(rant) Frustrated with workout (rather, lack thereof)

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  • Mkserpa
    Mkserpa Posts: 136
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    Wow! You really have a lot going on! I admire your willingness to try to be everything to everybody, but that will not last long.

    You are probably not going to like what I have to say, but please at least consider it. First, you just had a baby, planned(?) or unplanned. It doesn't really matter. At the moment, and for many more years, you have a little person who is totally dependent on you. Yes, you!
    If I were you, I would look at my priorities differently. Whether or not you like it, BABY comes first. Like another poster said, a baby will notice when your not really "there" with her(?). Breastfeeding should be a bonding time with your baby, a relaxed and loving time. Plus, it helps burn calories. Even Selma Hayek said that's how she lost her pregnancy weight. Not that she is an expert, but she is about the only celeb that I have heard say that.

    Also, the college classes. Hey..you just had a baby. I realize college is great and all, but your baby needs you for the first 5 or 6 years. To be there. Those years are extremely crucial to their development. So, could you put school of? Maybe take 1 or 2 classes a semester until you have TIME. I know it is hard to push your dream away, but I did. And yes, I was a bit resentful. But, ultimately it helped me in my Nursing career to have the multitasking abilities from raising a child.
    I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide. And, congrats on your new bundle of joy!!

    I hear you. Definitely. The reason I'm having such difficulties is because I'm putting her first. I could NOT breastfeed, then I'd have more time (A LOT MORE!) to myself. She eats every 2 hours for about 15 minutes each feeding (then 15 minutes to burp her and have her sit up so she doesn't spit it all back up) that's 6 hours a day I devote to feeding her. It would be much less often if I gave her formula (which I refuse to do because breastfeeding is best for her).

    I don't leave her with daddy at night because he will let her cry herself to sleep if I do when she wakes up every hour. I can't stand the thought of her crying herself to sleep, poor thing. I'm just trying to fit in around her random schedule some sort of an exercise routine so that I can keep up with her. I get winded when I dance with her around the house. I am overweight and my hips hurt at the end of the day. My knees hurt when I walk her around the house. This isn't the way I want to be when she starts crawling/walking and I have to keep up with her even more :/

    Everything I do, I do for her.
  • Mkserpa
    Mkserpa Posts: 136
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    Wow! You really have a lot going on! I admire your willingness to try to be everything to everybody, but that will not last long.

    You are probably not going to like what I have to say, but please at least consider it. First, you just had a baby, planned(?) or unplanned. It doesn't really matter. At the moment, and for many more years, you have a little person who is totally dependent on you. Yes, you!
    If I were you, I would look at my priorities differently. Whether or not you like it, BABY comes first. Like another poster said, a baby will notice when your not really "there" with her(?). Breastfeeding should be a bonding time with your baby, a relaxed and loving time. Plus, it helps burn calories. Even Selma Hayek said that's how she lost her pregnancy weight. Not that she is an expert, but she is about the only celeb that I have heard say that.

    Also, the college classes. Hey..you just had a baby. I realize college is great and all, but your baby needs you for the first 5 or 6 years. To be there. Those years are extremely crucial to their development. So, could you put school of? Maybe take 1 or 2 classes a semester until you have TIME. I know it is hard to push your dream away, but I did. And yes, I was a bit resentful. But, ultimately it helped me in my Nursing career to have the multitasking abilities from raising a child.
    I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide. And, congrats on your new bundle of joy!!

    I understand what you're saying about school as well. Unfortunately, we will need the income when my unemployment runs out. I've got 2 semesters left. I was laid off of my previous job so I'm home with the baby until I finish school. So I kinda have to go. I would give anything to spend her childhood at home with her. I'm considering myself lucky to get to spend these first few months with her.
  • Mkserpa
    Mkserpa Posts: 136
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    Wow...your situation is a lot like mine when I was a new, young mom. My daughter practically lived in a swing, just so I didn't have to hold her 24/7. I also propped her up in a walker with towels and blankets when she was able to hold her head up. My advice would be to do jumping jacks or hula. It's great cardio that you can do for a few mins at a time several times a day, if needed. My escape was a daily trip to the grocery store. I enjoyed my free time til I came home to a crying baby with a dirty diaper! Men!!

    lol yes, that's how it is when I do leave her with him! hehe
  • neo200120018
    neo200120018 Posts: 106 Member
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    Wow you are coping with alot!

    For a suggestion to work out at home I work shift work and in a town without at 24hr gym and quiet often too hard to go for a walk so I do Zumba on the Wii right in my lounge at what ever time I want I burn between 800-900cals an hour worth a suggestion? you could do a 20-30min one when shes asleep!

    Goodluck!
  • neo200120018
    neo200120018 Posts: 106 Member
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    oh and its so fun!
  • Mkserpa
    Mkserpa Posts: 136
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    Thank you all for the comments and letting me rant. It's nice to know that I'm not alone in these first few months of being a new mommy. It's most certainly a challenging experience and trying to figure it all out is just part of the fun :P

    I'm going to try to incorporate more 'at home' workouts as many of you have recommended and kindly suggested. As well as perhaps taking it easier on myself and realizing that: *this is the important part* - It took me 9 months to put on the weight, it's not going to come off over night!
  • neaneawy
    neaneawy Posts: 146 Member
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    I'm a stay home mom of 3 little ones. 4, 3, and 17mo. It's VERY hard to figure out where your health priorities fit into the picture with little ones demanding so much of your time. I have the same problems with my DH, school and work. He's aware of all the alone time he gets. I have to make sure I'm communicating with him regularly on my needs so he can help out. He wants me to be healthy too. I've let my needs slide for almost 5 yr. now and that's why I'm 50 lbs overweight.

    1st - yes hubby works and goes to school, but you are exactly right that he has a break because he does everything minus baby. It is his child too and he needs to share some responsibility in that. Stay at home mommies get kid free time too. You will not be a healthy mother or wife if you do not get time for yourself. Sit down with DH and let him know your concerns and work out something.
    2nd - don't expect too much too quickly. Maybe you should stick with just the 500 cal deficit for 1lb weight loss per week. If you're breastfeeding you're also burning around 500 cals a day doing that as well. You don't want to restrict your cals and affect the quantity or quality of your milk.
    Exercising with kids can be done. All of mine are home. I usually do a workout DVD when the baby takes a nap in the morning or afternoon. My two older kids play in the playroom or outside. They're learning to leave me alone during this time. When I have all 3 with I put the two older ones in the stroller and the baby in the Moby wrap and we go walking. Since yours doesn't like the stroller try a different carrier. My baby usually falls asleep in the Moby if it's nap time when we're walking. MFP has a walking choice for walking carrying a 20lb pack/infant. I find this to be my highest cal burn exercise. Keep track of your pace too as you might be walking faster than MFP assumes you're walking with a baby.

    My best suggestion for helping with baby's quirks about sleeping is to read Baby Wise. My OB suggested I read it when I went back to work with my 1st. I was exhausted, milk supply was down, baby wasn't gaining, and he wasn't sleeping. Not a good recipe for success for a new working mommy. The guidelines really helped and it's worked with all 3 of my kids.

    Good luck!
  • neaneawy
    neaneawy Posts: 146 Member
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    I'm a stay home mom of 3 little ones. 4, 3, and 17mo. It's VERY hard to figure out where your health priorities fit into the picture with little ones demanding so much of your time. I have the same problems with my DH, school and work. He's aware of all the alone time he gets. I have to make sure I'm communicating with him regularly on my needs so he can help out. He wants me to be healthy too. I've let my needs slide for almost 5 yr. now and that's why I'm 50 lbs overweight.

    1st - yes hubby works and goes to school, but you are exactly right that he has a break because he does everything minus baby. It is his child too and he needs to share some responsibility in that. Stay at home mommies get kid free time too. You will not be a healthy mother or wife if you do not get time for yourself. Sit down with DH and let him know your concerns and work out something.
    2nd - don't expect too much too quickly. Maybe you should stick with just the 500 cal deficit for 1lb weight loss per week. If you're breastfeeding you're also burning around 500 cals a day doing that as well. You don't want to restrict your cals and affect the quantity or quality of your milk.
    Exercising with kids can be done. All of mine are home. I usually do a workout DVD when the baby takes a nap in the morning or afternoon. My two older kids play in the playroom or outside. They're learning to leave me alone during this time. When I have all 3 with I put the two older ones in the stroller and the baby in the Moby wrap and we go walking. Since yours doesn't like the stroller try a different carrier. My baby usually falls asleep in the Moby if it's nap time when we're walking. MFP has a walking choice for walking carrying a 20lb pack/infant. I find this to be my highest cal burn exercise. Keep track of your pace too as you might be walking faster than MFP assumes you're walking with a baby.

    My best suggestion for helping with baby's quirks about sleeping is to read Baby Wise. My OB suggested I read it when I went back to work with my 1st. I was exhausted, milk supply was down, baby wasn't gaining, and he wasn't sleeping. Not a good recipe for success for a new working mommy. The guidelines really helped and it's worked with all 3 of my kids.

    Good luck!
  • Kwuz
    Kwuz Posts: 5 Member
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    I'm going to try to incorporate more 'at home' workouts as many of you have recommended and kindly suggested. As well as perhaps taking it easier on myself and realizing that: *this is the important part* - It took me 9 months to put on the weight, it's not going to come off over night!

    I'm so pleased you have said that. I think you are expecting too much of yourself, cut yourself some slack here, enjoy the moment for what it is. They weight will come off, there is no reason why it has to be right now. I think it takes a good year for your body to return back to normal (hormone wise) and breastfeeding itself should help with your weight loss (plus it looks like you've done really well with that to date anyway).

    I had two very unsettled little ones (colic and reflux) so I know how demanding those early months can be. It does get better so hang in there and be kind to yourself. I think once you cut yourself some slack and enjoy it for what it is, you will not feel the frustration you have now (although I'd be very frustrated with a slack dad - perhaps a wee chat with him could be in order too as there is lots he coudl do to help even if bubs just wants to be with you anyway).

    Good luck!!!!
  • NicolettetheGreek
    NicolettetheGreek Posts: 246 Member
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    Hi new Mommie! I love, Love, LOVE that you said "Everything I do, I do for her." Bless your heart. I really do understand what you are going through. I was a single Mom , in the ARMY, and worked another job. I never saw my daughter awake during the week. Seriously. For about 6 or so months. It was terrible. I mised out on so much when she was little, cuz of being in the Army. We were stationed in Germany..I was in the field a lot, for up to 45 days at a time. I missed so much of her early childhood.

    Now, on the other hand, is my daughter. She is 27, and has 2 children, 1 -5, and 1 -2yrs. and she is a stay at home mommie. She is blessed to have a husband who makes enough money so they can afford it. But what her kids know astounds me! They soak up everything she says or does..It's amazing. Makes me feel like crap to have practically abandoned her..

    Do what you need to honey. You will choose the correct path. I will keep you in my payers also.

    God Bless your family!!

    Nicolette
  • avafrisbee
    avafrisbee Posts: 234 Member
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    I know exactly how you feel. My son (also first) was born in June 2011. It was a difficult birth that ended in an emergency c section. I know lots of women that say "Oh I was back to my old self in 3 weeks" well the two other women I know that had c sections that I know are completely honest with me said it was more like 8-12, which is what it was for me. I tried to go walking and bla bla bla but it was torture just standing up. Then I was worried about breast feeding. I had to eat healthy so the baby ate healthy. My midwife scared the bejezus out of me telling me that strenuous exercise will cause my milk to sour and Ronan won't drink it. I was scared of losing my milk, not having enough bla bla bla because of all the stories I'd heard. (I did lose it at 4.5 months because of a thyroid issue, meds cleared it up but I was only able to give about half of what my son needed until 6.5 months, then he refused completely I think it was a nursing strike, but because I had so little any way, it all dried up now he's on a combination of formula and solids) So I didn't start any sort of diet or exercise until Ronan was 6 and a half months old. I have the same problems with my gym daycare, he has to be 12 months, and the day care is open at stupid times (like 4-8 when the gym is packed and you spend more time waiting that working out). So I ended my trial membership. What I do now is walks (he loves them still but I see that you don't have this option) or when it's cold and icy and snowy like it has been I either do a dance game like Dance Central for xbox or Just Dance for the Wii. Ronan cracks up watching me. I sing along to the music and make funny faces at him. And during free style in Dance Central I pick him up and we spin around the living room. I also recently got a hula hoop (one for adults you can get them on amazon for about $30) and do that in the living room too. It's not as fun as dancing for baby but he does seem to wonder what crazy mommy is up to. Have you tried putting your daughter in a front carrier? Some people don't like these but maybe she would like it more than her stroller and you can go for a walk with her like that. It's close to mommy and she can feel you so maybe it would help. There is a nordic walking group for moms near my house and they put their babies in the carriers and go for 3-5 mile walks. Also look up mom and baby exercise. Maybe you will find a mommy & baby yoga or a strollercize group. It's a great way to meet other moms in the area and get your exercise in. You also get to discuss mommy worries like "is this poop normal". Mom talk is so weird. Feel free to add me as a friend since we seem to be in similar situations. Maybe we can help each other out.
  • avafrisbee
    avafrisbee Posts: 234 Member
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    I also want to add that you look fantastic!
  • Mkserpa
    Mkserpa Posts: 136
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    I know exactly how you feel. My son (also first) was born in June 2011. It was a difficult birth that ended in an emergency c section. I know lots of women that say "Oh I was back to my old self in 3 weeks" well the two other women I know that had c sections that I know are completely honest with me said it was more like 8-12, which is what it was for me. I tried to go walking and bla bla bla but it was torture just standing up. Then I was worried about breast feeding. I had to eat healthy so the baby ate healthy. My midwife scared the bejezus out of me telling me that strenuous exercise will cause my milk to sour and Ronan won't drink it. I was scared of losing my milk, not having enough bla bla bla because of all the stories I'd heard. (I did lose it at 4.5 months because of a thyroid issue, meds cleared it up but I was only able to give about half of what my son needed until 6.5 months, then he refused completely I think it was a nursing strike, but because I had so little any way, it all dried up now he's on a combination of formula and solids) So I didn't start any sort of diet or exercise until Ronan was 6 and a half months old. I have the same problems with my gym daycare, he has to be 12 months, and the day care is open at stupid times (like 4-8 when the gym is packed and you spend more time waiting that working out). So I ended my trial membership. What I do now is walks (he loves them still but I see that you don't have this option) or when it's cold and icy and snowy like it has been I either do a dance game like Dance Central for xbox or Just Dance for the Wii. Ronan cracks up watching me. I sing along to the music and make funny faces at him. And during free style in Dance Central I pick him up and we spin around the living room. I also recently got a hula hoop (one for adults you can get them on amazon for about $30) and do that in the living room too. It's not as fun as dancing for baby but he does seem to wonder what crazy mommy is up to. Have you tried putting your daughter in a front carrier? Some people don't like these but maybe she would like it more than her stroller and you can go for a walk with her like that. It's close to mommy and she can feel you so maybe it would help. There is a nordic walking group for moms near my house and they put their babies in the carriers and go for 3-5 mile walks. Also look up mom and baby exercise. Maybe you will find a mommy & baby yoga or a strollercize group. It's a great way to meet other moms in the area and get your exercise in. You also get to discuss mommy worries like "is this poop normal". Mom talk is so weird. Feel free to add me as a friend since we seem to be in similar situations. Maybe we can help each other out.

    I've also had friends who were back to their pre-preg bodies in a couple weeks. I dislike those friends lol.

    I'm closer to what I looked like before, but some things will never be the same (ie STRETCH MARKS) I don't even care about those. It's the weight I want gone. I have never been overweight really so it's really difficult for me to grasp it when I see myself in pictures or put clothes on that were once too big but are now too small.

    I still have some problems with my body after giving birth. I had a vaginal delivery (thank goodness for epidurals!) and birth was perfect. I just still feel sore in some areas (well yea, something as round as a cantaloupe squeezed through something the size of a grape!) Some exercises remind me I've given birth lol.

    Baby used to love to watch me do things. The only way I could fold laundry was to make it a game and silly. I had to talk to her as though the clothes were talking and describe each piece of clothing as I folded it, otherwise she'd want to be held the entire time.

    It's tough with her now because she wants to be held 24/7. I know I need to enjoy this particular phase because soon enough she won't want mommy to hold her anymore, and I'll want to do nothing more than hold her and squeeze her tight again and again!
  • Mamoonie
    Mamoonie Posts: 328
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    I am mom of 3 kids, all adults now. I breastfed all 3 of them. What I found out over time, kids need more milk after a few weeks, usually around 6 weeks, so every 6 weeks, your body needs to produce more milk than before, and probably also a more filling kind of milk. So every few weeks, my kids asked for more milk and more feeding during a week or so, until milk production was settled to the new demand, meaning instead of drinking every 3 to 4 hours, it would be after 1 to 2 hours.
    Maybe your milk is not filling enough for your baby, so she needs to drink more often... and this can be because you may not be eating enough. I don't judge, only deduct from my own experience!

    And when it comes to your hubby: he's daddy! And being daddy doesn't mean being safe from all the problems his baby has!
    He may very well take care of his kid while mummy takes care of her own! I know, they never do things the way we would do, but you need to have some you-time. Leave for the gym, do your workouts, even if that means letting the kid cry to sleep for once. They eventually get used to each other, they will find a way to get along well, but only if you let them! You need to let daddy make his own experience with the baby, you need to let them grow some kind of relationship too. My 3rd baby was a very clever boy: he noticed whenever my parents came to babysit (when I had a doctor's appointment or such), and started crying as soon as they entered the house, until I left. Once I was around the corner, he was the nicest boy you could wish for.... until I was at the front door. Then he started crying again, and had me thinking he had been crying the whole time I had not been there.
    Give daddy some responsibilities, give yourself some free time, and don't expect to be perfect all the time. You are not, nobody is, no matter how hard we try.
    And remember that things do get better over time!
  • MrsMuffinRun
    MrsMuffinRun Posts: 93
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    Aw I feel your pain. I have two children, age 8 and 4 and it's taken me long to get on top of this situation so don't be like me, try and sort it out now! Is there something different you could try, instead of the gym? I am doing C25K and 30 Day Shred. I am very lucky now because both my kids are at school, so I do finally have a break when I can exercise but I also try to get a session in at the weekends too. I started C25K because it's something I can do in a really short space of time. I can get my gear on, step out my front door and be back home within the hour and my boys don't even notice I'm gone (obviously hubby is there with them). For me, it saves a lot of time faffing around and I also have DVDs for really bad weather days. My oh also plays golf some weekends and works really long days so I was starting to resent all the time I was stuck home with two kids not really being able to do much. To be fair though, when I talk to him about it, he will accommodate me to do the things I want to do too, although school hols are a bit tricky when he's working. The toddler stage is definitely the worst because you have to do everything at a snail's pace which isn't conducive to weight loss. When I wasn't managing to find time, I concentrated on calories. It;s really hard with a baby, you are so tired anyway so try not to be too hard or stressed on yourself.
  • dad106
    dad106 Posts: 4,868 Member
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    I don't leave her with daddy at night because he will let her cry herself to sleep if I do when she wakes up every hour. I can't stand the thought of her crying herself to sleep, poor thing.

    As a psych major, letting her cry herself to sleep is actually a good thing because then she is learning to self sooth and rely on herself and not mom to come rushing in every time to make it better.

    It will be better for her(and you!) in the long run if you let this happen.

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