be with someone else instead of me?
He obviously cares about me at least somewhat or else he wouldn't have lent me all that money but in a weird way that almost makes me feel like crap. Why you ask? Reason being is that it's like okay he cares about me enough to loan me $1,000 but he doesn't like me enough to want to be in an actual relationship with me?? Am I really that unattractive?? I know I could really stand to lose some weight but I'm pretty sure I'm not a total ugly troll & I'm smart, a nice person, etc. Please say something to help me stop feeling like crap about myself. It's just so hard to not have this wreck my self esteem when I'm starting to feel more and more he wants to be with anybody BUT me!
P.S.) Just in case you're wondering, no he didn't break up with me because he got sick of lending me money as I only asked him to please loan me money ONCE the entire 3 years we were together and it was for $50.00 which I paid him back promptly for.
My situation was very similar! My ex did that for 2 years except he would send me texts and cuss me out and pick a fight so he'd have a reason to avoid me. Then when he had dropped his latest fling, he'd mail me back like nothing happened. The last time was well over a year ago, and it was the final straw, he brought my Mommy into it, he cussed HER out as well as me, and that is a huge no no. So when he emailed me, I told him I'd help him with his problem (his excuse for writing me was he wanted to ask me something) but that in no way implied that what he did to me and mom was okay, and that after I answered his questioned I wanted him to leave me alone, he got mad and said forget it so that was my last contact. Honey quit letting him jerk you around, he is not worth it!0 -
He is using you. Ignore him forever
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I understand a lot about what you feel for this man. I have an ex who I was in a 3-year relationship with (however he was the one with financial issues) that I love immensely still. We've only been broken up for a month and I know I'll probably still have the same feelings for him in the future. Hopefully I don't. I want to move on. Unfortunately the heart wants what it wants...
However, this guy in your case sounds possessive and abusive. He's really playing with your heart and not allowing you to move on. I can also tell that you have some self-esteem issues since you mention that you think that he's not getting with you because you are unattractive. You need to look in the mirror and realize that there are amazing men out there who would love to have a great catch like yourself. You sound like an amazing woman with a lot of love to give. Ditch this *kitten*, concentrate on making yourself happy, and then find someone who likes/loves you for who you are. This serial monogamist that can't be alone is not healthy to have in your life, even as a friend.0 -
"Pay him the money and get him out of your life"
totally right!0 -
ok its like this....dont continue to waist your time with him. I know this is very very hard to do. Its def not you....he is the one that cant commit to something (evidence 5 gf in a year...come on!!!) You will probably be better off without him. I know i really know how hard this can be....when you love someone its hard to just stop. He is stringing you along giving you empty promises.
My suggestion is dont talk, text, email, fb, twitter, etc. Dont communicate with him for 6 months......then after that let him know if he wants to be with you he has one chance to make it right. Dont let your guard down though for the next 6 months because he is going to test your will power. It might not be in two months but after 3 or 4 see if you genuinely see a change....then make a decision if you want to be with him or if he is even worth the pain and headache anymore.
DON'T LET HIM HAVE THE POWER ANYMORE. TAKE CONTROL!!!!0 -
Pay him the money and get him out of your life. Sorry, but I've never been a believer of exes becoming friends right after the relationship - it's just not conducive to moving on. Maybe when you've both moved on and have no hang ups from the relationship - in the future - sure. But right after is hard, and you don't have to put yourself through that agony.
He's obviously so used to the idea of you hanging around that he's taking you for granted. He knows you are always there, so it's easy to just call you or be with you when he wants to, then drop you when it's not convenient. You deserve better than that. Life is too short to spend with someone who treats you like crap. It's like he has an "acting girlfriend" in you without having to worry about the commitment, and you're making it too easy on him.
Sorry if that was a little bit harsh, but that's my take on it. I can be wrong, but I doubt it. Also, how old are you? I hope you understand that there are a lot more deserving people who will make you feel loved - really loved. Don't rush. You don't always have to be in a relationship. Focus on getting more self-respect so you can learn about how great you are and how much more you deserve. Don't take anything less than that. NEVER SETTLE.0 -
I'd pay him back and then cut ties. This is not a healthy relationship0
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To me, it sounds like he's using you as his safety net and his back up plan. NEVER let yourself be someone's sloppy seconds. You should be someone's first priority, you should be the princess. If he does not want to be exclusive with you, and only you, you have to move on. You don't NEED him to be happy, you don't need anyone to make you happy. You have to figure out what makes you happy before you can invite anyone else into your life. Because until you love yourself, you're going to keep letting jerks like him use you- and that's not ok! You're beautiful, and you should be with someone who thinks you're fantastic every single day. Inbox me if you want to talk! 0
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Okay, like the title to this post says, my ex has a tendency to want to talk to me almost every single day (sometimes even several times a day with him initiating the majority of the contact) but then the second he gets a new girlfriend, he immediately stops any and all contact with me. I'm getting really sick of this. We have been broken up for about a year and a half now (after being in a relationship with each other for 3 years). Since we split up, he has basically jerked me around like crazy. Like want to talk to me every day and tells me that he still loves me and wants to get back together but then as soon as I agree to give things another try, he suddenly changes his mind and doesn't want to get back together anymore. He'll never outright SAY he doesn't want us to reconcile but his ACTIONS say it.
During this time since we split about about a year and a half ago, he has a few different times asked me to be his GF again (usually in what I'm assuming is a moment of panic that he might lose me for good after I"ve gone NC for a week or longer), but then like I said before as soon as I agree he's suddenly not "ready" yet. Since we split up, he has had four girlfriends and each one broke up with him within two months. His longest relationship since we split was 2.5 months. I always know when he's started a new relationship because he goes from wanting to talk to me every day to all of a sudden not talking to me at ALL anymore with zero explanation given. He never TELLS me look I've got a new GF and so I don't think we should talk anymore (which is what I think would be the mature way to handle it). He just all of a sudden completely stops talking to me. Also, the last time we saw each other in person was at the end of August 2011 and shortly after that he started dating someone & stopped talking to me. He's been supposedly single since the middle of November when that girl dumped him & he & I have been pretty much talking since then for the last few months.
Current situation:
He went from talking to me at least a few times a day to barely any contact at all within the past week, and now it's been five days since I last had any contact with him. He hasn't tried contacting me at all in the last five days & I haven't made any attempts to contact him either. I loved this man so much that I wanted to marry him and this break up has really devastated me. This whole thing has done a real number on my self esteem & the fact that I pretty much know he's now with girlfriend #5 since we broke up really isn't helping.
How can I NOT feel like crap that when he could have been with me the past year and a half, he basically said (with his actions) thanks but no thanks, I think girl #1, girl #2, girl #3, girl #4 & girl #5 are all somehow better than you & I'd rather be with them instead?? Just looking for some advice please on how to get past feeling like a total loser since he'd rather be with all these other girls instead of me. It just really makes me feel bad. Of course it doesn't help that Valentine's Day is coming right up & I know that just like last year, he's going to be spending Valentine's Day with yet another one of his new girlfriends & it just makes me really sad because I have some really happy memories of the Valentine's Days that we spent together.
Also, I've been going through a really rough time financially the past few months & I know it was probably a bad idea but I asked my ex if he could please loan me some money. Long story short, he's loaned me a total of $1,000 over the past 3 months-interest free. He also has told me that basically no rush to pay him back, just when I get a little extra money ahead, send him some, etc. This of course was really generous of him to help me out like that! While I'm really grateful to him for helping me, it just makes me feel even more confused about my feelings for him. After the way he's jerked me around the past year and a half & basically just totally messed with my head and my heart saying he wants to be with me but then instead choosing to start yet another relationship with someone else, I feel like I should think he's a total jerk! But...then he goes and helps me out in a major way by lending me that money and how can I help but feel loving towards him so I once again agreed to give things with us another try after he asked me to be his girlfriend again recently & let my guard down & let myself start to feel loving, happy thoughts about him again, and then he AGAIN goes and chooses to be with someone else instead of me?
He obviously cares about me at least somewhat or else he wouldn't have lent me all that money but in a weird way that almost makes me feel like crap. Why you ask? Reason being is that it's like okay he cares about me enough to loan me $1,000 but he doesn't like me enough to want to be in an actual relationship with me?? Am I really that unattractive?? I know I could really stand to lose some weight but I'm pretty sure I'm not a total ugly troll & I'm smart, a nice person, etc. Please say something to help me stop feeling like crap about myself. It's just so hard to not have this wreck my self esteem when I'm starting to feel more and more he wants to be with anybody BUT me!
P.S.) Just in case you're wondering, no he didn't break up with me because he got sick of lending me money as I only asked him to please loan me money ONCE the entire 3 years we were together and it was for $50.00 which I paid him back promptly for.
Ohhh man where do I begin, where oh where. I've been there. Kinda. I was with my ex for 5 years, sadly for me, I did marry him. 2 weeks later he was sleeping with someone else. I left and moved back home to NC. I spent the next solid year being his yo yo toy. In between girlfriends I got the "Ohh lets be friends, work on our marriage, I love you" yada yada yada crap till the next piece of *kitten* came around. Totally unhealthy relationship. It took me changing my number (thankfully we live in different states) and having ZERO contact to slowly move on. Then I filed for divorce. It took a long time to get over him. I mean YEARS. Finally I began to date again and eventually, long story short, I'm now happily engaged with a beautiful 2 year old lil boy. Basically, he is using you sweetheart. He doesn't want to be alone so he crawls back to you for that "companionship" then once a new thing walks in front of him, you're put back on the shelf. I don't know you, but NOBODY deserves that and I'm sure you deserve so much more. It is going to hurt, it is going to seem like FOREVER before you're totally over him but the first step is break ties. Since you do owe him some money, some communication will be there but leave it at that. Nothing more. Go on a date! Stop being his rag doll, you're better then that!0 -
Wow you need to cut ties.. Pay him back and walk away, no scratch that run away.... He loaned you money so now it will be used against you at some point if it already hasn't.. You are the comfort ex to him, he knows you will let him come back and you do .. He finds someone else and bam you are yesterdays news with a broken heart again.. Really sorry it didn't work out for you but you need to get out while you can.. You deserve better then what your getting and that is an ocassional boyfriend that doesn't respect you..0
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In all seriousness, you need to ditch this guy. Someone who 'loves' you, does not want to see you unhappy. It sounds to me like you are a security blanket for this guy, and he likes keeping you around as his 'back up girl' for when he is lonely.
Secondly, dont take the money as a sign of love. Again, it is just to keep you around in case this relationship doesnt work out and something he can hold over you when convenient. I suggest you pay it back as soon as you are financially able and do not take more.
Thirdly, i havent seen a pic of you, but i too am sure you are not an 'ugly troll'. Sometimes people just arent into people, and there is nothing the other person can do about it. It probably has nothing to do with your looks or intelligence, so stop second guessing yourself and work on being proud of yourself.
Lastly, you need to remove this ex from your life and start fresh, even if this means being single for six months with no boy contact at all. The advice i always give is that all the time you waste being tied up with the past guy is time and opportunity you are wasting in finding the next one. Work on becoming a 'whole' person on your own, without needing someone else to make you feel whole. This will enable you to be more successful in your next relationship and not feel so needy and out of control.
Hope this helps.
(PS I have been in your situation twice before, but am now in the most amazing relationship with an incredible guy (we just got married 3 months ago after dating 6 years) and its all because i decided that i am better than the crap i was accepting from sub-par guys - So i know a thing or two about it!)0 -
I don't know if this will make you feel better, but at least maybe you will know someone else has been in your shoes and made it through!
I had an ex who I was 100% going to spend the rest of my life with. He chose drugs over me. (Repeatedly) - and the only times he would "quit" using drugs was when he thought he was actually going to lose me. I realized that while he did love me in his own way, he also didn't want JUST me. He wanted me. He wanted his drugs. He wanted to run around with little girls when he was "messed up" and try to cry his way out of it.
So where am I going with this? Hah
Well, long story short, I finally (with much heartache) had to accept that while he loved me in his own way, he also wasn't treating me the way I deserved to be treated. I know it is taxing on your self esteem to be with someone like that, but TRUST ME (please) when I tell you that you will find someone down the road who makes you realize how long you put up with BS when you shouldn't have.
I'm in a relationship now with a man who respects me, thinks I'm gorgeous no matter what, doesn't check out other girls in front of me, would neverrrrr even consider leaving me hanging, etc. I can't believe I wasted so much time trying to get this other ^ dude back.
Love yourself and let yourself be loved. You deserve respect and happiness no matter what.
Your story sounds JUST like mine!0 -
Pay your debt and cut off your relationship. I had an abusive boyfriend like this in the past; my story sounds so much like yours, except that I was the one loaning him money. (He has never paid me back.) It went on for years before I decided to end it for good. I have changed so much since those days long ago; I can't even believe that was me! You need to decide that you're worth more than how he is treating you. Stay tough and take good care of yourself.
Best of luck.0 -
Thanks SO much for your input & advice everyone. It really means a lot to me.
To the person who asked my age, I'm 34 (soon to be 35) & my ex is 36.
Also, just wanted to mention that just last weekend (1 week ago) I got a call from my ex while I was out grocery shopping. He first of all was like why didn't you answer your phone? He seemed all ticked off and irritated because he had apparently tried calling me a few times. I told him sorry I didn't even notice until just now that you've been trying to get a hold of me what's up? Then he basically proceeded to ask me, you're not going on a date tonight right? You better not be after I just was nice enough to lend you all that money. I just couldn't believe it! Here he was acting all jealous and totally stressed out worrying that I might be going on a date and then trying to manipulate me not to by mentioning the money thing!
Yet within just a day or two of that, I gradually started hearing from him less and less and now zero contact from him for the past 5 days. He insisted that he wasn't going on a date that night either yet I think he did either go on a date that weekend and/or went to the bar since he cut WAY back on the contact right after that until it dwindled down to nothing at all the past 5 days. It's just weird how a week ago he went from acting super concerned and stressed out that I might be going on a date with another guy yet he's now suddenly in a relationship with someone else again?
These new girls that he dates are all younger than me (I'm mid 30s & so is he), and they so far have all been in their early to mid 20's. Oh, & did I mention that they're all thinner than me?? So, that makes me feel like crap. On a positive note, on a pretty regular basis I have people mistake me for my daughter's older sister (like when I took her to her doctor's appointment the other day). So, apparently I do look young for my age. However, since he's choosing to be with all these other women when he could have been with me the past year and half, I guess he must not think I look that great. I know that i could stand to lose some weight and I really am working on that & hope to finally get back to my goal weight sometime this year. I can understand how he (or most guys for that matter) would probably prefer a thinner woman. However, it just makes me think he's a jerk that instead of being supportive and doing whatever he could to help me lose the weight (offer to workout with me, etc), he just dumped me instead. Now, he's never admitted that my weight was one reason he dumped me after 3 years of us dating but obviously that did have something to do with it since these other girls he'd dated are all thinner then me.0
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