Why arent all close friends and family happy I'm dieting?
pineapple1989
Posts: 195 Member
I am new to dieting, only been seriously dieting since the new year and recently hit my first mini-goal of 21lbs. My mum has always been the first to go on about how big I am and that I need to lose weight. So naturally I assumed that she would be very pleased and supportive when I started dieting and seeing the results. However when I told her I had hit the 21lb mark all she had to say was oh ok, good.
Now I understand that life isn't all about me and that other people have things going on in their life but after all the negative remarks I received over the years I expected a bit more encouragement from her and thought she might be pleased?
Am I being naiive or has anybody else experienced anything similar with close friends and family?
Now I understand that life isn't all about me and that other people have things going on in their life but after all the negative remarks I received over the years I expected a bit more encouragement from her and thought she might be pleased?
Am I being naiive or has anybody else experienced anything similar with close friends and family?
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Replies
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We have to remember the reason why we went on the diet in the first place, is it for health reasons, for cosmetic reasons or just because we want to lose it for ourselves....when we remember that, then we don't need others approval....Just come on MFP and we can give you motivation and support...keep it up you are doing great!!!0
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Is she overweight? Maybe she is a little jealous because you have been able to stick with it. Congrats on losing! That's a great loss for such a short amount of time. Don't worry about your mother's attitude. She will come around. Or maybe she doesn't believe you will stick with it. Show her by reaching your goal, and I am sure she will be proud!0
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friends and family see you doing what many of them want to do. They might be a tad bit jealous. encourage them to join the journey.
you are doing awesome!0 -
She isnt overweight herself but she has to be very strict with her diet to stay slim, I'm rally glad I found MFP because everybody on here is so great and supportive but am just disappointed as I am quite close to her... maybe she just needs to see that I am serious and WILL reach my goal weight!0
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You have to remember, change is hard on everyone, even good change. It's not that they aren't happy for you losing weight, it's just a change in what they are used to. Congrats on the loss! You're doing great.0
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I can relate to what you're feeling. I think that it has to do with maybe a little bit of jealousy (for lack of *better* word) - we ALL want to be better than we are right now, and maybe when they see someone having success, it reminds them that they aren't doing as well, or trying as hard, or something like that.
In other words, it highlights their own self-image/self-esteem issues. ????
I have a group of friends right now, who are all on different paths to the same goal (losing weight, getting fit, etc.) They are all trying really hard, and so... are very supportive of each others successes. The ones who are not trying so hard - not so much. Maybe that's it?0 -
I agree it is probably them being jealous of you. Awesome job and keep up the good work!0
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She might even be worried that you might gain it back and doesn't want to make a big deal about it. I will bet when you keep losing and more importantly keep it off for a long time then she will come around.
If not, at least you will be healthier!0 -
They're just J! You're doing this for YOU! Turn their negative energy into positive and use it motivation to keep on keepin' on!0
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keep up the good work!! dont worry about ur friends and fam when your dieting. you are the one dieting, so you are the only 1 experiencing it. be proud of yourself and dont get discouraged if ur fam doesnt seem to care.0
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YES. well.. My sister is tiny yet use to eat more than me, my family would all be like omg eat more to her, yet to me its like 'you dont know what exercise is...' even when I went running etc.. and would never say anything if I didnt eat that day. Then when I lost weight they would all want to feed me and be like stop losing weight. Either way they aren't happy0
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Remember that ultimately the reason you are on this fitness journey is to have a better life for you! Remember that it's your heart that no longer has that 20+ of extra fat it has to pump blood through! Remember that those are your knees that no longer have to carry that extra weight. Just keep your head high and don't feel too bummed... because it really is about you.0
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Maybe it's just understated happiness. My mum is wierd like that. WHen I told her I was getiing married, she just looked straight faced and said 'oh yeah, i knew that might happen'. She's your mum and at the end of the day she wants what is best for you no matter how it seems x Plus we're here for you honey xx be proud xx0
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Thanks everybody I love how supportive everybody is and that we can go through this journey together, never have I been on a forum/message board where everybody is so friendly and helpful0
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I actually have been laughed at when I tell people that I am dieting and trying to get in better shape. Like when I refuse to eat bday cake or order a side salad instead of fries.
I just think in my head... You're laughing now but I'm gonna laugh when you are jealous of my sexy bod. lol.
Good luck and I am proud or ur achievement!!!0 -
Congrats on the 22lb loss already! You're doing awesome!!! I'm just starting myself, and finding the same reaction from some. One of the girls at work keeps offering cookies and all kinds of crap and tells me to "live a little." I attribute it all to jealousy, just like everyone else said. We have to remember that we're doing this for OURSELVES!!! If you're trying to lose weight to impress anyone or gain your Mom's approval, it wont work out. Stick with it! I'm proud of you, and I look up to you since I've only lost two lbs so far!0
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Whether we know it or not, we train people to know us a certain way (including how much we weigh).
Sometimes, when we don't enlist the support of friends and family members, particularly parents who feel that they have a lot to do with your weight through your younger life and set you up for adulthood, they may feel a degee of guilt or even envy about it. But much of it is the uncertainty of how you want them to see you now and in the future.
Ask for her support and keep up the good work.0 -
First of all, congratulations! I hope you're proud of your accomplishment. Secondly, I'm sorry you aren't getting the acknowledgment you probably should. Could it be that your mother has always been there to help you with things? Maybe she feels that your weight loss equals independence for you, and that you won't need her anymore. Could you possibly include her in your efforts to lose weight? Maybe it's that closeness she's craving. Good luck to you, and keep up the good work!0
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I can totally relate and if you want to add me you can. Everyone in my family is the same way like when my mom makes something that isnt that healthy she will say "o just eat some it isnt going to kill you" or my cousin will say "you cant eat that cuz your on a diet" or something like that and let me tell you just starting out on this and getting comments like that from your own family doesnt help at all but then i think to myself that i am doing this for ME to better MYSELF and MY future so if they want to say all that to me i just let it go and think about what i want to do for myself. this might sound selfish but just me i am the most unselfish person you will ever meet. this is the one thing that i am doing for myself and no one else can stop me.0
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I wonder worry, my Dad is the same. He used to go on about me losing weight, now I've made a few different choices with my food an eating and he is now constantly offering me food and biscuits. I wouldn't worry, I think parents can just be a it funny sometimes, even when they want the best for you, maybe she is worried that it won't stick, I'm sure she's secretly proud.
P.S. good job on losing 21lbs!0 -
Some people do seem to want to sabotage you without even consciously making the decision. I have a friend who did give me some advice at the beginning of my weight loss journey, but since then has not once commented on or "liked" any of my Facebook statuses about losing weight... but then I made some little creme brulees for Valentine's Day and she was all over "liking" and commenting about that. And it makes no sense at all because she's struggled with her weight ever since I've known her so I would have thought she'd be in my corner. I'm about to call her out on it.
Luckily, I have other friends and family that are very supportive and encouraging, and I'm doing this for myself more than anything, so I'll be just fine.
Hang in there, if it really gets to you, just call her out on it and see what she says.0 -
I started on MFP 30 days ago and have lost 10 of 40 lbs. so far. Every time I "start a diet" my wife says she supports me but then says "I never know what your doing with your food" when I start ignoring the bad foods in the house. Sometimes I want to just eat all the bad foods in one day to get them out of the house and say "There. Now let's go shopping!"
She has reason to be skeptical as I am a long time yo-yo dieter. But I just hit 60 and something clicked. I realized why did I go through all those years reaching retirement and then throw it all away by being in poor health? So know I want to live as long as possible and enjoy the time I have.
Friends and family (and starngers) say all kinds of things for all kinds of reasons. I agree with those who say stay true to yourself, don't overtalk what you are doing (a big mistake I make) and your mum will be proud of you, even if she doesn't openly express it.
And now I am going to send you a friend request because I think we can help each other reach our goals!0 -
I have the same issue OP. Im not overweight but I really want to make a lifestyle change and lose weight for myself. I don't need a pat on the back everytime I accomplish something great with this, but some encouragement and support would be nice!0
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my family, or i should say the women i have to call my mother, has never supported anything ive done to date,
got a tattoo, im dirty looking
got my motorcycle licence, im stupid and going to kill myself
i got a tongue ring, im a slut
i took up pole dance fitness, im a stripper
dating a beautiful man who is in a wheelchair, im wasting my life
these are the things MY MOTHER has said to me. we no longer speak!!
now if i let all that she has said to be get to me, i would not be who i am nor do the things i love to do today.
Screw what other people think, do what you love and if they don't support you, just look in the mirror and remember, you have to be your biggest fan cause its your life, your body, and you have to live with you and be happy with yourself!!0 -
She isnt overweight herself but she has to be very strict with her diet to stay slim, I'm rally glad I found MFP because everybody on here is so great and supportive but am just disappointed as I am quite close to her... maybe she just needs to see that I am serious and WILL reach my goal weight!
If she's always been slimmer than you, that is a part of your relationship. It can be very threatening when someone changes an important part of a relationship. Give her time. Unless your reason for losing is to please her, her lack of enthusiasm shouldn't affect your weight loss goals as all, so give her time to adjust to the changes in your relationship.0 -
It can be very threatening when someone changes an important part of a relationship.
^^ This.
I know that I have been sabotaged along the way (my whole life) by people who love me, who are comforted by the way things are. When you change physically, they expect that you're changing in other ways too. (which, sometimes is a valid concern, but it shouldn't stop YOU from reaching your goals).0 -
I am new to dieting, only been seriously dieting since the new year and recently hit my first mini-goal of 21lbs. My mum has always been the first to go on about how big I am and that I need to lose weight. So naturally I assumed that she would be very pleased and supportive when I started dieting and seeing the results. However when I told her I had hit the 21lb mark all she had to say was oh ok, good.
Now I understand that life isn't all about me and that other people have things going on in their life but after all the negative remarks I received over the years I expected a bit more encouragement from her and thought she might be pleased?
Am I being naiive or has anybody else experienced anything similar with close friends and family?
Oh boy can I relate to this topic. Some of my family members are supportive and some are not. The ones who are not tell me crap all the time. Why are wearing clothes like that now? Your not eating very much..is that healthy? Why are trying to lose weight so much so you can find another man? (I am married). Don't you think you carried this long enough? Are you trying to become something your not? Crap Crap Crap is all I get! My mother in law whispers to my husband..you better stop her because she is losing so much weight and your going to lose your wife..(Mu husband is 10 years older than me) she thinks I am planning to leave him. Now he tells me I am fine just how I am (I am 30 lbs overweight). On the plus side my weight loss has encouraged my friends who are overweight to lose weight. One friend is already lost 100lbs. Another one is using MFP and losing alot too. So I guess its all good.0 -
Other than jealousy...
Lots of people don't stick at weight loss attempts, and quit and/or gain it back. maybe they don't beleive in you.
Also unrealistic shows like the Biggest Loser mean that losing 21lb isn't seen as the awesome acheivement that it is, and rather just ' oh, so you've lost half as much in 7 weeks that other people do in 1 week. that's not so special...'0 -
my mother inlaw is exactly the same!!! if i mention to her that i've lost x amount of weight this week all she says "oh right", like i'm lying!!! i speak to her on the phone fairly often but only saw her for the first time in 3 months, the other day, and MAN has she put on the weight!! so now i know where all the negitivity comes from! i no longer say anything to her about my weight loss as it brings me down. i only have time for positive ppl!!!0
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Who did you lose weight for?
There in itself lies the prob. You should feel acomplished enough that it doesnt matter.
If your expecting praise, you wont get it. This has to be about you, a change for you, and when your really in it... everyone else will see, feel, be motivated by it.
That's when the recognition comes. People don't see you leave the house everyday and come home sweaty for months on end. They don't experience the dedication you commit. That's not their view. Their view is when the change from within happens. And then you'll notice everyone wants to be near it.
Keep your head up, forget the praise. That cannot be the motivation.0
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