Question about forgiveness

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13

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  • njean888
    njean888 Posts: 399 Member
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    HELL NO!!!! I work for child protective services. You would not believe the horrors done to so many innocent children!
  • macpatti
    macpatti Posts: 4,280 Member
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    We should always strive to forgive. You can forgive and still disengage from people who have done horrible things to you.......even your parents.
  • 76wendyful
    76wendyful Posts: 202
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    No! Well, let me re-phrase, you can forgive them, even if you don't actually say it to their face. There are people in my life who I forgive, but that doesn't mean they deserve a place in my life now.
  • LastMinuteMama
    LastMinuteMama Posts: 590 Member
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    It took me a very long time to realize that forgiving is not forgetting and allowing the person to repeatedly hurt you or that an apology is needed to forgive.

    As a few people already mentioned, the forgiveness is for YOU, not them. (Unless, of course they have actually asked for forgiveness)

    Forgiveness helps you let go and move on. It has been a huge help in my life to forgive and it has brought me peace. I don't believe it is my job to "judge/punish" people. I also don't spend time with people who have hurt me and sadly, that includes my own father.
  • littlebuddy84
    littlebuddy84 Posts: 1,000 Member
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    Absolutely not!
  • Articeluvsmemphis
    Articeluvsmemphis Posts: 1,987 Member
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    parents can and do mess up big time. I think unconditionally forgiving a parent does not involve glossing over what they did wrong, but yes, I do believe a parent and honestly anyone should be forgiven for every single thing. this doesn't mean they become your best friend, you interact with them, or they don't receive a punishment of some kind (criminal acts), but it means that in your heart you have not pinned up useless hate and disdain for something another person has done. forgiveness if much more for you rather than someone else. not forgiving someone gives them control over your life when you consistently live with the hurt they caused you. forgetting doesn't mean it doesn't run across your mind it means it doesn't trouble your spirit in a negative way.
  • Aegelis
    Aegelis Posts: 237 Member
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    "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven." - Luke 6:37

    "Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”

    Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." - Matthew 18:21-22

    I asked a friend once, "how can I forgive someone who doesn't ask for forgiveness?" He told me simply, "it is a gift from God". Although that caused an initial thought of, "what's that supposed to mean?", I found out he was right. Ask for this gift, it's very worthwhile.
  • Just_Bethy
    Just_Bethy Posts: 272
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    To Forgive..is to move on and release..to let go of anger and grudges...You forgive others so you can know Peace..That does NOT mean you give them the chance to be in your life and hurt you again...I have forgiven the people who subjected me to physical and mental and emotional abuse ... But I do NOT and WILL not ever ever give those people..including my own family...the chance to use or hurt me ever again!! Peace to you! ♥
  • chriscoates7025
    chriscoates7025 Posts: 131 Member
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    Absolutely not! There are many horrible people making kids and then harming them
  • Bikini27
    Bikini27 Posts: 1,298 Member
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    Nope. :)

    Parents are just people too. They're not infalliable nor do they get a pass for any harm they may cause simply for having had sex and popping you out 9 months later.

    This.
  • garnetsms
    garnetsms Posts: 10,018 Member
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    We forgive not for the benefit of the other person but for the benefit of breaking the hold, what ever they have done, has on us. Most people who do us wrong just continue with their lives without even thinking twice about what it was they did. Holding a grudge only affects you - you have the choice to forgive and move forward and not allow them to hurt you any longer.

    Forgiveness, however, is not the same as forgetting - but it sure as hell helps a lot with dealing with the feelings when the incident pops into our minds. Sometimes you must forgive the person over and over again until you find the peace you seek by giving such forgiveness.

    It is imperative, we also remind ourselves we are not at fault for anything anyone does to us.

    But to answer your question - All is forgivable and personally I believe in forgiveness - I refuse to fall victim on a continues basis of anyone who has done me wrong ...

    Very well said! And exactly what I was thinking as I was reading the posts.

    To add to that though...forgiving doesn't mean there will not be consequences for the action (s) as well.
  • jmehere
    jmehere Posts: 108 Member
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    Being a parent isn't a pass to treat your children badly. Children aren't possessions, they are vulnerable, dependent people. If anything, being a parent to someone obligates them to treat their offspring with love and respect, so as to teach them what love and respect are. I'm not saying that's an easy task. And no one is perfect.

    Forgiveness is not an obligation. And I think it's a process, not just something that comes automatically. You decide if and when it's right for you (if ever).
  • LuciaLongIsland
    LuciaLongIsland Posts: 815 Member
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    Forgiveness is about you, not them. However, you never forget. My son did horrible things (No abuse) to me and gave up his children. I need to forgive him for me. I am now deprived of my grandchildren. I will never forget what he did, and I distance myself from him. Yes, I gave birth to him, but it is not always the parents fault. Forgive for YOU..
  • deadstarsunburn
    deadstarsunburn Posts: 1,337 Member
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    A parent child relationship is not an equal-two way street.

    Love this. My boyfriend has been spazed at by his mom and step dad saying "we do so much for you and you don't do anything for us." well in context of him now allowing the step dads video games to be played on his(my bf's) laptop for hours on end when he needs it for school.
    You don't have kids with the thought of "they owe me when they grow up." It's a selfless labor of love.

    To answer the OP, no, there are a TON of things parents can do that are simply inappropriate and it wouldn't really be about holding a grudge but that you're better off without them being included in your life if they behave they way they do.
  • MyFeistyEvolution
    MyFeistyEvolution Posts: 1,015 Member
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    No, absolutely not.

    However...learning to forgive and move on is for you, not for them. I've had to forgive my mother for some horrible things...will we ever be the same? No. Will she always be my mother? Yes so I've learned to keep looking forward. Somethings make you stronger in the long run and thankfully, in my case, my mother sees now what she's done and is proud of who I've become.
  • Becky1971
    Becky1971 Posts: 979 Member
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    No not because they are a parent. But because it's deserved by the one doing the forgiving. Forgiving doesn't mean there has to be a continuing relationship. Forgiveness allows the one hurt to move on with their life. Forgiveness has been pivotal in my own healing. I will say though, regarding my mom and some what minor hurts, it has gotten easier to let things go simply because I realize, she's getting older, and there are just more important things, than to hang on to the past.
    Following a conversation I had today I just wanted other people's thoughts. Do you believe that anything done by a parent is forgiveable because they're a parent (they brought you into this world so anything is forgiveable)? Just curious
  • mikebudd
    mikebudd Posts: 26 Member
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    Is anything forgivable? Yes, but that forgiveness has to be earned. The fact that they are your parents may give them some leeway, but "anything" is a lot of room. Everybody makes mistakes and that needs to be considered, but so many people are parents only because they had sex, not because they deserve to be.
  • FittingIn
    FittingIn Posts: 162 Member
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    I don't know what issues you are dealing with but parent's cannot do heinous acts to their children and automatically be "forgiven".

    From a different perspective, "forgiveness" helps to heal the person who has been hurt. This needs to be considered in the correct context, however. This is not an invitation to resume a relationship with a child molester but more of trying to release some of the poison that stays in us while we nurture and lovingly care for the pain that we sometimes don't want to release.
  • LuciaLongIsland
    LuciaLongIsland Posts: 815 Member
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    Forgiveness is about you, not them. However, you never forget. My son did horrible things (No abuse) to me and gave up his children. I need to forgive him for me. I am now deprived of my grandchildren. I will never forget what he did, and I distance myself from him. Yes, I gave birth to him, but it is not always the parents fault. Forgive for YOU..
  • LuciaLongIsland
    LuciaLongIsland Posts: 815 Member
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    We forgive not for the benefit of the other person but for the benefit of breaking the hold, what ever they have done, has on us. Most people who do us wrong just continue with their lives without even thinking twice about what it was they did. Holding a grudge only affects you - you have the choice to forgive and move forward and not allow them to hurt you any longer.

    Forgiveness, however, is not the same as forgetting - but it sure as hell helps a lot with dealing with the feelings when the incident pops into our minds. Sometimes you must forgive the person over and over again until you find the peace you seek by giving such forgiveness.

    It is imperative, we also remind ourselves we are not at fault for anything anyone does to us.

    But to answer your question - All is forgivable and personally I believe in forgiveness - I refuse to fall victim on a continues basis of anyone who has done me wrong ...


    ^^^^^^^^^Said beautifully!!!

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