I need some Mom advice

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2

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  • Wendi_S
    Wendi_S Posts: 489 Member
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    I don't want this to sound judgmental, and turn this thread into a rampage, so I'll phrase it very carefully.

    Are you comfortable having your daughter stay over at a home where you don't know the mother well enough to place a phone call?

    Perhaps sleepovers would be more suitable when you have met this family.
    There's no way my 9 year old is spending the night in a home where I do not know the family well, and I mean well.

    I have three daughters- 8.5 yrs, 10yrs and 21yrs..... My 21yr old wasn't allowed to spend the night at a friends house until she was 14- Even if I knew the parents!!!! It's better to be safe than sorry!
  • _VoV
    _VoV Posts: 1,494 Member
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    I don't want this to sound judgmental, and turn this thread into a rampage, so I'll phrase it very carefully.

    Are you comfortable having your daughter stay over at a home where you don't know the mother well enough to place a phone call?

    Perhaps sleepovers would be more suitable when you have met this family.

    I totally agree with this^^.
  • BreakinTheChains
    BreakinTheChains Posts: 381 Member
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    GIRLS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • apesid
    apesid Posts: 135 Member
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    I'd just send my daughter for the time said on the invite - there's NO way I'd let one of my kids stay overnight at someone's house I don't know. But, I'm kind of a paranoid mom ;)
  • breezystreet
    breezystreet Posts: 16
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    Lucky you are absolutely right!! That has gone over and over in my mind as well. Before we moved to this small town we were surrounded by families and my daughter went to tons of sleepovers and I never questioned it because I knew everyone. Now, we are in a town that, even thought I'm a teacher and we're trying to plant roots here, is very 'cliquisih'....I know I should take a more proactive approach and just start inviting kids over (which we are doing for her birthday next month) but I guess its just been so long since I've had to make new friends and stuff that I'm just struggling with it. And rest assured, I'm taking her to the party and going in....I am just stupid shy when meeting new people....So its probably more ME being nervous about this silly party than my little one!!
  • ladylu11
    ladylu11 Posts: 631 Member
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    most definitely call the mom! I would just explain to my daughter that she could attend the party but she can't spend the night and tell her it's because YOU as her MOM do not want her staying somewhere with people YOU DO NOT KNOW!
  • Partyofpugs
    Partyofpugs Posts: 105
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    Personally, I would never consider allowing my child to stay overnight in the home of someone I DON'T know. If I'm entrusting you with the health and safety of my family member, I'm going to know your name and as much about you as possible. Call the other mother and check her out first.

    I agree with this. I always got to know my friends parents, even through high school! Kids are much more likely to not try to pull a fast one on you when they know you will pick up the phone and call (even strangers to you!). I did this mainly for safety, but found it was also a great way to form a casual relationship with other parents. Definitely call and clarify. Just let her know your daughter is telling you different things. Perhaps Mom put a limit on how many could spend the night for her own sanity. I know I would!
  • suztheq
    suztheq Posts: 171
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    Definitely call the mom and find out what is going on. It will be a good way to get to know her or even just feel her out. It is frustrating to hear that different people were given different information, though I do understand needing to have a limit on the number of people staying over. I always gave my niece a limit because there is only so many screaming girls I can handle at one time :) I do wonder about taking your daughter over and then having to leave -especially if she knows other girls are staying and she's not. Hopefully it all gets worked out. Fingers crossed for you and your daughter. :smile:
  • sjtreely
    sjtreely Posts: 1,014 Member
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    Even though I don't know Mom?

    Yes. Especially since you don't know the mom.
  • BreakinTheChains
    BreakinTheChains Posts: 381 Member
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    Thanks so much for all of the replies!!! It's so great to know that we're not the only ones this is happening to!! I LOVE having a little girl, but sometimes I just want to pull my hair out!!!!

    My thoughts exactly ^^^^^^ .. I have an 8 yr. old almost 9 2nd. grader... I would also say phone the mom.. find out exactly whats happening.. my daughter gets stuff mixed up all the time :)
  • Laceylala
    Laceylala Posts: 3,094 Member
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    On top of calling the mom to find out what is going on, I would also find out the school policy on birthday party invites. Our school,and most these days, have a policy that says invite everyone or no one. It could be just the kids miscommunicating, but at the very least you need to know the mom to let your daughter go anyways right? I am also of the opinion that my kid would be too young for a sleepover at that age.
  • craziedazie
    craziedazie Posts: 185 Member
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    I would just have her go for the party if you have to. I agree with the others, since you don't know her well enough to even call her, why would you let your kid stay the night?

    Good luck. I know how it is having a little girl. Idk if yours is a drama queen but min is 100%. Post back with what happened.
  • kaetra
    kaetra Posts: 442 Member
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    I wouldn't let a 1st grader sleep over anywhere without actually speaking to the parent in charge first in any case. You are perfectly within your rights to phone a party-hosting parent to find out the details of any type of party whether you know the host or not. If you were hosting a party and your guests parents were confused about the details wouldn't you want them to call you?

    Details from 1st graders can be unreliable at times. One or both of the girls could be getting something mixed up.
  • breezystreet
    breezystreet Posts: 16
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    I would just have her go for the party if you have to. I agree with the others, since you don't know her well enough to even call her, why would you let your kid stay the night?

    Good luck. I know how it is having a little girl. Idk if yours is a drama queen but min is 100%. Post back with what happened.

    Ohhh my little girl is a TOTAL drama queen!!! And its really hard to see her get her feelings hurt!!

    I do want everyone reading to know that I would NEVER just take her somewhere that I don't know. I do know one of the other Mom's pretty well and her little girl is going, so that's why I was even considering it....SInce I don't know the Mom.... I am going to call her in a bit after it gets a little later...(would hate to wake people up :))

    WOW!!!! I've got a long way to go to get my little diva grown :wink:
  • NatalieWinning
    NatalieWinning Posts: 999 Member
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    Phone the mom and find out exactly what is going on.

    ^ this! and yes, even though you don't know mom!

    Absolutely. You need to know at least a little about the mom if it is a slumber party anyway. Little girl things in some towns can get stupid like that. Always asume the best until you know otherwise. Never take it personally. Find out. Do your best to find the friends that are positive and have nice values that you value. It's harder today with my youngest daughter than it was 10 years ago with my oldest daughter. Today's Moms are like the housewifes of (whereever) reality shows, sometimes! I could tell you some stories about birthday parties that would make you shake your head. Go for what you know is the right thing to do. Keep looking for positive friends for your daughter.

    As one said on here already. You definately can't take the 1st graders word, and some info might be wishfull thinking or skewed info. Always get the info from the parents!

    Besides all this, this is the way you get to know the families of the kids your kids hang out with.
  • 4040heather
    4040heather Posts: 12 Member
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    Personally, I wouldn't allow her to sleep over. First grade is really young for that - especially if you don't know the family/home you are sending her to! It is already a confused situation. I have a 2nd grader, and she recently attended a slumber party in which the invites were also given out in an awkward manner. We allowed her to go, but we picked her up around 8:30 - 9:00. She was in tears and exhausted.
    My advice would be to go with your daughter and hang out, get to know the host Mom and other Mom's (its a good way to do it if your new in town) Also - watch how the little girls act and treat each other, that way you will know how to help your daughter make friends, and encourage her towards the nicer lttle girls, or girls that are similiar to her. Chances are that other Mom's are hesitant to leave their daughters as well. (We were not the only ones who picked up our daughter early.) And leave at a reasonable time.
    Good luck.
  • barefoot76
    barefoot76 Posts: 314 Member
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    Just another mom to chime in and say that we don't allow our kids to sleep at someone else's house unless we know the family well. This was an issue for my oldest just last night -- and he's 12. I don't even care if our friends allow their kids to go, their opinions and standards might be different than mine.

    And if my kids have hurt feelings over it, too bad. I agree with the above member, "Better safe than sorry!" My job is to protect my children, not make them happy ;-)
  • ahavoc
    ahavoc Posts: 464 Member
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    I would call the mom and be honest that you're not sure what's going on. It gives the woman an out, and a chance to invite your daughter to stay overnight. I do think sleep-overs in 1st grade is a little young, but perhaps your daughter is ready. Mine wasn't at that age.
  • LoraF83
    LoraF83 Posts: 15,694 Member
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    Call the other mom - you want to at least talk to her before you'd let your daughter sleep in her home right? Tell her that "kids will be kids" and you think that someone got their wires crossed so you want to get it straightened out. Make sure you say that there was a confusion or mix-up so it doesn't sound like you are blaming her for it. I hope it works out!!
  • deborahj22
    deborahj22 Posts: 1
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    Even though I don't know Mom?

    i wouldn't let my daughter stay overnite if I didn't know the mom

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