Question about forgiveness

raindropwishes
raindropwishes Posts: 182
edited November 10 in Chit-Chat
Following a conversation I had today I just wanted other people's thoughts. Do you believe that anything done by a parent is forgiveable because they're a parent (they brought you into this world so anything is forgiveable)? Just curious
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Replies

  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    Anything?? Hell no.
  • EmCarroll1990
    EmCarroll1990 Posts: 2,832 Member
    Anything?? Hell no.

    This.
  • Sl1ghtly
    Sl1ghtly Posts: 855 Member
    Anything?? Hell no.

    Anything could mean anything.

    Double hell no.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    Of course not, that's freaking ridiculous.
  • thepetiterunner
    thepetiterunner Posts: 1,238 Member
    Nope. :)

    Parents are just people too. They're not infalliable nor do they get a pass for any harm they may cause simply for having had sex and popping you out 9 months later.
  • kb455
    kb455 Posts: 679 Member
    Of course not. There are some effed up parents out there. Watch the news... some things, especially done to children, are just unforgivable no matter what.
  • th2much
    th2much Posts: 156 Member
    Nope!
  • MrsCon40
    MrsCon40 Posts: 2,351 Member
    Of course not, especially because they are a parent. They chose to have you, but you cannot choose your parents. A parent child relationship is not an equal-two way street.
  • ArroganceInStep
    ArroganceInStep Posts: 6,239 Member
    More leeway than a random stranger? Yes, of course.

    Carte Blanche? No, there are some things people have done to their own children that is completely unforgivable.
  • gsheasley
    gsheasley Posts: 1,046 Member
    I think you can forgive anyone for anything.. not because they're your parents but just because.
  • ilookthetype
    ilookthetype Posts: 3,021 Member
    Not even remotely.
  • katkins3
    katkins3 Posts: 1,359 Member
    I pretty much avoid the words anything, all, always etc. There are just pretty few things that fit into these categories.
    Forgive anything or everything or all? Not me.
  • chachita7
    chachita7 Posts: 996 Member
    We forgive not for the benefit of the other person but for the benefit of breaking the hold, what ever they have done, has on us. Most people who do us wrong just continue with their lives without even thinking twice about what it was they did. Holding a grudge only affects you - you have the choice to forgive and move forward and not allow them to hurt you any longer.

    Forgiveness, however, is not the same as forgetting - but it sure as hell helps a lot with dealing with the feelings when the incident pops into our minds. Sometimes you must forgive the person over and over again until you find the peace you seek by giving such forgiveness.

    It is imperative, we also remind ourselves we are not at fault for anything anyone does to us.

    But to answer your question - All is forgivable and personally I believe in forgiveness - I refuse to fall victim on a continues basis of anyone who has done me wrong ...
  • spoiledwifenikki688
    spoiledwifenikki688 Posts: 14
    Anything?? Hell no.
  • porcelain_doll
    porcelain_doll Posts: 1,005 Member
    We forgive not for the benefit of the other person but for the benefit of breaking the hold, what ever they have done, has on us. Most people who do us wrong just continue with their lives without even thinking twice about what it was they did. Holding a grudge only affects you - you have the choice to forgive and move forward and not allow them to hurt you any longer.

    Forgiveness, however, is not the same as forgetting - but it sure as hell helps a lot with dealing with the feelings when the incident pops into our minds. Sometimes you must forgive the person over and over again until you find the peace you seek by giving such forgiveness.

    It is imperative, we also remind ourselves we are not at fault for anything anyone does to us.

    But to answer your question - All is forgivable and personally I believe in forgiveness - I refuse to fall victim on a continues basis of anyone who has done me wrong ...

    Agreed. I struggle with doing this, but I agree it is the way to go to achieve peace. Forgiving someone isn't saying it's ok what they did, whether it is a parent or anyone else.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    More leeway than a random stranger? Yes, of course.

    I feel just the opposite. As an involved parent, you should be held to a higher standard than a stranger.
  • therealangd
    therealangd Posts: 1,861 Member
    Um. NO!
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    We forgive not for the benefit of the other person but for the benefit of breaking the hold, what ever they have done, has on us. Most people who do us wrong just continue with their lives without even thinking twice about what it was they did. Holding a grudge only affects you - you have the choice to forgive and move forward and not allow them to hurt you any longer.

    Forgiveness, however, is not the same as forgetting - but it sure as hell helps a lot with dealing with the feelings when the incident pops into our minds. Sometimes you must forgive the person over and over again until you find the peace you seek by giving such forgiveness.

    It is imperative, we also remind ourselves we are not at fault for anything anyone does to us.

    But to answer your question - All is forgivable and personally I believe in forgiveness - I refuse to fall victim on a continues basis of anyone who has done me wrong ...

    Sounds good in theory. What about the guy that steals your grandparents' life saving? The pedophile that rapes your toddler? Hitler? The sociopath that kills your spouse and robs them for enough money to buy crack? The pimp that exploits your teenaged daughter and addicts her to drugs?

    Do you understand the concept of "anything"? If you can fiorgive anything, you are much more highly evolved than I.
  • Tubby2Toned
    Tubby2Toned Posts: 130 Member
    Godwin's Law has struck. :smile:
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    Godwin's Law has struck. :smile:

    How long have you been waiting to use that reference?

    You're welcome.
  • kennethmgreen
    kennethmgreen Posts: 1,759 Member
    Following a conversation I had today I just wanted other people's thoughts. Do you believe that anything done by a parent is forgiveable because they're a parent (they brought you into this world so anything is forgiveable)? Just curious
    As long as people continue to hold onto the idea that "forgiveness" means saying something is OK, or not holding someone accountable, you're going to get a lot of NO answers. If you define forgiveness as "giving up the right to punish" then that might change some things. I look at forgiveness as a way to release the resentment. It doesn't absolve anyone of responsibility. It doesn't make the "wrong" OK, or less important. It simply means I no longer have to actively nurture a resentment. But some people see "forgiveness" differently.

    As for your bolded text, that's a different discussion. I think we tend to allow those we care about get away with more than we might allow with strangers. I'm not convinced that is the best choice, but acknowledging that it seems to be pretty common. I don't think anyone really gets to be above what I consider right and wrong because of the relationship we have. Meaning, my set of morals and beliefs applies to myself, friends, family, co-workers and strangers. How I act on them may differ by group. And I might let something my dad says go because it's my dad. But there is no trump card. Parents can do terrible things. They may be terrible people. Just because they are parents doesn't give them special stature.
  • ArroganceInStep
    ArroganceInStep Posts: 6,239 Member
    I feel just the opposite. As an involved parent, you should be held to a higher standard than a stranger.

    A fair point.

    I'm much more likely to forgive my mother for rear ending me and f***ing up my car than someone late for work on the phone not paying attention. The random stranger means nothing to me, so it's nothing to cut them out of my life (or at least punch 'em in the face :p). I'm more willing to forgive my father for bumping my laptop off the table and breaking it than an inconsiderate p**** at Starbucks.

    Then again, I also expect my parents to be there for me when I need them, which I don't expect of said guy who was punched in the face or guy who had my caramel machiatto thrown in their face. It would hurt me a lot more if say, my folks didn't show up at my wedding than if burned/punched guys didn't make it.

    I suppose it depends on the circumstances. Some things things they get more leeway, others no.
  • RILEYRED
    RILEYRED Posts: 647 Member
    I think anything can be forgiven of anybody, just not forgotten.
  • Jain
    Jain Posts: 861 Member
    HELL NO!

    I'll never forgive my father for distroying my chilldhood. Or for making my Mums life a living hell.
  • CannibalisticVegetarian
    CannibalisticVegetarian Posts: 1,255 Member
    Anything?? Hell no.
  • RaeLB
    RaeLB Posts: 1,216 Member
    We forgive not for the benefit of the other person but for the benefit of breaking the hold, what ever they have done, has on us. Most people who do us wrong just continue with their lives without even thinking twice about what it was they did. Holding a grudge only affects you - you have the choice to forgive and move forward and not allow them to hurt you any longer.

    Forgiveness, however, is not the same as forgetting - but it sure as hell helps a lot with dealing with the feelings when the incident pops into our minds. Sometimes you must forgive the person over and over again until you find the peace you seek by giving such forgiveness.

    It is imperative, we also remind ourselves we are not at fault for anything anyone does to us.

    But to answer your question - All is forgivable and personally I believe in forgiveness - I refuse to fall victim on a continues basis of anyone who has done me wrong ...

    ^
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
    As long as people continue to hold onto the idea that "forgiveness" means saying something is OK, or not holding someone accountable, you're going to get a lot of NO answers. If you define forgiveness as "giving up the right to punish" then that might change some things. I look at forgiveness as a way to release the resentment. It doesn't absolve anyone of responsibility. It doesn't make the "wrong" OK, or less important. It simply means I no longer have to actively nurture a resentment. But some people see "forgiveness" differently.
    I had to learn this about my father. I had to find a way to let go without absolving him. It's something I work on daily. I'm not there yet.
  • _SusieQ_
    _SusieQ_ Posts: 2,964 Member
    Following a conversation I had today I just wanted other people's thoughts. Do you believe that anything done by a parent is forgiveable because they're a parent (they brought you into this world so anything is forgiveable)? Just curious
    As long as people continue to hold onto the idea that "forgiveness" means saying something is OK, or not holding someone accountable, you're going to get a lot of NO answers. If you define forgiveness as "giving up the right to punish" then that might change some things. I look at forgiveness as a way to release the resentment. It doesn't absolve anyone of responsibility. It doesn't make the "wrong" OK, or less important. It simply means I no longer have to actively nurture a resentment. But some people see "forgiveness" differently.

    As for your bolded text, that's a different discussion. I think we tend to allow those we care about get away with more than we might allow with strangers. I'm not convinced that is the best choice, but acknowledging that it seems to be pretty common. I don't think anyone really gets to be above what I consider right and wrong because of the relationship we have. Meaning, my set of morals and beliefs applies to myself, friends, family, co-workers and strangers. How I act on them may differ by group. And I might let something my dad says go because it's my dad. But there is no trump card. Parents can do terrible things. They may be terrible people. Just because they are parents doesn't give them special stature.

    I hope you never form your own cult or religion b/c I might just drink the koolaid. You rock.
  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
    I guess it depends on what you mean by forgiveness. There are completely evil ****s that have children. They perform unspeakable horrors on their children. When the children grow up, they may be able to forgive their parents for what they have done, but that in no way means that they accept their parents into their lives or trust that they are anything other than the scum of the earth. If you are using the word forgiveness as the child accepting what the parent did and allowing them into their lives for a normal parent/child relationship and everything turns into fairy dust and unicorns than no, absolutely not.
  • chachita7
    chachita7 Posts: 996 Member
    We forgive not for the benefit of the other person but for the benefit of breaking the hold, what ever they have done, has on us. Most people who do us wrong just continue with their lives without even thinking twice about what it was they did. Holding a grudge only affects you - you have the choice to forgive and move forward and not allow them to hurt you any longer.

    Forgiveness, however, is not the same as forgetting - but it sure as hell helps a lot with dealing with the feelings when the incident pops into our minds. Sometimes you must forgive the person over and over again until you find the peace you seek by giving such forgiveness.

    It is imperative, we also remind ourselves we are not at fault for anything anyone does to us.

    But to answer your question - All is forgivable and personally I believe in forgiveness - I refuse to fall victim on a continues basis of anyone who has done me wrong ...

    Sounds good in theory. What about the guy that steals your grandparents' life saving? The pedophile that rapes your toddler? Hitler? The sociopath that kills your spouse and robs them for enough money to buy crack? The pimp that exploits your teenaged daughter and addicts her to drugs?

    Do you understand the concept of "anything"? If you can fiorgive anything, you are much more highly evolved than I.

    The question in these cases is (to me) do I waste my time hating the person who has harmed my loved one? or apply it to my healing process which would eventually include forgiving he who harmed my loved one? Do I empower that person to rob me from my own life?

    To me there is NOTHING unforgivable - then again I believe all things happen for a reason.
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