Why arent all close friends and family happy I'm dieting?

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Replies

  • mzjandiace
    mzjandiace Posts: 162
    My family acknowledges my weghtloss, but I have one sister that won't say a word, needless to say she is the one that called me fatty my whole life...LOL Look at me now "B"! Is what I want to say, but I just keep dressing fly and looking good, she can't ignore that! Plus I love my self, so I don't really care what others think or say!
  • JulesofWinsto
    JulesofWinsto Posts: 57
    I encounter the same thing. Normally my mum will say something like "Yeah but it will all come back on, I dieted for years and it always came back". Therein lies her problem, she couldn't do it herself and therefore thought no-one else could!

    You don't need to worry about how pleased or disappointed anyone else is in you. A wise guy on MFP told me once "The best way to prove them all wrong is results" which I totally agree with. Keep going, keep striving towards YOUR goal for YOU only. When you're at your final goal, whether people are pleased or not, you won't care coz you did it!

    You need to be in this for you. It's your body and you're the only one that will be punished or rewarded at the end of your journey.
  • JulesofWinsto
    JulesofWinsto Posts: 57
    I just keep dressing fly and looking good, she can't ignore that! Plus I love my self, so I don't really care what others think or say!

    You are awesome!
  • msjones2831
    msjones2831 Posts: 126 Member
    My question is how did you lose 22lbs in less than 2 months????? That's fantastic, give me some pointers :-)
  • Rayman79
    Rayman79 Posts: 2,009 Member
    Jealousy may indeed be a reason, but I might offer a different perspective.

    I too was wondering why people weren't gushing after I had lost a few pounds, then I realised that it might be because I have done it before - many many times. Now it may have been a case of them thinking 'here he goes again trying to lose weight - whatever...' or maybe I'm not giving them enough credit.

    Maybe, just maybe, they are in their own way trying to be supportive. If they are full of praise and admiration over us losing some of our excess weight, what are they supposed to say if (and going by history, when) we put it all back on again. If they build up up too high with praise, will we feel even worse when we slide back to the status quo of overeating and inactivity?

    Of course we know that we have made a sustainable life change, and the weight is not going to come back, but they don't necessarily know that. Maybe I'm just over-analysing (I have a tendency to do that), but then again maybe not.

    Either way I know, for me personally, that I'm not doing this for praise. It is a wonderfully affirming by-product of my success, but it is not a goal in itself. My goal is to be fitter and healthier to be a better parent, husband and person. Nothing will distract me from those goals!
  • cloud2011
    cloud2011 Posts: 898 Member
    People are afraid of change, and you're changing. You're reminding others that they are not changing (possibly). And, if you're no longer the heavy one, roles among your family and friends will change. You will no longer be there to fulfill their expectations of you in the same way.

    It makes others insecure sometimes, but I think if you just keep going and are confident in what you're doing, everything will turn out okay for you. It may be a little uncomfortable at times. But I bet you can live with that feeling, especially as you succeed in your weight loss and health goals.
  • LaurasClimb
    LaurasClimb Posts: 211 Member
    Jealousy may indeed be a reason, but I might offer a different perspective.

    I too was wondering why people weren't gushing after I had lost a few pounds, then I realised that it might be because I have done it before - many many times. Now it may have been a case of them thinking 'here he goes again trying to lose weight - whatever...' or maybe I'm not giving them enough credit.

    Maybe, just maybe, they are in their own way trying to be supportive. If they are full of praise and admiration over us losing some of our excess weight, what are they supposed to say if (and going by history, when) we put it all back on again. If they build up up too high with praise, will we feel even worse when we slide back to the status quo of overeating and inactivity?

    Of course we know that we have made a sustainable life change, and the weight is not going to come back, but they don't necessarily know that. Maybe I'm just over-analysing (I have a tendency to do that), but then again maybe not.

    Either way I know, for me personally, that I'm not doing this for praise. It is a wonderfully affirming by-product of my success, but it is not a goal in itself. My goal is to be fitter and healthier to be a better parent, husband and person. Nothing will distract me from those goals!
    I was just going to say something like this...
    Not knowing you or your family dynamics it's really hard to say. It's easy to say that others are jealous or whatever. But maybe it's all the way they perceive what you are doing.
    Some people have been on so many diets that "oh there she goes again" is their thought. I hope, if that is the case, she comes around when you show her you are sticking to it.
    Another thing is that sometimes when someone is trying to lose weight or eat healthier or whatever you want to call it, they tend to talk all about food and what they are eating or how many calories something has. It does get tiring.
    You mentioned she has to be very strict with herself to stay slim. Could she be annoyed because you aren't managing your diet the way she would?
    Like I said, I don't know your family. Just some things that came to me.

    Congratulations on your loss, you are doing a fantastic job. Keep up the good work! Do this for you, no one else, they will come around.
  • pg1girl
    pg1girl Posts: 268 Member
    my family, or i should say the women i have to call my mother, has never supported anything ive done to date,
    got a tattoo, im dirty looking
    got my motorcycle licence, im stupid and going to kill myself
    i got a tongue ring, im a slut
    i took up pole dance fitness, im a stripper
    dating a beautiful man who is in a wheelchair, im wasting my life
    these are the things MY MOTHER has said to me. we no longer speak!!
    now if i let all that she has said to be get to me, i would not be who i am nor do the things i love to do today.
    Screw what other people think, do what you love and if they don't support you, just look in the mirror and remember, you have to be your biggest fan cause its your life, your body, and you have to live with you and be happy with yourself!!


    This! Wow well said!
  • froeschli
    froeschli Posts: 1,293 Member
    When my mother was dieting, I nearly lost it with her once. She'd go on and on about not eating this, or that... Then a week later she'd pile cheese on her spaghetti, another week later criticizing everything I ate, again...
    I am noticing myself doing it with/to my husband now. But back then it really got on my nerves.

    Depending on how obnoxious a dieter is, it can be hard for the family to support them... Sometimes it's even an achievement to say "oh, great" and omitting the "so when are you tackling the other ... Pounds?" - maybe I am not a very nice person....

    Especially if you live with someone, you may not notice the changes as they happen all that much.
    But I bet when you meet friends who haven't seen you in half a year, you'll get more of a reaction :)

    Well done though, and keep it up :)
  • piinchi
    piinchi Posts: 172 Member
    Sometimes people see your interest in changing yourself as a threat to your relationship with them. Specifically, if you begin changing yourself or your lifestyle, your relationship with them may change. It could be a combination of jealousy, resentment, fear, or anxiety. Like, if you get skinnier, or begin taking an interest in more active things, will they feel left out of your new life? Do they have insecurities that your sudden surge of self-esteem and motivation make them reflect on? its a complicated web. Open up to them about how you feel and how important their support is to you.

    Also, maybe they're actually very proud of you but don't know how to say it. I know I have a hard time complimenting someone who's been working out a lot and has lost a noticeable amount of weight - I worry they'll take it wrong, like I think "will they think I am just saying they were fat before?"

    Change is hard enough for you, and it may be hard for them too. Hopefully you'll remember that first and foremost it comes from within, and as long as you're happy with yourself most people can't help but be happy around you as well!
  • froeschli
    froeschli Posts: 1,293 Member
    my family, or i should say the women i have to call my mother, has never supported anything ive done to date,
    got a tattoo, im dirty looking
    got my motorcycle licence, im stupid and going to kill myself
    i got a tongue ring, im a slut
    i took up pole dance fitness, im a stripper
    dating a beautiful man who is in a wheelchair, im wasting my life
    these are the things MY MOTHER has said to me. we no longer speak!!
    now if i let all that she has said to be get to me, i would not be who i am nor do the things i love to do today.
    Screw what other people think, do what you love and if they don't support you, just look in the mirror and remember, you have to be your biggest fan cause its your life, your body, and you have to live with you and be happy with yourself!!

    LOL so much of that is still on my to do list :laugh:
  • swthrtsmrf
    swthrtsmrf Posts: 384
    Congrats on the loss! Hitting the first 20lb. mark is an amazing feeling. Keep up the hard work for you! If you do not get the support from her, you know you have it here. In the end make yourself happy not others. If you are happy, that is all that matters in the end. Someone in a previous reply said something about being proud of your sexiness when it is all done! Well they are right. That is what matters is that you are proud of you!
  • ashley67203
    ashley67203 Posts: 95
    You're doing a great job. I can't say why your mother had the reaction she did, but I can share a seemingly similar experience I had with my mother when I first lost a drastic amount of weight.

    When she finally noticed and I told her how much I'd lost, she seemed almost mad at me. She didn't even want to talk about it and I was so confused. Years later after I'd successfully kept the weight off I finally asked her about it. She told me that she wasn't mad but worried. She has always been thin but had spent most of her 20s in an anorexic cycle. She was worried I'd do the same.

    Maybe your mom has the same fears as mine - that we'll focus so much on our weight that we let it control our lives. It's so easy to slip and gain back the weight, believe me I know. Maybe she's just being too cautious to get her hopes up yet.
  • stringqueen16
    stringqueen16 Posts: 44
    When I was a bit younger, my attempts at weight loss developed into an eating disorder, so most of the negative feelings of my diet are coming from everyone being worried that I will end up back there. I've learned just to be happy for myself, and realized that I'm who I'm doing this for, not them, and ultimately the only person who can keep me from going back to my old ways is myself. I think eventually our families and friends will all be happy for us when they see us healthy and happy and confident; it's just the getting there part that is going to be a bit rocky. But chin up, be strong, believe in yourself, and lean on the friends you're making on mfp to keep you going when you need extra encouragement. You're doing great!
  • hedgiie
    hedgiie Posts: 1,226 Member
    i think many people from MFP had the same experience.

    I feel bad about this until I read from the book "Burn fat feed the muscle" from Tom Venuto, It says there that no one care about your diet and fat lose except the same people who's doing the same thing. So i realize that the author and his clients(he's a fitness consultant) probably had the same problem. and it extends to the reader of his book and likewise to the users of this web site.

    Before, I"m always excited to tell my friends about my journey to weight lose but I change it recently. I keep silent and keep it for myself. And try to make other excuses if I need to stop ordering or eating.

    Just keep doing it, at the end no one will benefit from your weight loss and healthy habit except you.
  • leogirl724
    leogirl724 Posts: 73
    #1 Misery loves company
    #2 a fit you = a jealous them
    #3 some people can't handle competition

    do it for you!
    you'll be able to spot the ones who are truly happy for you/keep them
    and the haters/let them motivate you to stay healthy
  • dorseykm
    dorseykm Posts: 412 Member
    My experience has been that most friends and family will be happy for you and celebrate your successes with you. I think other friends and family are still happy for you, but their ability to express that is tangled up with their own hang-ups. I think this is because for them your success casts uncomfortable spotlights on problem areas in their lives that they aren't ready to address. All you can really do is seek out your vocal supporters when you need a boost and keep on keeping on!
  • Larissa26
    Larissa26 Posts: 12 Member
    I totally can relate. My best advice is keep on:-) I lost 70 pounds 2 years ago, But once i got there, i guess i expected so much from everyone else. What you have to remember is u are doing this to better yourself. In time people are going to notice, sometimes people dont say anything becasue sometimes they envy you, and sometimes they just dont know what to say. Either way you are doing wonderful and keep it up:-)
  • JanieJack
    JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
    Some people subconsiously don't want us to lose weight because it means we become more in control of our lives (so they'll have less control over us). Some people sabatage us because they are themselves convicted. And some people are just jealous.

    My ex was not supportive. He was extremely fit (only 7% body-fat, very chiseled) and constantly dogging me for being fat. But when I would try to work out he would get mad and sabatoge my efforts. I intially had to hide my workouts from him. I think my increase in confidence had a lot to do with the downfall of my marriage.

    My family is fairly heavy and some of them used to take take offense if I don't eat as much as they did when I went for a visit. Things are better now, because everyone's concerned about health. I handled it by remembering that none of them were going to help me feel better about being too big to wear my favorite clothes. And none of them would help me take the pills I surely would have to take soon if I didn't get my health under control.

    Coworkers always wanna bring me donuts and cupcakes and chocolates and such. It's like people are naturally (even if they don't realize they're doing it!) just drawn to pull down others and prevent them from making their lives better and increasing their confidence. It's annoying, but I try hard to just roll with it.

    Keep going- keep doing this for YOU!
  • tanias001
    tanias001 Posts: 41 Member
    When i was talking to my mother ( been disowned now) she never ever supported my weight loss efforts. I think her big problem was that she was always much bigger than i was. I can remember just before i got married over 20 years ago her pre wedding words to me were " Lose weight he will leave you before you get married' mind you back then i was only 64 kilos and she would have been almost twice that size.
    She has never been one to support anything i have done in my life, she has always been the negative force putting me down at every chance she got.
    She would always tell me how much weight my brother's had lost and she not once would comment on the weight i had lost. When we went to visit last year it made me laugh on the back of her toilet door on the calendar she had a weight of 86 kilos, I nearly died of laughter, thats the weight i was at the time and i was no where as huge as she was. i got my husband to look at the calendar he also nearly died of laughter and we both thought she was very delusional and she is the one with all the health issues high blood pressure cholestrol, diabetics the list goes on. The second time we visited that year mind you we live just on 1000 kilometres away she hadn't lost any weight it actually looked like she had put on what i had lost at that stage it was about 8 kilos she was looking so much bigger, even then she didn;'t have one nice ord to say. All my other relatives commented on how good i was looking and to keep up the good work. That made me feel good.
    You would think that with all the health issues she has she would do something to help herself if not then to be in competition with me, but that wasn't the case the more i lost the more she gained, I can see her headed for another doudle or even triple heart by pass mind you she had this op done about 15 years ago.
    At my girls wedding late last year my neice, my brother and his girlfriend were amazed at the weight i had lost again that made me feel good all my hard work wasn't in vain then.
    All my friends are proud of what i have achieved so far and they are all behind me and help me when ever they can with words of encouragement. I have the best friends of all pity I couldn't say the same for the one that should be behind me 110%. In all honesty i think she may be jealous because i try my hardest to lose weight were as she has no will power at all and eats the wrong foods and isn't happy eating her meals she piles up my dad's plate and he eats very little, she i know does this so then she can eat it so it doesn't go to waste but it does gfo to waste her waist. I wish i cold say I feel sorry for her but i would be lying if i did. She has to learn to help herself.
    I am just so glad I didn't turn out like her in many ways. My health is good my only main health issue is my thyroid and people comment ont hat as well " wow you jave done a great job by losing so much weight with a thyroid problem", the thing is i don't let my thyroid get in the way, it can be really slow and frustrating at times but i never give up i just keep on plugging along.
    My main reason is that i want to live a long and healthy life and be able to enjoy my time on earth with my children and my grandchildren when they come along. I want to be able to keep up with them and to be able to do things with them. I would love to be able to do all the things with my family which my own mother never ever did with me.
    Sorry to bore every one but i feel so much better for having gotten this off my chest.
    I promise not to ramble on in future hehe.
  • ash190489
    ash190489 Posts: 587 Member
    I know exactly what you mean. Don't get me wrong, my immediate family are extremely supportive and happy with my results! I have just lost 18 lbs (8.2 kilograms) and I believe it is quite noticeable. I only have 2 kg to go :-) I am so happy and I can see the change, I'm feeling great! MyFitnessPal friends are telling me I'm looking good & can see the difference in photo's and are proud & happy for me, however my old high-school friends, etc. who are also trying to lose weight and that I see every fortnight or so did not say ONE thing to me about my changes. I haven't told them I am on MFP, I recently told them I am going to the gym, but they could not even give me one nice compliment which really upset me.

    I completely agree that our own world does not evolve around everyone else, but I continuously compliment different things about them (hair changed, clothes, their weight loss successes) and I NEVER get a compliment EVER. It's upsetting after ALL the hard work I am putting in. I don't know if it's a jealousy thing or not, as my immediate family said every time I got up yesterday they would all look at me. . . Oh well.. it just makes me go harder at the gym now - I want to get so fit and healthy that they will HAVE to say something to me! Otherwise I will just tell them all about my success!!!!!!! :-) Sorry for my rant! I am so glad that I am not alone in this boat of unsupportive friends.
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